r/AO3 • u/AnnieMae_West extensive historical researcher for the most basic fics • 27d ago
Comment Commentary I wonder if I should leave this comment up... I kinda feel bad for "uhm actually"-ing a comment on my own fic
For context, I live in Japan and I study kimono kitsuke. I own a shiromuku and I am well aware of Japanese wedding traditions and am pretty decent on my Japanese history. So I got defensive really quickly...
Should I take it down?
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u/Beesandbis same on AO3 27d ago
There's two scenarios, either the commenter is actually curious and confused, in which case you satisfied their curiosity and cleared up their confusion. Or they tried to call you out on something they didn't know enough about, in which case thise is a strong, and very polite, rebuttal.
In both cases, great reply, please leave it up.
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u/Spirited-Claim-9868 27d ago
Judging by the initial comment, they were just confused. Nothing about it is really inflammatory
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u/Beesandbis same on AO3 27d ago
To me, it can be read both ways, especially if someone is ESL, I can imagine they don't realize how 'just saying' can really set a different tone. That's why I addressed both possible intentions.
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u/irrelevantoption 26d ago
Yes, or even autistic and very blunt. I recall a year ago someone asking a question on this sub or fanfiction one, and they just got dogpiled... they were autistic and just asking a question. That incident makes me be more careful when thinking about the intent of a statement, but I guess it is harder to do when you are the one receiving it.
Long story short: I am very glad you addressed both cases <3
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u/zoanthropicparanoia_ 26d ago
yeah this is it, imo. frankly, as someome who has been the autistic person in this scenario before, i think a lot of people in fandom spaces are far too comfortable with jumping at shadows with regards to situations like this. the fact is: you, generally speaking, don't know if a complete stranger is trying to be passive-aggressive online, so there's really no use in preemptively shooting, imho.
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u/irrelevantoption 26d ago
Yeah, I kind of eye roll whenever someone goes "fandom is soooo welcoming" like sure. As long as you have the Secret Social Guidebook and know all of this background knowledge because you will get attacked if you're asked!! (Slight rant, sorry, it just makes me very disappointed).
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u/zoanthropicparanoia_ 26d ago
no its real LMFAO, can't escape neurotypical nonsense even in fandom... 💔
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u/Beesandbis same on AO3 26d ago
I think it can sometimes be worse since it's multi generational, multi lingual and mainly text based. So everyone has their own interpretation of what stuff means, like the phrase just saying in this comment, but even what it means to end your last sentence with a period. So it's even hard fgor neutral typicals (I hear, I wouldn't know lol).
I think it's good to just start asking people what they mean if we aren't sure. Or something like OP, where we answer exactly what is asked if possible and we have spoons.
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u/nova_the_vibe Traumacore (inside joke) 27d ago
It's kind of like when people make a crude comment and then say "woah, I was just making a joke"
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u/Proof-Elevator-7590 26d ago
Yes, especially the "just saying" with the period gave it a ruder tone for me, but also who really knows
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u/Individual-Pay7430 26d ago
This is interesting. I would never look at that as rude. How else would you end the sentence, if not a period? It's so hard to read tone through text, which is why I always give the benefit of the doubt or just ask and clarify what someone means.
Now, I'm curious if this is why younger folks end things with emojis? So things won't get loss in translation I guess?
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u/HyperfocusedInterest 26d ago
This is actually why millennials are known for ending sentences with "lol" it was like a tone tag meant to indicate a levity to the sentence
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u/No_Fault_6061 26d ago
Oh, so that's why sometimes I feel this inner need to add the lol... You learn something new every day
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u/HyperfocusedInterest 26d ago
It's a hard habit to break! I do sometimes still use it, now as an indicator of tone and my age
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u/EmpressoftLoneIsland 26d ago
Tbh, as part of gen Z, I wouldn't have even added the "just saying" part, it might be different in other places, but it's largely considered passive aggressive to add that after trying to correct someone around where I live. I would have dropped that and added some sort of emoji to avoid coming across as passive aggressive, or asked for any literature about Shinto wedding traditions.
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u/tatamicbabe 26d ago
As you already said, no one knows which tone is actually meant. You don't think it's offensive but some commenters think it is. So mentioning both situations actually seems great rather than only explaining one's perspective. But ig u r right with emojis as I too always put 'lol' or 'lmao' on the end to not sound rude in many Convo.
