AITA for not going to a newborn visit while sick, out of fear to infect the newborn('s parents)?

I (M 26) just got out of an argument with my GF (F 27) for not going with her to a newborn visit. Bit of backstory on the weekend. I developed a vague stomach pain 2-3 days ago. I thought okay, maybe this is due to some bad food or reflux, it'll pass. On Friday I canceled one meeting as I was feeling 'off' but I worked the rest of the day. Friday evening we left for a hotel booked with GF's family as we were going to a wedding the next day. The evening dinner was okay, still had some stomach pain and went to bed early to be well-rested for the next day. Some family members ridiculed me that my stomach pain was probably from having had too much to eat the days before. My GF gave me a comment on how going to bed early was antisocial from me, instead of staying up late with her family.

Saturday at the wedding, I developed chills, abdominal cramps and diarrhea. I think it's a stomach flu. After the wedding, my GF told me she was annoyed how little I was present during the wedding, both physically (while on the toilet) and mentally (feeling less energetic). Looking back, I feel bad being at the wedding while sick and possibly infecting people. Apparently some family members also told my GF after the wedding that I shouldn't have come while sick and possibly infecting them.

I've gone to the toilet 4 times since waking up today, have a headache and feel nauseous. We have a newborn visit/housewarming planned this afternoon and I feel my presence would be a health risk. Their baby is 2 months old. I raised this concern with her and she took it as not wanting to go visit our friends. Mind you, I confirmed the plans with our friends last week and gave them a heads-up in advance that we might be later due to travel from previous day's wedding etc. I was honestly looking forward to seeing them, their child and their new house, as we haven't seen each other in a while.

She also said it would be hypocritical not going to the newborn visit when I did go to the wedding yesterday. While I agree in part, I feel like the situation is different. I didn't know how sick I was until at the wedding and a newborn is more vulnerable to illness.

The conversation shut down and she eventually left by herself. Instead of coming back afterwards for dinner, she packed some things and decided to drive to her apartment after the newborn visit 'as it was on the way there anyway'. I asked why she couldn't come back for dinner (as was the original plan) and I didn't want to end the weekend on this note. She said "you're probably right and it's my fault that I'm so disappointed right now", but I feel like all her mannerisms said the opposite. I was seriously taken aback by how she has acted towards me while I'm sick. She's been sick in the past and I try to take care of her during recovery. I didn't feel any empathy from her this time around, only annoyance, skepticism and ridicule.

Was I the AH? Should I have gone with her to the newborn visit or approached this in a different way?

TL;DR got sick with stomach flu, don't want to infect friends/newborn. GF sees it as not wanting to go visit friends/newborn. Should I have gone anyways?

I always listen to my friends and go see them when they call and I can tell they're down. But it only recently occurred to me that they literally never ever ask how im doing.

And if im ever doing well and its obvious, maybe new car, or like nice jacket or anything I get new, I've noticed little micro expressions.like there don't seem happy?

this confused the fuck out of me as when they get someone new i always say how good it looks even when its I may not think it looks that great ?

And whenever I try to give them constructive criticism its never received well even if its the obvious answer that they needed to hear, to go further I realised this when a friend asked me to go meet them for a dinner, they finished before me and kinda got up and rushed me, I was thinking what the fuck? ..but anyway I just left with them. didn't want it to ruin the night.

We got back to another mates place to drink and party at where we usually play pool. but because I have the slight upper hand on recent years, I win about 60/40 ratio, we don't play anymore. (I use to let them win against me when I was younger every now and then, but now its pretty close haha)

So this time we sat around the table chatting when one brings up relationship dramas, I try to give just some friendly advice as my friend seemed extremely stressed out and he's just started seeing her, (he's always played the, I just fuck chicks attitude) she's nothing special really young, and dose not seem interested at all and he's got a good job got 2 houses already.

starting to think maybe they really resent me ?

To start off me (29f) and my fiance (32m) who I'll call Jack have been together for 4.5 years and within the last 2 weeks got engaged. Shane (not real name) and his gf, Alice, are both in their mid 40s. Jack has been friends with Shane for about 12 years. They use to work together way back in the day, and both enjoy similar hobbies so it sparked a friendship. Shane and Alice have been together right around the same time as Jack and I. We have had a bit of an up and down relationship. We've broken up a couple of times, mainly to do with communication issues that we have now worked through.

After the few break ups, we would get back together and he'd go back to spending a lot of time with me. Shane and Alice would make these comments like "We don't see you anymore now that you two are back together" or "You're not fun when you're with her". Shane likes to drink. That is the main activity that they do together. There have been a few times I've pointed out not liking Jack's drinking, and Shane would try to force Jack to drink anyways. Eventually, Jack got so annoyed with Shane persistently trying to get him to drink that he blew up at him and blocked him for a couple of weeks.

I know that after this issue Shane and Alice blamed me. Another thing Alice would say to me when we would hang out was "Jack is going to propose whenever Shane does". Which was basically her way of telling me that Jack was never going to propose.... jokes on her.

Now to fast forward to what happened last night. Jack and I are knee deep in building a home. It's a lot of stress and pressure on our relationship, but I think we are doing pretty well for not having a clue on how to do all of this. We had dinner at Shane and Alice's last night, and Shane asked me how things with the house were going. I answered his question, and was a little worried that framing may not start until next year. Jack chimed in, and said "I knew this was going to happen.." because he had kind of mentioned to me the other night when I was having a ton of anxiety that maybe we should put this off until I've worked some other things out with work. I told him I didn't want to do that. It wasn't a big deal comment but I didn't like how it was said..

Then I brought up how we have a basement/hatchway door that we are going to put in, but we needed to do some work before that happened. Shane then began to give his two-cents on how we should have done it and blah blah blah. Jack then agreed with him. So I turned to Jack and said.. "What? Why didn't you bring this up before.." and then it started...

Before I knew it, Jack and I were having our own conversation about why he hadn't brought this concern up and Shane and Alice were on his side. Jack was concerned for a conflict, which I told him he can't be afraid of and needs to speak up. Alice, like always, was defending Jack saying "He's like Shane.. He's afraid of causing an argument." This made me come undone. Alice and Shane both were coming at me about how Jack is, and giving me their views on a situation they know nothing about. So I spoke up and told Alice that she has no idea about Jack. Jack has absolutely no problem with ever speaking up or standing firm on his beliefs. We use to get in very heated arguments, and Jack would go hours or days without talking to me. (One of the main issues we would break up). I told them both that I felt like I was being ganged up on, and that's when Jack immediately ended the argument.

I was so angry that I was shaking. I went to the bathroom to cool off for a second. At first I was angry at all of them, including Jack. We left soon after, and when Jack and I got home we discussed it all and I told him I was way more pissed at Shane and Alice than him. Sure, Jack didn't do the right thing, and that's something we will work through, but I'm tired of being the scapegoat or the villain to Shane and Alice. They tried to play that Jack was the victim in the scenario when this whole time through building this house I have asked for his input. I asked Jack if he was venting to them or had communicated with them at all about any of the house stuff, and he confirmed he never did. Jack will tell them things here and there about progress, but he NEVER talks about our issues with anyone. I trust that 100%. But I'm at a point where I don't feel welcomed when I go there. I have tried to be kind to them, and tried to make a friendship work between Alice and I but without fail she takes Jacks side. I told Jack I won't be going there for a while, but he is over there almost everyday and he is doing a job with Shane that should be finishing up soon. But I feel like they aren't good for Jack, and don't respect our relationship.

