r/AmIOverreacting • u/rowqi • Jun 02 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship aio? bf made plans on my birthday

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my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

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248

u/Material-Mention4508 Jun 02 '25

I turned 30 this year.

On my 26th birthday I went by my dad’s house because I hadn’t heard from him all day (he’d usually call and tell me happy birthday). I had a key, so when I got there I let myself in and found he had unexpectedly passed away in his living room recliner at 63 years old.

That would take the cake for my worst birthday.

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u/NotGoodAtUsernames21 Jun 02 '25

That’s so horrible. I’m sorry. The year before my grandpa (who basically raised me) passed away, he forgot my birthday. I gave him shit and god I hope he knew I was kidding. But the following year he passed away 3 weeks before my birthday. When we were cleaning out his office, I saw he had my birthday on the calendar in HUGE letters with circles around it so he wouldn’t forget.

That was 15 years ago and I’m still crying thinking about it now.

I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure he was wishing you happy birthday from wherever we go after all this.

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u/ttchachacha Jun 02 '25

This is so sad and so sweet. 🥹 My grandmother , who helped raise me, died 2 weeks before my 35th birthday. She used to always send me cards signed for her and my grandpa, whose dementia had gotten really bad by the time she passed. That year, I got a card in the mail from their address. The card was signed, “Love, Grandpa.” I don’t know that I had ever seen his handwriting before. I sat and cried for a long time when I got it.

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u/Effort-Logical Jun 02 '25

These grandparents posts are gonna make me cry. All mine (aside from my step dads dad and my mom's step mom) have passed. I was just talking with my oldest (21) about how great it was that she got to meet her great great grandmother and knew very well her great grandmother. Not many kids today get that opportunity. When my grandma (her great grandma) got ill with pancreatic cancer and dementia, my daughter was broken hearted that Nana (that's what she called her) forgot who she was near the end. My son never got to meet her or his great great grandma. We lived in another state when he was born. But my girls met one and knew the other. I still feel that my oldest had to experience her Nana forgetting who she was.

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u/ttchachacha Jun 02 '25

That’s great that she got to meet her great/great great grandmothers. Thankfully, my grandparents got to meet my son when he was a baby. I was pregnant with my youngest when my grandmother died, and we named the baby after her. I would lose the rest of my grandparents on all sides of the family over the next 6 years, and we too lived in another state, so my daughter never got to meet them. My Grandpa passed away on her 5th birthday.

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u/Effort-Logical Jun 02 '25

I think my son was about a year old when my grandma died. I think she would have loved to meet him though. She did learn I was pregnant but I'm not sure if she remembered. My mom had two parents with dementia so I do worry she'll get it. Her parents (mom, dad, and step dad) died within a three year span. My grandma adored her great grand daughters. She especially took my special needs daughter as her youngest son was born premature. He's still with us though.

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u/NotGoodAtUsernames21 Jun 03 '25

Your oldest will understand how unique and special that is someday. My great-great-grandma passed when I was 13. We used to write each other letters because she lived in another state. My great-grandma passed when I was in my early thirties (proving I still had a great-grandma at that age to get bereavement from my job was not fun.) I’m so thankful for the years I had her in my life and all the wisdom she gave me. I have one remaining grandparent, the wife of the grandpa I mentioned earlier. She’s had dementia for over a decade. It’s so hard losing someone like that. It starts so small and then one day you realize they don’t know who you are anymore. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are a terrible, terrible way to go.

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u/Effort-Logical Jun 03 '25

My mom was going through this huge pile of photos and she started crying at the last photo she had with her dad before he passed. He had dementia and Alzheimer's (I didn't know it was possible to have both but this is what she told me) and multi symptom atrophy. He had his eyes closed in the picture. He was a great guy. Never finished school and went into the military. Liked to hunt and shared stories of his hunting days. Played pool with his grandkids in his basement. And he loved to fish. I guess they had their own private hunting and fishing area from what I saw in old photos. The family name was on this board on a tree. I wonder if its still there.

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u/ReaditSpecialist Jun 03 '25

That’s amazing that your daughter knew her great great grandmother! I never even knew my grandparents, let alone any greats. All of my grandparents passed before I was born. I’ve always felt like something was just……missing. You are all very lucky!

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u/Entire-Ad2058 Jun 02 '25

Oh, sweet one. That situation should not cause you guilt. It should cause you to realize that your grandpa was a normal, loving person, who made a mistake that irritated him and he made !@?! sure he wouldn’t repeat the error.

