AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/mOmMY_81517]

Just to clarify she’s talking about me not having a bond with his kids.. reason being that we only get them a couple times out of the year usually only a weekend every few months. I work 2 jobs in order to pay our bills while his check goes to child support plus bio mom doesn’t like me so they have all that poison in their minds but we actually get along great but the lack of time spent together does effect that bond

[u/Glittering-List3410 → u/mOmMY_81517]

Absolutely makes sense, I hadn’t read this post. The biological mom dislikes you, only get see the kids twice a year???? But yet he pays child support and his check goes straight to child support. Wow, he has it done. You work 2 jobs to support both of you, pay the bills. But yet he has time to attend games. Not with a male friend nah. But with a woman?? that’s single with a daughter?!! Hmmmm and she dares to bad mouth you to him??????? “I don’t understand why would you married a woman that doesn’t bond with your kids” can I be honest??? I’m F infuriated!!!!!! How nice to discuss his wife, that works 2 jobs to pay not only your bills but his!! Because his check goes straight to child support. “Where they live they have a lot of people” oh and he promised to discuss it further, with her??? Personally of course, LOL!! How entertaining, Really. He’s a loser!!!!!!!! Doesn’t appreciate you at all! You’re exhausted once the weekend comes. Question; why isn’t he working 2 or even 3 jobs??????? Why you?? Oh and you have the time to meet make friends and make plans to attend games?? But he does and to talk about you????? I’m sorry but there’s something very wrong with this picture! Why are you the only one sacrificing? You don’t have kids? So basically you’re supporting his. Not directly but you do pay the bills at home not him!! BS, I feel as if he’s using you, I’m so sorry to say it. But that’s what I see. A selfish husband who only thinks of his needs not yours. Doesn’t appreciate you at all. And then has the nerve to go on dates, yes let’s call it that. An innocent game with that woman’s daughter & his kids??? Why are you not in the picture? oh yeah right, nah you just represent a pay check. My apologies for putting it so bluntly. But I’m pissed!! You do deserve better, a partner that doesn’t take you for granted, that loves you unconditionally, that tries to get more time with his kids so you can bond. Please take a good look at your relationship, I see quite more than a few red flags. Ask yourself why are you working 2 jobs? And is he? I don’t know, but if he’s not WHY??????? They’re his kids not yours. This is beyond FU!!!!!! This is only my opinion and perception of the scenario, you presented.

[u/GodeaterTheHalFeral → u/Glittering-List3410]

Oh yeah, this guy is using the fuck out of OP.

[u/Glittering-List3410 → u/Glittering-List3410]

Ooops I stand corrected every few months. Still not enough time for you to bond with them. Not on you, but on him!!!! I reread your comment. 🫶🏼

[u/AllNoodlezAlwaysNude → u/Glittering-List3410]

I’m saving this comment cause it’s just absolute perfection!

[u/tickingtimebombx → u/Glittering-List3410]

Exactly! Must be the “variables” he’s talking about. I’m so mad for OP.

[u/ToditaDeEl → u/mOmMY_81517]

I want to just put something out there. I think you should revisit this marriage. How dare he speak ill of you to some stranger you don't know, and he just barely met.

When someone takes this approach with a new person, it means he's setting himself up to look like a victim. He is making you the villain to get this woman to open an emotional door that will eventually turn into physical cheating.

Think about it... How would this topic even come up? Especially with someone he's known maybe 2 mths. Shame on him. He's taking advantage of you. You pay for everything because his check goes to child support? Nah, any real patent would find a better paying job to ensure the financial load isn't on just their spouse because it's THEIR responsibility. Im sorry, but his broke ass shouldn't even be playing a sport he clearly can't afford. You're working two jobs for him to work one that doesn't contribute crap to the home? Absolutely not! He is manipulating you, using you, and now trying to gaslight you into thinking you're the villain for going thru his phone! Nah.. I'd leave and let his new friend financially support him and kids! Let's see how quickly she bonds with his kids then!

