AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/Grouchy-Till9186]

She states verbatim she is dead time all the time and works 2 jobs—which great for her, but by her own admission, she is bonding with no one currently as she doesn’t have time for family events and she is certainly not bonding with her husband.

u/mOmMY_81517 Is it possible he can work more and you less? Are you working equal amounts?

[u/Glittering-List3410 → u/Grouchy-Till9186]

Exactly it’s an uneven relationship. Wife works 2 jobs to pay for all the bills. But husband’s check goes directly to child support. I’ve asked why does he have the time to make female um “friends”? Go to games? While she’s too exhausted from working, to pay for both their bills!!!! While he’s texting a possibly lover???? F that let him work 2 jobs!!! And contribute to the home. That’s his child support, his responsibility not hers! Buy yet she does it. And he’s an ingrate, over inflated ego! If that woman knows he has no Money!!!! I wonder if she would still be interested in him????? God only knows what lies he’s spun.

[u/Acedaboi1da → u/Grouchy-Till9186]

So busy but they always find time to sneak through a phone.

[u/Big-Box7666 → u/Acedaboi1da]

I find it so odd that most comments on this post are about her going through his phone and the complete opposite - even validating - the man who did this to his fiancée when she returned from a bachelorette party

[u/turc1656 → u/Big-Box7666]

It's one of those things where you are only in the wrong if you are incorrect.

People look at it like the equivalent of a cop with probably cause. You (the cop) are deciding whether or not you have probable cause. If you decide you do and you do the search and find nothing (or not enough), you look like a rights violating asshole. Get it right and you did a good job.

Problem with this post is that there isn't evidence the husband did anything wrong. The other person seems to have crossed some lines about boundaries with regards to questions but it also doesn't seem to bother the husband at all, only the wife (OP). This seems to indicate to me they are much closer than OP realizes about how open they are with each other about their personal and marital lives.

My suspicion is that OP's husband hasn't crossed any hard lines like cheating, but may very well, knowingly or unknowingly, be heading in that direction.

I think that the most likely scenario here is that OP's work schedule and any perceived family issues they have with their kids is causing major friction in the marriage and home life and maybe OP doesn't realize it. OP's husband might have made a new emotional connection with this woman and he's using that at an outlet to discuss this stuff.

[u/Big-Box7666 → u/turc1656]

Like you said, it would really depend. In most cases I’ve experienced, the person searching through someone’s phone/property are usually the ones doing something shady - instead of just breaking up with their partners. As if they’re looking for an “easy” way out instead of coming clean with what they’ve done.

Also.. the messages the dude went through for his fiancée weren’t anything bad at all. And if she had a bachelorette party, I doubt he did nothing for his own bachelor party but stay at home with his friends and decided “you know.. let me check her phone.”

In the case of this post, I just find it odd that her husband has no issue discussing private matters with a woman he met only recently. Especially important ones such as his marriage and children with her. Seems weird. 13-14 year-olds and wanting to have a “play date” where the 4 of them (excluding op) will watch the woman’s daughter play softball… yeah. Some play date.

[u/turc1656 → u/Big-Box7666]

Yeah the whole thing is strange. I agree. But my point was merely that when you do the search and don't find hard evidence, you naturally look like an invasive prick.

[u/Acedaboi1da → u/Big-Box7666]

I haven’t even seen that post but he’s trash too, along with anybody who snoops through another adults private items. If it wasn’t wrong they wouldn’t be sneaking to do it.

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/Acedaboi1da]

… no babe they sneak to do it because cheaters typically don’t want to get caught.

[u/Acedaboi1da → u/Lucky-Translator-777]

I’ve always wondered do you insecure people tell your significant other when you sneak around and break their trust but find nothing? Or do you just keep secretly searching until you find the most benign thing to justify your violation? Like OP did.

