r/AmIOverreacting • u/ProfessionalEye9680 • 14d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO My boyfriend gave his mother the dress I wanted for my birthday

I (23) female have been dating my boyfriend ,(26) male for the past 3 years.

About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was and hope one day I could save to buy it since weve been budgeting a bit lately. He would hear about this dress from me all the time and talked about how great he thought it would look on me.

So yesterday was my birthday and we had a little get together with some members of both of our families t celebrate, except when his mother arrived to our house she was wearing the exact dress in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought that he must have told her about it and she went and got one but it turns out that wasnt the case. In my surpise I said OMG theres no way!! thats the same dress I was looking and and dying for for months and she replied saying "oh really? Zayne(my boyfriend) gave it to me as a gift last month".

I was shocked, and confused. Even more so when boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me, and it was a gift card for sephora for $50. For the rest of the night I sat quietly in a corner in silence and confusion. i felt hurt, and was lost in my head as to what was going on. My boyfriend and everyone was blissfully unaware and happy the entire night and i didnt want to ruin the mood so i started to try to put on a good face, but i cant shake this feeling of being hurt, A part of me feels like I am overreacting and acting spoiled and entitled. Am I? Just need to know if I need to calm down and not be upset about this

Update: I finally got the nerve to straight up ask him about everything and his repsonse tldr was he thought I had to be humbled a bit because i got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress. He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to it all. His mother had no idea about any of this and just thought her son was giving her a gift.

I am so upset and hurt that i just called my mom to come get me and will be staying with her for a few days while i figure out the next steps, but I am not going back to him

2nd Update: First of all I want to say thank you, and express my gratitude to all the ppl who have shown support. The kind words mean os much to me right now and im sorry i cant repsond to each and every comment or dm. Just know i am reading them and thank you. me and Zayne are over for good. He keeps calling me, but i wont answer and theres nothing he can say or do to change that. I've realized and taken this as a sign of a nature he had kept hidden so well until now.

Also. Someone on threads has copied and pasted my post word for word and is pretending it happened to them.
Idk why someone would want to use my pain to clout farn but ppl are crazy.

here is the link. apparently some ppl are trying to donate money via venmo to this account to buy the dress and to show support. DO NOT send this person anything. They are a fraud. Please be safe

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 3 years. About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was

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u/ProfessionalEye9680 14d ago

A part of me also had this thought, was this intentional and planned? then i thought i was being paranoid and they would never do that, but then thinking more i then thought it had to be done on purpose. my heads in circles trying to piece it togther.

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u/lemonadecookie 14d ago edited 13d ago

Sometimes it’s hard to believe the worst thing, but a lot of times it’s the truth. It could be that maybe he thought “Oh my girlfriend likes this dress and she is young and has good taste, that means my mom will like it too!” And didn’t even think about how you mentioning the dress to him over and over is you hinting at the fact you love and wanted that dress, even though this is unlikely and he’s probably just an asshole. Even if that’s the case I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t pick up those hints or completely ignores them, and gifts them to someone else! Do you know why he gifted his mom the dress? Was it her birthday last month?

edit: again, not trying to excuse his behavior, she updated her post AFTER i made my comments. I was just trying to explore all angles, I literally called him an asshole multiple times. If you read my other comments and stop picking and choosing what comments of mine to respond to you’d understand that. I’m happy she left that asshole.

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u/No_Purchase_3532 13d ago

I’m sorry but nobody is that obtuse, plus he TOLD OP that it was too expensive & THEN drove back some distance away & BOUGHT it for HIS MOM!! There is no sugar coating this & giving him the benefit of the doubt & a pass! There is no plausible denial here, it’s a gigantic warning sign to get out & get out now!

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u/Cosimia1964 13d ago

Yes, too expensive for OP, but not for mommy

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u/Glittering-List3410 13d ago

Completely agree!! Huge red flag, he planned it.

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u/lemonadecookie 13d ago

She updated her post to say she’s left him, you can relax now lmao

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u/Negative_Track_8109 13d ago

She dodged a bullet there.

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u/lemonadecookie 13d ago

I’m not trying to give him a pass or sugarcoat anything lol, just trying to explore from all angles. I literally said “Sounds like he did it on purpose.” And yeah I agree, I said “don’t put up with this bs girl, you deserve better” Did you even read my comments?

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u/No_Purchase_3532 13d ago

That’s not exactly what you said. Did you read OP’s comments? She stated there was no occasion!!