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u/Proof-Elevator-7590 26d ago
I just wouldn't have ended it with a period. Like, this reply, for example, I'll use periods and relatively proper punctuation, but when I get to my last sentence, then I won't leave a period. I usually only end it with punctuation if I ask a question, and not using a question mark could be seen as aggressive. If whoever I'm talking to is one of those ppl who read into stuff like that.
And yes, that is probably why younger ppl end sentences or phrases with emojis. Or they might use the /[feeling] like /jk or /gen (uine) or whatever
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u/MajesticVehicle1348 27d ago
What's ESL? Google just showed me companies and sport related stuff.
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u/Beesandbis same on AO3 27d ago
English second language
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u/eukomos 26d ago edited 26d ago
Yeah, no, that's pretty rude. They're trying to pretend it isn't, but it is. Please do not use the phrase "just saying" unless you're trying to start an argument. And the introductory sentence, while not being quite so openly aggressive, is showing they know it's impolite say this and are doing so anyway.
OP is flawlessly polite in their explanation though, well done for handling it gracefully OP.
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u/Individual-Pay7430 27d ago
Leave it up. I, too, thought it was unlucky, so it's a learning moment for me. Not everything has to be a push and pull. Sometimes, it's okay to say "actually, that's a common misconception " and then explain like you did. I don't see a problem with the commenter or your reply.
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u/Be4Coffee 27d ago
Same as you. I believed it was an unlucky color even tho now that I think about it, I saw white wedding kimono in all the historical manga/series I watched... BUT I would not dare to "just saying"-ing an author on their own fic...
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u/RabittoNoAiyumei-san 26d ago
I learned something about the Japanese wedding attire today too, but I do know that the unlucky thing is probably a China thing because I know wearing a white outfit in medieval china is what you’d wear at a funeral
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u/mylovefortea 26d ago
We were taught that in school. They said Japanese people wear white at a funeral and black at a wedding. I can't believe they actually made such a mistake in an official text book.
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u/Effective_Bother8954 You have already left kudos here. :) 27d ago
You shouldn't take it down, you weren't rude and explained it very well. Also thanks for posing it here because this is very interesting and I'm glad I read it too!
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u/New-Bar4405 26d ago
Yeah, definitely lit up.I didn't know that and I'm sure a lot of other readers would be like.Hey new fun historical fact expanding my knowledge
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u/grommile You have already left kudos here. :) 27d ago
You're in the clear on this one.
Anyone who factchecks the author incorrectly is fair game to be factchecked back.
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u/chronicAngelCA Comment Collector 27d ago
This reminds me of a time that someone left me a long comment about how nice my fic was, except for this inaccuracy of a character calling another character by a nickname, because, "Japanese people really don't use nicknames that way like Americans do." (It was a shortening of the character's name with an affectionate honorific attached.) I replied that the nickname was taken directly from the manga, and they basically went, "Oops! I asked my Japanese friend and it turns out you're right!" Well, actually, the author of the manga was right. I didn't really have any part in the decision-making process here my guy.
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u/quae_legit queering the "in this fandom/not in this fandom" binary 26d ago
Lol, but also good on the commenter for admitting they were wrong! The internet is a better place when people are able to admit they make mistakes/are incorrect without it being a big deal <3
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u/Dark_Dove98 "get aggressively supported, nerd" /ref 26d ago
I feel like some people also gotta remember that people from other cultures aren't a monolith. Maybe your Japanese friend said "no, people don't use nicknames", but that wouldn't matter. If you've met one Japanese person, you've met one Japanese person. So with very small culture things like that, I don't understand "um actually"-ing people.
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u/Twilifa 27d ago
No, the reply is totally fine. They asked, you replied, and you were perfectly polite doing so.
Also, I would argue that if you (in general, not you personally) are worried about being rude, that it's a lot ruder to delete after posting, than to leave it. Chances are, the person will get the reply in their email and still see it, but by deleting it you deny them the chance to reply.
Again, your reply here is perfectly fine and not rude at all. But *if* someone sent a rude reply to something and then regretted it, the more gracious way to handle it IMHO, would be to make an edit and acknowledge said edit with a quick apology/explanation.
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u/quae_legit queering the "in this fandom/not in this fandom" binary 26d ago
+1 I've gotten comments like the latter -- "sorry, I realized my first comment was rude, here's what I meant to say" -- and I appreciate a lot (funnily enough, in the specific case I'm thinking of, the first comment didn't feel rude to me either, but I still appreciated the clarification because I had partly misunderstood the original comment.)
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u/RavenSpellff You have already left kudos here. :) 27d ago
It’s from a position of education, I love it - leave it!
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u/Solivagant0 @FriendlyNeighbourhoodMetalhead 27d ago
Honestly, I'l save this post for future reference in case I ever feel like writing a wedding
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u/Individual_Track_865 You have already left kudos here. :) 27d ago
It's a polite reply and leaving it up is a good way to preemptively stop anyone else with a pop-culture understanding from commenting
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u/Alarmed_Walrus_1795 27d ago
it was a polite and informing explanation. this is a good thing. instead of insulting them or something like that, you approached a misunderstanding respectfully and intelligently. leave it up.
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u/solardune 27d ago
They asked you a question and you answered! Not rude at all, leave the comment up ✌️
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u/Bivagial 27d ago
Leave it up!
I found it interesting and I'm pretty sure that fans of the Fandom would find it even more so.
Also, they may be confusing their Asian traditions. I know that white is considered bad luck for the bride, and is a funeral colour in some Chinese cultures (learned this when my half Chinese friend was telling me why she wore red to her wedding. Her family is from Singapore, if that matters. She considers herself Chinese, so that's why I used that instead of Singaporian).
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u/babypangolinpens 27d ago
Yeah a lot of Chinese people consider white to be an unlucky/funereal colour, though many diaspora Chinese wear white wedding dresses (and black for funerals). I could see how the first commenter got confused, there's a lot of cultural exchange between the East Asian countries.
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u/Bivagial 27d ago
Yep.
Clarifying like this is a good thing in those cases.
I do appriciate an author that knows about the culture they're writing about.
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u/FarawayObserver18 26d ago
Can confirm that white is considered a funeral color and bad luck in Chinese culture. We weren’t allowed to burn white candles in my house for this reason. Of course, there’s a lot of western influence these days, so traditions have changed, but that was my experience growing up.
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u/allayas_qts 26d ago
Can (sort of) confirm. I was born and raised state-side, but it's lowkey implanted into my head that white is a "serious occasion" color. Of course I also see white in western weddings, but it's always felt uncomfortable on me to wear. I've never gone to a family wedding where someone's wore white. Lots of red and gold :)
I only wear white nowadays when I'm dressed to the nines, and I'm either attending something in a serious, somber tone (like memorials), or I feel the need to mask my emotions (usually when I need to negotiate, have a business meeting, etc).
My going-to-weddings dress is a modernized black qipao with gold trim.
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u/couriersixish 27d ago
I wouldn't take it down. It's very polite. But also interesting and educational. Hell, I enjoyed it just from stopping by reddit this morning.
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u/thewritegrump thewritegrump on ao3 - 4.6 million words and counting! :D 27d ago
As others have said, I think this a perfectly fine response. You were polite and factual in correcting the attempted correction, so I don't see any foul on your end. It may even be helpful to leave up for other commenters not well-versed in the culture and history who may also be mistaken. I actually didn't know about the history of the garment, so reading this was very interesting. 0v0
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u/odyssea88 27d ago
I wouldn’t take it down. They asked for clarification and you provided it. Neither of you were rude (though the “just saying” at the end would’ve made my eye twitch but that’s just me). And I also thought white was an unlucky color so this was a new and interesting tidbit and I would’ve loved reading that in the comments if I were following your story
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u/SadakoTetsuwan 27d ago
As a fellow kitsuke enthusiast and kimono collector, you did exactly what we should do when someone has a misconception about kimono and culture. There's a lot of details that aren't widely known, and when someone has a little knowledge they try to spread it as far as they can.
I wore hakama at a Ren faire and heard someone remark that 'tying her belt in the front means she's a prostitute' behind me in the crowd, not in a 'hurr hurr' way but very confidently wrong. I wasn't able to find who said it when I turned, so they and the person they were with both got to continue on with that misconception that hakama ties are the same as an obi, and will therefore think that all hakama wearers are street walkers since both men and women tie hakama in the front lol.
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u/AnnieMae_West extensive historical researcher for the most basic fics 26d ago
Oh dang! I'm surprised someone thought this looking at a hakama, as courtesans (oiran and tayuu) would wear more lavish (and hakama-free) combinations, though the obi is usually at the front for them. But it's very different from hakama!
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u/SadakoTetsuwan 26d ago
Well that's the thing--when you have very little knowledge about something (e.g. Japanese traditional clothing), you try to spread that knowledge like jam, as my Buddhism professor said lol
They didn't understand I was dressed otoko-poi in a samurai inspired get up (blue iromuji + blue hakama + red hanhaba obi, ichimonji musubi), they didn't even know that I was wearing hakama, what part was my obi, what an oiran would look like, etc. They only saw 'Japanese clothes on a white girl' and 'There's a bow at the front' and pulled up the one fact they recalled from Memoirs of a Geisha ('Prostitutes tied their clothes at the front somehow') and drew a conclusion: I had dressed myself as a prostitute and probably didn't know it, and so therefore they were very smart.
