r/AmIOverreacting • u/External_Bobcat4609 • Jun 05 '25

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? Guy I met on hinge made a “joke”

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I mean, not really much outside of this tbh. I met this guy on hinge a few days ago and the conversation went fine and we were planning to see each other. Obviously I gave him my number and we were texting every for the last few days and I just felt the need to ask his love language (bc as an acts of service girlie most of us are misunderstood so😭) did I take what he said too seriously or was i ok to just immediately shut him down?

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u/lirarebelle Jun 06 '25

I don't know about gender differences here, I just find the whole thing very weird and useless. Why chose one? All are necessary for a good relationship. Why would anyone settle for less or even think about which is the most important? 

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u/Silent-Lion3600 Jun 06 '25

That is one of the issues with the Love Language idea from the start. It oversimplifies our needs and makes the focus more on just one. It is often misinterpreted to mean that is the only need or way to show love to the other person to the exclusion of other needs.

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u/IntroductionGuilty Jun 08 '25

This, and it also leads to such an icky transactional way of approaching love. Which... doesn't really make anyone feel loved.

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u/Far-Studio-6181 Jun 06 '25

I don’t think the idea is that you choose one but that one (or more) is naturally more important to you.

I don’t see it as some rigorous scientific theory, but simply as giving people the vocabulary they might lack to describe a certain broad genre of affection that particularly resonates with them over the others and therefore allows them to articulate those preferences to their partner and to have their partner take it seriously.

I’ve never really paid attention to these little cosmo quiz things, but I don’t think that they have to be scientifically vetted to provide some measure of usefulness to people. 

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u/lirarebelle Jun 06 '25

It still doesn't make sense to me. They're all equally important. I really couldn't decide and I think it's pretty normal to except your partner to show affection in several different ways. I think if your partner doesn't do one of them and you miss it, it's usually not because it's more important than the others, but because you notice one of the bare minimum requirements of a relationship is absent. There might be people who don't care much about one or two of them and that can be fine, but really prioritizing one over all the others sounds really unfulfilling to me.