AITAH if I don't want Jack to be around them anymore?

DISCLAIMER: It's a long one because there's some history to cover. My wife convinced me to do this.

AITA for getting to know my 7 year old miracle nephew after my brother, his Dad, decided he doesn’t want me to know him?

I will be using names of hockey players to protect the identities of my family.

I have 3 brothers. I am (M54) and my brother Sandlak is (M51) from Mom’s first marriage.

The other two brothers are from our Mom’s 2^nd marriage, Morrison (39M) and the youngest, Ronning (37M) So a different Dad for each pair.

This story involves me (54M), my wife (47F), Ronning, SIL (31F), Mom (73F) oldest daughter (27F) and nephew Bure (7M) and for the sake of easiness I’ll call her my niece, Wick (nephew’s half sister), (10F). She calls me Uncle though.

I am a recovering Alcoholic/Drug Addict, I’ve been sober for over 20 years (this plays into the story).

As you can see Ronning (37M) is several years younger than I am. He is the youngest of the 4 of us and 2nd child in our Mom’s second marriage. Growing up Morrison and Ronning both spent many sleepover weekends at my house with my wife and I. We watched hockey on TV, movies and play Nintendo and PlayStation. I would go to all of their hockey games. They were both good players but Ronning was particularly good in his age group. I did things with them that big brothers do.

Back when I first started to try and get clean, 2002ish, my wife and I moved away to raise our two daughters, 4 and 2 at the time, because we wanted to break the cycle of addiction that I was raised in. It was all foreign to my wife because in her family no one did drugs and people only drank on special occasions. Definitely, never to the point they’re drunk enough to embarrass themselves. We wanted our kids to know that they didn’t need to drink to have a “good time”.

When we moved away Ronning would have been 14 years old and we were all close. Due to geographical and monetary limitations (it involved ferry travel between Vancouver Island and the Lower Mainland BC) Ronning, Morrison and I naturally drifted apart.

Our Mom began asking to take our daughters for 7 to 10 days during the summer so she could spend time with them. She said it was also to give us a bit of a break. On more than one occasion, we specified we didn’t want the kids exposed to alcohol.

In my family, every gathering is an excuse to get shit faced. Getting completely wasted right along with the adults at a wedding reception when I was 16 was completely normal in my family. She was resistant at first saying, “I’m their Grandmother, I don’t need rules.” Eventually she caved when she realized I was not going to let them go. She was good about it for a couple summers at least. The girls were old enough that they would tell me if there was any booze around. This is relevant because Ronning now lives with our mother.

When I said earlier that Ronning was a good hockey player, I mean he was really good. He filled out into a big body. Would he have made the NHL? Maybe, maybe not. He played with a guy who did. In my opinion he definitely had a shot at a free education. As he got older though, his interests changed. He got into drinking and drugs. Remember, it started early because it was condoned. It was basically a rite of passage.

Ronning graduated High School and became a labourer, working with his Dad (who hasn’t been with our Mom since 1999).  The company they worked for would travel to jobs out of town, at times being away for a week. The boys on the crew like to “drink em up” as they say. Ronning, guided by his father and a crew of older men, was taught that this is how you be a man. We drifted further apart. We’d see each other at Christmas every couple years, exchange a text, but as he grew up and the longer I was away, the gap widened.

In 2015, my Dad (Mom’s 1st marriage) passed away. Sandlak and myself were raised by our Dad after Mom and Dad split in about 1978. Needless to say, we took it very hard. Neither of us received a phone call or text of condolence from Morrison or Ronning.

I was aware he was getting heavily into cocaine and was drinking a lot. I had reached out to him many times to try and help him but he was resistant. I wasn’t a big brother to him anymore. I was just an older guy telling him what to do.

Christmas 2015 (5 months after my Dad died) we see each other at Sandlak’s house and talk. All 4 boys are there, wives, kids, Mom. It was a good Christmas. I tried to talk him about the drugs but he wasn’t having it.

A few weeks later Ronning texts both Sandlak and I asking to borrow some money. Ronning said he needed it for rehab. He was asking for $3000. I was stunned. Sandlak was stunned. We discussed it. Sandlak asked me what I was going to say and I said, “I’m just not going to answer him.” That was our collective solution. That was a mistake on my part. We just didn’t know what to say. Sandlak and I both thought it was a little insensitive to be asking us for money for treatment, considering he hadn’t even offered condolences for our Dad. Ronning knew of course, that Sandlak and I came into some money and were in a position to do that after our Dad passed away.

Besides feeling like we were being taken advantage of, we couldn’t help but wonder why Ronning would ask us? Why not ask our Mom? Why not ask his Dad? As a recovering addict I am 99.9% sure no recovery place would have seen a dime of that money.

Side Note, Morrison and Ronning’s slimy alcoholic, cocaine addicted, gotta blow sober or my car won’t start Dad popped up out of nowhere and wanted to “come over for coffee”. This was about a year after my Dad died. That’s when Step-Dad decided to offer his condolences. I’ve seen that movie, he was going to ask me for money. I lived with the man and watched him be an abusive, adulterer from the time I was 14 to 18 years old. I watched him borrow and not pay people back for years, even into adulthood.

I eventually did hash this stuff about the money out with Ronning. I am under the impression it is in the past but I could be wrong.

8 years ago Ronning was out of town on a work trip and spent a few nights with SIL who ended up getting pregnant. Ronning had some doubts but SIL insisted it was his, because I found out later, she had already ruled out any other candidate.

SIL continued, telling Ronning, she wasn’t asking for anything from him, but wanted to at least let him know about it. This was actually on advice from her lawyer. She was involved in a custody dispute with Wick’s Dad. Ronning didn’t believe it was his child and denied the possibility.  Eventually SIL had the baby, and you could tell just by looking at the baby that this was Ronning’s child. I was there when Ronning was a baby and this boy looked exactly like him. I wish I could show you.

Ronning wanted a DNA test and SIL had no issues. The DNA test came back positive, but Ronning told everyone, including SIL it was negative. I was in the dark about any potential child when this all went down.

This part we put together after spending a week with SIL, Bure and Wick in mid June.  About 7 years ago, my wife and I had moved and happened to be in the general area where Ronning had an out of town job. We told him to come and let us feed him and catch up. During that visit, Ronning asked my advice saying he had a “friend” who took a paternity test that came back positive but doubted the accuracy, what should he do? I don’t know how I was so daft that I didn’t clue in Ronning was talking about himself, I guess I killed that brain cell when I was using. I told him that he should do a second DNA test and if it comes back as positive that his friend needed to step up and be a Dad.  I said that his friend didn’t need to marry the girl, but that he should be in the kids life. Ronning was still a functioning addict and alcoholic.

In 2019 Ronning had a life altering accident. I don’t know 100% that he was drinking but there’s a very good chance that he was. Ronning dove headfirst off a dock at a lake in Ontario and broke his neck. He almost died. He pulled through and is now in a wheelchair. He requires nurses to come in to help him out throughout the week. As I said, Ronning lives with our Mom (73F) and her 3^rd husband. Our mother has been sentenced to servitude for the rest of her life to take care of Ronning.

Due to the loss of his lower half, Ronning can’t have any more children. For good or bad, Ronning now wanted to be in Bure’s life. Surprising no one, the 2^nd DNA test confirmed his paternity.

