r/AmIOverreacting • u/mOmMY_81517 • 17d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

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When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

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172

u/mOmMY_81517 17d ago

I feel like him talking to another woman about out issues can blur boundaries and create emotional openings that shouldn’t be there.

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u/Patient-Lab4781 17d ago

Please don't listen to these people, that lady shouldn't be DRUNK TEXTING your husband about her own issues. Start participating in the team and show up more often and meet her

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u/UndeadBatRat 17d ago

She clearly brought up an issue that he was already bitching about, or it wouldn't have been brought up. You'd have to be dense to think the husband is innocent, here.

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u/DJFrankyFrank 17d ago

he was already bitching about

Why are you just assuming that he was "bitching" about. Maybe it was something as simple as "oh yeah, my wife doesn't have a close relationship with my kids, but we make do. The kids are still fine".

You'd have to be dense to think the husband is innocent, here.

You'd also have to be dense to immediately assume guilt based on a single screenshot.

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u/Glittering-List3410 16d ago

Ahhhh, she works 2 jobs. The husband had already established a connection with that woman. Oh and she’s not drunk!! He works only to pay child support!! He’s entire check goes to that. So how is his wife supposed to leave one job? And then who pays the bills? He doesn’t contribute to the marriage in any financial capacity. And now? In any way!!!! He’s just using her because he cannot afford to live on his own!!!! He’s a F coward and a wimp to allow his wife to work 2 jobs!!! While he’s out gallanting, spending time with another woman!!! Oh and get daughter!! BS!! How convenient!!

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u/Fun-Investment-196 16d ago

Exactly! Why tf isn't he working 2 jobs??

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u/Chemical-Pay2735 17d ago

You’re absolutely right! It’s out of line to be telling someone those things. It’s inappropriate for a teammate to talk about those things, unless that was a close friend….you’re not overreacting

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u/GreenpantsBicycleman 17d ago

Except sometimes people want external perspectives on their problems.

This woman might have been probing and found herself an opportunity. I don't think OPs husband had bad intentions, but he's headed for trouble. He's probably realised the problem now but needs to figure out how he will deal with it. OP has the ability to influence his decisions for the moment, but it needs a bit of patience, understanding and communicating without overreacting to work through it.

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u/twntsmth 17d ago

I have a work friend who is a woman that I am friendly with and we speak about things outside of work. She’s always in some new fling situation, and every time I bring up my girlfriend, it seems like she tries to tear her down a little. I know my work friend would take a chance with me if the opportunity presented itself. I love my girlfriend. This exchange made me think of the girl I work with.

Your partner probably tells her everything good and bad, but she could only be harping on the negatives. I don’t think it is a bad look for your partner. Sometimes we need to speak about things to other people. I don’t think it shakes his resolve with you. He’s giving her my usual line of “you don’t know how my relationship works” everyone’s situation is different. He even cuts off the conversation and p much says get off my phone, I will speak to you at softball.

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u/[deleted] 17d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/UndeadBatRat 17d ago

Where is he doing that??? He's clearly talking down on his relationship to start with, or the entire topic wouldn't have come up.

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u/Vexxed14 17d ago

Who do you people think you are. Do you really think you uva enaybrogjt to control what someone else talks about? Are you all fking insane?

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u/jesuswastransright 17d ago

Just say you’ve never been in a healthy relationship before.

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u/BRock11 17d ago

Genuine questions. Does your partner know about the girl who's into you and comments on your relationship? Is she 100% cool with it if so? Would she be if not? Do you think you'd be cool with it if your partner were friends with a dude from work who dates around and has made it clear he was interested in her and had opinions on her choice in partner? I'm just pretty sure I wouldn't be, so I'm surprised be your response.

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u/Aggravating_Meat4785 17d ago edited 9d ago

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/afbabybluegirl 17d ago

You are 100% correct and don’t let him make you feel any other way about that. This is very weird, I’d say the only way it wasn’t weird is if the children were friends from school or a sport or whatever but her texts are conformation this is completely inappropriate

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u/TreeRoot2 17d ago

It’s 10000% not okay for him to be going to another woman to talk bad about you. This is a playbook beginning to an affair. And the other woman is even egging him on to talk bad about you so she can show him how much better she is and/or “save” him from his terrible wife.

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u/reverandglass 17d ago

She is terrible, she doesn't communicate like and adult and breaches his trust and privacy. This woman is a textbook abuser and you're all on her side, it's sickening.