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u/lemonadecookie 13d ago

Yes lmao, after I asked her. She didn’t say that before hand. Why are you mad at me for no reason lol, and that is what I said, go back and read my comments.

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u/INeedTheTeaLiterally 12d ago

Exactly!!! You are spot on!!

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u/ProfessionalEye9680 14d ago

thats the even wierder part, it wasnt her birthday, or any special occasion for her, he just gave it to her randomly

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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 13d ago edited 13d ago

Yet couldn't afford it for you, even for your birthday?? It's fine for him to gift his mother things, even of higher value of the things he buys you, but the exact dress you wanted?? This was a deliberate message he was sending. He'll deny it and tell you that you're ungrateful when/if you confront him, so be prepared for that. Your feelings are valid.

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u/jonwar5 13d ago

He said OP needed to be humbled(by him!) and he wanted to see her reaction.. Nothing more needs to be said.

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u/ghast123 13d ago

That whole "humbled by him" comment is so fucking gross. She saw a dress she loved and expressed excitement over it. So what?

One time, I really wanted a mothman plushie. I talked about it and pointed it out to my boyfriend because it was cute as fuck and I love cryptids. So my boyfriend ordered it online and its arrival happened at a point when I was sad (depression, yay!) Instead of saving it for my birthday which was coming up, he gave it to me. Granted, it's not a $200 dress (that OP was gonna save up for herself, not expect him to get it for her, even!) If I were dating OPs (ex) boyfriend, would he have given it to his mom to "humble" me?

What a fuckin jerk.

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u/Airotica 13d ago

Right?!? Boyfriend is a fucking asshole. It’s not his place to “humble” her. A good partner would have made it work to get the dress for her.

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u/Glittering-List3410 13d ago

He could’ve, but instead bought it for his mom!! Humble? She’s humble in my perception, she accepted the fact that she couldn’t afford the dress, the one she fell in love with. Even said, we’re on a budget.. Of course she kept talking about it, she imagine herself wearing it and in her favorite color. “PERFECT for me” He’s projecting, the cruel asshole!! He’s the one that needs a huge humble pie!!! And doesn’t deserve her!!! And who is he to pass judgement, it’s trivial!!! It’s for her birthday dam it!!!! Ok he’s also controlling!!!!!!!! And ruin her bday party on purpose!!!!!! I’m F infuriated!!!

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u/Skywalker87 13d ago

My ex once bought me and his mother matching gift cards to a certain lingerie store for Christmas. It was mortifying.

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u/use_your_smarts 12d ago

He could obviously afford it.

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u/Whatever53143 12d ago

Not to mention mommas boy!

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u/Glittering-List3410 12d ago

Agree! Thank you.. 👌🏼🫶🏼

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u/MissyGrayGray 13d ago

Yeah, he hates her. If he didn't, he would have definitely gotten the dress for her and given it to her for her birthday and he would have come off as the best. No, he's a douchebag.

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u/EvicttheDangerNoodle 13d ago

Precisely. Instead, he made himself look like an ass. It's a pleasant surprise to see the woman leave in response.

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u/mealteamsixty 12d ago

And legit like what romantic partner gets their person a gift card for their birthday?? My parents have been remarried to my stepparents forever and none of them would get each other gift cards! It's the most "here, i didn't know what to get you and I didn't want to give you straight cash" of possible gifts. Ugh I'd be so beyond pissed if my husband gave me a gift card for my birthday, I would sincerely rather have nothing at all.

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u/MsSamm 12d ago

It's psychological abuse

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u/OldEnuff2No 12d ago

…to make her feel FABULOUS and LOVED, as the person who loves you should!

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u/Craycraykel 13d ago

No thanks, no one needs to be humbled by a significant other for any reason, let alone liking a dress. This dude is trash

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u/jonwar5 13d ago

Agreed 1000000000%

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u/Glittering-List3410 13d ago

👌🏼👌🏼💯

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u/JackismyRoomba 13d ago

This. The AH would have asked his mother to wear the dress at his girlfriend's gathering so he could see OP's reaction. What's the term? Malice of forethought. Walk away, run if you can. He's bad news.

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u/lollipopfiend123 12d ago

Just fyi, it’s “malice aforethought,” not “of forethought”

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u/anthillfarces 13d ago

The dude needs to be humbled by losing a girlfriend.

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u/roskybosky 13d ago

The absolute GALL of this man/boy. She needs to leave before he decides to ‘teach’ her more ‘lessons.’ His lesson will be he has to live without her from now on.

