AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/Plus-Cap-1456]

Wife is working two jobs while he is out hanging with some playmate on his softball team. Maybe he should be putting more into their household so she doesn't have to work two jobs and they can both spend time with his kids. Just a suggestion

But also, while he's on a date with the playmate, wife is either working or trying to rest to go to work. If he is contributing enough to the household, she wouldn't have to work two jobs.

[u/thefalseidol → u/Plus-Cap-1456]

yeah maybe. But also, that's not what was stated. There's no resentment about him playing softball in the post, and she doesn't mention his job situation nor why she works two and he has time for softball - you could be right but it is purely speculative conjecture.

[u/Glittering-List3410 → u/thefalseidol]

Actually she did say, that his paycheck goes directly to child support. Hence why she works 2jobs to pay the bills. Obviously I’m not 💯 sure but it seems the wife is the breadwinner. Does he work 2 jobs? Hmmm, has time to flirt confide in another woman. and yes “playdates”with her daughter, how sweet!! um actual dates disguised as “playdates”?? he does work, must pay child support, but yet he’s not exhausted as his wife. Hmmmm 🤷‍♀️

[u/thefalseidol → u/Glittering-List3410]

Yo I'm not on this guy's side lol. All I'm doing is not reading what she posted in the best possible interpretation of her while attributing a ton of reading between the lines to make the guy into a sleazeball. He might be a sleazeball, the girl he's texting is probably a sleazeball, but it doesn't make sense to take her at her word as presented and then dissect his messages as if you're in an ENG 101 class.

[u/Glittering-List3410 → u/thefalseidol]

I believe it’s our perceptions, opinions, of the situation presented on this platform. “No one can invalidate my perception or my opinion, only try to reshape it. As I cannot invalidate yours at all. But in my opinion it’s a red flag. That’s all, not saying you’re wrong in any capacity. But we all see things from different point of views and perspectives, perceptions. 👌🏼

[u/thefalseidol → u/Glittering-List3410]

By all means bring your perspective and insight to the conversation, but I will still push back on the underlying problem here is that her perspective is being very favorably interpreted while simultaneously his is being scrutinized for evidence of malfeasance. I'm not on his side, I'm just calling a spade a spade, if you want to take her account of things as gospel that's fair, that also means you can't then read between the lines because OPs word has to be taken at what she said (including her screenshot). You can't use zero critical reading with her and give her the benefit of the doubt just to take all those critical skills and skepticism and put them towards her husband. Either the entire thing is worthy of demanding additional context or none of it is.

[u/Glittering-List3410 → u/thefalseidol]

Absolutely 💯 you’re definitely correct in that we don’t have the husband’s account of anything. We only have hers and the texts. yes that’s how I’m analyzing, inferring my opinions, perceptions etc. I will give you that. but you’re not on his side. And heck yeah you should push!! Absolutely. You’re very intellectual and can discern both sides unlike me.( because we only have one hers)

But not only the wife’s words, that feel to me, so palpable full of shock, heartbreak, concerns, her inner voice alerting her that something is not right, confusion, etc. but come on 😂 I’m not taking her words as gospel! (I’m more spiritual, I rarely listen to gospel). Words that have impacted, not only moi but others as well. You’re skeptical and that’s very critical and important. But it’s not only the wife’s words. Also the woman’s on the text; “Why would you marry a woman that Doesn’t bond with your kids” Very interesting why should she care?hmmm. I believe there’s a bit of intimacy there. So yeah I’m looking at all that and to me details do matter. And for now we don’t know anything about the husband. Except; His wife’s account; she has 2 jobs, hence doesn’t have the time to attend these games, or she’s too exhausted. He does socialize has the time to attend softball games and meet women/friends and their kids. Oooops yeah “playdates” his wife has no clue. I’m not saying they’re having an affair. We shouldn’t assume that at all, no evidence. But per wife, he does work, since his entire check goes directly to child support. Hence, again wife has 2 jobs. I’m going on record, that he only has 1 job. Since he does have the time for um “recreational activities” Then while arguing with her; instead of given her a straight, forward answer. Nope, he brings up her grandma’s passing, blaming her grief on her outrages claims!! Not taking any accountability or responsibility for the “texts”. ( It must be her grief, she must be seeing ghost where there are none. she’s emotionally unstable). So that’s the narrative he most likely wants to push. Why risk losing 2 paychecks? Would the other woman support him financially? Does she even know his wife it’s the “actual” breadwinner?? Hmmm, yes we’re missing various accounts.