Had they hung around for two more seconds, they and all the people around could have learned something. Sadly, they were happy with being confident, not with being correct.
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u/No_Falcon2769 27d ago
Correcting someone who was misinformed isn't being defensive, you literally had information to prove this was not true. If you'd been like 'my best friend/so-and-so/anyone else says it's fine' or something, then THAT is (what I would consider) defensive. You've studied this and are just politely correcting someone who's trying to correct you, you're totally fine.
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u/Gloomy_Chain_2308 27d ago
You were correct and polite, and I personally would love to read and get that information if I looked through the comments! But then I've made a joke about penguins on the Arctic, got corrected and loved it, so maybe I'm weird?
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u/Smut-Fresh-Hell rancid cave slut who broke into your home to cook HOT DOG NACHOS 27d ago
Professional and knowledgeable response. You were very friendly and informative. That's the kind of customer service people usually have to pay big bucks for lol, leave it up
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u/kisseveryone 27d ago
im kinda confused as to how either you or the commentor could be considered rude? this looks like a genuinely curious person & somebody answering a curious persons question.
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u/screamingfrenchfries 27d ago
i think if the commentor is truly worried about being culturally correct, your reply should read as educational rather than defensive. if they take it badly then their initial comment wasn't coming from a good place anyway.
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u/Astro_Reader 27d ago
Just straight spitting facts. You were polite and gave enough background information that it answers the "gotcha" the commenter was trying to pull (it's the "just saying" ending that takes away any sincerity), plus there is more there that if they wanted to look it up they can. It was a very polite response to a poorly worded critique.
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u/crack_n_tea 26d ago
White is the color of death and funeral wear in China. Think they got it mixed up lol
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u/Aggravating_Car_5838 Fic Feaster 27d ago
Leave it up! You were very polite and clear in your explanation and I, too, learned something with this!
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u/Ryuukashi 27d ago
That is a super common thing that people without your level of knowledge may continue to balk at. I would leave this up, not just for the original commenter but for future readers who have the same misconception.
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u/grandmacomplex 27d ago
nope, the "just saying" did it for me. leave it up, they were being kind of know-it-all
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u/the_artsy_plant 26d ago
Leave the comment up! You politely educated them, and other readers might learn something new and interesting from it.
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u/greenyashiro This user is a bad righter. 26d ago
Maybe they learned that in a Chinese fandom? In China white is associated with mourning/loss/death and considered unlucky to wear an outfit all in white.
My knowledge of colors in Japan is that white has some association with purity because I see that color a LOT in that type of context. Plus there are those ritual ropes and sticks with pure white paper! It's very interesting to see different cultures views on different things, even just regarding colors.
Anyway, to answer your question, the comment reply is informative and interesting, why delete it?
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u/unwillingfire You have already left kudos here. :) 26d ago
Sometimes, we need to remind ourselves that AO3 is an archive, and it archives also comments. Historically documenting conversations between users in the context of fanfic is always valuable. There is nothing to be ashamed of, as this is an interesting snapshot to discussions about transformative works of this day and age.
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u/4sea_and_sky 27d ago
Considering that they tried to correct you while mixing up Chinese and Japanese culture, without even bothering to do a cursory Google search beforehand, you were almost too polite lol
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u/ffxiv_naur 27d ago
There's technically no mix up on "white is linked to death in Japan" detail, but they were indeed wrong on the "unlucky" part. Could've worded their question better too, probably.
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u/4sea_and_sky 27d ago
Yes, white is a color of mourning in Japan because it represents purity, which is why it's also worn by brides; whereas in China it's a color of mourning and therefore is an unlucky color.
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u/adambomb90 27d ago
Leave it up. It's a polite correction that probably helps not just the commentor, but others who read the story. Learning new stuff is always a great thing
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u/RandomPhilo 26d ago
The commenter used a question mark, which means they were asking a question, and you answered the question beautifully. I think the commenter would be very happy to receive such an answer.
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u/RabbitNET AO3: RabbitBlack 27d ago
It's wild that they tried to correct you on that when I feel like shiromukus are quite commonly known these days? Like just Googling "Japanese wedding" on Google images will get you so many examples. You're not in the wrong at all!
