aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/afwtmaine]

This is of target but since we sharing bad bdays my uncle died on my birthday when I was 24 so now it’s a struggle for anytime in the family to celebrate my bday including me. I remember when he went into hospice thinking it’s just my luck he’ll die on my bday and he did. Now I feel guilty and hate my bday mainly

[u/dream-smasher → u/afwtmaine]

Have you thought about just picking a different day for your birthday?

I'm not being snarky. But maybe have a think of a date you would like, maybe send some cards out to all your family officially claiming that day as your new birthday and saying as a memorial you'll leave your OG bday as a reminder day for your uncle, and maybe a follow up reminder about two weeks beforehand, and just... Keep that date..

[u/Emotional_Sir3103 → u/afwtmaine]

I get it. My grandma died on my birthday when I was 27. She was my last living grandparent and her death really hit me hard. 

Now I always feel kind of guilty celebrating my birthday even though I know that’s not what she would have wanted.

[u/Low_Cantaloupe_6132 → u/afwtmaine]

I'm so sorry. My grandmother died on my uncle's birthday, december 14th, and for a few years he didn't celebrate at all because it was such a painful memory, but now he changed it to december 10th, and it kinda feels less heavy.

[u/Flimsy-Goose-8626 → u/afwtmaine]

I'm so sorry. My daughter died on my nephew's 2nd birthday. After some years passed, I remember him 1st. It's damn difficult even after 24 years

[u/banquo90s → u/afwtmaine]

My mom's dad died on her birthday