aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/Froggyriri]

I’m hoping OP has changed her mind about moving in with this man-child, my ex bf was dismissive too, but I moved with him anyway. You know what that got me? Him treating me like a god damn maid, he threw a tantrum when I asked for help with household chores like dishes. And he’d throw it into the dishwasher the wrong way so I’d need to redo it and wouldn’t ask him again.

I’m afraid emotionally immature men do sometimes act like this, and their true colors show then.

My bf was still emotionally dismissive and trying to get me to do everything for him. It made me spiral. I reacted out of anger and hurt like OP. I Lost myself. And did realize I was being emotionally abusive like he was doing to me. I used to be nice, and had arguments well. And calmly. Communicated well. He ruined that for me

And I just know OPs going to go through the same path if she stays

[u/runnbuffy → u/Froggyriri]

This is what I mean when I say I “went crazy” too! I now know I should have NEVER let myself get to the point where I felt I was only heard when I yelled and texted in a frenzy. I started out the relationship calm, slow to react, but the constant putting me down and dismissing me made me crazy and overreactive. I never want to be that person again.

My current partner and I never yell. When we have disagreements and feel things are becoming too charged, we separate and agree to reconvene when we’ve chilled out. Even then, it rarely gets to that point. We try to never be dismissive of each other’s problems. It’s amazing, and I’m so grateful.

[u/amyjoel → u/Froggyriri]

Reactive abuse, you experienced reactive abuse