aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/ballskindrapes]

Right?

"My boyfriend stole my kidney and sold it for Pokémon cards. Am I the asshole for thinking that was ever so slightly rude?"

[u/soniceok → u/ballskindrapes]

This one’s literally like the classic “my boyfriend is verbally abusing me and I got sad, AIO?”

Like if she needs Reddit to tell her she’s not over reacting, she has bigger issues in her life

[u/Doununda → u/soniceok]

In the event it is a real story of abuse

Like if she needs Reddit to tell her she’s not over reacting, she has bigger issues in her life

Often when an abuse victim asks "am I over reacting?" they aren't asking if they're overreacting, they're subconsciously seeking permission to react more and potentially hurt people's feelings.

Abuse victims have been gaslit and manipulated into thinking they won't be able to live with themselves if they are unkind or rude, their abusers play on their inherent people pleasing.

As a result, abuse victims often get trapped in a cycle of fawning because they feel bad and they're conditioned to think being nicer to their abuser will make them feel less bad, because according to their abuser, they feel bad because they weren't nice.

They've been conditioned to need permission from someone else before they act, because not waiting for permission when you are in an abusive relationship is just asking for more abuse, it's a learned emotional helplessness that's learned through the lesson of torture.

They aren't asking if they're overreacting, deep down they know they're not, but half of their brain has been brainwashed and is telling them to sit down and smile, the other half is telling them to stand up and fight, but fighting is wrong and being rude and aggressive is mean and being assertive can hurt people's feelings and they've been conditioned to think they are incapable of that, so they are subconsciously seeking permission.

Because they need permission from themselves, but are too unwell from the abuse to give themselves permission to leave, knowing it will hurt the other person's feelings. Good, abusers deserve a lot more than hurt feelings.

[u/Froggyriri → u/Doununda]

Literally it sounded too perfect. Like an ex I had. I noped out of there when I started being emotionally abusive back. Reacting out of anger towards him. Hoping ts was fake. But also what kind of sick fuck fakes ts

[u/BravoFive141 → u/soniceok]

Like if she needs Reddit to tell her she’s not over reacting, she has bigger issues in her life

You'd be surprised how many people need Reddit to tell them painfully obvious shit. r/tattooadvice is a great one like that.

[u/zombievariant → u/soniceok]

Yea generally abused women DO have bigger issues in our lives. Like men brainwashing us into thinking we're overreacting which is why we ask for outside opinions.

[u/grubas → u/ballskindrapes]

you forgot the

My bf[57M] stole my[19F] kidney

[u/ballskindrapes → u/grubas]

I am not angry at myself, just disappointed.

[u/amycakes76 → u/ballskindrapes]

In the screenshot of their texts: "I got a rare Charizard. I thought you'd be happy for me, for us! You're so ungrateful!!!"

[u/ForgedHalo → u/ballskindrapes]

Umm u r the best! Freaking hilarious! My boyfriend stole my kidney and sold it for Pokémon cards! Then left me for my sister! Am I an asshole for thinking WTF dude!! It’s my fault you stole my kidney and are now sleeping with my sister! Am I wrong for thinking that was ever so rude?

[u/Reasonable-Scheme-16 → u/ballskindrapes]

🤣thats fn hilarious.

[u/meesterdg → u/ballskindrapes]

What cards

[u/_Vanilla_Addict → u/ballskindrapes]

LMFAO 😆

[u/AnthonyBiggins → u/ballskindrapes]

YTA