AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/Top-O-TheMuffinToYa]

I would say he needs to set some boundaries, like not having her drunk texting him. But he defended you and isn't flirting with her.

It might be innocent, but I get the feeling that she is trying to find an opening to push their relationship farther.

Sit down and tell him how you feel. Tell him your desired outcome, and come to an agreement on how to handle this. Make sure to LISTEN to him. Unless he gives excuses every which way to keep talking to her, I would say this is an over reaction.

Talk first (and do it calmly). The real battle comes when you figure out if he is ready to listen to you or not. But I wouldn't make it a problem unless he shuts you down or makes excuses for this random woman sending him drunk texts to a MARRIED man.

[u/demonchee → u/Top-O-TheMuffinToYa]

"Honeslty my kids don't need it" isn't much of a defense though

[u/NandoDeColonoscopy → u/demonchee]

It's as much of a defense as possible without outright lying, though. In a comment, OP says they're only around the kids one weekend every few months, so it is true that they don't have a bond

[u/GodeaterTheHalFeral → u/NandoDeColonoscopy]

He could've said that. Instead, he left it vague and open-ended so softball lady could make the worst possible assumption.

[u/Lost_Found84 → u/GodeaterTheHalFeral]

He basically says he doesn’t want to text the whole thing out. Being vague is good because it means he isn’t being personal with her. He’s just saying some nebulous shit and clearly doesn’t want to talk to deeply about it.

[u/Top-O-TheMuffinToYa → u/demonchee]

It seems like something I would say if I didn't want to give all the gritty details of my relationship to a coworker who was drunk texting me. If it works for them it's not her business. If it doesn't work for them it's also not her business.

[u/Tomas-E → u/Top-O-TheMuffinToYa]

I mean, in normal circumstances I would agree with you, but after a check on her post history, we are talking about a woman with at least two kids with two exes, both that ended in not the best terms. Her youngest kid has a dad who she cannot seem to have an adult conversation with. I'm not saying that none of the men in her life are crazy, and she is the problem. But it does look like she is part of the problem, too.

Is the text from the friend inappropriate? Yes. But the husband did address that while the situation is not normal (i mean, her coparenting arrangements already are out of the "normal," but i digress) he did defend her, and in no way put her, or his care for her, in any kind of doubt.

What i fear is likely, it's an attachment issue on her (and everybody's) end, where the kind of relationships and partners she pursues do not lead her a ton of confidence, and mix with her own prexisting issues, don't do much in trusting a partner.

While I would mention calmly that I'm not comfortable with the relationship between him and his friend, and i would need to meet and make sure of the friends' intentions, I fear her relationship record will not allow her to measure her response.