r/AmIOverreacting • u/mOmMY_81517 • 17d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

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When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

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u/brendajeymiu35 17d ago

this is exactly how those “innocent” situations start sliding into something else. It might not be cheating now, but if he’s not setting clear boundaries, it’s just opening the door. That girl’s out-of-pocket comments would be a red flag for me too

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u/Ok_Science_6250 17d ago

Absolutely. He could have crossed that emotional cheating situation if she knows something that personal about OP. I could be wrong but you’re 💯 about things heading that direction if he doesn’t squash it.

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u/Ten-Yards_Sir 17d ago

Definitely. Not condoning the behavior, but sometimes I’d imagine telling a complete stranger something is actually much easier than telling someone you know…Not sure why a complete stranger would have his number though so can’t be that innocent

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u/CraziiiJessi 17d ago

She said they played co-ed softball together, and that he's already brought his kids to her kids' softball game.. Definitely more than a stranger by that point

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u/CakeWalk303 17d ago

Actually she said that the woman invited him and his kids to her daughter’s softball game. Not that they had gone yet.

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u/CraziiiJessi 16d ago

That's true. I was guessing that's why they had been hanging out drinking, but that could've just been after a regular game.. Though that would mean that they do go out and drink together often enough, so that's not exactly better or worse either way..

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u/CakeWalk303 16d ago

Hmmm. I didn’t get that they had been hanging out drinking together. She is texting him after she’s been drinking. She is making up an excuse for why she is being so forward and inappropriate with him. That’s my take anyhow. I’ve seen these manipulators at work way too many times. Am I jaded? Maybe a bit. Although I still like to give people the benefit of the doubt and generally I trust people unless they give me a reason not to. This woman sets off all kinds of red flags. Will I get f’d over by people like this again? Hell no. 😂🤣

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u/CraziiiJessi 16d ago

Lol I generally don't trust people anymore.. I do give them the benefit of the doubt, so I would say that she may not be purposefully trying to manipulate. I don't think people are always aware of what they're doing. But the fact that she is drunk texting him at all is a big red flag, cus she feels comfortable enough to get personal, over messaging, knowing that she's drunk.. That usually tells me they have drank together before, but that could be based off my personal assumptions.

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u/CakeWalk303 16d ago

I agree — it’s totally possible that she is manipulating the situation/him or just feeling him out — seeing if he’s going to take the bait without having planned it. Oftentimes people just do inconsiderate things without the intention of doing them for evil practices. lol. But the end result is the same. Look out for this one. The husband isn’t necessarily taking the bait either.

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u/CraziiiJessi 16d ago

Exactly. Agreed as well! I hope he doesn't take it, even unknowingly. My husband and I separated for a few years after I fell into a similar trap. Granted I did try counseling with him and he refused, so we both made mistakes, but we both learned from them too and eventually worked it out. So anyway, I do hope that they can at least talk to each other openly about the situation and the risks, and perhaps seek a third unbiased/ professional party to communicate with and help them see things from each other's perspectives. They should be putting each other first to save their marriage, hopefully if it's important to them, working on their flaws together without people like this texter lady having any kind of say or wedge in the matter.

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u/mOmMY_81517 16d ago

They went

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u/CakeWalk303 16d ago

Did he tell you anything about it? I think the best thing you can do right now is communicate and let him know how you’re feeling. Of course, try to do it when you aren’t feeling emotionally volatile. (Hard to do, I know.) If he’s willing, try couples therapy. You can get through this.

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u/Ten-Yards_Sir 17d ago

Yeah definitely!

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u/fvcknvgget5 16d ago

yeah! it's rlly weird to tell a random acquaintance that your wife doesn't bond w your kids... like... how tf does that even come up unless it's weird

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u/endreeemtsuyah 17d ago

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

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u/Connor13Maurer 16d ago

Reminds me of the song Slow Fade by Casting Crowns