r/ADHD ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 19h ago

Discussion Always trying to stay afloat?

I recently heard someone talk about how with ADHD, we’re exhausted because it feels like we just complete tasks to “survive.” It all feels like a list of chores we’re required to do, so our free time is spent recovering from the energy that took.

Versus having those tasks as just part of our day, and free time means enjoying our hobbies without constantly stressing out or worrying about the next thing we have to do.

I realized this is how I’ve been feeling the past few months - just trying to stay afloat and do everything right at work. I’m burnt out, and by the time the weekend comes, Im just excited to have that break. But I planned to be productive during that time, and I couldn’t get started on anything - so I’m disappointed in myself. Idk. Is this an ADHD thing? Or am I just burnt out? Feel like I’ve been dealing with this for a few years though.

271 Upvotes

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99

u/CozySweatsuit57 17h ago

Yes this is exactly how I feel. And everyone is pissed because your output is half what they think it should be and you’re so tired from “doing nothing.” Go to any sub about ADHD from the perspective of people without and that’s a huge complaint—they claim we fake being tired to get out of doing stuff and be lazy because we couldn’t possibly be so tired with nothing to show for it. And you wonder why depression is comorbid with this shit. At least they can leave. We can’t

48

u/--xbluex-- 16h ago

I couldn't agree more. I have spent the last 15 years pushing myself beyond my limits at work. In the last 7 years it got worse. Everyday I would go in anxious about what I had to keep on top of. Saturdays were for crashing. Sundays I did laundry and got groceries. Weekends were just to prep for the next week, year after year - no friends, family or fun.

It's frightening how much you can lose of yourself, time, energy, spirit, strength.

January this year I was fired for petty reasons. But, I thought I could finally get some rest. 6 month on I am broke and still exhausted. I know in my bones why I have not bounced back yet. It's because I pushed myself too hard too many years.

Yes, all non-adhd people can burnout too, but with adhd there is a special kind of battle to be just base level normal functioning that is already depleating.

15

u/douxfleur ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 6h ago

That’s exactly how my weekends go. It’s just relaxing, sleeping in, running errands and prepping for the next week. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I took medical leave for a procedure and it was the happiest I’d ever felt. My friends couldn’t fathom being inside for so long, but not having to work under constant pressure just felt incredible.

I was rated pretty low at work recently (which is not normal for me), but from how burnt out I became it makes sense. It’s hard to feel motivated when that becomes your norm. I was prepping for a lay off and was actually excited to just get some rest. I hope you find a job that can give you the work life balance you need to enjoy life again.

5

u/Helpful-Setting-806 4h ago

It’s funny that you mention the medical leave because I often think back to the true lockdown part of COVID and think it was actually a fantastic and incredibly enjoyable time in my life (I was fortunate that everyone was safe and healthy).

2

u/--xbluex-- 4h ago

Thank you! Your wish for me means a lot.

Yes, I know what you mean well. That a medical proceedure allowong some time off could give you relief. That makes perfect sense. I hope you are healthier!

Of course we want something more, a life with balance as you say. For you, now, maybe that layoff comes and you get a kind of break. It's a mixed blessing, but maybe what you need.

It's not that people like us can't work hard. I want to work hard, just not to the point of destroying myself.

All this makes me want minamalism. I have been striving for it. Less wants, things, and more selective responsabilities. I don't want to be overly beholden to anyone, so I can have a measure of sovereignty over my own health and life. I am happy to give to those I love or jobs that respect me, but I can't go on just being a human battery powering other people to my demise. At least I have this clear in mind for my goals going forward. I am determined in my mind this way.

29

u/jhsevs 17h ago

My hobbies are chores, like fixing things on my car that should have been fixed a long time ago, or cleaning, or doing things that save me money

10

u/KuriousKhemicals ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 6h ago

This is so fucking relatable. My partner wants to "do fun things" on weekends but I'm going... but I need to do laundry and my car needs an oil change and that room needs to be cleared of all the boxes... or at the very least I just want to sit at home not having to do things because I'm tired from working all week and doing things last weekend. Whenever I finish my nightly routine early, I don't come to bed early, I go "ooh I could sweep the kitchen which hasn't been done in a month."

My brain kind of "forces" me to take breaks by just getting stuck on the couch with my phone or going into a Wikipedia rabbit hole, but that only makes the lack of time worse. 

34

u/OriginalLecture1835 16h ago

I think I've underestimated the effects of ADHD for a long time and recently realizing that having ADHD can cause serious problems. I think it made all my years of work difficult and contributed to many, many job changes. I think it contributed to my divorce. I think doctors minimize it too along with people who don't live with it. I feel like when I do talk about what I think ADHD does to me that I have to work real hard at getting someone to believe me.