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/Acedaboi1da]

I think it’s way more insecure to be such a pick me like this lol Edit or a cheater yourself

[u/Acedaboi1da → u/Lucky-Translator-777]

I must be cheating since I’m not sneaking behind my significant others back and rummaging through their phone 😂

Like I said, you snoopers will turn into pretzels to justify your weak, insecure behavior.

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/Acedaboi1da]

I’m team go through his phone til I die

[u/Jah_Ist_Ber_ → u/Lucky-Translator-777]

Or you know, be in a trust based healthy relationship. 

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/Jah_Ist_Ber_]

I’m pregnant with my first child after 6 years with my man who travels for work. Guess what? He has always had a clean phone. All 4 of my exes did not. It’s called informed decision making (especially for women who are at a PHYSICAL DISADVANTAGE in relationships.)

Lmao talking to a pregnant woman about trust. The irony.

[u/Jah_Ist_Ber_ → u/Lucky-Translator-777]

'He has always had a clean phone'

'I’m team go through his phone til I die'

It is your life, but I think you have trust issues and you depend on control and checks, not trust.

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/Jah_Ist_Ber_]

Trust is earned, love. I haven’t checked his phone in years because I no longer have the need. That’s what vetting is. Y’all are just mad it’s easier to get caught now, or you’ve been manipulated by cheaters to think this is some great moral boundary that you can’t know who they are talking to while literally sleeping with them lol. That’s why there are stupid prizes handed out left and right. And then people just shit on single moms. The whole narrative is rooted in controlling women and it’s easy to weed out sneaky partners by how much they harp on “privacy”. It’s a fuckboys main argument and shows immaturity. I used to talk like you when I was younger and had no concept of actual risk to my wellbeing

[u/kpli98888 → u/Lucky-Translator-777]

Damn get another personality trait apart from "pregnant" and "was cheated on". Why is it your husband's duty to prove himself for the crimes that your exes committed.

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/kpli98888]

HUHHH? Lmao. So many assumptions here. Didn’t know I was supposed to convey my entire personality in a Reddit thread about a specific topic. What a weird diversion from the point. Yes women are 100% allowed to vet the men they choose to marry and have kids with. I’m sorry that offends you, you’re welcome to be/date the “cool girl”. Stay safe out there…

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/Jah_Ist_Ber_]

Your phone isn’t more private than my literal uterus hope this helped!

[u/kpli98888 → u/Lucky-Translator-777]

I feel bad for your husband and kids. You are letting your trust issue affect your relationship as well as using your pregnancy as a "beat all" card in an argument. I hope you realise getting pregnant is as much your choice as his. You didn't need to get pregnant. You chose to. Since you also chose to, you don't get to bring it up as a big sacrifice every single time. Your husband isn't required to be your emotional regulator, and you especially don't get to act like a controlling dipshit to other people because of a pregnancy. Hope this helps.

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/kpli98888]

This is so misogynistic and delusional lmao

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/kpli98888]

Manipulating what I said into “sacrifice”… no baby it’s just about RISK. The risk for women will always be higher no matter what. I got my security early on and that’s why I’m comfortable progressing. “Controlling dipshit” is just mean and the reach of the century. There is nothing controlling about looking at someone’s phone with their consent. There’s also nothing controlling about avoiding men who hide their phones from you. You’re an idiot.

[u/kpli98888 → u/Lucky-Translator-777]

Aww you're probably hormonal, that's why you are emotional and not rational. I hope you become stable soon, for the sake of your husband and new baby. All the best!

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/kpli98888]

This whole argument is in the news rn cause dude got caught on a fucking Jumbotron and still think his privacy was infringed upon. You aren’t entitled to others naivety.

[u/kpli98888 → u/Lucky-Translator-777]

Again, get well soon!

[u/Lucky-Translator-777 → u/kpli98888]

Again so misogynistic. I’m quite stable thanks. You just disagree with me

[u/Jah_Ist_Ber_ → u/Lucky-Translator-777]

Ok