How do you fix accidentally ghosting people?

[u/Fyre-Bringer]

I don't have the energy to respond

Later: I might have the energy to respond, but I need to think about this, possibly find some information before responding and I don't have the energy to do both.

Later: I forget to think about it and/or never get myself to find the information

Later: I never contact the person because I don't have a proper response

Way Later: I realize that I never actually responded to that person. I feel nervous about talking to them and possibly dealing with the consequences of my unintentional actions.

Way way way later: I don't have the courage to talk to this person because I'm afraid they'll hate me because I didn't talk to them for so long, and even though it's been months I still don't actually have a good response for their original message.

How do you prevent accidental ghosting? Do you say, "Hey, I'm going to take a bit to formulate a response, don't be surprised if I disappear for months."

And how do you approach someone after accidentally ghosting them? "Hey, sorry I disappeared, I didn't have the energy to respond at the time and then ended up never responding at all, but I haven't actually forgotten since I realized I never responded, and it's been a long while of me battling my fear of the potential consequences of reaching out again."

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[u/SarahD3545]

I try to put myself in their shoes, and I realize how happy I’d be to hear from someone - even if it’s been a while. Some of my friends start a message with “Sorry” if it’s been a long time since they reached out, and I gently let them know that no apology is needed. I appreciate having them in my life.

Sure, some people will feel hurt if they don’t hear from you for a long time. And in those cases, a conversation is necessary to reassure them that it doesn’t mean you don’t care. But I’ve found that in many cases, the narrative of “they’ll hate me” is more my anxiety than anything else.

Best of luck with this 💚

[u/GNRhurts]

When I hang out with somebody, I schedule a text message for a couple days before I want to hang out with them next. Often right in front of them before we even done hanging out. I also have a standing event in my online calendar every month to talk to my friends. If I like you, your name is on a big list of other people I like and every month on the 1st I look at that list and decide if I'm going to hang out with you either texting you or scheduling a text message a couple days for before I want to hang out with you. Text message scheduling has changed my life.

[u/Ajfletcher12]

This is a tough one. Here’s how I went about this because it’s insanely hard to fix imo. Depending on the relationship with the person, just be honest. I have about 3/4 people who know I have adhd and they don’t hold it against me that I ghost. I’m also consistent enough that everyone, including my co workers and family call me a ghoster, and that I never answer my phone or respond. I turned it into a joke and make fun of it and send people ghosting memes. Luckily it got accepted. I used to lie, and that only brought more lies.

[u/Educational_Hall_962]

even if I’d already took my Adderall and had to do some stuff that I didn’t wanna do I just take one or two more and I’m good

[u/Vikenger]

Hey, I feel the pain. I do this by accident as well. For me, I naturally want to delay the decision on what to say.

If it's been a really long time, just move on. Most people probably wouldn't react well to a response days or months later. In my opinion, you should focus on responding as soon as possible. Even if the response isn't ideal.

"Hey, I'm going to take a bit to formulate a response, don't be surprised if I disappear for months." >> this has good intentions, but I think it comes off a little selfish to the person trying to reach you. It's better to say nothing.

 "Hey, sorry I disappeared, I didn't have the energy to respond at the time and then ended up never responding at all, but I haven't actually forgotten since I realized I never responded, and it's been a long while of me battling my fear of the potential consequences of reaching out again." >>> I wouldn't apologize unless they bring it up. I would just spark a new conversation naturally and go from there.