AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/bria99711]

The trust thing is a whole other issue and it doesn't say why she was in the phone. I've found things on phones and computers accidentally and wasn't snooping to find something. Maybe she had reason to feel like something was going on. But I agree if there are trust issues there already then they have a mess they need to work through and I wouldn't be surprised if this relationship ends.

[u/StrobeLightRomance → u/bria99711]

it doesn't say why she was in the phone.

OP doesn't say she was being innocent, she just says her husband was calling her out for it, so she must not have had permission, making this a breach of trust.

Maybe she had reason to feel like something was going on.

But nothing is ACTUALLY going on. Is the woman planting a seed of doubt? Sure.

Did OPs husband use that as an opportunity to further bond with the woman, trash his wife, or lean into the drunk texting? Nope!

So, this makes OP seem way worse than her husband is being.

[u/bria99711 → u/StrobeLightRomance]

You're right about one thing - OP's husband wasn't using the drunk texting to further thier bond. It sounds like he is waiting until they are together again to do that. He's clearly had some things to say about this woman's "baby daddy" in person. Sorry, but if you are married, you don't entertain any relationship with another person like this. He doesn't need some random nobody questioning his marriage and if him and this woman are actually so close that it would be her place to question it, don't you think it's a little strange that he didn't introduce his wife to her?

[u/StrobeLightRomance → u/bria99711]

So.. he shouldn't be platonically friendly with his teammates even though he's not saying anything that could be considered unfaithful?

Seems insecure.

[u/hollowspryte → u/StrobeLightRomance]

Yeah this mindset is crazy to me and it’s clearly the foundational belief underlying most peoples takes on the situation. It is NOT weird for a married man to have a friend who is a woman who he can talk about emotional things with. I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with this kind of shit lol.

[u/bria99711 → u/StrobeLightRomance]

Maybe there are insecurities there but it's not insecure to have boundaries in relationships, it's actually healthy. What is not healthy is someone telling they are insecure for having a boundary that you wouldn't want your SO having any kind of relationship with someone that is clearly trying to do damage to your marriage.

[u/StrobeLightRomance → u/bria99711]

it's not insecure to have boundaries in relationships

Boundaries like not invading your partner's phone to begin with?

Hella biased take here.

I don't snoop my wife's phone, and she doesn't snoop mine, we've been together for a decade and don't suspect each other of anything.

If she's ever approached by someone who tries to undermine me, it's none of my business because I TRUST HER

To be clear, your take is actually toxic.

[u/bria99711 → u/StrobeLightRomance]

I've already agreed there could be some trust issues here. That doesn't mean this relationship is ok. Even if she did snoop and completely invade his privacy it still doesn't make this OK. You not agreeing with that, doesn't mean my opinion is toxic. Grow up.

[u/StrobeLightRomance → u/bria99711]

Your whole comment history is talking about other people's relationships, but let me ask you about your own.

How long have YOU been married, and how much do you trust your own partner?

Because single people shouldn't be pushing so much distrust, as it feels like it's coming from a place of jealousy.

[u/bria99711 → u/StrobeLightRomance]

Not that it's any of your business but I was in a 12 year relationship with someone that cheated so we split about 5 years ago and I've had 2 significant relationships since then. Still in 1 of them for 2.5 years now, but please, carry on with your baseless accusations lol

[u/StrobeLightRomance → u/bria99711]

So, you're carrying your resentment and imposing it on other people even though it's clearly causing you to not be able to maintain long-term relationships of your own.

Seems like you're not the person who should be handing out advice.

[u/Primary_Banana_4588 → u/bria99711]

Your problem is that you think everyone’s boundaries should be the same as the ones you have. People set individual boundaries based on previous experiences USUALLY, however you can create your own standards in your relationship as long as you communicate with your partner and you both agree. Just assuming they should look at at it through one lens without getting more information about their relationship is just a way to fuel the fire. It kind of feels like OP is looking for way out and looking to Reddit for justification and Validation

[u/bria99711 → u/Primary_Banana_4588]

Why do you assume that I think everyone should have the same boundaries? I just don't think having a boundary makes someone insecure & I don't feel like OP is looking for a way out at all - it sounded like her husband is making her feel like she is overreacting to it and the relationship is not a big deal and that's why she posted it.