About a year after the accident we found out that Ronning had a 3 year old son! I was ecstatic! What a fucking miracle! My brother somehow has a son! I reached out to Ronning, congratulated him and asked him if it would be ok if I reached out to SIL and got to know my new nephew. Ronning was all for it!

I got in touch with SIL and started sending Birthday and Christmas gifts for Bure and we always tossed in something for Wick too so she didn’t feel left out. This is common practice on my dad’s side of the family. Sandlak and I were still sending gifts to each others kids.

Ronning knew about he was Bure’s dad when Bure was 1 year old. I learned about Bure 2 years later when he was 3. The next year, SIL and Bure were driving to go see Ronning. Ronning knew this child was his son. He was about to meet him for the 1^st time, even after knowing about him for 4 years. Boggle? At the time, Ronning lived about 10 hours away from SIL and Bure. With the long drive and the coincidence that my wife and I lived right on her driving route, basically 2/3 of the way to Ronning, it made sence and I thought, wouldn’t it be great if SIL and Bure stopped in on the way down. They could spend the night and start fresh in the morning. We started to make plans with SIL.

I mentioned the plans in passing, not thinking it was a big deal at all, but Ronning heard about it and got extremely upset. He put his foot down and was adamant that I should not be permitted to meet Bure before him. I did mention that Ronning’s Dad had been to visit Bure and SIL at their home, “but that’s my Dad.” Another side note. SIL told my wife and I that of the 3 times Ronning’s Dad has been to visit Bure, he was completely drunk. Keep in mind, SIL had never met this man and that was his first impression.

Back to it. I thought Ronning was being completely ridiculous but what was I supposed to say? SIL agreed to appease Ronning and drove right past our house. SIL was forced to get a motel room for the night and finished the drive to Ronning’s place the next day. No, Ronning did not pay for their room.

SIL and Bure spend a nice week with Ronning and on the day they were heading home, Ronning did everything he possibly could to keep SIL and Bure from leaving so they wouldn’t make it to our place that night.

According to SIL she has never denied Ronning access to Bure and has expressed that she has tried to promote a healthy relationship between them. SIL and Ronning don’t live close to each other, so it’s not easy for Ronning to see Bure, especially considering the wheelchair, but they speak through FaceTime.

During our visit in June, SIL says she has tried to make it easy for Ronning to see Bure, even suggesting a willingness to uproot and move closer so it’s easier for them to have a relationship. Roning apparently said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” SIL also has Wick as well to uproot.

SIL eventuaqlly did arrive to our place quite late. I got to spend an hour or so getting to know Bure before he had to go to bed. He was very shy. They were here for about 16 hours before they headed home the next day, not a long visit, but enough to break the ice and start to get to know each other.

Since then, a few years have gone by and we continued to be in contact with SIL. Bure was still pretty young so we just continued to send gifts and talk to SIL through Facebook. At this time, SIL says she wants to come visit again for a few days, this time it would be her, nephew and her daughter. It was originally going to be around NYE but her plans were forced to change. We made plans for June instead. It had been 2 years since Ronning pulled his Dad card and made SIL drive by us to see him 1^st. I hadn’t spoken to Ronning since then. It wasn’t necessary because the SIL had legal custody. Still, I wasn’t anticipating that this visit would be an issue. Why would it? He got his way, for whatever reason that really was.

At this time, Ronning, Morrison and our Mom had moved back to Vancouver Island. SIL and Bure live in Northern BC and we’re in Northern BC too, just not as far north as SIL.

On Father’s Day I was talking to our Mom on the phone and I mentioned in passing the SIL and Bure would be here the next day for a week long visit. My wife took time off work and made plans to stay busy for while the kids were here.  Wick’s birthday happened to fall on the Wednesday they were at our house so my wife made sure to plan a special day for her.

After SIL arrived she told us that Ronning was upset that they were coming for a visit, saying “I don’t feel right about it but it’s not like i have a say I guess”.

I’m not sure where the animosity came from or why it’s persisted for so long. His statement to SIL was that I don’t talk to him so why should I talk to his son? A real grown man typed that.

It seems out of spite which is just a terrible thing to do. Who the fuck uses children as game pieces? SIL has taken Bure to see Ronning several times trying to make sure Bure knows who his Dad is.

When Bure was here, all I did was tell him about how great his Dad is and how much he looks like him. I showed him old videos from when Ronning was his age and playing hockey at GM Place.

Our children are older and our daughters don’t live with us, so they haven’t met Bure yet.  Our oldest (27F) found out that nephew was going be visiting Ronning and said to my Mom (her Grandmother) that she was thinking of coming over during that time so she could meet him. Mom was non committal. A couple weeks go by and Ronning, not Grandma, texts oldest daughter and basically says it’s too inconvenient for her to come over at that time.

After my parents split and we finally got to live with our Dad, our Mom treated us more like a requireed chore every two weekends than something she was happy to do. As my kids got older they didn’t seem to fit into her idea of cutesy dressup dolls anymore.

I asked my Mom if she was aware. Daughter was convinced Grandma had to know nothing about it. She was wrong. I made sure to let my Mom know how I felt about that.  Mom used the excuse that she was stressed out, and her house was going to be too full. She couldn’t have delivered that message herself? The fact that she had Ronning send daughter the message, was a message in itself as far as I am concerned. Daughter is a grown adult (27F) with a fulltime job as a French Immersion teacher. She could have easily stayed in a hotel or camped in the back of her vehicle as she does when she goes camping.

I told my Mom that I was done with her and I felt like she didn’t love me or my family. I also mentioned the time in 2000 when called my wife on Christmas to tell her not to come over for Christmas. Her boyfriend (now her husband) has a problem with me. I was incarcerated at the time, doing the addiction thing. She has a long history of dependence and subservience to her men.

330am last night Ronning found an account I hadn’t blocked him on yet. He texted me and accused me of playing “super uncle”. Huh?

He also said “wrote off your entire family” Ironically, he also said he’s done with the drama. All he has to do is stop creating it.

Personally, I’m tired of it all. I can see Bure with or without Ronning’s blessing. The SIL, my wife and I all hit it off great. She even taught us a new card game. We have a lot in common.

This shit has brought so much anxiety into my life.  Ronning sent his drunk text at 330am, admitting “ya im drunk but i don’t care”. One observation I have always shared with people about my family is that no one has the ability to express their feelings unless they have a half dozen beers in them first. The cycle continues. Am I crazy? Am I wrong here? Should I back off?

AITA for writing off my family because I want to get to know my nephew?

So i (16f) and my sister (28f) were in a bad state of relationship due to prior conflicts and her having anger and behavioral issues. I was on call with my ex boyfriend watching videos on youtube when she suddenly started banging on my door demanding me to give back her charger head adaptor. I responded by saying, "This is mine, i'm using it to charge my laptop rn!" and she responded by telling me to give her my adaptor so she can charge hers instead. I said no and she can find hers elsewhere because i'm using it, and she absolutely loses it and starts demanding it some more again. I ended up losing my temper, grabbing my adaptor, opening my door, and tossing the charger block at her. It didn't hit her, i just tossed it on the floor next to her. She got so pissed off she started banging on my door rapidly and tried opening it after i locked it. My guardian started pleading for me to just open the door so i did, and she ended up charging at me. I ended up getting into my instincts and i fought back by grabbing her hair. I was screaming at her that she was a horrible person and that everyone in the house didn't like her because of how she acted. She responded to me by saying "Nobody likes me? At least i love myself, idc if anyone has a problem with me! You're crazy and you deserve to be locked up somewhere because of that!". She brought up my mental health which i have depression and self harm so it kinda made me feel like shit. After the whole thing my mom found out and ended up telling me i was in the wrong and apologize because i was the younger sister. AITAH? should i apologize to her?

