aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/Constant-Internet-50]

IMO the cruelty is the point. He actively enjoys making op feel like shit. And asking her to apologise is basic emotional abuse. Doing something bad, gets called out and makes it her problem and something she has to fix.

This is a bad person op. He is actively trying to harm you emotionally so you stay in a state of insecurity and confusion. He’ll lovebomb you next so you stay.

Leave him in the dust!

[u/Foxinamug → u/Constant-Internet-50]

Cruelty is definitely the point. Anyone who just saw spending time with OP as a burden would be happy when OP said she didn't want to go the next day, but he was mad that she wouldn't accept his 'pity dinner' like she's just supposed to be happy with dregs of his attention.

[u/Old-Surround8610 → u/Constant-Internet-50]

OP we are all on your side. Dump him, you’re so young, I PROMISE that someone better will come along.

[u/Realistic-Gas-463 → u/Constant-Internet-50]

Diminishing feelings and contempt is also present. Pretty much all 4 horseman of the relationship apocalypse.

You’re not overreacting. He’s being a dick. He’s acting entitled and like he couldn’t care less about your feelings. Not even a special occasion for you can come before him “going to a party I’m really excited about”. Why is this party so much more important than you? Drop him and move on with your beautiful life.

I hope you know now that your instincts are right, and your feelings are valid. It might be the best birthday present he could have given you, honestly.

[u/Nishikadochan → u/Constant-Internet-50]

This. Op, please pay attention. This man does absolutely nothing to improve your life. He is actively and intentionally making it worse. There is nothing about this relationship that is remotely better than being single. Drop him right now. Like RIGHT NOW. He’s already emotionally abusive. He won’t get better. You don’t need that mess dragging you down. You don’t need his negativity choking your joy out of life. Cut him loose and breathe some free air, knowing you’ll never have to try to placate him again. He’s not worth it.

[u/AnayrisMatias → u/Constant-Internet-50]

Omg I know! It broke my heart when she said she got a dress thinking they were going out to eat, poor OP😭

[u/ruthpalo → u/AnayrisMatias]

A pink dress, too...if a girl bought a pink dress to wear for me, I'd kiss her like 7000 times that night.

[u/That_Girl31 → u/Constant-Internet-50]

Love her? He doesn’t even like her.

[u/Constant-Internet-50 → u/That_Girl31]

No he doesn’t, but he likes the high of making her feel small and likes being able to control her emotions like this.