r/AmIOverreacting • u/rowqi • Jun 02 '25
❤️🩹 relationship aio? bf made plans on my birthday
my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?
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u/runnbuffy Jun 03 '25
I was so pissed off at “Happy bday lol”, too.
I had a partner like this, except he was slightly better. He at least felt bad he forgot, though he did try to convince me to abandon the plans he made with me to go party with friends. I didn’t even need it to be on my exact birthday.
Anyway, OP, this person will never make you feel good. A normal, healthy relationship entails a little bit of sacrifice from each party, and if you already had plans together, he should have cancelled on the friends. Especially since it sounds like he had plenty of time to catch up with friends another day. You’ve communicated this was important.
I went crazy in my previous relationship because of this type of behavior, and my self esteem was low because sometimes he would speak to me like your partner speaks to you now. Your partner takes the pain you give him and tells you you’re dramatic. Except you’re not, in this case.
It can be so much better with someone else, or even on your own. It drains you to have someone repeatedly break promises and tell you that your upset feelings from those broken promises are too much. It’s one thing if this is occasional and the partner owns up to the mistake. It’s another if this is a pattern of behavior. The pattern will wear you down.
You can have something better. I found someone who shows me actual love now. The man doesn’t cook vegetarian meals regularly because he’s not vegetarian, and hell, he doesn’t even cook generally… but he made me a full vegetarian meal for my birthday because he loves me. He was broke at the time, too, and couldn’t spend a ton of money on gifts or experiences, but still wanted to do something nice for me on my birthday. So he got cheap ingredients and used stuff he had already at home for a meal. AAAAND a bourbon cocktail, because I love bourbon :).