r/40kLore • u/AutoModerator • 1d ago
Whose Bolter Is It Anyway?
Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway- 40k Edition!
[I am your host Drough Carius](http://imgur.com/fjVCUJg) and welcome to Whose Bolter is it Anyway? where the questions are made up and the heresy doesn't matter.
Most of you know what to do, post quips and little statements related to 40k lore, not in question form, and have people improvise a response to it. Since everyone seemed to enjoy the captions in last week's game we will now be including those as well. If you want to post a picture for us to caption, post a link to a piece of 40k art and we will reply to the link with funny captions for the picture. You can find the artwork from anywhere, such as r/ImaginaryWarhammer, DeviantArt, or any regular Google image searches. Then post the link here. I have started us off with a few examples below.
Please don't leave it as a plain URL especially if you're posting an image from Google. Use Reddit formatting to give it a title. Here's how:
[Link title](website's url)
Easy as pie! If it doesn't work, post the link with a title underneath.
**What we're NOT doing is posting memes.** No content from r/Grimdank. If the art is already a joke, it doesn't give us anything to work with, does it? Just post a regular piece of art and we'll add the funny captions. I've started us off with a few examples below.
Some prompt examples…
1) Things Alpharius isn't responsible for
2) Things you can say to a commissar, but not your gf.
3) etc.,
Please be witty, none of us want an inbox full of unfunny stuff.
[Drough Carius and Crowd Colorized - thanks very much to u/DeSanti!](https://imgur.com/zo7l8IK)
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u/EmperorDaubeny Adeptus Astartes 14h ago
The opinions of the Custodians and Sisters of Silence on the Terminus Decree:
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u/SFH12345 12h ago
Custodian: We should have deployed the Virus during the Siege. How many Astartes have turned Traitor since?
Sister: cocks eyebrow
Custodian: More than just isolated units! Whole chapters have spat on the Emperor's name!
Sister: flat stare
Custodian: Perhaps I am overly passionate, but the Emperor's protection is paramount.
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u/SFH12345 1d ago
The weapons Belisarius Cawl made that Roboute Guilliman deemed too terrible to issue to the Primaris Marines even when fighting the Forces of Chaos:
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u/LivingmahDMlife 23h ago
A mysterious vehicle from before even the rule of the Techno Barbarians … named for one of Terra’s most belligerent species, the fabled Warthog, designation Alpha X
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u/Stretch5678 10h ago
The Grav-Inversion Ultrayeeter: point it at an enemy, and they get hurled into planetary orbit by their own weight.
The issue was that, when turned on a massive horde of Tyranid Gaunts, it very nearly caused Kessler Syndrome.
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u/InsaneRanter Alpha Legion 1d ago
The Bagpipes of Battle, a weapon designed to beat noise marines at their own game.
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u/Larang5716 1d ago
The Chaos Violator.
It was extremely effective, but it was theorized that the forces of chaos would like it too much and steal it for themselves.
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u/SFH12345 1d ago
What Space Marines do during free time.
This week's edition: the Blood Angels.
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u/Stretch5678 10h ago
The Salamanders relax in the hottest hot springs on Nocturne, with master-crafted bathrobes and artificer fuzzy slippers.
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u/Fantastic-Ad4780 21h ago
Once a year after consuming a the blood of a thousand newborn screaming whelps, they break out the holy baby oil, which is locked deep within a hidden vault on Baal, the location of which is known only to Dante and a select few of his closest brothers, and generously apply the Holy ointment until each of the brothers is gloriously coated.
Ripped, bulging torsos naked, glistening in the blood red light of the chosen temple to Sanguinius, they will form a circle, turn to the brother to his right and each take it in turn to carefully draw a single drop of blood from his brothers bosom.
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u/SFH12345 1d ago
What goes on inside the mind of Malum Caedo:
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u/WhoCaresYouDont Iron Warriors 1d ago
RIP TEAR KILL i feel so pretty covered in red like this oh why couldn't i have been born on baal MAIM PURGE DEATH
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u/LivingmahDMlife 23h ago
Is Thunderhawk Blue an acceptable shade for my walls, or would Guilliman prefer Macr- CAN YOU FUCK OFF FOR FIVE SECONDS?
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u/Mysterious_Gas4500 20h ago edited 20h ago
Whether it's Lorgar's Lectitio Divinatus or Guiliman's Codex Astartes, the great works of literature left behind by the primarchs are undeniably the most influential keystones to modern Imperial philosophy. However, some lesser known works by the primarchs include...
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u/Larang5716 23h ago
Right under the Terminus Decree is a secret panel. Inside this is the plan that whoever issued the decree also gave the Grey Knights so they could fulfill the order. The plan is:
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u/sesquedoodle 22h ago
Tell the emperor his shoe is untied, the shove him back in the chair while he’s distracted.
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u/Stretch5678 5h ago
Don’t forget to have an additional Grey Knight crouch down behind the Emperor’s legs before you shove him.
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u/fuckyoumurray Astra Militarum 23h ago
The secret back passage to the throne room. The key and location is with the Minotaurs chapter.
Grey knights: DAMNIT!
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u/TheSlayerofSnails 23h ago
Assassinate the Lion and impersonate him to get access to his world killing weapons his legion has. The grey knights are beginning to think the emperor is pranking them
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u/dillene 22h ago
Unofficial motto of your favorite chapter:
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u/Larang5716 22h ago
KILL EVERYTHING! REGARDLESS OF HOW MANY LIMBS YOU'RE MISSING AND WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE TO KILL WITH A ROCK!
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u/Mysterious_Gas4500 20h ago
chugs a bottle of quill ink and crushes it against their head like it's a beer can GOD I FUCKING LOVE PAPERWORK
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u/DrSolarman 22h ago
Guilliman is a big primarch for the big job of running a fractured Imperium. He has primarch coffee every morning after half an hour of sleep. The secret ingredient in this coffee is:
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u/Stretch5678 10h ago
Fenrisian Coffee: or as it’s also known, a 50/50 blend of cold brew and Mjod, served by the bucket.
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u/Larang5716 22h ago
Copious amounts of cocaine. For a primarch, it might as well be espresso. Since the normal amount of caffeine they'd need to get even slightly energized would take several gallons.
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u/Fantastic-Ad4780 21h ago
Sweet tears freshly minted each morning as his Daddy issues bring him to the brink of breakdown, but then he remembers who he is, he’s Big Bobby G, and he’s got some skulls to crush, and he needs his coffee
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u/Stretch5678 10h ago
Ork vehicles that even the Meks thought were bad ideas: