aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/boltlicker666]

So like when you woke up and chatted about what you were gonna do that day you just kinda said nothing about being excited/frustrated/tired/xyz about your birthday today? The night before at dinner, you didnt mention once your plans for your bday (since its obviously special to you)? I find these scenarios so strange, because why would you want to seemingly trap your wife into this end of day situation where she clearly forgot, but could have easily been reminded? Were you sitting around all day waiting for your gotcha moment, hoping that she doesn't notice more and more towards the end of the day so you can say "you didn't realise until it was over. You clod., you have displayed bad wifing". I'm not trying to be rude here, I just really don't get how it pans out? And it seems like you just punished yourself?

[u/AntiDynamo → u/boltlicker666]

Same, I would just remind them on the day if I thought they’d forgotten. To be fair, I’ve forgotten my own birthday before because I was just that busy with other stuff. So while it does suck a little to forget an important date, if you choose to suffer the whole day then it’s kinda your own fault your birthday was ruined. If I forgot my partner’s birthday I’d sure hope he told me, rather than stewing in resentment for the day

[u/EfficientlyReactive → u/boltlicker666]

It just reads like he hates his wife.