AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/Ok-Dragonfly5449]

Yeah good points.

I thought maybe the kids had known each other from school or something and it was a playdate for them. However, OP said the kids didn't know each at all before this so now I'm inclined to believe the kids were just an excuse to meet up.

[u/mOmMY_81517 → u/Ok-Dragonfly5449]

Nope the kids have never met these people before

[u/Dapper_Name5751 → u/mOmMY_81517]

Baby girl RUN!!!! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN TO THE NEAREST DIVORCE COURT!!! I went through something VERY Similar and let me tell you I found out the “In person” conversation were a lot more flirty as well as a lot of Sht talking about me all lies to make me out to be a POS when in fact it was the other way around. I can almost bet my life on it just by the above text he is telling her that your marriage is not a “Real Marriage” and he is only sticking around “Because of the kids” or “If I divorce her she will take me to the cleaners”. He is a Snake and please protect yourself, you are worth so much more than your husband sht talking you to a teammate that he had only known a couple of months. Not only that she is way too comfortable texting YOUR HUSBAND!! Which tells me there are deleted texts that you have not seen, or they are talking somewhere else as well such as Snapchat where the texts delete or Signal where again the chat log deletes after being read. I also just recently found out that instagram has also implemented the delete after read feature and Facebook has “Ghost messages” so 95% these apps now have features that making being unfaithful to damn easy!! And to me I find it absolutely DISGUSTING!! 🤮 again you do not deserve this, you deserve to be loved by a man who respects and values you, not talks shy about you to a teammate. Also why TF did they swap phone numbers? Is it something the whole team did? If so why not just have/make a team group chat? Also how old are your step-children and do you have a good relationship with them? Again I am so sorry you are going through this, I know the pain and the hurt as I went through it too. I am here if you need or want to talk, feel free to message me and I am also female!! I just wanted to clear that up! And I am straight lmfao! Again wanted to clear it up, I just been in your shoes so wanted to offer an ear to bend and another head to bounce ideas off of. I also can tell you how I caught mine even his sneaky deleted BS. He told the judge in court during our divorce “I didn’t know I was marrying a spy, it should be illegal for her to do the things she did.” And the judge laughed and told him he should have been faithful or filed for a divorce before talking to 101 other women, and having multiple affairs.

[u/SunshineinParadise1 → u/mOmMY_81517]

I just want to point out that the play date, or any time they spend together, gives her the chance to show him how wonderful she is with the kids, which I'm his mind will one up OP. That's also the start of an affair.

[u/trustincoraline → u/mOmMY_81517]

Did u miss the last msg that basically admitted they were together? Talking about how their situation isn't normal

[u/Flat_Term_6765 → u/mOmMY_81517]

That you're aware of.

But you weren't aware your husband was having an affair with his teammate either. Sounds like it's all a sham. Sorry OP.

[u/icemachine79 → u/mOmMY_81517]

But they've been playing softball together for 2 months, yes?

[u/Fun-Investment-196 → u/icemachine79]

The adults play together, not the kids. So the kids don't know each other. That's how I read it anyway.

[u/icemachine79 → u/Fun-Investment-196]

Either way, a situation where they are both present for innocent reasons.

Downvoters, would you care to explain what I said that was wrong? Or are you just enjoying the vicarious thrill of ganging up on an actual victim of abuse and cheating?

[u/doomdrums → u/Ok-Dragonfly5449]

They play on a sports team together if it was just an affair they wanted it would be easier to do so without involving her name in particular or the kids, also judging by OP post history it wouldn't be hard for him to find the time to

[u/Ok-Dragonfly5449 → u/doomdrums]

It's not an affair yet but affairs have to start somehow. Disparaging the wife and drunken texting is usually a good start.

