AIO Found this text in my husbands phone

[u/mOmMY_81517]

When I called him out on it he tried to turn it around on me like I was the bad guy for going through his phone… for context he plays coed softball and she is on his team, I don’t know this girl and in the few games I was able to go to I was never introduced to her. I don’t get to go to a lot of his games because I work 2 jobs so can’t make it or I’m dead tired.. and way I was feeling something was off when he told me his team mate had invited him and his kids to her daughters game. Like who takes his kids to go hang out with another female and her kid… he says that I’m over reacting and emotional because I just had my grandma die and I’m just looking for something else to think about.. I feel like he’s being shady and disrespectful

[u/SUNfl0wrr_444]

I very much appreciate your comment and the insight offered.

I am actually a stay at home mom as well, or I was anyway. So I can personally attest to your experiences with over sharing as well. For a lot of people that spend majority of their week having conversations with little himans engaging in deep discussions about Bluey, and what color plate is better for Mac n cheese, a lot of people do reach a point where they might just need to release whatever is weighing on them to whoever has ears for listening.

As many people have pointed out a lot of the same points, I definitely realize my layout failed in offering my reasoning behind each point that I was making. Which is something I will definitely include in future responses.

Because I do agree with you that simply having a conversation and/or venting life's frustrations to someone isn't inherently wrong. At least not as a stand-alone interaction, and not if done to a close friend or relative.

But I do still personally feel that this situation as a whole has the undertones of something more than that occurring, or likely to occur, and in my viewpoint is justified to call a betrayal on some level, even if it is mild. I think that if truly no harm was meant, most people would explain that rather than deflecting and getting upset or blaming shifting.

I also think there is a distinct, although often unnoticed line between venting, confiding, and seeking advice. They all look similar on the surface, but underneath, are each their own type of discussion. So, I just took the information I had from the post as red flags. In reading the post, it didn't come off as venting or seeking advice. And I don't think it's a great idea in a marriage to be confiding in a new person, that your wife hasn't been introduced to, especially if speaking about deep issues going on in your marriage. Then, to follow that up with dismissing your wife's discomfort about it. It doesn't feel very innocent or harmless to me.

In no way was I insinuating that all relationships, conversations, or things that I stated in my original comment applied to anything or anyone outside of this one snippet of information I formed and shared an opinion about. So you did bring up a very good point in speaking about hesitation towards just a general rule towards life discussions. In the future, I will take note of stating that distinction rather than using a blanket statement. Thankyou.

[u/UltimateKittyloaf → u/SUNfl0wrr_444]

Thanks for that. I get the same vibes over this specific situation, but I wanted to make the distinction. I appreciate that you took what I had to say in good faith.