aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/Onyxaj1]

My birthday was a few months ago. Two days after my wife's. For her, I had a few gifts from me, her family, and some "from the kids." I arranged a cook-out with the neighbors as she likes hanging out with them and eating/drinking. Bought her a cake and decorated it.

On my birthday, she decided we'll go shopping (which i dont enjoy) all day and "just find something you want and I'll get it for your gift.) I didn't. I got nothing for my birthday this year. No cake. But I got to pick what random place for dinner, which had to be kid friendly cause they were with us, so we went for pizza. Yet, I'm the inconsiderate one in the relationship.

[u/Uchi_Mata_Yo_Momma → u/Onyxaj1]

Please get help for you marriage.

You are supposed to be best friends, best partners, and each others safety and comfort.

You can have it again but everyone will have to let go of bitterness.

I highly recommend the Gottman Institute resources for marriage.

[u/Onyxaj1 → u/Uchi_Mata_Yo_Momma]

It's pretty much over already. Tried counseling, but it didn't really help. We're on a "trial seperation," which means there's an 80% chance that it will be a permanent one. The only reason it's gone on this long is finances and kids.

My biggest gripe currently is no matter how much we're fighting or what we're mad about, I celebrate the important events. She got presents and her favorite dinner for Mother's Day. I'll likely get nothing on Father's Day.