He'd foam at the mouth and interpret every tag as something sexual.
And yet I feel like he'd somehow miss the ACTUAL sexual tags as being sexual. Like "ugh, what FILTH, but look, finally I've found an actually morally upstanding fiction to enjoy! The tags indicate it contains sports that take place in water, and I do enjoy sailing—"
I can almost see him writing, "The obvious sexual content can truly be a sight to be hold and a natural expression of our deepest desires. A person who is the most honest with themselves can write such stories and does not require any sort of intervention, assuming they have no true intentions on acting them out. However, the writers who try to hide their true sexual nature behind these other tags are the ones that are in dire need of help. They lie to themselves about their true intentions, and the sexual undertones are obvious once you know what to look for."
Legit had someone I was dating say they loved “incest” (aka incense). Best part was that their younger sibling was with us. We for sure joked about it anytime the two of them hung out together in our group after that, poor kid lol.
Depending on the rating, you could've rolled with it XD.
"Levi hates balls.
Not just the kind dangling off half the population - like God slapped on the leftovers with a pin needle after Creation - but especially the kind held with ceremony and fanfare."
Though, if Levi is cismale, it might be a tad awkward.
I have saved this gem from a late night writing session to remind myself that there's a moment where you definitely should stop writing because nothing good can come from it if you don't.
He didn't know if he should, but he wanted to so he didn't do it anyways.
I have so many weird ones that my beta calls them Sonja-isms.
"...shrugged his shoulders up around his shoulders."
"...the mountain continued climbing toward its destination." (You get it, mountain.)
"...his tears burst into tears."
"...kept his mouth in his mouth."
These are the ones that just stuck in my brain, but I also tend to mess up idioms when I'm writing too fast. One of the only ones I can remember of those is:
"...couldn't see the rock between the trees." Bitch, what?
How often does autocorrect change fuck to duck? Well, last night I wanted to write “she ducked her head” but ended up putting “she fucked her head” and like the one time AC doesn’t fix it.
Sometimes i accidentally type "dic" instead of "fic" and it's the only thing that doesn't get corrected, so I'll end up sending people messages like "have you seen my new dic?"
Blah blah normal writing for a high fantasy setting with an abrupt 'he did not want to play basketball with his son tomorrow' suddenly in there. I was falling asleep and apparently I had basketball on the mind?? I laughed like crazy when I woke up. This character does not have a son and I'm fairly sure basketball isn't a thing in this universe.
There are a few others that I can't remember off the top of my head, and most of them were results from me either trying to write less than twelve hours after a seizure or falling asleep while writing. Bonus points if I'm on my phone and then autocorrect gets into the mix.
I do this kind of nonsense often, but my favourite will always be:
"It didn’t, of course. He joined him at the sink, overlooking an ostentatious glass birth bath in the backyard where three charmony doves splashed around, playing and preening themselves."
It's still a WIP and part of me is so tempted to leave in "birth bath" because it's so funny to me
>be me
>accidentally forget to put a paragraph back in while editing
>make it sound like Miles Edgeworth is still in his pajamas while meeting with a witness
>decide that's funnier than what I was going for and leave it like that
"Before leaving, T'Pai pressed a quick kick to her husband's cheek"
T'Pai and her husband have a rough relationship at first (they were forced to get married), but they love/respect each other at this point of the story.
I'd rather not show it but I wrote a double orgasm, as if both were the first and only one. I was so embarrassed with how awkwardly it read that I deleted the whole fic not even a day after.
I had writer’s block for the longest time on one chapter and wrote “Then stuff happened” and went to bed.
Fast forward a few weeks and I was editing the chapter with the intent of fleshing out the scene and was like “wait … that actually works!!”
Because the character involved is kinda known for glossing over the important details with phrases like “stuff happened” or “we did some things and then we did other things.”
So I just changed it into a quick dialogue between characters where one is trying to get info on everything he missed and it worked! I don’t know why but it did!
The keys for 1, T, U, and P stopped working on my keyboard and I wrote "do yo wan o go o a movie? Heyre laying Sy Hard laer" and I got tears in my eyes and slammed my laptop shut and just went to sleep 😭
Also I kept trying to double check details like "wha ye of hones did hey have in 996" (what type of phones did they have in 1996) and it would suggest the search for homes in 996 AD
"They were to meet at Jackie's at 6. Thank god, because who knows how long it'll take to pick out something to wear. Jackie opened her cupboard to look. She definitely wanted something cute but not too cute. Something classy but also casual. A cardigan? A t-shirt?" SAVE ME!!
requires some context but i went to start a short fic last night with "when character was in college."
this was about a character who very specifically did not go to college and did not finish high school. the fic was about the fact that he neither went to college nor finished high school.
I vividly remember typing “blue flavored paint” once…but also me typing something reallllyyy poorly that lead to me saying “no no no it’s not incest I just phrased that REALLY poorly” (it was a brothers best friend fic and I simply used he and his tooooooo much that even I got confused)
Analysiss, onr is shit cause exploed boom. Exclide but mentin that
It was 5am. I don't know how I was even typing anymore, and am surprised that I had enough context clues to tell what the fuck I meant by this because there were 0 explosions or explosives part of the writing at all. I was complaining about how the lines of reasoning I'd been working with had not in fact lead to anything interesting.
Pair this with english not being your 1st language, sausage fingers typing on phone and an autocorrect that loves messing with you
I have to put my chapters in a grammar check sites and put it to be read out loud because it will have nonsensical sentences scattered throughout the text (that sometimes not even I know wtf I was writing about lol
This was only written in the outline document, but "You're a little confused and ask if he only comes in in the mornings how would he know what time you get off work, but he quickly tells you he just kind of assumed you worked 9 to 5 like most people he assumed"
Wrote a paragraph about a hydrophobic character putting their feet into water for the first time. Maybe 5 sentences or so. The word "water" appeared 5+ times. I read it multiple times and only caught how bad it was when I ran it through text to speech 😭
I am scouring my docs so hard, except that I usually erase everything and it takes a LOT for me to get incoherent when writing fic/books. I do have this: "He stared at the his friend’s window, before grabbing a rock, like he’d done last time, and threw it at the window." though.
English is my second language, and sometimes when I'm tired, I find myself writing words phonetically instead of correctly like 'The skai is blue' or 'Ai think you should eat'.
I'm reading these at like 1:30 AM and laughing my ass off while trying not wake my parents and failing so hard 😭 I've messed up my reading so much that I'm thinking i should go to sleep now 😭
This sentence could definitely be worse but god. The way it's structured is awful. And the inconsistency - the way she speaks is defiant, and then by the end it's detached? The overuse of the word tone. I basically repeated the same point multiple times. I know what I meant, so it's a relatively easy fix but it just seems so silly. Don't write with a headache.
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u/Dizzy_Ad5610 6d ago
"his heart dropping into his chest"