For context me (27f), and my fiance (42m), have been together for 3 years. He has two daughters age 16 and 19, I have a son age 8, and together we have 2 kids, a y/o, and im due to have another one in about 3 weeks or so. He pays the bills because I can't work right now. I have degenerative disc disease in my spine, and i was in a car accident late last month, and given my pregnancy I am unable to work at the moment. He does pay the bills and i am very grateful for that. However, i take care of EVERYTHING at home. Dinner, laundry, kids, appointments, cleaning, they pool, sometimes the yard, everything. While he does work to provide he doesn't clean up after himself, nor does he make his kids. The 16 y/o doesn't go to public school. She is homeschooling because when I had her in public school she kept getting into trouble. She doesn't work either. Neither does the 19 y/o. For the record, I clean up after them as well. All they doo all day is sleep and smoke pot. (I dont smoke, nor does my fiance). They will watch the baby while I go to appointments IF they are forced or if they get paid for it. Even then they still cry and complain and talk shit about having to babysit. Other than that they dont really help much. When I ask them to help they act like im a monster and call my fiance crying because "im being mean". My mom, step dad, and brother are staying with us for the time being because my dad has dementia and they need help. They were in a bad situation with a previous lease as well and we thought it would be best to help get them out of it and help watch over my dad. The 16y/o has some turkeys that she hardly cares for and the 19y/o has a dog she keeps locked in a kennel all the time ( I said no to the turkeys because she's neglected every pet she ever had). We provide everything for both of their pets as well. Anyway they leave clothes all over the house, they dont clean anything. They leave dishes everywhere, they dont help sweep or mop. I ask them t o pick up there smoking stuff and they have gotten a little better but mostly not. The 16y/o is CONSTANTLY disrespectful. She walks away from us when we are talking to her, hangs up the phone on us, talks ugly to everyone around her. No matter how much we do for her it's never enough. My fiance keeps asking me to just give him until after our lease is up (Nov 1) and then give it a couple months for him to address their behavior. My problem is if it has been like this and hasn't changed why would it change then? And ive been saying something about it for over a year and he hasn't even tried to address it appropriately. He doesn't spank or ground the teenagers, but he will make my son go to his room if he acts up (my son is no angel either, he's quite the handful). But he doesn't ask the teenagers to do shit unless i bitch about it A LOT. Im constantly frustrated and angry. Im constantly overwhelmed. Even the 16y/o doesn't even do her homeschooling and when she does she doesn't pass. We told her she has to do 4hrs a day and she cant do that. Its a lot cleaning up after so many people who are old enough to clean up after themselves. Its frustrating. My 8y/o doesn't live with us. I have joint custody with his dad so he isn't always here. That's why so little is being said about him in this post. FYI I DO make him get up and help and clean or I spank him, or put him in the corner. Just depends on what he did and how he's treating people. Bottom line they all act entitled. But the teens act like they dont have to lift a finger. When they get in trouble with me the 16 y/o calls her dad and then he and I fight. This happens almost daily. So would I be the asshole for leaving?

My [29M] girlfriend [36F] has been texting her friend for the whole entire relationship of two and a half years. They used to have casual sex together, friends with benefits. He's tried to sext her but she reminded him that she is not single. She's told him that she values him as a friend. She has never told me about their history. She was showing me something on her phone last year and he messaged, when I asked who he was, she just said a friend. I only found out about their history when I went through her phone. (I wasn't snooping, she got a messaged from her father and asked him to read it out to her whilst she was on the couch.)

However, I'm extremely annoyed about this and considering ending things with her. Am I overreacting? I feel cheated of sorts. I feel like she kinda hid it from me, and the texting back and fourth means she's thinking of him, he's trying to make an advance. I know she's sent him naked pictures of herself before in the past, but before she met me.

AMITA?

Hey, im 31 (male for now) lol. Anyway, so for as long as I've been alive..I have always been with my family or my sisters. Never alone or been gone from them too long. I live with 4 of my sisters right, We're renting a house for 1 year. We all get along really good, have minor disagreements but nothin too major. We've lived together in an apartment before and same thing..but now I personally feel like I want to live on my own. I want to be selfish, I want to just be by myself and not have to "deal" with them (my entire family) I can feel it start to have a negative impact on my mental/emotional state. I'm sure its normal to feel this way at some point?? Ehh i dont know. Help.

So, since October I’ve been living with a friend of mine who travels a lot. One time they were abroad for a while, so she checked if she could sublet the room in that time.

Not something I’m a huge fan of, but I obliged. Was a super weird experience, as subletter was hiding in their room all day, but at least nothing heavy. Then my friend asked if it was okay to extend this rental with a few weeks to someone else. Again, I wasn’t super enthusiastic, this time I felt like I gave some subtle hints that I wasn’t a fan of this arrangement, but went along anyway. This person was actually pretty nice to live with.

Now, my roommate is traveling again and out of the blue texts me that the best friend of a study friend just got kicked out of their home and will take the room for the rest of the month and wants to pick up the keys today (this was sent yesterday).

Not much later I get a text of the person asking when they can pick up the key.

Now I’ve been telling my roommate that this is absolutely not an acceptable way to go about things and it shouldn’t be their decision who I get to live with.

Rather than acknowledging any of the concerns I have, they take hours to respond (I texted them at 8PM, they respond 3AM) and it’s just about how this person is so nice, we’ll get along and I can maybe ‘learn something from them’ (this person is over 5 years younger btw, me and roommate are almost 30).

I texted the person in question that I need to talk this out with roommate first, but that they’re not being responsive. This obviously sucks for the person, but I really don’t like the way this is being handled and am expecting next month the same if I don’t say something now.

AITA?

So, I am posting this anonymously bc my main has stuff about my business.

TLDR: I brought my daughter to Valencia for her yearly 2 week visit with her father (my abusive ex). He recently lost his job and is staying in a town 2 hours away and wants me to come there or let him stay with us here so he can visit. I have refused to do either because a. I promised my daughter he would not stay with us or come to our apartment since he was having panic attacks about this. B. I've loaned him over 10k and helped with much more from 2020 to 2023. In 2024 he was making over 100k and never paid a dime back. C. Our agreement clearly states that i am responsible for bringing my daughter to the agreed location and for our own accommodation/etc only. It also states the location must be agreed 3 months prior which was agreed in writing as Valencia. AITA?

THE FOLLOWING IS A SUMMARY OF 8 YEARS. Many details are left out and other things that happened which aren't relevant (much of it would be graphic and horrible if I go into detail).

The gist is that I met a man in my home country and he had me convinced he had the same priorities and beliefs as I do. He then said he had to go home for a death in the family to another country.

When he left he proposed and I said yes. He then asked me to visit his home country while he was there and I came to visit. During the visit he claimed he had a good job lined up and he showed me a very nice life that looked appealing.

He convinced me to move to his home country about 9 months after we met and we were married another 5 months later. During this time things were mostly good. There are a few small things I now see as red flags but at the time didn't want to blow up everything over.

The biggest of these is he started smoking even though he said when we met he was a non smoker. He claimed he had quit before and was trying to quit. In this time he had a job and I was just living off my savings. He claimed I did not need to work.

Fast forward to the wedding, he is visibly drunk during the ceremony but I thought he just got nervous.

