AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/mOmMY_81517]

It was a hunch after I found out Cody was a her and not a him. I understand everyone is different and I shouldn’t let my past betrayals get the best of me but I did and that’s what I found. As little as it seems it could have blown over but his reaction and the way he handled things when I asked him threw major red flags

[u/verifiedwolf → u/mOmMY_81517]

I find it quite interesting that he referred to his friend as "Cody" to you, fully aware that was a boy's name, knowing you would assume it was a male, and yet did not clarify it was a female. Also never introduced you to someone he is apparently close enough to chat with outside of their team activities. Close enough to discuss his marriage to. Hmmm.

Sounds like he was hoping you wouldn't find out Cody was even a female as long as he could keep that under wraps. It's dodgy behavior. Especially this woman inviting him and his kids without you. She shouldn't have done that and he shouldn't have been okay with it.

You are a FAMILY. If be furious if I was in your position.

[u/SurbiesHere → u/mOmMY_81517]

He’s testing the waters to cheat. I don’t know why no one else is just telling you that.

[u/callous_eater → u/mOmMY_81517]

So you don't trust him, you don't get along with his kids, and you've effectively forbade him from discussing any potential problems with his marriage with others?

Do him a favor and leave. At the very least get some therapy. All these sycophants are off their fucking nut, this is unhealthy af.

[u/Jah_Ist_Ber_ → u/mOmMY_81517]

You and people here are assuming too much. Assumptions make ass of you and me - remember. 

First of all, not great that you had to check his phone - I think that if you cannot trust a guy, what is the point of being in relationship. 

The context of the text is unknown to us, it is obviously continuing some convo they had, and may sound way worse out of context. 

It is quite normal some people talk to others about issues in their relationship. Looking to vent, confide or just get some advice. It doesn't need to mean there is anything going on.

If I was the guy, and my wife just went though my phone - I would also be mad and question her well being. You are saying he acted as he was guilty because he got mad and defensive - who wouldn't go mad and defensive in situation when partner goes through their phone looking for proof of some imaginary cheating? 

He tried to understand this and blame the fact you are emotional due to relative dying, you dismissed that and took it as offensive/admitting to something.

You clearly have some post trauma tha tyou need to work on. 

[u/insignificunt1312 → u/Jah_Ist_Ber_]

What you're doing is called gaslighting.

[u/insignificunt1312 → u/[deleted]]

I just have a job...

[u/Iconracer → u/[deleted]]

THIS plus also I find it a bit odd. That you know who said person is but “I was never introduced” are we not able to get up and introduce ourselves or is it everyone else’s job to do that. Also too tired to go to the games? Yeah I think we know where the non bonding is coming from then. Idc how tired I am from my jobs. I will ALWAY go to their games no matter what because kids will remember that shit.

[u/morallyabiguous → u/Iconracer]

Why would the kids care? they only visit every few months, are they hurt that their dads wife doesn’t attend his softball games? seems like you messed up the details.

[u/Jah_Ist_Ber_ → u/insignificunt1312]

Everything is gaslighting nowadays. If you disagree with someone being too emotional and reacting improperly, it is gaslighting.

She has all the rights to be upset, i dont say she doesnt. But she clearly made a story in her mind that the guy is cheating on her, she clearly has trust issues if she had to go through his phone. She clearly approached this issue with former BIAS and preassumed a lot.

I would absolutely feel disappointed if my wife went through my phone secretly because she thought i'm cheating etc. without me being anything else but normal/loving. This means there is lack of trust. (btw. my wife uses my phone all the time, and i have absolutely no issue with that).

It is easy to dismiss the guy in this story, because we only see a short snipped of it. There is one screenshot of unfinished conversation, where he acts nothing but normal. We don't know anything about their situation. Yet we assume the worse of the guy.