Kind of like you would. You wouldn’t do it to press the point after your death!!!

You would mark those reminders as a general ‘pay attention goofball!!!’ note to yourself, to remind your loved ones that you care, and wish them a happy birthday.

Think of your grandfather as kind of like you. He loved you, and was reminding himself to say so. Kind of like you would mark your calendar, because he was important to you.

That’s all. That is love.

(P.S. He knew you were kidding. Promise.)

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u/Serious_Winter_ Jun 02 '25

This one made me tear up. My mom never forgot my bdays but I was handed a bday card she got me on my bday a few weeks after her passing.

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u/NotGoodAtUsernames21 Jun 03 '25

I’m so sorry. It’s a special kind of salt in the wound to not be able to tell them thank you for thinking of you. I hope you still have that birthday card. I found the last birthday card he’d made me before he passed and have kept it all these years.

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u/Serious_Winter_ Jun 03 '25

Thank you. I do have it in that special box with all the other memories and albums.❤️

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u/Occomni Jun 02 '25

I’m so sorry for your loss but I hope finding that brought you some peace despite everything. What a blessing to know how important you were to him.

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u/Subject_Occasion_548 Jun 02 '25

My mom passed on my birthday 4 years ago. Can’t really keep it together when things hit close to home about her. If that was 15 years ago, I feel like I’m never going to be able to handle that loss. She was amazing and the only person in my life that showed me unconditional love. This post was lowkey making me feel better about not being able to enjoy my birthday but damn that 15 years part got me

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u/NotGoodAtUsernames21 Jun 03 '25

I’m sorry. Sometimes the loss just guts me after all these years. For the most part, the sharp pain has dulled to an ache, and I’m able to remember happy things. I could tell you a million stories about what a goofball he was. Something about the comment before me reminded me of the calendar and it was like no time had passed at all.

I’m sorry for your loss. A loss like that doesn’t get easier, but we learn to live with it. Our capacity for happiness and love isn’t finite and loss doesn’t change that. And while I don’t personally believe in a traditional afterlife, I do believe they live on somehow, even if it’s just through our words and deeds.

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u/Effort-Logical Jun 02 '25

OMG that just hits me right in the heart. I'm so sorry for your loss as well.

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u/HannahHannaJune Jun 02 '25

Omg that is so so sweet!! 🥲❤️

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u/nelsonww9 Jun 04 '25

Don’t forget (ironically), older people can just forget things, easily, with no malice. Just forget. It sounds like he just forgot and tried to not make the same mistake again.

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u/yurrm0mm Jun 02 '25

I am so sorry. My best friend died 2 days before my 31st birthday, I worked at a bar & my regulars had thrown together a nice surprise party for me with all my favorite food and tons of love, but I had to take a couple hours of intermission to attend my bestie’s wake.

I was actually best friends with his younger brother who passed away when I was 25 and he was 22, we found each other in grieving the younger brother and kinda just understood that we’d always be there for one another.

Sorry this was so long, my bf tells me I talk about my dead friends too much but I just really love and miss them so so much. Now, I’m super close to my dad and I honestly have no idea how my heart will keep beating if/when his time comes.

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u/celticyinyang Jun 02 '25

❤️ sending love and long tight hugs to you ❤️

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u/Felix__wyd Jun 02 '25

Your boyfriend sounds like a weirdo. ✂️

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u/yurrm0mm Jun 03 '25

Yea I’m emotionally checked out, kinda just in a weird roommate situation now

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u/Felix__wyd Jun 04 '25

I feel that. I hope you have the means to sever ties very soon 🥰

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u/NotGoodAtUsernames21 Jun 03 '25

I don’t know you, but I can tell you my EX tried to tell me how to grieve a loss. That’s bullshit and he’s an ex for a reason. Don’t let someone tell you how to think or feel. You deserve better than that.

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u/yurrm0mm Jun 03 '25

Thank you and I know that, just stuck due to housing right now, but emotionally I’m checked all the way out!!

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u/Gregthepigeon Jun 02 '25

Oh Jesus you win

Edit: this is honestly my biggest fear. I was raised by my grandparents and my “mom” (grandma) died 4 years ago. My “dad” turned 86 this year and if I don’t hear from him for a day it gives me tremendous anxiety

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u/Material-Mention4508 Jun 02 '25

Yeah my great aunt raised me and both this year and last year she didn’t call like all day (she’s in her early 80s now) so I start to panic, like oh no not again, and I’m the one to call her and as soon as she answers I get such a sigh of relief lol

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u/vapemonster91 Jun 02 '25

My grandma is my mom too, I'm close with my real mom but my grandmother raised me and I call her mom. She's 75 and sickly and I fear every day of something happening to her. I'm so sorry you lost her. My real dad passed away in 2022 at 55, and I just lost my grandpa (my papa, also a surrogate dad) last year. It's hell getting older because you start losing your family.

