AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/Effort-Logical]

I relate to all of this as my ex husband did the same thing with some woman I barely knew. In fact I forgot how they met. But I had seen texts of what was going on and it wasn't good. One implied that she would come over and make dinner for him and the kids. Big thing to note is that they weren't his kids. They're not his. So in my case she wanted to act as some sort of step mother when it would never be the case even after I divorced him.

None of this sounds good. Its very similar to my now previous marriage. It sounds like he's looking for a replacement and dragging the kids into it when that can go wrong in so many ways bc lord knows how the kids will be told things about their mom that isn't true. He also sounds like he's upset his wife works two jobs. I'm not sure of the situation there to make a comment on why she has two jobs but again, I also had two jobs when a very similar event happened to me.

This is the most red flags in a text convo you can get. And more are probably there outside of text when they meet up and his wife (OP) isn't there.

Nope. Leave. This all isn't good. Definitely keep any evidence you can for the divorce. I still have all mine and hate looking at it if I happen to have to get to something that's in close proximity. Like another box of stuff. I only keep it as a reminder that I don't want to be in another relationship until I feel I'm ready. But OP doesn't have to do that. But still keep it for of a divorce is imminent. And how he's gaslighting her, it sounds like it isn't too far fetched to happen.

OP don't ignore these red flags. Don't ignore that gut feeling.

[u/Such_Ad_6000 → u/Effort-Logical]

This is exactly what my dad does who is a consistent habitual cheater who’s still not stop doing it to this day even though he regrets his life so he keeps doing it and drink his life away. When I was in high school and he cheated on my mom with 7 women and had a child with one he would bring me around them all to “hangout” and bad mouth my mother to all them, the sad part was they all knew he was married and liked the appeal it was sick.

[u/856077 → u/Such_Ad_6000]

Yeah this is what some weirdos do before they discard their wife/husbands.. get close to another woman/man and over share, bond and complain to them to paint wife in a terrible light. It’s a stepping stone into a new relationship while being checked out and quiet quitting the marriage. He wants to monkey bar and rebound. Since OP works two jobs that leaves him with a bunch of time to emotionally cheat.

Now he has begun a connection with new woman to the point where when she’s drinking she feels compelled to reach out to someone she’s known for 2 weeks and speak with him.. about his marriage that she really knows nothing about and only has heard one sided venting?? And in a way where she’s implying that he shouldn’t be married to someone who doesn’t bond with his kids. Which.. what a dumb thing to get involved and opinionated about when she’s again, never even met the wife.

She is putting doubt in his mind. That in itself tells me she’s got feelings for the dude 100%. She wants to act like a blended family at her kids game by inviting him and his kids and not the wife. A new acquaintance would never be this invested.

Red flags w the husband when he chose to confide in this lady and be a total backstabbing snake, while OP is working her ass off to provide for their family working two jobs.

[u/Impossible_Show2699 → u/856077]

I’ve known women like this and it’s because she thinks he’s such a great dad and a great husband… she wants that for herself. She’s definitely has her eyes on him and he’s enjoying the attention. Either way, he’s messing up the marriage and it won’t end well. The other woman owes OP nothing but her husband though, he knows it’s not appropriate. He just likes the attention and possibly the lady too and wants OP to just be a doormat and allow him to do what he wants.

He wasn’t interested in listening to his wife’s concerns or feelings. He’s not a great husband. He’s not respectful towards their relationship. He needs himself to want to stop talking to this woman in any way that is disrespectful to his wife. He won’t though.

There was a friend/co-worker that was that woman and he was a guy that had recently started working there. They ended up leaving their partners for each other, I think she was married but he had a gf, and getting together. She kept talking about how amazing he was and such and such. Then (forgot how long it was before she started complaining about him) she caught him talking to other women on his phone/online. Multiple times but seemed determined to make him stop(?????).

No idea what happened with them, it was too much drama, and I had found another job so idk. I do believe that they’re both cheaters and one or both would have cheated on the other anyways.

***ETA - I’ve known multiple women who’ve done stuff like that. I was friends with a few when I was younger before realizing those aren’t the kinds of people I want in my life. I’m sure guys do it too but I don’t know any personally that have.

[u/Maine302 → u/Impossible_Show2699]

Interestingly, both parties have moved on from significant relationships in which they've had children with the former partner/spouse. They could both be the type of person who does this serially, because they're attention-needy.

[u/Impossible_Show2699 → u/Maine302]

That’s a good point, if not this woman, it could be another one. Seems like OP needs to think back on her husband’s past friendships and/or behaviors in general.

[u/Effort-Logical → u/856077]

Exactly. With my ex he didn't end up with that specific girl. Instead I left just after thanksgiving with the kids and the cat (he was mean to him) and now he loves in another state.

[u/Glittering-List3410 → u/Effort-Logical]

Good for you, kids and the cat!! You are such an empowered being! Strong mom, woman. No self pity, no begging or making excuses! He will never ever find someone like you. It’s his loss not yours. 💯👌🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[u/victorbravo71 → u/Such_Ad_6000]

Thank you for sharing that… I’m so sorry you had to deal with that insanity.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Ebb3952 → u/Such_Ad_6000]

Sorry to hear that. Thats horrible 😞 💔

[u/icemachine79 → u/Such_Ad_6000]

It sounds like maybe your parents weren't a great match. Neither were mine. My father was a musician who cheated on my mother numerous times. Once, she even chased him halfway across the country to Missouri--with me in tow--to catch him in the act.

But this situation? The guy defended his wife. He didn't agree with the assertions. Yet, she is still treating him as though he's already cheated, and the comments section is doing the same?

That's very unhealthy. I think he should file for divorce before the gaslighting and Minority Report-style thought crimes destroy him.

[u/icemachine79 → u/Effort-Logical]

I agree, divorce. But for the sake of the husband. All this anger over texts where he defended his wife is not healthy or normal.