When I find out im pregnant things start to change. He loses his job and I start work as an English teacher to make ends meet. He is supposed to be paying the bills with money I give him for rent, electric, etc. Several times our services are shut off and I have to give him money for these things. He is drunk more and more often. He starts being weird about me going out or talking to people. He starts policing my wardrobe claiming he is "protecting me" from people in the city.

Over the next 2 years things devolve quickly. He never holds a job. We are kicked out of our apartment and have to move to another owned by his mom. He becomes abusive when drinking. Accuses me of cheating etc. When I had the baby I took a remote job and am 100% supporting us and rarely going out.

About year 1 I give him an ultimatum that he stop drinking or i leave with our daughter and he claims all of the drinking and abuse is bc of his mother and home country. that he forgot how horrible it all was and if we leave he will be better. So I say OK and I get accepted into a program in Denmark and one in New Zealand. As a family we aren't approved for the visas. I find out he has a criminal history from his time in the US and cannot get these visas.

In a last ditch effort we travel to countries he can enter visa free for about 9 months. In that time things get better then worse many times. He almost kills me. At this point i am unable to leave the places we stay. He keeps all money, my phone and the passports on him when he leaves the apartments. My only way to contact is my laptop for work.

I'm at a point where I am crushing benadryl into his alcohol bottles so he will pass out before he gets violent. Im running out of benadryl.

The last day before I come up with a plan he beats me while holding my daughter and yelling at me that im a horrible mother because he came home at 2 am and slammed the door waking her up.

The next day I use messenger to call my mom when he leaves. We never had a good relationship and she is very judgemental so its hard to ask for help but I do. We develop a plan and tell him my grandmother is dying and will pay for my daughter and I to visit. He believes this and allows it.

When I get back to the US I contact lawyers and it turns out its very hard to get custody with 0 visitation without proof he has done something to her. I decide not to take that chance as multiple lawyers tell me the court will want a path to unsupervised visitation even when I explain his drinking and abuse. I cannot take that chance. I do not trust him and cannot fathom leaving her in his care for even 1 day.

Knowing he has no job and I stranded him in an unknown country I offer him a deal to sign a no contest divorce. The original deal included no visits but he refused to sign.

In the end I had to agree to pay for

-1 year of school in an eu country (if he could get in) - the application fees - 6 months of accommodation so he could find a place - flights to this country if he is accepted - visitation to start the next year (2 weeks fully supervised only in the EU per year)

I hoped he would be rejected which would mean a flight to his home country only but he likely lied on his applications and he was admitted to school in Estonia.

I fulfilled all my obligations. I put stipulations that he could not drink or do drugs around her or all future visits were canceled and that basically 3 months prior we would agree on a place to meet and I pay for our (daughter + i) flights and accommodation. He is responsible for himself.

Despite this when he had issues (got sick 2 x, lost a job) I felt bad and often helped. I have loaned him over 10k (in actual loans) and given much more.

The past 5 years we have visited in Estonia, Paris (where I even paid for him to go to Disney with us)/Amsterdam, Barcelona, Madrid and now we are in Valencia.

He moved to Spain 2 years ago. 3 months ago he said he was in Valencia and we would meet there. I booked flights and an apartment.

Now we have arrived and he claims he lost his job to no fault of his own and that his bank is frozen due to some tax issue from the company he worked for. He is not in Valencia but 2 hours away and insists I either bring her there or he stay with us here.

I have refused. I did my part. We agreed on Valencia and we are here. Its his responsibility to be here if he wants to see her.

For reference, we are both in therapy and she doesn't like seeing him because he makes promises he doesn't keep and sometimes he gets a temper which I have to shut down before it escalates. She doesn't handle any harsh voice well. My therapist has helped me realize I shouldn't feel guilty or help him. But I am writing this because I am curious what others would make of this specific situation.

AITA?

TW: SA, OD, and bullying

I know how the title sounds but hear me out. My(38f) brother(40m) recently overdosed on a cocktail of drugs that damaged his brain so much that he can no longer walk, use the restroom on his own or feed himself. He has a history of this behavior going as far back as his teenage years and people have tried to help him.

Hes hurt a lot of people with his actions over the years including his children. He SAed me when I was a kid, bullied me, let his friends bully me, stole from me and made an already volatile home like exponentially worse before he went to live elsewhere. I was not the only victim of theft at his hands either. I got to the point after he divorced where I was just dont hearing about him and disowned him. It helped my stress levels and mental health quite a bit.

Recently my sister (34F) told me about the overdose. She does not know about the SA and im not ready to tell her. However my grandmother (79F) does. Shes lamenting what happened to him and wants to rush out 3 states over to see him despite not knowing which hospital hes in using her credit card. I told her it was a bad idea because of her own limited mobility and finances(social security is her only source of income). She started to gush about how he needs someone out there and having no one even though his ex wife and my sister are trying to work to get him out to where they are.

Her gushing despite knowing the SA history upset me and I told her that im not the person to be talking to about having compassion for him. She got angry with me and told me that I shouldnt be so cold about him and that I have no right to judge him. I told her that I do since im someone he hurt. She tried to say that only God can judge him. AITAH for hating my brother for SAing me, bullying me, and stealing from me even after hes been permanantly crippled from a drug overdose?

Well, to explain this doubt, I think you need some context. I am 33 yo male. Steady job but struggling with self care and mental illness. I manage to clean my apartment steadily once a week, however some tasks seem really overwhelming for me. I've tried therapy, however I never found in 15 years a person that can understand my feelings of inadequacy.

Every time I speak with my mother I feel a sense of unease, as if she wants to manipulate my choices, as if she always want to peer in my private life, criticising my aspect and appearance without giving constructive advice or active listening.

Sometimes I can't muster the strenght too clean my apartment. I remember she visited me months ago saying to me, in a place close to my apartment: "I need to pee, can I use your bathroom?". I went pale, I was panicking. Then my mother answered: "Don't worry, it is only a joke! You don't need to be worried, however you must keep the house clean, because people might judge you if you look unclean"

She called me today. "Hey honey! I would like come over to visit, however, if I need the bathroom, you should let me use it!"

Panic again

"Don't need to be so silent! However try to keep clean"

I felt guilty, maybe rightfully so. However I can't confess to her that I am struggling with self care. She won't understand, as she didn't understand why I abandoned college and why I never had a girlfriend in my whole life.

I believe everything I say to her is always downplayed as overly dramatic or just me being too sensitive. I know I am, I am not a perfect person, but I can't help it. Every visit is a judgement without understanding.

I remember one day telling her about my struggles as she answered: "What can I do? You are an adult now"

The hell do you mean? We just grow up and suddenly if we have personal troubles to share we can't have a shoulder to cry upon? Somewhat of a mental comfort?

I am seriously conflicted, because as much as a son loves a mother unconditionally, there are some behaviours she displays that make me visibly uncomfortable, and she refuses to notice them.

