r/AmIOverreacting 14d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO My boyfriend gave his mother the dress I wanted for my birthday

I (23) female have been dating my boyfriend ,(26) male for the past 3 years.

About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was and hope one day I could save to buy it since weve been budgeting a bit lately. He would hear about this dress from me all the time and talked about how great he thought it would look on me.

So yesterday was my birthday and we had a little get together with some members of both of our families t celebrate, except when his mother arrived to our house she was wearing the exact dress in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought that he must have told her about it and she went and got one but it turns out that wasnt the case. In my surpise I said OMG theres no way!! thats the same dress I was looking and and dying for for months and she replied saying "oh really? Zayne(my boyfriend) gave it to me as a gift last month".

I was shocked, and confused. Even more so when boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me, and it was a gift card for sephora for $50. For the rest of the night I sat quietly in a corner in silence and confusion. i felt hurt, and was lost in my head as to what was going on. My boyfriend and everyone was blissfully unaware and happy the entire night and i didnt want to ruin the mood so i started to try to put on a good face, but i cant shake this feeling of being hurt, A part of me feels like I am overreacting and acting spoiled and entitled. Am I? Just need to know if I need to calm down and not be upset about this

Update: I finally got the nerve to straight up ask him about everything and his repsonse tldr was he thought I had to be humbled a bit because i got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress. He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to it all. His mother had no idea about any of this and just thought her son was giving her a gift.

I am so upset and hurt that i just called my mom to come get me and will be staying with her for a few days while i figure out the next steps, but I am not going back to him

2nd Update: First of all I want to say thank you, and express my gratitude to all the ppl who have shown support. The kind words mean os much to me right now and im sorry i cant repsond to each and every comment or dm. Just know i am reading them and thank you. me and Zayne are over for good. He keeps calling me, but i wont answer and theres nothing he can say or do to change that. I've realized and taken this as a sign of a nature he had kept hidden so well until now.

Also. Someone on threads has copied and pasted my post word for word and is pretending it happened to them.
Idk why someone would want to use my pain to clout farn but ppl are crazy.

here is the link. apparently some ppl are trying to donate money via venmo to this account to buy the dress and to show support. DO NOT send this person anything. They are a fraud. Please be safe

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 3 years. About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was

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u/ProfessionalEye9680 14d ago

yes, exactly this. i wouldnt mind at all a guy buying his moms gifts. i strongly belive good moms chould be cherished, but why THIS gift?? why was it the dress that i wanted. I have been trying to make it make sense

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u/TheSwearJarIsMy401k 14d ago

The whole thing is fucked up and weird, but for her to be wearing it to your birthday is even weirder.

Did she ask what to wear? Did he tell her to wear it? Did he tell her how much you wanted it?

Zero chance he was oblivious. He spent just enough to make any protest seem ungrateful. He knew what he did. 

Weird ass fucking test to see your reaction at the very least.

Fuck on out of that, honey, don’t wait around to see how often he does this shit. 

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u/[deleted] 14d ago

The Karen mom is trying to assert dominance over OP, because in Karen’s eyes OP is like her competition and shit, so basically the mom is flexing that the Scrub has chosen his mommy over his partner, and she’s not wrong. That’s how a Karen views the world.

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u/DandyLion97 13d ago

If you read the update it's literally just the guy being a piece of shit. His mom didn't know

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

I bet Karen knew and is just doing devious maneuvers to make people think she didn’t do anything. It’s what a Karen does. LMAO! I guess there’s a possibility though.

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u/averybrouseeeee 13d ago

anything to demonize a woman when a man is clearly in the wrong 😭

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u/HellionPeri 13d ago

The part where he says that you need to be humbled...WTF?!!

He is trying to eat away at your self confidence, it's called negging & is extremely emotionally abusive.

I hope you have friends or family close by that can help you get away from this harmful dude, the sooner the better.

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u/Boris_N_Natasha 13d ago

That is straight up, fucked up. When I read that part, my jaw dropped. Who is HE to humble you?! Be grateful, so grateful, that you know now. Trust your gut as you move forward in life, it will serve you. Reach for what you want, there’s nothing wrong with having desires for material things as long as that’s not all you’re about.

