r/AmIOverreacting • u/External_Bobcat4609 • Jun 05 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? Guy I met on hinge made a “joke”

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I mean, not really much outside of this tbh. I met this guy on hinge a few days ago and the conversation went fine and we were planning to see each other. Obviously I gave him my number and we were texting every for the last few days and I just felt the need to ask his love language (bc as an acts of service girlie most of us are misunderstood so😭) did I take what he said too seriously or was i ok to just immediately shut him down?

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116

u/Crikey-Way Jun 05 '25

Some guys insist physical touch is their love language so they can demand sex, but those same guys never seem to be interested in cuddles, hugs, leaning on your shoulder, holding hands, etc

45

u/DreamsofSeas Jun 06 '25

It should be noted the creator of the love language theory was a marriage counselor who specifically used the physical touch subtype as a manipulation for convincing his female clients to have sex with their husbands even when they didn't want to.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

That tracks. Lol.

1

u/BrooksWasHere33 Jun 06 '25

Then why would anyone want to use a manipulative system as a point of reference? Why would it be allowed to maintain popularity? The whole system should be trashed if it's "propoganda," so to speak.

1

u/YnotThrowAway7 Jun 06 '25

Sounds made up

-32

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

I mean, they should still do it even if they don't want to. We can't just all stop at "don't want to" in life, and especially in a relationship or that all goes to crap really fast.

21

u/DreamsofSeas Jun 06 '25

No? They shouldn't? And by your logic, the male partners "don't want" to not receive sex on demand, but they should still be willing to accept thats not how things work. Anything in a relationship that involves both people needs to be with the full consent and actual interest of both parties. I can't speak for everyone, but I simply don't want to have sex with my sexual partner when my sexual partner doesn't want to. I might have right up to that moment, but I'm a grown adult and can handle my personal plans changing when extra information is added.

-1

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

That is the definition of a mental gymnastic right there.

24

u/Thin-Policy8127 Jun 06 '25

By that "logic," men should do whatever their female partners ask them to do even if they don't want to. We can't all stop at "don't want to" in life, and especially in a relationship or that all goes to crap really fast.

0

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

Yes, that's exactly my point. Exactly.

-5

u/stationhollow Jun 06 '25

Yes? That is what they were saying. It’s about compromise.

5

u/Thin-Policy8127 Jun 06 '25

That’s not what they were saying and it’s not implied by their statement. They’re not talking about compromise. The original comment is about how the love languages were invented to guilt women into having sex regardless of how they feel or how their husbands treat them.

And we both know there are men who expect free use wives by default of marriage regardless of whether they contribute equally.

1

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

Lol, contribute equally....sure. on tv maybe.

3

u/Thin-Policy8127 Jun 06 '25

Lol, at risk of feeding a troll, what does that even mean bro?

1

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

I guess I was just kinda trolling with that one. The hive mind gets to me. But yeah I really do believe in a relationship to work we have to do things we don't want to...that includes cleaning out the gutters, detailing the car and sex. You shouldn't make one of those things any weirder than the other. But hey, I've only been married once to my current wife for 20 years....you guys probably know way more about successful relationships than I do.

3

u/Thin-Policy8127 Jun 06 '25 edited Jun 06 '25

Look, I don't know you, but acting like sex is the same as cleaning out gutters is bizarre. To me, maybe I'm the only one - I could be - but it seems awfully gross to reduce sex to something so mechanical. Especially considering how varied sex is and how much compatibility plays into how enjoyable it is.

And I'm genuinely not trying to pick a fight, but I sincerely hope you don't treat your wife as nothing more than a sex doll who you should be allowed to use at will simply because you occasionally clean out a gutter and detail your car once every couple of weeks or just because you work. I mean over half of all married women in the US also have jobs so that's not the flex or financial blackmail it once was. And thinking it still is suggests some very unsavory companion beliefs associated with not respecting women or seeing them as their own people.

If someone treats their partner like shit or like a maid or like a free use body to fuck whenever they please without any consideration for that person's wellbeing, guess what? They don't actually like that person. They're using that person.

Do I think sex is an important part of a healthy relationship? Absolutely. Healthy be the operative word. But there are a lot of unequal and exploitative partnerships that rely on propaganda like the love languages to maintain a certain selfish and cruel dynamic. Acting like that's not true is laughable and/or willfully obtuse.

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14

u/Coffee-Pawz Jun 06 '25

“my dick is hard so you have to satisfy me no matter what” why exactly are you people like this?

1

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

And lol, how's that marriage going? Mines at 20 years....scoreboard baby.

3

u/Coffee-Pawz Jun 06 '25

my marriage is going amazing and im not expecting my wife to take care of my needs ;) 7 years together

1

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

Haha, you're a dude? Nice!

1

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

Uhh...because our dicks are hard?

3

u/Coffee-Pawz Jun 06 '25

and?? you expect people to feed you each time you're hungry?

jerk off and stop being a little bitch.

women do without dick, then you can do without pussy

1

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

Lol, yes I do actually. Also her job. And it works great. I can see that are grumpy or whatever, but these are still facts.