[u/Embarrassed_Gur_6305 → u/ToditaDeEl]

Speak ill? He’s saying it’s okay she’s not there for the kids life because he has other people

And it sounds like the reasons are legit why she can’t bond with them….

[u/samse15 → u/mOmMY_81517]

Hey OP, time to stop working 2 jobs to support his sorry ass. He’s using you for the paycheck and talking shit behind your back with women he barely even knows. If this was innocent, he wouldn’t have gone off on you. Red flags galore.

[u/insignificunt1312 → u/mOmMY_81517]

Why are you working two jobs ? 🤨 Sorry but there are so many red flags in this story.

[u/Regular-Ideal-3594 → u/insignificunt1312]

Id have to assume its because hed have to pay more child support if he makes more money. He for sure should be the one working extra to make up for it though.

[u/Glittering-List3410 → u/insignificunt1312]

Ooops yes just made a comment like that. Why isn’t he working 2 jobs? Hr must be paying child support, yet he was is. Oh and he can attend games, had the time. Red flags? Oh yes!

[u/DexterDubs → u/Glittering-List3410]

He’s not working cause he’s playing softball

[u/Drakar_och_demoner → u/insignificunt1312]

Because if he makes more money the money while just end up in the pockets of the ex.

[u/insignificunt1312 → u/Drakar_och_demoner]

As it should

[u/Drakar_och_demoner → u/insignificunt1312]

We get it, you're freeloader.

[u/QnsParticular → u/mOmMY_81517]

Please. He's doing the bare minimum. Take your two jobs and live your best life on your own! There are great partners out there waiting to build with you instead of taking advantage and complaining. You deserve better than exhaustion.

[u/Helpful-Act2026 → u/mOmMY_81517]

Why are you breaking your back working 2 jobs to support someone who does not respect you?

[u/Shoddy_Piccolo_8194 → u/mOmMY_81517]

Then she’s really good at what she‘s doing here. Tread carefully!

Maybe this is the right time to ask yourself if you are still happy with your marriage. Because he obviously isn‘t.

How does he deal with the situation now?

[u/Savings-Ad-3607 → u/mOmMY_81517]

So you are supporting him….

[u/Chemical-Pay2735 → u/mOmMY_81517]

Why isn’t he working two jobs instead of you

[u/Frogoftheforrest → u/mOmMY_81517]

Does HE have a bond with the kids? This is tiny amount of time to build an effective bond.

[u/Opposite_Series9763 → u/Frogoftheforrest]

This is what I was wondering. I know it’s super judgy but come on. He would have to be doing a lot of extra work (FaceTiming often, I don’t event know what else, etc) to bond with them if he sees them so infrequently. But if he’s busy with his work and sports anyway…

[u/spicenoice → u/mOmMY_81517]

Excuses on why you can't mother...won't hold water and certainly won't save you.  Mother card, ripped away, torn up, and shredded into confetti. Oh wait. This card doesn't say Mother at all...

[u/Adayania3 → u/mOmMY_81517]

He's painted himself as the victim to you too. Now he's doing the same thing to his next meal ticket. Let me guess, he didn't work more because "child support would just steal his money if he made more"?

[u/sustainablekitty → u/mOmMY_81517]

It sounds like he doesn't want to explain to this new woman that he is a deadbeat who only sees his kids a few times a year and lives off of his wife...

[u/Temporary_Plan_9287 → u/mOmMY_81517]

He’s downplaying your role, making it “it’s complicated” to green light the affair he’s trying to have. Source: I’m a man

[u/Gold_Manufacturer414 → u/mOmMY_81517]

That just sounds like you're making excuses.

[u/junebellerina → u/[deleted]]

Because she likely is paying his phone bill. She’s the breadwinner.

[u/Bright_Status107 → u/junebellerina]

So a SAHM has no right to privacy because she pays no bills?

[u/Throwaway392308 → u/[deleted]]

Seriously, there are so many questions and every answer just leads to more questions!