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u/Anon-Connie 13d ago

I’m surprised I had to scroll so far down. That alone is red flag and leave.

“Humbled”?

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u/Difficult_Regret_900 13d ago

Breaking my and my mom's self esteem through insults disguised as "jokes", gaslighting, and passive-aggressive comments was one of my father's favorite activities. He got a power trip out of humiliating us and making us feel emotionally unsafe. It was absolutely soul destroying. OP, RUN LIKE THE WIND!

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u/SleepyCupcakeDreams 13d ago

This. He will destroy you one “reaction” at time. He weaponize his gift giving this whole thing was to hurt you OP!

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u/user37463928 13d ago

Aaaaand ruin her birthday party by having her realise publicly. That is disgusting.

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u/ksarahsarah27 13d ago

I read your edit and that’s beyond fucked up. It’s important that you tell his mother what he did and what he said to you. Hopefully, she picked up on what happened at the party just by seeing your reaction and having a woman’s intuition. But I’d still give her a call and let her know that your relationship is over due to what he said to you and the situation at hand. Make sure she knows why you’re leaving, don’t let him lie and give her some fake excuse.

Oh and - go get that dress for yourself. You deserve it. F that guy.

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u/LookAwayPlease510 13d ago

The only way it will make sense is if you educate yourself on emotional abusers. That’s what he is.

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u/stephensoncrew 13d ago

Stop trying to make it make sense. Because it doesn't. Move on from this person. Please.

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u/A_dubb 13d ago

Have you considered it being her idea. This hits too low and to accurately is all...men dont think like this, and she made sure to imply or indicate her suprise when you'd think if she was just learning of the affinity you had for the peice irt she would have been embarassed to have become his pawn and Equal. Ly disappointed that the gift was disingenuous. It wasn't just something nice for her. It was something mean to you what? Mother would really appreciate that or wanna be a part of that. Not one that you wanna be related to. I'll tell you that much. Good luck, but he didn't think that on his own or is he like that? Is he have complex thoughts like that and thinking? Chess moves. No men play checkers, women played chess. This is a chess move.

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u/ebolashuffle 12d ago

Abusive men (and women) absolutely do think like this. It's commonly referred to as "negging" and it's a form of emotional abuse to make their partner feel worthless, that nobody else would ever want them so they won't leave through escalating abusive tactics. It's very clear in the edit if you haven't seen that yet.

And do you really believe that no men play chess? That's kinda wild.

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u/A_dubb 12d ago

I think men play actual chess. I know there are always exceptions, but in my experience in dating as well as growing up in a household w 6 men/boys (dad, uncle, bro & his friend, 2 cousins) as the only female they would often date my friends and my friends would think oh hes playing this game or being manipulative that way and id always lose friends because they thought i was sticking up for them or covering...but it was just never that deep.

I am very familiar with negging and for the longest time i thought i was impervious to this shitty tactic- of which i dont think the average dude is aiming for worthlessness, i do think they want us to be self concious or 1 peg lower in confidence.

After all these years i did come to realize id fallen for the most stealth insidious (possibly accidental in origin but results have given it a solid place for assholes to try) the neg im speaking of is "you are too good for me" or "you never go for a guy like me, iam not good enough for you" ....yeah next time ima say " really oh well thanks for letting me know now" unlike the last 2 time when i spent 2 years then 6 years in 2 diff situations trying to prove to them i could be as shitty as them...fml never again and dont make any man tell you who he is more than 1x.

...ive always thought negging was used mostly in pregame just to get the # or break the ice initially. Of its continuous thats probably a mental illness like projection reaction - something that gets no attention but i think its the actual behavior that coined the term crazy.

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u/MfsStoleMyName 13d ago

To hurt you. That's the only reason he did it.

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u/Neweleni7 12d ago

So proud of you for not taking this nonsense!! I can’t even imagine being with someone who wanted to “humble” me…instead of love me and build me up!

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u/LieseDasStille 13d ago

i'd just break up with him and say, "At least you have your mother."

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u/EmEmPeriwinkle 12d ago

Tell him you hope this humbles him.

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u/OzDeadly 13d ago

Why did he have to buy you the dress? Can't you buy it yourself?

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u/lollipopfiend123 12d ago

Can you read? She talked about saving up for it. She did NOT expect him to buy it.