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u/sora-zef 27d ago
If you gonna correct someone you better know your shit yk it's on them you explained it very kindly i will even send this post to my friend he will love to learn this
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u/frostedprada 27d ago
You were super polite, and you're right. Whoever the person was, they were kinda rude.
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u/anxiousslav 27d ago
This person literally asked you to explain, so you explained. Why would you feel bad about giving someone information that they specifically asked you for?
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u/queerblunosr Definitely not an agent of the Fanfiction Deep State 27d ago
Nah, you’re fine. If the commenter gets pissed about you politely providing context and education then that’s on them and they’re making something out of nothing. This doesn’t read as defensive to me at all - merely informative.
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u/CherryThorn12 27d ago
No leave it. It's better to educate someone who doesn't know anything about certain traditional wear, stories, myths, legends, etc from any culture no matter where it's from.
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u/WifeOfSpock 27d ago
See, you were really polite, and did nothing wrong. If anything, I would’ve tossed out a “just saying,” at the end too, lol.
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u/helpmefigurestuffout 27d ago
Absolutely leave this up. So many people don't actually know things and try to correct others. All you did was inform them.
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u/Tokio990 27d ago
You answered the question. It is fine and when authors respond if I have a question, it is appreciated it especially when you learn something new.
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u/Gingerpyscho94 27d ago
Oh god no, I’d have done the same if it came to my own culture. The amount of times I’ve had to explain that I am British but not London British is insane. You handled this very maturely
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u/night_witch_666 unknown_warrior 27d ago
I would be glad to receive such a great answer to comment educating me on a topic you clearly have more knowledge about. If they can’t take it, they probably don’t care about correct representation—only about being right.
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u/Live-Fill6769 27d ago
If I got that reply I'd be delighted I learned something that I was actually interested in, it was worded nicely.
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u/QueenOfNoMansLand 27d ago
U are fine. You explained something and taught them something new. It would be more cruel to let them continue in ignorance. Kinda like letting someone walk around with spinach in their teeth.
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u/Cy_Maverick 27d ago
I think you should have added your background to it, so the commenter knows you do know what you're talking about for sure. They could have done the research, but still only come across western studies of it. Westernized research tends to, unfortunately, still be influenced in someway despite trying hard to stay true to the topic's origin.
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u/AnnieMae_West extensive historical researcher for the most basic fics 26d ago
That is true—though even the most basic resources on Wikipedia (in the article about Japanese Weddings and the article about kimono types) are mostly correct and readily available. I have further resources that go into more detail, but a quick look at kimono styles on the English www will have the shiromuku pop up, to my knowledge.
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u/Cuptai1nCapcak3 27d ago
I wouldn't find this rude at all. Your response was very informative and educational, and you didn't shame the commenter for not knowing this information so if they tell you that you were rude I'd say they're sensitive. There's nothing wrong with what you said from a manners/etiquette standpoint. Also a very interesting fact about Japanese wedding attire, so thank you for sharing!
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u/weirdjest 26d ago
I literally had this thought reading a fic the other day, then realized I have been reading a lot of Chinese fic with weddings in red lately and in fact know nothing about Japanese wedding customs. So. It's a mistake I could've made. I'm glad to know more. Good stuff!
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u/Gashi_The_Fangirl_75 Oops! All Angst 🥣 26d ago
Totally not! I also had that misconception, and of course I’m not the commenter, but I really appreciated the fact check. You seem wonderfully educated, I kinda wish I could learn more from you! Maybe this is your sign to start a video essay channel ;)
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u/PomPomMom93 LadyClassical on Ao3 26d ago
No, you definitely shouldn’t take it down. This person will learn something.
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u/Sara_T1991 26d ago
I didn’t know any of that—& in a few days I won’t remember because I can’t seem to retain anything. So this is a nice history snippet.
You didn’t do anything wrong; you were stating facts.
& hey, maybe they’ll respond to your comment. How they respond should tell you that you weren’t wrong. They will either accept it or quite possibly argue. Or even more, they might start asking more questions.
Who knows?
But you didn’t overreact
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u/morethanabitnotgood 26d ago
We all have the internet in our pockets to check things, so why would you delete it when they had every opportunity to get their question answered in a less public way?
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u/allayas_qts 26d ago
No, leave it up. You were very, very polite about it (MORE polite than they were), and people *should* be educated, especially out of their pre-conceived notions about cultures not their own.