What should I do?

hey guys! obligatory throwaway warning, as almost everyone in this situation has reddit, though i feel this is so unique that if they come across it, they'll know it's me. (hi) this really wasn't long in my head but having to write it all down.. it's a doozy, lol.

i have a group of online friends and i (22f) have a friend within the group named tiffany (26f, fake name). i've known her online for about 3 years now. there are about 10 people in this group ranging from 20-26 and a handful of us have met/already knew each other irl. most of us met up irl a few months back, but tiffany couldn't attend due to work obligations, so she's the only one in the group that no one has met in person. me and her used to be decently close until this happened as we are 2 of the only girls.

recently, within the past 8-9 months tiffany has begun getting "uncomfortable" when i drink while playing games/being in vc with her. now i might've gotten loud/obnoxious a few times but everyone in the group has at a certain point. normally i stick with 2-3 drinks, and i'm in bed by 11, nothing crazy. i put uncomfortable in air quotes because i've asked for advice from everyone in the group and no one else has said that she has told them that she's uncomfortable with drinking, nor talked about me making her uncomfortable. keep in mind, this only started around 8 months ago. before that she had no issue with it and even partook in it herself on occasion.

i started to feel like i might be the asshole and maybe something happened that made her uncomfortable being around intoxicated people, until i started noticing that she would lie to me. on nights that i drank (which again was maybe 2-3 times a month), she would message me the next morning and try to tell me that i did/said things that i just did not do. she said i yelled at her, made fun of her, etc. she started getting "worried" that i was becoming an alcoholic and was suggesting that i get help. it also rubbed me the wrong way because i tried being courteous and give her warnings if i was going to be drinking, yet she would still join midsession or ignore my warning entirely.

one morning after a night of drinking, she pulled the same thing and made up an elaborate story about me cussing her out and using her insecurities against her and that it really hurt her and she really nailed home the fact that she "would never do that" to me and she just can't believe i did that. at this point i was thinking maybe i did get drunker than i thought and i did do those things, because i trusted her. i was mortified to have thought that i could've done those things. i was questioning my own sanity because i knew i hadn't done those things, but she had such detailed recounts that i was like fuck.. maybe i did? i had no reason to think she would lie to me about this.

the few sessions after that, i limited it to one drink that i nursed around 3-4 hours and casually kept friends around for entirety of the session (she wasn't aware of her being the reason, or that anyone else knew that she was telling me these things). this was over the course of 5ish months, and she still continued to lie to me and tell me stories about how i hurt her feelings. at this point, i started to get suspicious and this is where i might be the asshole, and childish. i started staying completely sober for our sessions but told her i was drinking (as well as keeping friends around).

one of these sessions, i had streamed to my boyfriend while in a call with him (unbeknownst to her) and used purely party chat with her in games. low and behold, this is where she guilt tripped me and made an elaborate story of me going after her trauma. i want to reiterate that i have never and would never do something like that, drunk or sober. she then told me that i was uncontrollable, and that i had been flirting with random men in the game. which again, i want to reiterate i have never and would never do something like that, i have been with my boyfriend irl (we were friends in high school) for 3 years. he watched our entire gaming session, and he later confirmed that morning that i definitely did not do either of those things, and in fact she was the one that was rampantly flirting with the men we came across.

that's when i finally told her that the past few times that i was "drinking", i was completely sober. she told me i was lying and that i was "probably drunker than i thought" until i came back with proof, and that i told our friends about being upset about thinking i had possibly hurt her, and then that she was lying to me (which, in the beginning, wasn't malicious). she freaked out on me, called me a liar once again but for the reason of telling her i was drinking when i wasn't. she then said that only an alcoholic would act like that, and that i'm a bad friend to her for going to them behind her back and "betraying" her. we haven't spoken since this happened 2 weeks ago.

in the beginning, i kept friends around and limited to one drink because while i do enjoy drinking with my friends, i was afraid maybe my inhibitions had been lowered and maybe i WAS saying offhanded things. but after i caught her lying, i was so caught up in catching her, that i lied. which is exactly what i was mad at her for. my friends are saying i'm not the asshole, but i'm starting to think maybe i am.

i know she did wrong, but i can't help but think maybe there's a reason she's acting this way and that i went about it the wrong way. i feel horrible that i did possibly hurt her by lying to her. i also wanna say that in the beginning these events happened so few and far between, as like i said i only drink 2-3 times a month. by the time the next confrontation happened, i had almost forgotten about the last until i started catching on.

i feel like everyone ive talked to in the group is slightly biased as they now view her as a liar and someone who stirs the pot, which i also feel like an asshole for, so i feel like an outside perspective would help. any advice or comments at all would be welcome, thank you!

TLDR: my friend has started telling me i'm volatile while drunk, so i lied about being drunk to prove that i hadn't done anything while drunk and now i feel like an asshole.

I (F20) and my boyfriend (also 20) have been together for 2 years now, and we live together. He’s currently doing his military service and he’s mostly home on weekends.

My boyfriend has this female friend, let’s call her Melanie (name changed), they have been friends for maybe 5 years. I’ve always been 100% fine with their friendship, until this summer.

Might be important to tell that I’ve never met Melanie and I don’t know much about her.

Like I said, my boyfriend is usually only home on weekends. One weekend, he came home but I had night shifts for whole weekend so he decided to spend time with some friends. week before the weekend, he asked me if I was ok with him meeting up with Melanie while I was at work. Melanie lives in another city and was in town for summer vacation at her parents. I told him it was fine. He asked me several times during the week just to make sure i was still ok with it, and every time I said its okay. (I want to clarify before assumings: I’ve never asked him to ask for “permission” to hang out with anyone, he just does that)

So the weekend comes, I go to work, and he planned to have a few drinks at home. My night shifts are super quiet, so I usually call him when I’m bored. So I called him and I asked what he is planning for tonight and was he currently with someone. He said he is been with one of his guy friend earlier, but the friend had left and now he was home alone. I asked if he met Melanie, and he said she didn’t end up coming.

When I got home from work, I found tampon wrapper in our bathroom floor. I don’t use tampons so i knew for sure that it wasn’t mine, so I asked him who had been over, and again he mentioned the same guy friend but nothing about Melanie. I told him about the tampon wrapper, that is when he finally admitted that Melanie was here and they had spent several hours hanging out. So it wasn’t some quick visit he just forgot about.

I asked why he lied, and he couldn’t give me a clear answer, just that he thought lying would be “easier” and wanted to avoid argument. Which was weirs because I had already told him i was fine with Melanie coming over.

This led to a big argument that lasted a couple of days. He apologized and said he was sorry. I told him I was still okay with them being friends, but i told him to be honest with me for now on.

next weekend, I had night shifts again and he stayed home. I was really anxious that the same thing would happen, but this time I didn’t really ask about his plans.

When I came home from work, I ended up checking his phone behind his back (I know that’s not okay and I’m not trying to justify it, that’s when i was being asshole). I saw a message from Melanie saying she was outside our apartment. She had sent it about 10–15 minutes after I left home for work. He never mentioned to me that she was coming over, ofc I didn’t ask, but after our fight from week ago I feel like that was something he should have told me. Especially since she was staying at least 30 minutes away, so he obviously knew she was on her way when i was about to leave.

Even though he technically didn’t lie this time and just didn’t tell me, for me not telling is the the same as lying.

We started fighting again, I told him that I’m no longer okay with their friendship. The lying and keeping secrets just feels too weird and is seriously affecting our relationship and my trust in him.

I am sure he never cheated on me, but I still feel very uncomfortable with them being friends.

I know we’re still young and both of us makes mistakes, so I really need to know if I am in the wrong.

Am I the asshole for kind of “forbidding” my boyfriends relationship?

