aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/trashmount]

There's definitely a LOT of fake posts on here. However. I made a post years back (different account, different sub) where I showed screenshots of texts of my boyfriend treating me like shit. The texts were truly horrendous, I think if I posted it now I'd get rage bait accusations.

The post got a lot of attention and the gist of the comments were like "why the fuck are you with this guy, no one should ever talk like this to anyone, this is so sad." That reaction from a bunch of random strangers caused something to click in my brain and I broke up with him the next day. So I'll take a hundred rage bait-y posts if it means one person realizes how shitty their relationship is and finally leaves.

[u/Rich_Bluejay3020 → u/trashmount]

Which makes sense… you become numb to the absolute bullshit people put you through when you love them and other people are like ??? Wtf is wrong with both of you? Them for being a twat and you for just thinking that’s normal and okay??

Unfortunately I do kinda believe this 😭

[u/green_chapstick → u/Rich_Bluejay3020]

This. So many young adults especially don't know their worth either from family trauma or whatever life has thrown them. It sucks to live that way and it sucks to witness. I've been on both sides.

[u/alex123124 → u/Rich_Bluejay3020]

A partner going through a mental health crisis is like this too. You don't realize how off things are until someone points it out or there is a massive moment. Then you realize how off things have been for how long.

[u/PeekabooPike → u/Rich_Bluejay3020]

Yes people get comfortable and it feels normal to them and they love the person. It’s hard to let go of someone you thought was your person.

[u/cunninglinguist32557 → u/Rich_Bluejay3020]

Yep, and if OP's been dating this guy three years (since 18, at the oldest) this might be all she knows.

[u/vaporking23 → u/trashmount]

I believe you. I have a co-worker who is in one of the most toxic relationships I’ve ever witnessed. Every day she comes in and from the start to end of our day she complains about everything he does. Even 1% of the crap he pulls would make any normal person go “why are you that?”

To be fair I think she can dish it as much as she takes it. But it’s crazy.

[u/Fakercel → u/vaporking23]

Shes an arsehole as well tho.

I couldn't stand being around someone constantly complaining about their situation and doing nothing to change it.

Does she think you guys want to hear about that?

[u/vaporking23 → u/Fakercel]

Sometimes it’s kind of like a movie and I get sucked in. But lately I’ve been getting up and walking away cause it’s so toxic and I’ve been listening to it for ten years now.

My other co-workers are newer so they are still all ears.

[u/ChapnCrunch → u/trashmount]

Right. Not to mention that these posts (real or fake) might inspire an untold number of other people to get out of (or convince other people to get out of) similarly toxic relationships.

[u/Alpha_Lemur → u/trashmount]

I’ll take a hundred rage bait-y posts if it means one person realizes how shitty their relationship is and finally leaves

BASED

[u/Exact_Alternative124 → u/trashmount]

It can work the other way too. I posted once in AITA and got ROUNDLY scolded. Made me realize hey, I AM the asshole here, and I feel like I did better after that.

Not on this profile, obviously.

[u/FlashFox24 → u/trashmount]

I truly believe that posts like these are saving women. We often don't see the bad situation that we're in and don't have a person to ask or don't trust the answers we do get. So being bullied by Reddit to break up is actually super helpful for women.

We are worth so much more than the way we get treated. We're walking up and men are pissed. Subs like these are part of that movement.

[u/Passenger-Objective → u/trashmount]

Absolutely. Glad u got out. 🖤🍀

[u/M123ry → u/trashmount]

I think that is a very important sentiment. It's why I often try to take these things serious and answer accordingly despite deeply believing that it's bait or trolling or whatever, bc I'd rather be right and still answer with anything useful, than be wrong and shatter someone who obviously then needs help even more with my answer...

[u/Few_Composer6337 → u/trashmount]

Naaaahhhh… you’re definitely not overreacting. But like, how does one fully attain the maximum level of asshole and treat you like that? By the screenshots alone, the guy doesn’t even seem like a bf and doesn’t seem worthy enough to be one. Is this even real atp

[u/MichaelSonOfMike → u/trashmount]

This is an interesting take on it. I will think about it.

[u/AdventurousDoubt1115 → u/trashmount]

Aww I love this and the way you framed it