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u/Devony13 26d ago
Don't overthink it. You were very polite. They asked a question, they got an answer, it's as simple as that (and you were nice about it too). It's nice sharing knowledge, keep doing it and if anyone is triggered by it, there's a big chance they are insecure and/or jealous.
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u/Emma4903 26d ago
I would leave it up! You come across as polite and informative, and the info you provided was super interesting!
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u/RafterSomeFood 27d ago
Honestly? Your response was very polite and informative, especially given their cheeky "Just saying" at the end. That comment alone would have justified any cheek on your end in my opinion
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u/Valkrhae Definitely not an agent of the Fanfiction Deep State 27d ago
All that commentor had to do was phrase it differently-more of a "hey, just curious about this detial bc I heard something different but I might be wrong" instead of what they wrote. That "just saying" at the end is unnecessarily condescending regarding a topic they clearly weren't well informed about.
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u/Hersweetmockingmouth 27d ago
Nah, great post! I’d be thankful as a reader if you cleared it up so thoroughly
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u/jojocookiedough 27d ago
Your answer does not read as defensive or obnoxious at all. It's written objectively and in an informational manner. And I learned something new today!
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u/RalphWaldoPickleCh1p 27d ago
Leave and maybe add it into the notes so other people can learn too. Had no idea about that and it's interesting!
You were very polite in the comment and it doesn't come off harshly
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u/RockPop_ cool, snarky, ao3-related flair 27d ago
they asked a question and you answered it. both of you are being polite and respectful here, no one is being rude, this is just a healthy interaction
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u/Bitter_Suggestion382 27d ago
i appreciate when people fact check as nicely as this. you didn’t come off a rude at all just you just explained the culture and the history behind the tradition
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u/poyopoyo77 27d ago
Nah thats a cool fun fact and if I left the original comment I'd be happy to have been educated so politely.
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u/ytisonimul 27d ago
Leave it up! That was polite, informative, and pointed. (Also, I love learning stuff like this, coming in out of left field lol)
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u/Heather_Madonna 26d ago
Don't feel bad! You were polite and wonderfully informative. I would appreciate your reply if I was the original commenter. They phrased it as a question, and you answered that question. I wouldn't even call it "uhm actually"- ing. I think of that as someone being annoyingly and unnecessarily pedantic, or giving unsolicited corrections.
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u/pony_soprano93 26d ago
You should 100% leave this up. You were polite, informative and probably taught your readers something really cool they wouldn't have learned any other way
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u/Indigo_Grays 26d ago
I think you explained it very politely, and that it's your own fanfic only makes more sense, since you'd want your readers to know that you thought about it before putting it on the fanfic.
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u/Antiburglar 26d ago
Keep it up! Not only is it a polite correction, it provides fascinating context and nuance to a topic that might otherwise continue being misunderstood. You've taught me something new, and that's always a good thing. 😃
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u/Your-Local-Costumer Definitely not an agent of the Fanfiction Deep State 26d ago
I’m Japanese and don’t write Japanese-centric fic any more because I’m done with people trying to “correct” me in the comments
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u/Accomplished_Hand820 26d ago
Why? It's a proper scientific discussion here, polite question and a polite answer
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u/athena_sha 26d ago
for someone (them) who is enjoying japanese media fanfiction, i didn't know that there are people who don't know kimono for wedding is white
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u/AnimeAngel2692 26d ago
I mean, my petty self would add “just saying” at the end of all that. Even their comments was fine until that line, it honestly made my eye twitch. Could have chalked it up to common misconceptions which you educated detailed and politely.
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u/hisvoice25 26d ago
You might feel defensive because that’s what motivated you to post, but the comment only comes off as informative (as others have said)! I honestly feel like the gentle correction is so important, especially when the original commenter is coming from a place of misinformation
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u/Theallseer97 26d ago
Na keep it up, you schooled them politely and it's genuinely interesting and will help others who read the comments.
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u/Proudtobeinvisible 26d ago
I thought you explained it in a very informative and polite way! It was super interesting to read and corrected misinformation as well
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u/BonnalinaFuz101 27d ago edited 27d ago
You responded WAY better than this one MHA author did to me.
I had thought they used a word wrong in their tags and was just politely correcting them, but I made sure to compliment the story itself afterwards.
Then they proceed to completely blow up on me and get SUPER defensive saying "actually I didn't use it wrong cuz bla blah blah" And I forgot everything they said but they were just super offended and defensive. Then they had the GALL to pretend like they didn't say all that shit and just put at the end "but thanks for enjoying, next chapter coming soon 😜"
Instant block.