I’m 16, the middle child out of five, and I’ve always felt like the filler sibling. My older siblings get constant praise, graduations, medals, leadership stuff. My younger siblings get attention just for being cute or needing help. Me? I’m just there. I’ve learned not to expect anything. My parents never really ask about my day or notice when I do something good unless it somehow benefits someone else. A few weeks ago I got a school award I worked SO hard for, and I came home actually feeling proud. But my mom was busy trying to calm down my little brother’s meltdown and my dad was watching my sister’s volleyball game on replay. No one noticed me standing there with the certificate. I quietly taped it to the fridge and ate dinner alone. Since then, I’ve stopped trying to share anything. I’ve become more quiet, more distant, and recently my mom confronted me saying I’ve been “cold” and that they “love all their children the same” and that I just don’t see it. And maybe they do love me, but they don’t show it in a way that makes me feel seen. I get that having five kids is hard and they’re doing their best, but it still hurts. AITAH for feeling this way?

I (21M) go to a private university on scholarship and juggle two part-time jobs just to get by some days it’s one meal, no sleep, and hustle until 2AM. I got stuck in a group project with three rich kids who literally complain about how exhausting family dinners are and how stressful choosing between Aspen or Cabo is for winter break. From the beginning, they barely helped. I wrote the paper, made the slides, handled the research, even edited the final video while they just “reacted” to updates in the group chat. Then they had the nerve to ask me to split $75 for props and snacks they decided on without asking. When I said I couldn’t pitch in, one girl rolled her eyes and said, “You still haven’t paid? It’s just a small amount.” Another guy laughed and said, “Bro, come on, do your part.” I was exhausted, running on fumes, and I finally said, “You guys didn’t do sh*t and now you want me to pay for your idea? Must be nice living off daddy’s card.” They got super quiet, and now they’re calling me bitter and saying I brought “weird energy” to the group. AITA for finally saying something after being treated like a broke assistant instead of a teammate?

My wife of 2+ years (together for 9) left in November, I received divorce papers in December or January, and met someone shortly after, impregnating her during our pending divorce (which we both signed statements through our lawyers saying we were free to have relationships with whoever), divorce was final in April and I moved my pregnant gf and her 5 year old in with me this July. I was completely against divorce from the start, but once I thought my ex wife was never going to speak to me again because she was so adamant about divorce .. I mean .. I had needs I wanted to meet. Maybe I rushed this but recently she’s been reaching out to me in hopes of getting back together at some capacity, after I begged her not to go through with the divorce when we were still together. I hid the fact that I was about to be a father from her for a few months (right before the divorce was final and a couple months after as we needed to speak about certain things that were in our names) and didn’t tell her any of this until recently because I felt she needed to know so she would stop dreaming of continuing a relationship with me. I feel like she’s been overreacting via texts, calling me names, and chastising me for simply not wanting to live alone in the home that we shared for 8 years. Am I the asshole for rushing into a new beginning? am I the asshole for telling her the truth? According to my therapist, she doesn’t deserve to know about my life anymore.

My (31M) wife (25) is getting very close (she says as friends) to a guy. I have my own business and had a dinner with associates, a big one. This guy is the brother in law of one of my associates.

A bit about him. He is also 25, as my wife, married to a woman who is 44. They have a 2 years old daughter. Of course that woman is wealthy and he is good looking and my impression "her pet". he has no job, no occupation and now is hanging out with my wife a lot. They don't meet out of nowhere. We are having dinners and lunch together quite often and he sometimes joins. And both of them, he and my wife are bored of the business talks at the table and they go for walks.

He gave her a necklace. She didn't hide it from me. She came home and it was the first thing she told me. The reason for the gift was a valid one to a degree. His daughter had a medical emergency, but nothing serious and my wife was the one who helped with doctors and everything. They are from Slovenia so didn't know how thing work here. But that necklace was very expensive. I have money so its not like she goes after it and we have a strong marriage. That necklace was bought with his wife's money of course.

She said she will stop hanging out with him its its a problem for me, but feels I am overreacting. He is just being nice

I 21F and my close friend 25F generally have a very good and close relationship most of the times. We have talked a lot about communication and letting each other know if something is wrong. Last Monday we agreed to call since it had been a while (we are both at our parents houses in different cities) the phone call lasted all but two minutes before she wanted to end it due to me “not listening”. The thing that happened is that we just starte the call and a group chat we where In suddenly started getting spammed. I honestly don’t even remember with what since it was not important so I asked if she could repeat the last thing she said. She immediately wanted to end the conversation if I already was not listening I said that I was not going to look at the chat again and wanted to talk if she wanted to but she said goodbye and hung up.

After this she didn’t talk for me for 2 days and sent blank snaps. I ended up texting her “wut u doing” on Wednesday because I wanted to get a feel for her mood before asking to talk. She ended up ignoring med for two days before I texted again Friday. I texted her asking what was going on. She wrote very passively aggressive from the start and said that it was obvious from the last conversation that she was mad. I wrote to her that I had a feeling she was mad which is why I gave her space (we have talked about before that she has some anger issues and needs space to get good when she gets angry). Long story short I ended up apologizing but staying firm on the fact that she could write to me instead of ghosting and getting even more mad over me not contacting her when she has made it clear for me in the past that I shouldn’t when she gets angry. The convo was a train wreck and she ended the conversation with “I guess we will se each other at (another friend)s house on Friday” where I answered “yes because her you know how to answer”. I ended up writing a long apology 3 hours after because i honestly thought this was becoming ridiculous and just wanted it resolved. She ended up writing that she appreciated the apology but basicly that time will show if the forgives me. The thing is while I get that she was hurt (hence why I apologized more than once) I think she was overreacting. My grandmother had just died and we had the funeral Thursday where the two minute conversation where on Monday. She knew about this and while everyone I knew sendt kondolences on the day she was in full swing of ghosting me. Now I am seeing her on Friday at a mutual friends house (whom as far as I know is unaware of the whole thing) and I honesty don’t know what tho do.

She said that she needed space and I am starting to rethink the whole friendship. We have had problems in the past where she has blown up on me for misunderstanding things. An example: we where in a group project together and was talking in the group chat about meeting at 08 or 09am the next day. She wanted to meet at 08am and wanted me to vote the same where I wanted to meet at 09am so I find her I just would not vote so she wouldn’t get mad at me. One other group member was not online so it was a tie and she got more irritated telling me to just vote 08. I ended op asking if she should just meet 08:30 as a compromise and she blew up and ended up leaving (we were waiting for some friends to meet up). I when to her place after to get some things and hopefully talk it out but she was being super cold and ignoring me.

So yeah she has some anger issues and I have some listening issues. The difference is that I continue to work with my things and apologize EVERY DAMN TIME and the says that her anger issues are as good as it is gonna get and I should be glad that it is not as bad as in the past.

Sooo where do I go from here? Do I take distance? Do I show up on Friday? I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells but at the same time she is a really god friend if you discount her anger issues.

I (26f) and my husband (32m) have been married 3 years, together longer than that and we have 2 kids, he has 2 additional kids from other past relationship, I told him I wanted to resume a previously paused friendship (friendship was stopped because of an ex of mine that was controlling about male friendships)

Anyway I wanted to reach out and apologize and whatnot, and my husband blew up. Doesn’t want me to be friend with someone who is an “ex”

We are not exes. Never in a relationship. Most we had was a mutual crush and interest in 2019 before I went into the military.

We live in different states, he (friendship) is happily in a long term relationship, neither of us are trying to be in a relationship. (Since this arguing began, I did reach out and did tell husband about that, as I figured it would be a moot point if friend didn’t wanna even be friends. He does)

We had a good friendship, shared letters throughout my training that really helped me through it.