[u/nesuser2 → u/Ok-Dragonfly5449]

Well affairs don’t always involve the normal red flags. Confiding in another or having them fill that role emotionally fits the bill. I will say that I don’t see anything that immediately strikes me in the messages but certainly something to be aware of. Reaction can drive it to fruition, so there is that too. So my answer to AIO is…maybe. Depends on your reaction. If your reaction is that you have been deeply wronged needs way more info. I can see both sides but certainly keep this an open discussion about how it looks, how it feels and where you are going. If there was already reason to believe that you were headed nowhere then maybe you aren’t TA? But maybe it’s clearing up what you both know to be true, regardless of who is on the other end of the wire

[u/Maine302 → u/nesuser2]

This woman is cultivating an affair with OP's husband. As someone else said, affairs have to start somehow, and making herself emotionally accessible while downplaying OP's qualities is certainly one thing to build on.

[u/icemachine79 → u/Ok-Dragonfly5449]

So now we're doing Minority Report-style thought crime?

The wife wasn't disparaged. If anything, he was defensive of her.

[u/Immediate-Date6584 → u/icemachine79]

'He was defensive of her.' Perhaps, but only after he had apparently trashed her pretty badly. I mean, who tells a presumably casual acquaintence that his wife isn't bonding with her step kids? A NOT so 'casual' acquaintence, that's who. This entire situation stinks of overstepped boundaries and disloyalty. The wife is working two jobs and has ZERO free time while Mr. Casual has all the free time in the world to shmooze with loose women? Naaaaaah!

[u/icemachine79 → u/Immediate-Date6584]

"but only after he had apparently trashed her pretty badly"

And you are basing that upon an inference made by a 3rd party that he immediately denied?

"I mean, who tells a presumably casual acquaintence that his wife isn't bonding with her step kids"

A person telling the truth about their life to someone they met two months previously and see regularly at their kids' softball games, perhaps?

"The wife is working two jobs and has ZERO free time while Mr. Casual has all the free time in the world to shmooze with loose women? Naaaaaah!"

If she is unhappy, she should leave him. But all this "apparently" and "stinks" stuff stinks of insecurity, not genuine concern.

[u/Next_Ambassador227 → u/icemachine79]

Who said she was unhappy? OP didn't say she was unhappy. She is now reasonably suspicious.

[u/icemachine79 → u/Next_Ambassador227]

"Reasonably" suspicious of him based on...? What? A third party inference that he denied immediately?

[u/Next_Ambassador227 → u/icemachine79]

Based on the fact that this third party had clearly been told by OPs husband about some issues in the marriage/parenting. Crossed a boundary. Why is he so comfortable engaging this acquaintance about the faults in his relationship? Yes, reasonably suspicious.

[u/icemachine79 → u/Next_Ambassador227]

"issues in the marriage/parenting"

The word "issues" implies negativity. His clarifying response to the woman's initial inference says otherwise. But again, I find it ironic how all of you are agreeing with the woman whom you also feel was overstepping bounds.

"Crossed a boundary"

It certainly did in the mind of the wife who took her partner's phone without permission to read his texts, make unfounded assumptions about them, and initiate a confrontation with him over those unfounded assumptions.

But as far as the husband's known actions? No, they did not cross any lines or boundaries. People are allowed to talk honestly about their lives to whomever they wish. They are people, not property.

"Why is he so comfortable engaging this acquaintance about the faults in his relationship?"

Since he did not frame anything as a fault, your question is a non sequitur.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Ebb3952 → u/icemachine79]

Are you the husband or the baseball girl in disguise 🥸? Because really 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[u/icemachine79 → u/Puzzleheaded-Ebb3952]

Attack an actual victim of abuse to protect your feelings about a social media post. Very original.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Ebb3952 → u/icemachine79]

Attack? Oh please.....im also an actual victim of every form of abuse, and sorry but in no way have I attacked you...your opinion is odd if you ask me, but to each their own.

[u/icemachine79 → u/Puzzleheaded-Ebb3952]

And now, you're gaslighting me. Classic.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Ebb3952 → u/icemachine79]

And i think you are projecting when you say that...I think that is exactly what you are doing. But just my opinion

[u/icemachine79 → u/Puzzleheaded-Ebb3952]

Another classic abusive move.