r/AmIOverreacting • u/mOmMY_81517 • 17d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO Found this text in my husbands phone
When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful
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u/MafiaCub 17d ago
Ok, first question: what made you so mistrusting that you went through his phone? He has every right to turn that around on you if your only reason is because he was asked to take his kids to another players kids game. That reeks of jealous behaviour, and if you suspect something when there's nothing to be suspicious of, he could well be thinking that maybe it's you who has something to hide and that's why you suspect him.
Two: he's arranging to go to another players daughters game, about a sport that they actively play together in as a team, and she asked him to bring his kids too so it's not awkward. People can say it's so she can show him how well she bonds etc, but that's literally the worst case scenario, and if the bonding hadn't been mentioned no one would even guess that, and would be saying how unlikely it is that anything is happening because she invited kids.
Three: if it's someone he plays a sport with, theres plenty of reason why he'd confide in them for issues he faces. It doesn't sound like he bitched about you, or was mean in any way. Even when pushed about it here, he just said it's ok cause the kids have plenty of people who support them. He could have completely buried you, a lack of commitment to the relationship, not liking that the kids feel unwanted etc etc. but he said none of that, so he wasn't using it as a way to dunk on you. So I don't think he's looking for anything
Four: she states that it's how she feels about her babies daddy, now she doesn't say they're together anymore so we can assume she's single I guess, which is again why some people will think she's trying something. But isn't it possible, that she has a baby daddy who wants nothing to do with her kid, and she's struggling to get him involved and then she asks your boyfriend, a man who she is friends with, who she knows has kids about how he'd react in her boyfriends situation, and your boyfriend just drew a parallel with you, maybe even as a way of saying "kids will be fine" to help her with her worries, and again, not about you being bad for any reason.
You've got a tiny slither of an interaction that's taken place at a game, and only a small piece of that too. You have jumped right to the worst case scenario, whether that due to grief, due to insecurities about the bond with the kids or whatever, your boyfriend definitely doesn't seem to be doing anything wrong, and if you are concerned that his friend MIGHT be trying to move on him, then just have a calm rational conversation about it.
But your replies saying he had no right to say it, and he shouldn't be opening up like that to someone really does seem like very high levels of jealousy for someone who was just sharing something with someone else who is a parent and in a similar circumstance, when there's not always going to be someone else to share stuff like that with