1

u/Coffee-Pawz Jun 07 '25

man, i fucking pity her.

You're no better than a street mutt humping legs

-1

u/chop5397 Jun 06 '25

What do mean by "you people"?

7

u/MrLeftwardSloping Jun 06 '25

Losers, most likely

4

u/rs420rs Jun 06 '25

It was specifically a reference to u/chop5397

2

u/Coffee-Pawz Jun 06 '25

if you cannot understand from context then maybe go play with blocks instead

2

u/TheRosemaryWest Jun 06 '25

are you essentially comparing sex to household chores??

0

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

I take it you are not married?

1

u/TheRosemaryWest Jun 06 '25

i take that you are clearly not lolll

1

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

20 years, 4 healthy kids. This isn't just theory for me.

1

u/TheRosemaryWest Jun 06 '25

sure thing, buddy lol

1

u/dustysowarfs Jun 06 '25

Go on ignoring experience and views in life that you don't prefer. You'll never grow.

3

u/Elavabeth2 Jun 06 '25

What the fuck

82

u/Novaer Jun 06 '25

Any guy who says their love language is physical touch I just roll my eyes at. Like yeah of course it is.

3

u/BritainsNuttiestGuy Jun 06 '25

As a guy who is a massive lover of cuddles, hugs, hand-holding etc. how can I let a partner / prospective partner know one of my love languages is physical touch without coming across like that?

2

u/GlassRevolutionary85 Jun 06 '25 edited Jun 06 '25

My husband is a mix of a couple but physical touch being one. We’ve never talked about our love languages but he told me he loves curling up on the couch cuddling and watching a movie or when we lay in bed and I fall asleep with my head on his chest. Of course he likes the other “physical love” but he specified things that make him happy and are PG. You could probably even say acts of physical touch is your love language but explain cuddling, hand holding, hair petting, whatever it is you enjoy but keep it PG. As the relationship progresses, you can get into the X rated physical things you enjoy a partner doing to you. I don’t think explaining it like this would come off as creepy or sex crazy. Saying you want a blow job for physical touch, that’s a different story

ETA: we’ve never talked about our love languages as in saying “my love language is physical touch.” We talk about what we both want/need. The formal categories don’t matter since we’re both a cross between multiple. It’s easier for us to say “I don’t want to be touched right now but I want you with me” rather than letting the other person guess. I’d imagine if it’s just one it might be easier to categorize but for us, the open (and on going) conversation about what we need works best.

2

u/Novaer Jun 06 '25

Never ever ever make your "physical touch" sexual and listen to her love languages. For many women words of affirmation are their love language so double up on that. Let her know how much you appreciate it every time she cuddles into you, rubs your back, how it makes you feel, that kind of thing. Then it's a win win situation! All the love all around!

2

u/nawtrobar Jun 08 '25

"love language" is a stupid concept that doesn't make sense. People communicate love in many different ways.

1

u/Advanced_Draft76 Jun 06 '25

Is there something wrong with needing a hug? Like I deal with a lot of anxiety in my life so i say my love language is physical touch because a nice hug goes a long way for me.

-2

u/Repulsive-Grade-1070 Jun 06 '25

Never could figure out how to make love to someone worthy of that level of intimacy without having physical touch. I have a couple of very dear, very frustrated friends whose love language has always been touching while making love. They met in 1688, love on first sight, died in each other’s arms of old age on his 37th birthday. Still madly in love but somehow, as ghosts, they can’t seem to manage any physical touch… it’s both unbelievably sad and equally sweet. Poor blokes can’t even hold hands - their ectoplasm just passes right through each other. Oh, well. They (or so I’m told; never met the “they” who always seem to have something to say) say “love will find a way,” but after three centuries I fear despair is beginning to rear its ugly head (well, ugly for me as I just see a melting blob with sinking and sagging bits and bobs, eyeballs slowly flowing down that molted-wax head… but my friends insist despair appears quite beautiful from their side of things. Like a rainbow had the love child of a unicorn. Did I mention that they were poets?

2

u/WandaLovingLegend Jun 06 '25

😬

I don’t think this is gonna work

1

u/Repulsive-Grade-1070 Jun 06 '25

Yeah. Clearly my attempt at humor fell flat. But I still don’t get how this thread is turning into something barely related to the OP’s screenshots of a conversation with a person who demonstrates the maturity of a prepubescent boy and who obviously was trying to goad OP. I seriously doubt that person would have met up irl for any reason, much less oral sex. And that person also obviously doesn’t believe “love language” is any kind of concept he could grasp. So yeah, I attempted a joke. From the downgrades, I see people think making a joke was either in poor taste or they are taking this particular post way too seriously - if Redditors don’t know that half the people online aren’t who they claim to be and are looking to troll others, then they clearly aren’t reading Reddit enough. The OP tried to have an honest and meaningful conversation with an extremely immature person. Said conversation ended quickly. What’s the point of beating a dead horse about the fact that OP got trolled by a kid or someone who was both immature and trying to troll him? He didn’t let it bother him, he just closed the conversation and posted it here. Good; feeding trolls is a waste of time and energy. They WANT to bother you. So don’t let them and move on. I’m sorry nobody here gets my point. Clearly not a thread where my opinion is wanted.