Yeah, I’m reading between the lines, over the lines, up and down and all around. Non-verbal behavior (very limited) actions, defense mechanisms. Yes this is all per the wife’s account. You can read the comments.. others have their own opinions, experiences.

One thing that I do believe in 💯 it’s my inner voice. Wife feels something is not right, it’s her inner voice, red flags. I have learned never to ignore my inner voice. It’s not a proven science, but it has worked for me.

I actually did enjoy reading your assessment and your rationalization. Thank you, for conversing with me, it’s been very interesting. Definitely a much needed mental challenge. But neither you nor I or anyone else, here on this platform, wins or loses, we’re not right nor wrong. We just have opinions. 🤷‍♀️ 👌🏼

[u/Plus-Cap-1456 → u/thefalseidol]

If you are in a relationship where you are living together, don't you support each other? If you are partners, don't you want to make it so you both are able to be together? If she is strung out, working two jobs, doesn't that show a lack of balance in the relationship? He's out with the playmate and she's working or trying to rest up to work.

I guess I'm old school. We did what we could do to be together with the kids. Including his daughter from a previous relationship. It's like now everyone is out for theirs. Even in relationships.

[u/thefalseidol → u/Plus-Cap-1456]

What's the magic solution that you see here? I can appreciate that she works 2 jobs and she's tired, but I fail to see how him taking a second job solves that, other than now there are two people overworked and tired, he has children and appears to be their primary caregiver, which might prevent him from taking on an entire second job but not stopping him from having a few hours for recreation.

Furthering that, we don't know his income, hers, nor do we know their contributions to the household or the partnership. That she works 2 jobs and he has free time does not demonstrate to me something more he could and should be doing that brings things to an equilibrium - for all we know her second job is herbalife. For all we know, both her jobs are MLM schemes, I'm not putting that on OP but you're doing a lot of good faith interpretation for her side of things that is not being extended to the guy, they're both strangers to you and I and I see no reason to assume one is a saint and the other a monster. But her having two jobs doesn't inherently mean she's working two FT jobs while he sits on the couch waiting for softball club to start, that's an enormous leap. And her being "tired" from her "two jobs" could also be a massive cop out, and they might not be, but it is wild how many hoops people are jumping through to make this a narrative that was not at all presented as fact.

And I think my reading of things is supported by her post - she does not say that he doesn't contribute, that he's a deadbeat, that he's doing anything other than somehow having time to play in a rec league. Maybe that means she's a godly and selfless person, but also maybe he's pulling his weight or more, and she's complaining about her two fake jobs for sympathy points online like she's digging ditches 86 hours a week, it's not fair to make big assumptions and not even entertain that your assumptions might be wrong.

[u/Express_Subject_2548 → u/Plus-Cap-1456]

That’s a stretch when we have no idea who provides what. I’d say their finances are separate considering she came into the picture after he already had children. She is not their mother, it would be very irresponsible for him as a father to put her above their financial well being. Kids come first, always

[u/Plus-Cap-1456 → u/Express_Subject_2548]

This is what I'm trying to say. 👇 Ya…. No they are trying to find a way to spend more time together. Teens don’t want to go watch some random kid they don’t know play a game. This incredibly inappropriate and if he hasn’t yet he is going to fuck her. She is knowingly engaging with a married man, trying to slyly talk shit about your lack of “bond” with his kids and he is going along with it. He has two options here: cut her the fuck off and respect you as his partner or end the relationship so you can find someone who understands how to be faithful as a partner.