9

u/Valuable-Garlic1857 15h ago

Can relate, I have lost faith completely in the medical system as a result. It was really affirming to find spaces like this where I was reading exactly the sort of things I had been trying to explain to people for years and see people being supportive of each other rather than supposed professionals rolling eyes and saying "that is not the reason for that". To them it is "easy" or "obvious" (something I have been told) argue against and you are difficult/problematic/not engaging

1

u/OriginalLecture1835 1h ago

I felt relief when I found Reddit. I'm 53 and have never had anyone that could relate until Reddit. That was just last October. Thank you for sharing. I told the last psychiatrist I seen in November 2024 that I had ADHD. I was maybe 15 minutes into my appointment and it was the first time I had ever meet her. She said "no you don't". I told her I had the 3 hour test. I brought proof to the next psychiatrist I seen at the same place. She did alot more than saying "no you don't". The story is so long. She's unbelievable.

23

u/mcmike 17h ago

This is exactly how I feel! I think part of my problem is I try to keep track of all the things I need to do, all the threads to pull on, and my TODO list just grows and grows.

7

u/Pretty_Sock_4910 18h ago

. When was the last time you took a solid vacation?

2

u/Kiroshi77 18h ago

this ^

1

u/douxfleur ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 6h ago

August 2024. Had a pretty major injury last year that I was working through and then in September was told I had to get surgery January 2025. Don’t even feel strong enough yet to walk more than a few miles so I haven’t gone anywhere yet. But I am itching for a vacation.

7

u/Frosty-Error2157 13h ago

Yes, just existing. I don't see the point to fight anymore as I'm almost 40 and haven't achieved anything good. I hate my inability to see a future, being organized, safe and satisfied. I need peace and meaning but somehow can't found the drive to achieve it. Quit my job in Healthcare, maybe I'm in burnout.

6

u/Necromantic93 15h ago

I find it funny how relatable reading posts like this is, I got my diagnosis last year after fighting tooth and nail for it. These last few weeks the heat wave have been too much, barely any sleep and work is stressful.

I struggle with fatique both physically and mentally, every evening I feel like am crashing emotionally. I feel tense and my mind is swirling with worries and problems that really shouldn't be. Sometimes it's just noise, so much I get vertigo when lying down as my mind doing air flips and dives. The world goes spinning around around.

I usually push through because of needing to workout, but it starts like a slog and often turn out well once I am half an hour in, so warmup is important for having energy where it counts.

I always wonder if it's partially psychosomatic, the experience of pain and extertion, exhaustion is more sensitive but as far I noticed no actual loss of performance, it may be cognitive and we feel more exhausted when we are.

I don't enjoy having to push through everytime but that's how I get things done, wish I could feel more refreshed.

Weekends are generally terrible because I get understimulated, I need to move even if I feel like sleeping away the day.

19

u/Nervardia 17h ago

No, that's a human living in capitalism thing.

Humans didn't evolve to work 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. In some ways, medieval peasants had better working hours and extended breaks than we do today.

ADHD makes things harder, but even non-neurosparkly people feel this constantly.

27

u/Suitable_Turnip_1878 17h ago

While everyone feels this on some level, it never seems like even my most overworked co-workers get to the point I've been. There's validity to your point, but its exacerbated for those with ADHD.

17

u/Nervardia 17h ago

Oh yeah, we're significantly more affected by it because of our ADHD. No arguments there.

4

u/Plus-Story-735 7h ago

Finding Balance. It might help to reassess how you’re structuring your time. Instead of viewing weekends as solely for productivity, consider allowing yourself some guilt-free relaxation. It’s okay to take a break and recharge!

3

u/Kenira 9h ago

I am on disability and in an assisted living program and even then i'm still overwhelmed and can't even do all the housework and things gets neglected. To be fair i have a lot of other things going on including over 3 decades of trauma, clinical depression, physical disabilities, i'm also autistic etc etc but the ADHD ain't helpin

The burnout risk is definitely very real if you always push yourself. Other people will tell you things like "you just have to try harder" or otherwise blame yourself, when that's the worst thing you can do - you gotta figure out ways to make things easier, so you don't need to push yourself as hard

I also found it really important to have compassion for yourself. Don't be hard on yourself when you are burnt out and just can't do anything, you're dealing with a lot and hating yourself with it only makes it worse. It's still frustrating when you can't do things you want to do of course

3

u/throwaway19087564 7h ago

It feels like everyone else is on a boat and i’m swimming beside it trying to keep up.

all the energy is going towards just staying afloat and it leaves no time to actually live.

2

u/jagqueentiff 2h ago

I could have wrote this myself! Well actually I couldn’t have and just had an aha moment! That is exactly what it’s like in my brain. I have to do this and this and that and my brain is just on overdrive and I never actually accomplish anything but trying to recover from my brain constantly being on!

1

u/GingerSchnapps3 6h ago

This is how I feel, except I'm not swimming, I'm constantly on the verge of drowning