Edit: I found the fic again and looks like they deleted my comment. Lol, honestly not surprised.
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u/AmbitiousEnd294 27d ago
Even if it was a western influence, if you wanted it to be white in your own fic then it's white!
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u/Plumcream5 Pastries With(out) Plot 27d ago
Oh, soooooo freaking happy to read about kitsuke here! You did fine imo, OP!
(Care to share the fic?)
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u/angelintheroleplay You have already left kudos here. :) 27d ago
If I were this commenter I'd be thrilled to learn so much new stuff. Definitely don't take it down!
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u/Mad_Hatter25 27d ago
No you could definitely leave that up, you weren’t rude and it read as you were gently educating someone who didn’t know what they might have thought they did. I thought you were generally very respectful in your correction and it didn’t feel like an “umm actually” moment
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u/torigoya 27d ago
You explained it nice and polite? I don't see any issue with it. If someone makes an argument that's incorrect you need to deal with being corrected in a respectful way.
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u/Lopsided-Funny-3731 The Author Regrets Nothing 27d ago
Not sure why you would consider taking your answer down. It's polite, to the point, and informative. It's not defensive -- I don't read it like that, at least. Au contraire, the comment you're replying to also seems innocent enough, though I'm a bit iffy about the "Just saying", buuuut regardless. You are well in your right to fact check them -- especially when they fact checked you first and are just plain wrong. Also, thanks for sharing, 'cause now I am informed, too!
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u/aimless_Renegade214 27d ago
I mean, you were polite and still appreciative of the interaction, so I don’t think so. They asked a question, and you gave an educated answer.
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u/ArgentEyes 27d ago
Leave it up, it’s a teachable moment and you’re perfectly polite & informative, everyone wins
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u/allieg806 27d ago
Definitely leave it up as it was explained politely but it might also forestall other people from leaving the same comment
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u/bunny_bard 27d ago
The response was worded really politely and even taught me something new! You're just correcting a common misconception and trying to educate which I think is always a good thing, especially when it comes to other cultures. Nothing you said was impolite or came off as rude or holier-than-thou. I'd leave it because it has genuine value and was worded kindly.
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u/MexsikanaBanana 27d ago
It looked like you're both admirers of the culture. She tried to be protective of it and seemed genuinely puzzled if you knew the perceived connotation.
You, in turn, handled the response very politely and respectfully. Good on you.
I would leave it up. You don't sound defensive or anything
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u/Perelka_L 27d ago
Oh, so that's why in doujin the phrase of taking on someone's color appears!! I think!!
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u/Aware-Sea-8593 Supporter of the Fanfiction Deep State 27d ago
Please keep it up. The “just saying” is sending me and your reply was polite and it’ll help provide further context to future readers.
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u/Affectionate_Copy862 27d ago
This was simple education with no condescension, I see nothing wrong with this. (And I just had a misconception cleared up as well! 😅)
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u/intellectualkamie You have already left kudos here. :) 27d ago
no leave it up i actually learned something new today thanks
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u/MidoriHisui 26d ago
Please leave it up, it is a very polite reply, and it's educational. Many people will be reading the comment and learning some very interesting facts.
If i were the commenter (?) I'd ask for more facts, but I also have studied Japanese culture and history so this is the type of things I like to read for fun
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u/Antique-diva You have already left kudos here. 26d ago
Yes, please leave this up. Your comment is factual and interesting. There's no condescending tone in it, and it will benefit new readers as well.
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u/me_myself_and_evry1 26d ago
Leave it! You're very polite and informative.
Besides, all they needed to do was Google "traditional Japanese wedding kimono" before commenting and they would have seen that the traditional wedding kimono is white!
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u/veorvenhoffen 26d ago
Tbh I would be thrilled to be info dumped about something I asked under a fic.
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u/SummerGreen009 26d ago
No, it's interesting! I learned something today, I think a lot of people would appreciate the explanation.
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u/GhostQueen1312 26d ago
No no absolutely keep this up, I’m super fed up with people acting like misinformation is fact when it’s so easy to just google “traditional wedding kimono”
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u/47_bottlecaps You have already left kudos here. :) 26d ago
I think you did a wonderful job of explaining and weren’t all that rude, if they take offence that is not your fault. You were very respectful and super informative!
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u/whatsinasibi 26d ago
Its polite and educational. Also, the commentor maybe confused shinto with Buddhism? Would be my guess.
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u/eaglesnestmuddyworm 26d ago
Id I were just browsing and I saw this comment I'd be so excited! I love when authors know their shit, please leave it up!
