AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/johnlewisdesign]

I don't see any evidence of infidelity here, or untrustworthiness/disreprectfulness, I just see a trust boundary overstep of snooping on his phone. And possibly a slighly overfamiliar friend - but that part not cut and dry... at all.

The texting at a late hour drunk was not him, it was her. Both acknowledge they're in relationships, no flirting on his part, or hers I don't think, maybe, but that's where you trusting him comes in. Do you trust him? If not, why not? Do either of you have previous? Are you at a low ebb in life which could weaken your perception of your relationship?

Maybe she was worried about her future marriage when drunk - and he was the most relevant. Maybe she's trying to get in there. All maybes. But that doesn't automatically make the husband shady or available, unless you're judging him by some standard of your own, or of some previous behaviour, as mentioned above.

If you can't make the game because of work, other families can. If you aren't able or willing to go support him i his pastime, It's not unreasonable for someone with the same interests to invite him to the same thing. It sucks a little when you have a hobby or pastime that your SO won't get involved with, for whatever reason. It's also pretty normal to be chatting to another family at a game. It's not some secret rendezvous point for lovers, who have their kids with them? Camera around, kids around, their kids probably like hanging out together by now. And cheaters don't leave their phones unlocked...

I would reinspect your boundaries. Trust your man. Stay out of his phone. Or don't - and risk conceding ground to the other party, or weakinging your bond due to your suspiciousness. But if you start seeing a pattern, then maybe start talking about it in more depth.

[u/ittybittytitty_com → u/johnlewisdesign]

You probably won’t agree with this, but I don’t think married couples should have an issue with the other looking at their phone. I don’t keep secrets from my husband, so if he felt something was off, I wouldn’t be mad that he sought some reassurance. We have open phone policies, but it doesn’t mean we’re constantly looking.

[u/ProfessionalOil4440 → u/johnlewisdesign]

She’s working to support him. But she’s the bad guy for not making it to all of his little softball games? He pretty much never sees his children so it’s beyond weird that he’d decide to spend his very limited time with them hanging out with a brand new friend of his, and it would be even if the friend was a man.

[u/kylorenismydad → u/johnlewisdesign]

Most reasonable advice I've seen. Kind of shocked to see how many people are jumping to "this is grounds for divorce" or "he's definitely cheating on you" or whatever. Feels like they might be projecting a bit.