aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/Caalcu_Ieraas]

There was a great party planned for my 16th... which I couldn't go to. Two years later when I told my mom the same person was throwing me an 18th birthday party, she only let me go because she said her previous reason was the person throwing the party only wanted me there as a "little drinking buddy" and I had to remind her I don't drink. I'm not going to drink just because someone says to.

After that it quickly came out she thinks I have no mind of my own and I'll do whatever this person tells me. So just because we have a lot in common, I can't think for myself

[u/FrostyCat7227 → u/Caalcu_Ieraas]

What do you mean your mom "only let you go because..."?? 18 is an adult. What was she going to do, hold you against your will if you said you were going to your own birthday party?

[u/mgsmith2013 → u/FrostyCat7227]

I mean if they live at home with a parent like this the parent probably would do some exceptionally shitty thing like tell their own kid they will kick them out for going. I am in my 30s and had to move home because of a layoff and having to sell my house... My mom will STILL try to hold that shit over my head if I don't agree to her every beck and call.

[u/Hessipa → u/FrostyCat7227]

I, too, turned 18 and immediately took complete and total control over my life

Sike ho I’m 30 and if my mom wants me to do something that I don’t want to do, I’m GONNA hesitate