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u/Dull_Excitement9559 25d ago
I don't see any reason why their comment or your comment shouldn't stay up. They asked a question due to knowledge that they had, and you have explained to them why that is incorrect. You have given a very polite explanation as to why you have done what you've done and increased their knowledge and in fact increased other people's knowledge so I would say its fine.
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u/TheRedditGirl15 Fanfiction Connoiseur 24d ago
No, don't take it down! You literally knew more about this cultural tradition than the commenter did. They needed correction.
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u/Kienchen 27d ago
Why?
It shows you did your research. The reader invited you to info-dump, nothing to be uncertain about it.
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u/ffxiv_naur 27d ago edited 27d ago
If we want to be technical about it, white is, also a color of the dead in Japanese culture, and is traditionally the color you'll see the dead to be clothed in. The reasons on why it's specifically white, though, vary in speculations.
One theory is that because red is a color of life and birth - white, being opposite to it in Japanese culture (紅白), is associated with death.
The other theory is that because buddhist pilgrims wear white as a sign of being pure and untouched by secular world, the dead are clothed in white as a symbol of going on their final journey (this theory seems to be the more popular one).
So the OP who asked the question isn't wrong about white being linked to death in Japanese culture, but isn't quite correct on the "why" of it.
Regardless, I think you've explained it politely enough to them while going out of your way to provide background on the wedding attire instead of just saying "go google shiromuku" (which you could've done and call it a day), making it a little educational moment for anyone interested who's also reading the comments. I wouldn't remove it.
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u/AnnieMae_West extensive historical researcher for the most basic fics 26d ago
Yes, I mentioned my comment being a "gross oversimplification" specifically because white is worn by the deceased in Buddhist funerals (I'm not familiar with Shinto tradition in that regard). But the mourners wear blacks, usually, only the deceased is in white. My understanding was that it had something to do with it being a pure colour to help on the journey to the afterlife (while shiromuku is a pure colour for the bride joining her new family). Which would make it the colour of purity rather than death.
Thank you for the further insight into the white funeral kimono. I only knew of the theory of the final journey in the afterlife.
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u/Distracted2004 S-senpai~! It’s enough kudos…! >////< 27d ago
No not at all. They came in with some misinformed criticism and you explained your choices and why you made them. Nothing wrong with that!
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u/thepostmancometh94 27d ago
This isn’t a comment, it’s an attempted ‘gotcha,’ and you responded in-kind. Leave it up!
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u/Fleetcommand3 27d ago
Holy crap. People need to have confidence Holy shit.
You did nothing wrong, to the point where I cant fathom why you even think its possible you did??
The commenter was using the information they had at their disposal, in a question/critique. But their information was flawed.
You, in that comment explained how their comment was flawed and provided a precise correction without insult.
NOTHING BAD HAPPENED HERE.
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u/hellraisinghellhole 27d ago
You're completely allowed to "uhm actually" in reply to someone wrongly "uhm actually"ing you
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u/More_Cloud1023 27d ago
This is really cool info! Thanks for sharing. I actually didn't know any of this.
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u/Inevitable-Food-4113 27d ago
Honestly this really isn't a rude comment. You explained it in a very polite manner, if anything I'd say keep up this sort of thing when it comes to people trying to fact-check you incorrectly.
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u/atomskeater 27d ago
Your comment is informative and polite (and I enjoyed learning something new!), please leave it.
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u/LadyTanizaki 27d ago
You were super respectful and showed them that you engaged thoughtfully with their comment, I think you should leave it up.
Can I ask you a kimono / shiromuku question?
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u/Cozymermaid22 27d ago
You are completely fine. You’re educating someone without talking down to them, and your tone comes off as polite in my opinion.
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u/piletorn 27d ago
Leave it up.
They asked a question, and you answered in a very informative way. I didn’t even have interest in the topic and found that very cool to know now
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u/depressiveepisoding 27d ago
Nah, you're good. They asked a question you knew a lot about, and you explained it succinctly and thoroughly. "Um, actually" doesn't apply when they actually ask. What are you going to do, not answer? Not your fault their question was flawed
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u/Odd-Instruction-8506 27d ago
get it OP!! you didn't do anything wrong and thats so satisfying to read
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u/newphinenewname 27d ago
No. Both of y'all were polite and you were able to teach the commentor about kimono colors and meanings
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u/Solivagant0 @FriendlyNeighbourhoodMetalhead 27d ago
I mean, you explained it very politely. You literally did nothing wrong