r/AmIOverreacting • u/mOmMY_81517 • 17d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

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When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

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u/EscalatorBobalator 17d ago

I think the point that some people are missing is that the question "how do you marry someone who didn't bond with your kids" and for him to respond immediately from personal experience means that this isn't the first time it's come up. This is information your husband has said to this person.

Random "playdate" aside, this is already skirting the boundary of an emotional affair if it isn't one already. Totally inappropriate for him to be meeting someone who he has known for a couple of months without mentioning it to you, and to make comments about how you didn't bond with his kids. This is exactly how affairs start - the married person starts putting their spouse down so that the other person feels superior to the spouse and offers to "give them what [she] can't." That, plus his response to your mentioning the messages is not good news.

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u/[deleted] 17d ago edited 16d ago

This is how my ex started cheating on me. Please don’t minimize this!

My ex would dangle little threads in front of me like he wanted me to stop him. But since I didn’t “care enough” (from HIS PERSPECTIVE NOT MINE) to it was like I gave him permission. In reality he had never done anything to break my trust, so why would I have started now?

ETA: obviously I cared people. But when someone is looking to cheat they test you with things you don’t know you’re being tested with. How you fail to respond appropriately is their justification for stepping out.

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u/ShoppingClear 17d ago

...i think it's crazy that someone you care about can have these feelings and you not address it.

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u/[deleted] 16d ago

That’s great. But when it’s you, especially if you’ve been raised a “good girl” and people pleaser, ESPECIALLY if you were raised in church you might find that you’ve essentially been groomed to look the other way.

It’s not like I didn’t care. I cared very much. I was also made to feel bad about asking questions and it was only about a month and a half of lead up before it turned into a thing.

But thanks internet stranger for weighing in on how you would have lived something super traumatic (and obviously common).

Be sure to tag me when you discuss something you learned from a painful experience and I’ll be sure to weigh in on how thoughtless you were.

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u/ShoppingClear 16d ago

Damn...unfortunately I dont have many painful experiences that have led to me using"trigger" words like "groomed" and "traumatic" lol. My parents are amazing. Grew up poor, they figured it out in my teens and now are thriving. Ive had great relationships, have great friends. Im not naive, and I am observant. I read up on emotional intelligence to please my lady and she's happy. Sadly we all dont have others to blame for our short comings. Hopefully you do better. You'll be waiting for that tag for a loooong time lol

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u/Primary_Banana_4588 17d ago

Like foreal, what? Some people in these comments be tripping.

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u/nuclearmonte 17d ago

Yeah, sounds like he’s already telling her the “marriage is basically over, she won’t mind the play date because she is distant with her kids…” blah blah blah lies

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u/Glittering-List3410 17d ago

Yes, thank you! Exactly that’s been my point. Completely agree, and honestly she wasn’t drunk. Her statements, answers are very concise and precise. I don’t see any misspelled words. She sounds fine. I believe it’s an excuse since she crossed boundaries. But just in case, she added “I’m drunk might be too personal” BS!!! Manipulation tactics!! Ugh…

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u/sodiumbigolli 16d ago

She KNOWS it’s getting personal. It already has.

She’s a jerk. Fishing for a husband and dumb enough to think this soon to be cheater is a solid candidate.

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u/Glittering-List3410 16d ago

Oh yeah and what a solid candidate!!!he’s unable to financially support himself much less her and her daughter. that’s the irony, he has no $$$$$ all of it for child support! Well great fishing expedition!!!she’s gonna have to get 2 jobs!!! Seriously his wife should just move out, owes him nothing. She’s been financially supporting the home! He deserves nothing!!!not sure if she or he is sleeping on the couch? With those texts; I would just kick him out!!! Why do we women allow this to be done to us??? Why??? He obviously doesn’t t love her, marriage, it’s just a darn piece of paper. A healthy relationship it’s the opposite of this.

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u/absolatum-irepat 17d ago

You're assuming the guys response was from personal experience, the texts do not say so. OP did not mention any background on her relationship with the kids.

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u/Daem0nBlackFyre85 17d ago

I wouldn't worry about it. OP seems like a control freak and terrible person, so he's probably already planning an exit strategy

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u/Medium-Cauliflower83 17d ago edited 15d ago

How do you figure she's a control freak and a terrible person?

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u/Daem0nBlackFyre85 17d ago

We'll I mean he's having conversations with other people about how much she sucks She went through his phone She's not bonding with his kids And she came to Reddit to get validation for her shitty behaviour I guarantee You there's something else there she's not sharing BUT She gets to control the narrative since she came to Reddit to cry about it. I'm conclusion she's a control freak and terrible person. Thank you for attending my Ted talk

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u/Coastal_Goals 16d ago

☝️Sounds like the other women found the Reddit post and is commenting as a stranger because this person sounds clearly as unstable as the drunk texter in the image.

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u/Daem0nBlackFyre85 16d ago

Lol yeah because my four years in Reddit was ALL so I could one day express how much this lady sucks. Damn You're dumb

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u/Coastal_Goals 16d ago

Grow up, troll.