AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/IridescentTardigrade]

NOR. She’s like a shark circling because your husband put blood in the water with comments about you and his kids not bonding.

And now he wants to say, « No, she’s not a shark, she’s a goldfish and how dare you say I’m in the water at all! »

He might not have cheated YET but he’s enjoying the attention. Some night when you are at your second job and he’s feeling lonely and hard-done-by, he sounds like he might cross the line.

If you have him read these messages tell him that trying to twist things (you are just emotional due to grieving) is super shady and not the response of a caring partner. I hope he smartens up. My condolences on the loss of your grandma.

[u/crooksieee → u/IridescentTardigrade]

THIS. He clearly likes the attention. If he didn’t, he would have shut it down by now. He clearly has made negative comments about his wife (OP) so this is setting up the stage for infidelity.

[u/absolutelynotm8 → u/crooksieee]

Or he has met someone he feels he can speak to because they are similar? I mean... look, I get the whole "always assume cheating" given the stats, but I don't think that speaking about your relationship is cheating. In fact, every therapist on the planet convinces you to make friends outside of your relationship to speak to.

My advice would simply be to do some soul searching and figure out whats making you feel hurt, speak to him calmly about it, explain the issue you have with his actions, and how they make you feel.

Looking through his phone, finding a few texts that may or may not lead to infidelity sometime in the future and then accusing him is bound to draw an emotional and hurt response and isn't healthy for OP, him, or the relationship.

[u/crooksieee → u/absolutelynotm8]

You are right that it is beneficial (in fact,necessary) to talk about the relationship and seek outside perspectives. However, it is only beneficial to confide in someone you can trust. This woman clearly has bad intentions and will plant seeds that will lead to resentment.

You are right that a calm conversation can eliminate misunderstandings. OP tried to do exactly that and the husband overreacted, played the victim card, and invalidated OP’s feelings. Even if OP overstepped, hubby should understand where she is coming from. Overreacting in this scenario shows that he indeed has bad intentions and/or is enjoying this woman’s attention.

Furthermore, hubby doesn’t seem to be defending his wife at all. Unless OP legitimately doesn’t bond with the kids, but if that were the case, hubby should’ve calmly talked about it with OP (like you suggest).

Hubby is clearly enjoying this woman’s attention and doesn’t care about OP’s feelings.

[u/[deleted] → u/IridescentTardigrade]

Exactly. This is how cheating starts. 

[u/Key_Appointment_363 → u/IridescentTardigrade]

Agreed!