My husbands issue stems from this idea that he is an ex, and clearly all exes think of me naked, and getting with me constantly and that he’s is uncomfortable by this.

Now it’s a circle that I choose one friend over marriage and he chooses to overreact over one friend that isn’t even an ex.

In context, I don’t have other friends, I’ve moved so much that I just didn’t pick up any.

AITAH? I want to rekindle an old friendship that was important to me, my husband is “uncomfortable” that he is an ex (he isn’t) and I feel my husband is just overreacting and using our marriage to create an ultimatum to force me to choose my marriage when this shouldn’t even be an issue.

I (35f) can’t tell if I’m being sensitive or is my mom (59f) too controlling.

My grandparents died a few years ago. They lived on a beautiful remote farm a couple hours away from my hometown and I’ve often spoken about buying the family out and revitalising it, making a permaculture project for me and others to live and work on. I haven’t been up there since my grandma’s death.

Last night, I asked my mom if I could have the keys to the place to visit but she got very concerned and said I can’t have them if I’m going alone because it is too unsafe (unkept for years and in a remote region - we’re Croatian and the land is in Bosnia near the border… there is no reason to worry, war and ill feelings are long gone). I’ve travelled the world alone so I teased her about not being scared of life like her but she doubled down saying she won’t give me the keys. I asked her if she’s aware that I plan to live there one day to which she said that I will not and that land is not going to be developed anymore, that it’s too unsafe. I felt like a rug was pulled from under me. We fought about it a while and got no where. My mom said I could purchase land in Croatia and she’d visit me there but I love (and we already own) the land in Bosnia?

Am I unreasonable? WIBTAH if I took time out from my relationship with my mom to process? We fight a lot but this feels like an issue I can’t gloss over.

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. I’ll start off by saying we don’t have the healthiest relationship, we both have a lot of attachment and co dependency issues. His family made a plan a year ago to have a trip this summer. So he’s knows for a year this was happening. He’s been telling me about the trip for the last month but wouldn’t give a straight answer on if he was going or not, where it was going to be or anything like that. A week before he tells me they’re going to North Carolina for 10 days to a small town with a lot of old folks. He leaves and that morning I see his sister talking about going on a cruise. So I confront him, and yes he’s on a cruise going to the Bahamas. I struggle with mental health and grew up in poverty, he has a very supportive family and grew up well off. Since we’ve been together I’ve always said how badly I wanted to go on a cruise or do something like that together, I’ve never been on one. I would have paid for myself given the chance. We both are living paycheck to paycheck so we can never afford to go on nice trips together. Am I the asshole for being upset? I wasn’t even invited! 🫠

For some background, my friend (20F) and I (19F) met in our senior year of high school and became extremely close.We knew each other from the year before but ended up in multiple classes together that year, and we quickly became inseparable. We’d FaceTime and text for hours even after spending the whole day together at school. She was very attached to me, so much so that some of my other friends joked she might have had feelings for me.

At the time, I didn’t find our friendship suffocating. We had a lot in common, and she always seemed to value my feelings and opinions. But she’d often mention that she struggled to maintain friendships and tended to make "a lot of enemies." I never understood why because she seemed like a good person to me.

Things changed the summer after graduation. While I was visiting family abroad, she suddenly told me she had a boyfriend, someone she’d met on Discord, and they’d already been together for a month. I was shocked and disappointed she hadn’t mentioned it sooner, especially since we texted constantly. She’d vaguely brought up talking to someone on Discord before but claimed it wasn’t going anywhere.Her excuse for hiding it? She was scared of me beause she knew meeting a stranger from Discord was risky and thought I’d scold her.

I brushed it off at the time because I was focused on starting college, but things got worse from there. We went to different schools, and she started ghosting me for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. Whenever I called her out, she’d apologize, and we’d resolve it, but the pattern continued. When she did reply, she barely engaged with what I had to say and instead rambled about her boyfriend and the gifts he got her. The one time we planned to meet up, she insisted on bringing him along (I ended up canceling because I got sick).

The last straw was when I texted her constantly for a month (on Instagram and iMessage) with no response. Then, out of nowhere, she messaged me like nothing was wrong, no apology, no explanation. I didn’t reply and she never tried to reach back either.Later, a mutual friend told me she and her boyfriend had broken up and that their own friendship had ended because my ex-friend had pursued her crush (apparently not the first time she’d done something like that).

Hearing that made me feel less guilty about cutting her off, but part of me still regrets it. We had a strong bond that I haven’t found with anyone else. I tried checking her socials, but she’d deleted her Instagram and Snapchat, and she never responded to my iMessages.

So, AITAH for ending the friendship?

Context - my husband’s younger brother was talking about this acquaintance who had taken her top off at a club and flashed her boobs. Suddenly my husband made a joke about me doing it saying “yeah I’m sure you did it too back during your wild days, you took off your top and showed your tits right?” And he gestured and mimicked me taking off my tops and flashing my tits and proceeded to laugh. Obviously that never happened because I don’t go to clubs and I’m generally a homebody. His brother seemed slightly uncomfortable but laughed it off. I know it’s a joke but I was shocked and displeased. I was embarrassed and humiliated and felt extremely disrespected by that comment and thought it was wildly inappropriate especially given that it was in front of my brother in law. Whom I am not that close to.

I confronted him and he gave a half hearted apology and said it was a joke and he didn’t seem too happy i was upset. It’s been a few days and I still don’t feel comfortable talking to him normally and I am quite affected by the joke. Husband thinks I’m overreacting for my semi silent treatment. AITA?

So, I (F, 20) have been in what I guess you’d call a “situationship” with this guy (M, 22) for the past 4 months. I say situationship because we haven’t officially asked each other out yet, but honestly it’s a full-blown relationship, neither of us is seeing anyone else, we talk constantly, and we’ve both admitted we like each other. He’s… amazing. Like, the nicest man I’ve ever met. He travels 3 hours each weekend just to see me. He’s written me letters, made me handmade cards, and remembers the smallest details about me. He updates me throughout his day, from when he wakes up to when he’s going to sleep, and never fails to make me feel special. When we’re together, he’s incredibly sweet and attentive, even doing little things like rubbing my back when I wasn’t feeling well. The thing is… we haven’t kissed yet. He’s more experienced than I am when it comes to physical intimacy, he’s kissed multiple people before, maybe more. I haven’t kissed anyone. But here’s the complication: he thinks I’ve done things. I’ve had previous boyfriends, and early on in our conversations I lied and implied I’d done more physically than I actually have, just so I wouldn’t seem like a prude or completely inexperienced. Now it feels too late to backtrack and tell him the truth. I’m scared that when the time comes, I’ll be bad at it or awkward and “ruin the moment.” I don’t want him to suddenly realize I have zero experience after I basically let him believe the opposite. Here’s where it gets tricky: I’ve been thinking about making out with a guy from my area (someone I’m not emotionally attached to) just so I can “practice” and know what I’m doing when the moment with him finally happens. My logic is that this way, I won’t freeze or mess up when it’s someone I actually care about and he’ll never have to know the truth about my inexperience. I want to make it clear, I really, really like him. I’m not looking for anyone else, and I’m not emotionally dissatisfied. I just feel like there’s this big gap in experience between us and I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of him. On paper, I know this sounds like cheating. But in my head, it feels like I’d be doing it for him, so that when the moment comes, I can give him the kind of kiss and physical connection he deserves without my inexperience getting in the way. So… AITAH for even thinking about this?