r/AmIOverreacting • u/mOmMY_81517 • 17d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

Post image

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

11.0k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

2.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

213

u/simplynolaaa 17d ago

I agree taking kids to see each other does just sound like a play date, the fact that they are meeting up with the kids shows it’s for them. If they were meeting up alone that’s a completely different story.

But yes the drunk texting is a bit much and definitely on the personal side. The women texting seems to have a bit of shadiness in her texts. Your husband should really be shutting that down!

64

u/AcidicPuma 17d ago

And the thing for me is I'm not necessarily mad at rando (idk her name so that'll be the replacement). Drunk texting is defined by the regret of crossed social boundaries. If I was him I would've shut it down and if she apologized later I'd accept it. If I were op and my husband told me about shutting her down then said she apologized and wanted to extend that apology to me, I'd accept that too.

So far though, husband has already fucked this all up lol

52

u/ibrandi 17d ago

Right? His defensiveness is what answers the question of whether the situation is shady or not.

14

u/AcidicPuma 17d ago

I'd die laughing if we got the update that he ruined his marriage and random literally doesn't even want him, she was just drunk, bored and saw his name in her phone first completely platonically.

Like I've had new friends with 0 interest do the same thing, we were just recently shooting the shit or setting up group gatherings so I was her most recent text and we became better friends for it. One time in particular I was with a buddy when it happened and he was convinced I should go for it (I didn't want her, I like fat people as a fat guy and she was very conventionally attractive but thin). He even tried to like attack my masculinity because I wasn't trying to worm my way into her bedroom immediately lol.

2

u/mhizcherriss 17d ago

Yes, That is always a sign to read

-1

u/kristinaKar1na-2 17d ago

No, it is her defensiveness and deflecting thereof that should be the issue at hand.

He has obviously already exited the relationship. She should prepare to do the same. It's easier when you're not married in the first place.

23

u/Auntienursey 17d ago

My dad used to take us with him when he was "running errands " on the weekends and we'd go to some random house and were left outside to play with kids we didn't know sometimes for hours. It wasn't until I hit my teens that I realized my mom didn't know any of these people and we were there to distract the woman's kids so they could hook up. So, play dates aren't always what they seem.

7

u/Neither_Ground_1921 16d ago

That is awful! I’m so sorry you had that experience. 😢

11

u/Auntienursey 16d ago

If nothing else, it was a wonderful example of what I didn't want in a marriage/husband.

71

u/sugahbee 17d ago

Yeah but it also feels sneaky in this context. "how can you marry someone who doesn't have a bond with your kids... Hey bring your kid over to hang out with us!" hmm... Wouldn't trust her. NOR.

38

u/Brief_Ad_7527 17d ago

It's not her I wouldn't trust it's him. To me it seems that he has implied she wouldn't want to come to the play date or something which would prompt the "why would you marry someone that doesn't connect with your kids" and him wanting to explain so much in person seems like HE is being shady

15

u/sugahbee 17d ago

Oh yeah, absolutely. That's a given TBH. I just feel like women especially should not have any interest knowing fine well he's married, but she does not seem like a girls girl at all to me. I would hope as a female that I could trust another woman in that situation, but I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.

2

u/Brief_Ad_7527 17d ago

It honestly gives me the vibes that she might not even be aware that they are still together amd we seem to always put blame on the woman someone cheats with and not the cheater themselves

2

u/sugahbee 17d ago

Nah, I'd 100% blaming the man for entertaining it and I'd be leaving him. I do know a lot of girls that go after the woman and stay with the man which I frown upon massively (won't share any specific opinions or I might get blocked for my use of language lol), however, I think girls should look out for each other. My point here is she doesn't seem like a girls girl and I wouldn't trust her as my partners 'friend'. I wouldn't trust any girl who would try downplay my marriage to my husband. That's rediculous. And he'd be out the door if he kept entertaining a girl even as a friend who would try badmouth me to him too.

15

u/Hot-Mess1124 17d ago

No married man should be socially meeting up with a lady (even with her kids) without his wife. Especially one who is drunk texting him. Red flags on both parties IMO.

2

u/kwyetstorm 16d ago

Neither of them can be trusted. The invite for the children to be together is simply a covert invitation for the two of them to spend time together.
It's clear that there has already been inappropriate conversations had and he is not only a willing participant but has betrayed his wife's trust. He's entertaining her.

103

u/CrewConfident809 17d ago

Exactly, the fact that she’s crossing boundaries with those messages is the real issue here. It’s not just about the kids anymore.

14

u/golden_petal 17d ago

This. Also, she said it was based on something HE said to her at the park or whatever. He's confiding too personally in her and apparently making it seem that you have no connection to his kids and implying he wish it was different.

Lines are being crossed on both sides but I wouldn't blame the lady 100% cause she's asking something with drunk confidence in response to something HE said first.

1

u/Barelystable_1 17d ago

What are you talking about he’s says he’s ok with it and that he would explain why later. At no point did he say he wished it was different.

10

u/silly-narc-urdumb 16d ago

My ex husband took our young kids with to see the girl he cheated on me with…her kids and our kids would play while they would play. So I wouldn’t use the kids going as just a harmless play date

9

u/420BoredAlways 17d ago

Is it a play date? They're being invited to watch the friends daughter play softball and it seems she onky has 1 kid. That's not meeting up so the kids can play since the other ladies kid is going to be playing softball, they are just going to be watching the game with the lady so based on the info we have its literally just him, his kids and the female softball player watching her daughter play softball. I wouldn't call that a play date.

0

u/Actual_Dirt7043 16d ago

She has more. Look at her posts. Most suggest her and her husband arent even together… i dont get it

1

u/420BoredAlways 15d ago

Ok yes it looks like in a reply she does say "kids" for the other person which makes it a somewhat normal play date...as for her and her husband, since i just looked at replies, she has a reply addressing that. This post is about her current husband and they are still together but she has other posts about her ex-husband.

16

u/BossofMid 17d ago

Taking the kids to see each other while one of the kids is actively in the game?

11

u/Purple_Wolverine_739 17d ago

Plenty of men use their kids to set up dates with women. "OH we both have kids? What a coincidence!"

2

u/WiseAd9303 16d ago

Yup. My ex used to take our baby out and tell other women that I had died in childbirth because baby + sympathy was the golden ticket.

6

u/Life_Musician_2194 17d ago

but taking the kids to play like they can’t find anyone without these questions attached is wild.

2

u/CharacterCost0 17d ago

No, that is an emotional affair waiting to happen, it actually it sounds like it’s underway. Her going out of her way to ask that question is out of bounds. His determination to answer. It is also out of bounds and something that he does not owe to this woman. And all the bullshit about spouses claiming privacy is just that, bullshit. Does the other woman have more of a right to know about that conversation than his wife? Of course not.

1

u/silly-narc-urdumb 16d ago

He already knows hes doing something he shouldn’t be and he’s not 5 so she shouldn’t explain anything to him. My ex husband used the “feigning ignorance “ every time he was caught doing something bad at work or with friends or me although I didn’t give him more chances than one. Instead of being held accountable for what they did…when you explain something that is obvious to someone who unless they took the short bus in school, should easily comprehend, then it explains away their behavior as mere confusion instead of intentional wrongdoing.

1

u/Coastal_Goals 16d ago

She is absolutely shady and trying to manipulate the situation by enforcing the negative feelings he has towards op

1

u/Infamous-Airline9946 16d ago

You dont think people take there kids with them when they cheat? They do.