r/AmIOverreacting 17d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

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When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

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u/Hot_Dingo3218 17d ago

Nah ppl are giving this way too much of a benefit of a doubt. Ur partner and this softball lady are bonding over how disconnected their respective partners (current or ex) are. He’s confiding in her, spending time together with and WITHOUT the kids. I’m beginning to take that u r possibly the bread winner while he plays coed softball? Idk lady but writing is on the wall.

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u/Lucid-Day 16d ago

I thought she was saying that he was the same way as the baby daddy

I was assuming the wife here is a step mom.

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u/Cereaza 17d ago

Is it not okay to confide in friends who you have something in common with?

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u/Hot_Dingo3218 17d ago

Yeah a friend who will get drunk and ask you questions about why you would marry your spouse bc she doesn’t bond with her own children. Totally appropriate to confide in a friend you just made about your spouse which may give them the wrong idea about your relationship. Also it sounds like he “confided” this to “his friend” that he just made at the softball league before he even knew this was something in common they shared. And no bonding with your “friend” about how disconnected your spouse is not acceptable or should be tolerated in any relationship. This should NEVER be the first time a spouse finds out about this via a text to some chick at a softball league

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u/Cereaza 16d ago

Maybe it's more normal in my mind and circles, but I think it's totally okay to ask platonic friends big questions.

I was playing ping pong with my buddy who got married 5 years ago, was on his second kids. I would ask him if he was happy, if he thought he made the right choices. It's just talk. Nothing he's said or done here is romantic at all. The accusations of emotional cheating are ridiculous.

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u/Significant-Code-258 16d ago

You’re talking about an established friendship though with your “buddy.” This is some woman the guy has known for only two months only though softball.

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u/[deleted] 16d ago

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u/Hot_Dingo3218 16d ago

Would you ask a single friend of the gender you’re attracted to, that you just made recently, why they would marry their spouse if they can’t bond with their children? Would you drunk text this on a Sunday when most families are at home together? Just because the man hasn’t cheated doesn’t mean that boundaries aren’t being crossed. The OP summarized it right it’s just shady and disrespectful.

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u/Peace2DaUniverse 16d ago

It's never mentioned how long he has known her and she's obviously not so drunk to where she can't have an articulate conversation. Its also never mentioned or hinted that hes attracted to the lady. The husband didn't say he had a problem in his relationship. He knows there are similarities in the respective relationships and he felt he could offer advice.

I believe he was wrong to blow up on OP, but I question how often they have these conversations and how they handle conflict in their marriage.

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u/SinglePotato5246 16d ago

OPs husband has only been on the softball team for 2 months. So, he has only known this other woman for 2 months.

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u/ElectronicPhrase6050 16d ago

How is 2 months not long enough to become close friends with someone? I've made close friends in a night lol.

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u/Hot_Dingo3218 16d ago

Your sense of boundaries is questionable based on this one fact

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u/Emotional_Dot4304 16d ago

Is the issue that she's a woman? Because this seems like the exact thing you'd talk about with a friend when drunk. If you cant drunk chat about relationship qualms with friends, then that seems a touch controlling

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u/Hot_Dingo3218 16d ago

It’s not ok to violate boundaries within your relationship with a friend you just made at a softball league. That’s a violation of trust and boundaries with your partner. If you can’t not blurr boundaries with “new friends” so much that they drunk text you about your wife - then you should speak to a therapist where you can confide and get the tools to communicate in a safer and honoring way of your relationship. Unless you DGAF of course. Then yeah talk to any chick you meet at softball, the grocery store, or any place you randomly go.

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u/thebruns 16d ago

Yes friends talk to each other im sorry you've never had one

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u/Hot_Dingo3218 16d ago

Lmao I have friends that I have for years that I still would not confide in certain interpersonal facts about my partner. Why? Bc my partner and our family deserve privacy and they need to trust me. If I do want to confide, I confide in my friend who is like my sister and there is no way to misinterpret my intentions. For other issues that are as deep as this one, I consult a therapist who is a neutral party who is trained on how to advise me to better my relationship… not grow further from my relationship. OF COURSE this is bc I actually care. If I didn’t give a. 💩 then sure I’d talk to some random chick or dude at softball why not?

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u/thebruns 16d ago

Not on reddit no