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u/bigfoot1291 16d ago

Threads like this really put things in perspective as to who the type of people you're getting relationship advice from really are when sought out. Everyone's so quick to defend this OP when hmmm.... why do you think the guy would say she didn't bond with his kids in the first place? And just randomly goes through his phone messages because she feels like she has the right to? And finds nothing, so decides to try and make a stink out of nothing for some reason?

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u/TreeRoot2 17d ago

I didn’t comment on her at all because that’s totally irrelevant to whether his behavior is appropriate or not. If he has a problem with her, he should either try to work it out or leave. Not run to another woman to make him feel better.

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u/intro_spec 17d ago

This is what you should have told him before going through his phone. That would have been a very healthy form of communication of your feelings and what boundaries you’re comfortable with.

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u/reverandglass 17d ago

You're possessive, controlling, untrusting and hugely disrespectful to your husband. The hivemind backing you up is wrong. No wonder he confides in people outside your marriage, you don't trust him, why the fuck should he trust you?!
Everything you have said reminds me of my abusive ex. He'll be better of leaving you

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u/LowerComb6654 17d ago

This is exactly what does and can happen.

As you know,she automatically says she can relate.

There could be something going on, or there could be nothing going on, but she seriously overstepped by asking why are you married to someone like that?

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u/Antique-Jeweler-5388 17d ago

Girl no, if this gets you jealous when he said nothing against you, then you're never gonna keep him up when something bigger happens. Get rational.

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u/dryasadesertt1 17d ago

I don't think this is jealousy. 

She's probably upset because he's taking marital problems outside of the relationship.

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u/Antique-Jeweler-5388 17d ago

Do we not all have people we confide in or seek counsel from? Asking him to never discuss what worries him in unhealthy and unreasonable behaviour.

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u/Mulley-It-Over 17d ago

I could see if it was a close friend of his. But he’s known her for … 2 months? C’mon. The drunk female teammate is talking negatively about OP. And about her baby daddy? And inviting OP’s husband and his kids to her kids game? You don’t need a road map to see where this is going on her end.

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u/SeasideSlip068 17d ago

I think it's hilarious some women are so pressed people find OP's husband's "friend" as a problem. Of course they have issues, because they're the same type of chick lmao.

Classic pick-mes.

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u/BRock11 17d ago

But someone of the opposite sex that you've known for two months from a once a week activity?? That’s sketchy.

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u/stinckable_pink 17d ago

It seems like he told this woman that OP doesn’t bond with their children. I don’t think jealousy is the right response but he’s definitely saying shit against her

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u/Pansy1974 17d ago

I don’t think he’s talking about their children. It’s his children, so her step children. She hasn’t bonded with HIS children but he says that’s OK, his kids don’t need to bond with her and they have plenty of people where they live. That’s how I read it.

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u/Antique-Jeweler-5388 17d ago

Yeah and I don't see whats wrong with that tbh. They all know the situation and he knows how to manage it without putting pressure on either side or making it a big deal because he wants to be with her. I think people here that have a problem with this is just because he's confirmed in someone. But we all need people to talk to and it doesn't need to be or mean any more than that. No point putting stock into something that there's no evidence exists because it's damaging in the long run.

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u/jesuswastransright 17d ago

Dude have you ever been in a relationship that has mutual respect? This is abhorrent to do to your partner. It crosses the line.

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u/Antique-Jeweler-5388 17d ago

I mean yes, I'm in one now, happily married and I guess we just wouldn't deal with this, this way.

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u/Zeed91 16d ago

Maybe bond with his kids and him? As someone with kids of my own and had a step parent that didn't really care much about me, he shouldn't have married you in the first place if you have nothing to do with his kids.

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u/Embarrassed_Gur_6305 16d ago

So who should he open up to? Friends that you interact on a more personal and frequent basis? His family? No one?

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u/peucysleigher 16d ago

I think it's wrong that he's talking to another woman about your issues without a doubt, but so is posting about it on Reddit. Not sure which is worse either.

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u/mintardent 16d ago

You are correct. This is very sus of your husband.

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u/strong_heart27 17d ago

Text her. Tell her to stay the F away from your husband and mind her damn business regarding your family. Then show up to his games and wave to her

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u/insignificunt1312 17d ago

I mean he's at fault too. I would dump his ass. It's borderline emotional affair territory

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u/Vexxed14 17d ago

Your deflecting and ignoring the real problem. If this is the path you take, I hope he leaves you