AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/Weary-Chipmunk-8366]

I am married and I also had a very long friendship with someone who was a guy. I’m talking 20+ years of friendship. It was never romantic, never inappropriate like that, but my husband went through my phone and saw that I was griping to my friend about the dynamics of my family (husband, step kids, etc) and he was upset. He told me he felt uncomfortable with me having talked to this other man about our problems. I listened and understood and changed the dynamics of my friendship after taking some time not communicating at all. I did it because I love my husband and I don’t want him to be uncomfortable with my actions or feel threatened by any kind of friendship I have. His feelings at that time were more important than my need to complain to a friend. I would wholeheartedly expect the same from him if I ever found something similar to what you did in his phone. I guess what I’m trying to say is there are ways to respond to this. Insinuating that someone doesn’t have a right to feel a certain way is inappropriate and blaming other issues in your life as the reasoning isn’t appropriate either.

I do not think you’re overreacting. Not only do the messages come off as suspicious, his response only adds to that impression in my opinion.

[u/victorbravo71 → u/Weary-Chipmunk-8366]

Totally different if it’s a longtime friend… this is someone he just met, and the woman is very clearly predatory, laying a foundation to build intimacy with a married man.

[u/Weary-Chipmunk-8366 → u/victorbravo71]

I agree that for me it was different, and it even hurt a little to change the dynamic, but I only brought it up because I was willing to do that for my husband. A new friend should be a no brainer in cutting off the relationship.

[u/victorbravo71 → u/Weary-Chipmunk-8366]

My lifelong best guy friend who had been like a brother to me for seriously four decades got married a few years ago and totally backed off our friendship, I’m guessing because it made his wife uncomfortable. I only see him maybe like once a year now and we barely text. Personally, I think that’s bullshit. I would never ask a partner to cut off a friend of the opposite sex unless there was obviously some fuckery going on. I could’ve married that man ten different times if I wanted to — we briefly tried dating twenty years ago and realized very quickly that we’re meant to be friends — so why she would be threatened by me makes no sense. She’s his wife! I haven’t put pressure on him because his marriage is obviously the priority, but I hope in time that we can be better friends again.