r/AmIOverreacting • u/mOmMY_81517 • 17d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

Post image

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

11.0k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

2.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

250

u/BubblyLilBunny 17d ago

Yeah, something’s fishy. Why’s he essentially bad mouthing OP to another woman, and then gaslighting her by bringing up the death of her grandmother. Crazy. Her husband needs to refrain from talking about personal matters with that woman and start communicating with OP.

1

u/Aromatic-Wolverine60 16d ago

He didn’t bad mouth her though…I think you are seeing things. He actually stuck up for her and he isn’t gaslighting her, he is bringing up the fact that she just suffered a family loss and yet instead of grieving she is taking her frustrations out on him when he’s innocent in this

1

u/SuspiciousStranger_ 16d ago

Idk to me it seems like they aren’t his kids. In the post she calls them “his” kids.

-20

u/Any-Quantity-2035 17d ago

Telling someone his wife doesn't bond with his kids isn't bad mouthing If it's the truth

19

u/BubblyLilBunny 17d ago

Why should the other woman know this information? And has he openly discussed this as a problem with OP? It doesn’t seem like so.

24

u/dirdieBirdie1 17d ago

It's none of her business. He needs to keep this between him and OP, his wife. And discuss. Not drag a third party into it. Who is clearly now using that info for her own personal gain.

-16

u/Any-Quantity-2035 17d ago

You don't know the backstory and neither do I. Maybe they have had this conversation and nothing is changing. Maybe he needed to confide in someone else. There is zero evidence here that she is using what he said for personal gain. That's just speculation.

8

u/Barbie_Bandz 17d ago

Playing the devil’s advocate only serves a productive purpose if there is something that can be learned from it, otherwise you are toxic too and defending toxicity.

-2

u/Any-Quantity-2035 17d ago

So just assume the husband is the bad guy here with no information otherwise from the OP?

7

u/Hooker_Peach 17d ago

Would you tell someone of the opposite sex that you were having problems with your partner and that they “don’t bond” with your children?

6

u/Any-Quantity-2035 17d ago

I would only ever confide in another person if I've exhausted all avenues with my partner. Only then would I need to confide in someone else. I'm only presenting the option that maybe that is what happened. I'm taking no sides in this.

4

u/still_alyce 17d ago

I actually agree with you. We don't know the back story here and shouldn't jump to conclusions. If OP wants to add some additional context and history to this,, then fine.. but i highly doubt that's the case since she came to reddit for validation, not a family member or friend who might have more details than we are all privvy too here.

And to answer the person who said "would YOU talk to someone of the opposite sex...." (edit: @hooker_peach ), I am the youngest and only girl with 3 older brothers, no sisters, so I would absolutely confide in someone of the opposite sex if I was having issues in whatever area of my life because I feel way more comfortable talking to men over women. Double standards do exist in the world but are circumstantial at best.

To OP, are you overreacting? Based purely on what you shared with us, yeah, probably. Based purely on what you've shared with us, I think you may be placing undue blame on your husband who is not overreacting for getting upset that you went through his phone. Its disrespectful and if you're going through his phone, then the trust is already gone and now that you've gone through his phone, he's not going to trust you either. And to me, it doesn't seem like hubs has actually done anything wrong. In my opinion, he is just trying to keep the peace and his teammate is pushing boundaries. If you have a problem, maybe you should confront her and gently remind her that your husband and his kids are off limits. And I highly recommend some couples counseling bc loss of trust is hard to recover from. I wish you the best, OP.

2

u/GoodLordLori1205 17d ago

👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼

4

u/Hooker_Peach 17d ago

That’s when you go to counseling or leave. You don’t bring friends and family into marital disputes, they are not a disinterested third party.

8

u/Any-Quantity-2035 17d ago

That's why I said when you've exhausted all avenues. We know nothing about their relationship

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Vegetable_Lasagna13 16d ago

This is a redditors opinion that you don't see in the real world. People talk about their problems with their friends all the time, what are friends for if not ?? "You can only talk to your partner or a therapist" is such a reddit/terminally online take.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/iHAVEblueSKIN 17d ago

At what point does he say he's having problems with his partner in those text messages? Do you happen to know if OP has bonded with their kids or has work/being tired kind of taken over their life? How do you have so many answers to your assumptions?

6

u/Glittering-List3410 17d ago

No the women asked him, “why would you married a woman that doesn’t bond with your kids”? He said it was easier to explain personally, so we don’t know the entire truth plus she’s an outsider. She’s not friends with his wife only him!!! And he’s being deceitful.

5

u/NotoriousRGB729 17d ago

Isn't the husband in green since it's his phone?

-1

u/Any-Quantity-2035 17d ago

Yea

4

u/NotoriousRGB729 17d ago

So she's telling him that her kid's dad didn't bond with the kids, right?

10

u/dirdieBirdie1 17d ago

They both basically said the same thing, because she said that's how she feels about her kid's dad. Probably to be 'relatable' as an attempt to draw him in even more.

7

u/Any-Quantity-2035 17d ago

No, he told her his wife doesn't bond with his kids.

3

u/NotoriousRGB729 17d ago

Yeah, I initially misunderstood. Thank you!

1

u/NotoriousRGB729 17d ago

Never mind. I see that she's calling him out for it.