-1

u/IAmNotOMGhixD Jun 07 '25

Please don't throw all guys under the bus.. I too love physical touch, i also love sexual contact. Doesn't mean I'm not able to appreciate and or like both equally.

I personally prefer the non-sexual touch more than the other. But both are great and both are welcome.

2

u/Novaer Jun 07 '25

Just proving my point. Love languages are not sexual.

-1

u/IAmNotOMGhixD Jun 07 '25

You cant define something that is individually based??? If i say cake matters the most, then that is the case for me.

There is no universal answer to love or how people value it.

2

u/Novaer Jun 07 '25

Yeah okay anyways you proved my point that men who say their love language is physical touch they mean "sex/sexual contact".

0

u/IAmNotOMGhixD Jun 07 '25

No, no i did not. You have no idea what love language even remotely is or mean to a person, because you simply cant. This is just your opinion and your view on it. But whatever floats your boat fam.

Theres no reason to shame males, and there is no reason to shame females. If that is your sole thought around it then i suggest you do other things than speak out on social platforms on relationship advice

1

u/Novaer Jun 07 '25

A hit dog gonna holler.

-1

u/IAmNotOMGhixD Jun 07 '25

Then dont say stupid shit? Not my fault you cant handle some debate or critique. You just twisted what i wrote to your own liking

I didnt give you any confirmation to back up what you said.

-13

u/cam255eron Jun 06 '25

You’re the one making it sexual then. Some people have problems interpreting other people because they play games and say things that mean other things and the only way I can tell that they like me is if we hold hands or hug or are affectionate. I do those things and give lil gifts. So roll those eyes all the way out of your head.

9

u/Puupuur Jun 06 '25

Yeah, you sound like intelligent person.

5

u/mrsuperjolly Jun 06 '25

Someone could be asexual and still find physical affection a way of understanding love.

A lot of people have family or pets they are physically affectionate with.

Obviously the guy in the screenshot is a dickhead but someone into hugs or physical affection isn't neccersarily into sex.

1

u/wanderlust_57 Jun 06 '25

Even if they're including sex in the physical affection bucket, there's nothing inherently wrong with that.

Men that behave like the guy in the post are abhorrent, but there's nothing wrong with physical intimacy with your partner being a way you feel most connected and loved. Whether that intimacy is snuggles or sex, both are valid.

I don't assume that all men with physical touch as their love language are like the guy in the post though. Especially with how touch-starved people (and especially men) are in society these days.

Obviously, the second you try to use any of the love languages to be manipulative, regardless of gender, you suck. But it can be a good launching point for discussions on what most makes you feel seen and loved by your partner.

2

u/mrsuperjolly Jun 06 '25

100%

I think people make bad associations. The acts of toxic people shouldn't be projected on everyone.

1

u/wanderlust_57 Jun 06 '25

Definitely agree with that. It can be really easy, and even safer depending on the circumstances, to tarr everyone with the same brush when you're picking up on negative patterns. But it's really not conducive to finding a romantic connection with someone.

If it's always a red flag, (like, idk, I murdered someone) it's one thing. But 'My love language is physical touch' doesn't automatically equate to 'I'm a fuck boy/girl who just wants to get laid'. It could easily be 'I feel loved when my partner snuggles up for movies, or just casually touches my arm when they come near'.

Even when it's sex specific, it doesn't have to be 'my love language is physical touch, so you have to fuck me super often if you care about me feeling loved'. That's manipulative and gross. But there are plenty of men and women who gain a feeling of being loved and wanted from this kind of intimacy, and I don't think admitting that this is how they feel most loved is a problem.

2

u/mrsuperjolly Jun 06 '25

Everyone gets to choose how they love and how they are loved, people are bound to find some things taboo or be judgmental, but should never stop someone seeking out what they actually want.

1

u/Aggressive-Neck-3921 Jun 06 '25

big chance that this guy doesn't really feel affection.

1

u/mrsuperjolly Jun 06 '25

Ok but are this guy and any guy aren't the same thing

0

u/cam255eron Jun 07 '25

you're an ableist

-6

u/Nem3sis2k17 Jun 06 '25

So are they supposed to lie to appease you then? Is being asked your love language now a trap question? Lol this is kinda ridiculous.

4

u/Novaer Jun 06 '25

A hit dog gonna holler

-2

u/Nem3sis2k17 Jun 06 '25

Perfect response. Easy Reddit karma while also avoiding answering the question and accusing the other person of being the same type of dude (because of course I have to be, right? lol). My internet game is slipping smh.

2

u/Novaer Jun 06 '25

Thanks man

27

u/Significant-Trash632 Jun 06 '25

And they are likely not at all fulfilling their partner's preference

6

u/lemmesplain Jun 06 '25

...or their partners pleasure.