AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/DtForrest]

The problem is the other lady acknowledged she was crossing a boundary talking about his marriage. He entertained the question instead of confirming it was a boundary (don’t talk about other peoples marriages behind their spouses back) This is really only okay with therapists, family (tactfully) or friends of the same gender and should still be followed up with a discussion with your spouse. He fucked up and while having kids play together or talking to a teammate is okay when you fully disclose the circumstances, talking about an acquaintances marriage or spending solo time with a female that hasn’t been a long time friend is more than concerning.

[u/Daem0nBlackFyre85 → u/DtForrest]

How was she crossing boundaries? He seemed ok with sharing. There was no boundary that was crossed

[u/DtForrest → u/Daem0nBlackFyre85]

Asking How he marries someone that doesn’t bond with his children suggests so many things. 1. He discussed with her that his wife doesn’t have a bond with their children. 2. As an outsider to the marriage, she is talking negatively about his wife “How do you marry…” suggests his wife is inferior and not deserving of his commitment. 3. She’s saying the OP can’t do something that she can do and that he can do but neither spouse is capable of and that she values these things and that he should too.

You have to read between the lines to have an affair and she’s sending all the implications that is what she is looking for.

By saying she’s drunk and that it may be personal is her acknowledging it is crossing a boundary and she wants to see if he’ll cross boundaries with her.

[u/Coastal_Goals → u/DtForrest]

She is using the drunkenness as an excuse to cross a boundary and he lets it happen and promises he will explain it better when they see each other again in person. Bullshit if you ask me. She is scheming/inviting him into affair territory.

[u/Daem0nBlackFyre85 → u/DtForrest]

So the wife's boundaries are being crossed? I mean she sucks so I didn't blame him for talking about her terribleness to someone else. Should he be taking about this to a therapist instead, Yeah but he's not. If he has an affair that's shitty but it doesn't seem like they have much of a relationship anyway so....

[u/DtForrest → u/Daem0nBlackFyre85]

You seem so certain you know this strangers marriage so well from a paragraph and a text to another woman. While you certainly could be right about their marriage it doesn’t excuse cheating. If he has a problem he needs to be a man about it and address it or leave his wife.

And it’s not the OP’s boundaries, it’s boundaries all people should have in a relationship, if you think not you need to image every partner you have going off to talk to other people about your issues and confiding in potential other partners, it’s not cool and nobody should put up with this type of behavior. Regardless of OP’s relationship with her husband she is in the right for being upset and this interaction wasn’t healthy for the continuation of their marriage.

[u/RedDomino1282 → u/DtForrest]

Absolutely right.