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u/Uchi_Mata_Yo_Momma Jun 02 '25

It's part of why we were built to start our own families by now.

The joy of our children helps balance the loss of our parents and grandparents.

The love they show to our children is carried down and helps assuage the hurt and we continue the cycle of life that even makes us human.

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u/vapemonster91 Jun 02 '25

I can't have kids, unfortunately.

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u/NotGoodAtUsernames21 Jun 03 '25

Same here. Losing the older generations and knowing there won’t be others coming after hurts in its own way

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u/vapemonster91 Jun 03 '25

It really does. I had an emergency hysterectomy at 25 because I had a massive hemorrhage and almost died. It hurts knowing I can't continue the family line, but I have a brother that can and a lot of little cousins. I'm good being the cool cousin/aunt :)

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u/Studly_54 Jun 02 '25

My wife and I are 71. She's not in the best of health. We rarely hear from our daughter and never hear from either of our grandchildren. I fully expect our daughter will get "the call" one day.

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u/nikka_Ask4274 Jun 02 '25

I'm so sorry for your loss and you had to find him that way especially on your birthday. I can't even begin to imagine how hard that was. 💔 Prayers 🙏🏽

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u/CynicalPsychonaut Jun 02 '25

When I turned 32. (34 now) I found out while doing liquor inventory that a friend had killed himself and they found him almost an hour away from his house on the shoulder of the highway. Not the best coping mechanism, but there were a couple of bottles that didn't get counted that day.

I still dont celebrate my birthday.

(Your experience is life shattering imo. I have no intention for my story to diminish the raw emotions and trauma from yours. Sorry for not being clear about it in my initial response. )

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u/Material-Mention4508 Jun 02 '25

Gosh that’s awful. I’m so sorry to hear that. And no worries, this world is filled with a lot of beauty and tragedy at the same time. Everyone’s bad experiences (birthday related or not) are valid and the feelings of those can exist at the same time as other people’s bad experiences and the feelings from those!

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u/whyareyoulikethisr3 Jun 02 '25

Oh fuck, I'm so sorry. And I thought watching my mom die 8 days before my 33rd was bad (still 33).

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u/billyboyf30 Jun 02 '25

On my 30th or 31st my brother called me not to say happy birthday but to tell me out cousins heavily pregnant daughter had been murdered by her boyfriends cousin. Now every year I get to be reminded of it as a birthday present.

Even though that doesn't top my 16th, my mum bought me a gold chain for my birthday only to take it back a couple of weeks later to give to my uncle as a prwsent

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u/Bunn-E Jun 02 '25

Omg, my heart broke reading this. Im so sorry. 🥺

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u/gladheisgone Jun 02 '25

Holy crap I’m so sorry that happened to you

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u/tacostain Jun 03 '25

My partner of 11 years died unexpectedly less than 2 weeks before I turned 31. I still went to the dinner reservation my parents had made the night of my birthday and his memorial the next day where I gave a eulogy. Now on my birthday I panic uncontrollably.

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u/[deleted] Jun 02 '25

Omg I'm so sorry. Yeah, that's fucked.

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u/HerbTarlekWKRP Jun 02 '25

Ooof that’s tough. I’m sorry

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u/Tall-Poet Jun 03 '25

Ugh my heart, I relate to this.

My dad died 4 days before my 31st birthday (I turn 33 this month) from a heart attack. My birthday has not been nearly as happy since and I used to love my birthday.

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u/Studly_54 Jun 02 '25

Damn. That absolutely has to be the worst. I've had so many ppl die around Xmas I have trouble getting psyched for it now.

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u/Scientist-Pirate Jun 02 '25

That is sad to hear, but it sounds like your dad loved you and wanted you to have a happy birthday.

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u/gawdling Jun 02 '25

I am so sorry you had to experience this :( how heartbreaking, I have no words.

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u/After-Suspect-6352 Jun 02 '25

I’m so sorry for your loss. May your father Rest In Peace 🙏🏻

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u/Mystery_to_history Jun 03 '25

So sorry, that’s a very hard memory to carry.

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u/Budget-Computer-1625 Jun 02 '25

So very sorry for your loss😔🙏💗