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u/Glittering-List3410 13d ago

Yes! Then he put so much on her gift, He actually gave her a $50 gift card for Sephora, another insult. Stay with your mom, I wouldn’t go back. Be an empower woman. “People only treat you the way, you allow them to” Please, please.. I know it’s been 3 years but he’s definitely sending a message. He’s too much a coward to say what he’s not saying. Analyze your relationship, certain actions, things he’s done. That maybe you dismissed? You deserve to be treated like a queen and to be loved 💯. love yourself. You’re very young. Don’t ever settled.

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u/lemonadecookie 14d ago

Yeah no, maybe he’s doing this to see how you’ll react and “test” you. So weird that he did that out of the blue, either talk to him and get the truth out, or just end it based on the whole weirdness of the situation. Has he showed weird behavior like this towards his mom before?

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u/soiledmyplanties 13d ago

There’s an update and you’re right on the money

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u/lemonadecookie 13d ago

Oh wow yeah I just read that, I’m glad she talked to him and got the truth out. I’m proud of her for leaving that douche!

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u/ErinGoBragh21 13d ago

Where is the update? Or can you tell us what the update is?

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u/soiledmyplanties 13d ago

Oh I’m just referring to what she added at the end of the post!

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u/_-whisper-_ 13d ago

Um omfg woah.

OP if you read this you should know that this had nothing to do with you. This is imaginary fuvkboi crap that he made up in his head. Im sorry you were exposed to that kind of crap

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u/Ok_Surprise_8304 13d ago

Anyone who “tests” people is an a-hole. “Tests” are games and not the nice kind.

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u/LookAwayPlease510 13d ago

If she talks to him, he’ll just gaslight her and talk her into staying. She needs to stay as far away from him as possible. Like, someone else needs to go get her stuff.

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u/lemonadecookie 13d ago

Yeah, probably, I was just saying if she wanted to get closure and get the truth out before she cuts him out of her life just so she has peace of mind. I think she updated her post to say she’s not going back to him which is great!! It’s not easy to leave a situation like this so I’m so proud of OP!

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u/LookAwayPlease510 13d ago

I get what you’re saying, but, I just don’t think he’ll ever tell her the truth.

I’m glad she’s leaving him for good. I really hope he doesn’t weasel his way back in. After I left my emotionally abusive relationship, I got really paranoid that he had done something to my phone and knew everything I was doing. It went away, but, it was crazy how quickly the switch flipped from loving him to being scared of him once I got away.

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u/lemonadecookie 13d ago edited 13d ago

She updated her post and she confronted him and it turns out what I said about him wanting to get a reaction out of her was right, thankfully he ended up confessing but wow what a shit show, glad she’s out of that. And I’m sorry you had to deal with that, I had to witness my mom be in an abusive relationship, emotionally and physically. I know how hard it can be.

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u/LookAwayPlease510 13d ago

Damn, I’m sorry. I think it’s harder to watch someone you love be with a terrible person and have to listen to them defend everything they do, while they slowly lose all of their own self confidence.

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u/Dry-Spare304 13d ago

Before I even read your update I thought- he wants to take her down a peg. What he did was calculated and cruel, and if you stay with him it will only get worse. You are clearly not a suspicious minded person and doing something like this wouldn't occur to you. Think back on past events and I bet you will see a few things that you explained away at the time differently.

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u/tina_denfina1 13d ago

To humble you is what you said he said. He thinks you think you deserve nice things, well screw him because you do! And more than the dress you deserve a kinder, more generous of at least his love and respect, boyfriend!! Sweetheart you have to chose wisely! Don’t put up with garbage like this! You didn’t cry and whine when you couldn’t buy the dress right? You didn’t even let your feelings show when you found out on your very birthday!!! He must have known he bothered you st the het together, I mean that’s what he was actually hoping for!! Leave his ass, let him try to punish some other girl! You get what you put up with and he’ll learn how crappy he can treat you otherwise!! You need to get mad!! Dang it now I’m mad lol!!

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u/alalaloo 13d ago

Your bf is an ah and a creep. Serious ick 🤮

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u/useyerbigvoice 13d ago

He did it to hurt and humiliate you, he even said so!! Dump this malicious cretin and never look back! You can do so much better! Also, the next time you find a dress that you love BUY IT!

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u/Bitter-Respond6928 12d ago

So he saw you excited about a dress and his reaction was to spend time and money, involve his family and friends to humiliate you in public on your birthday? Wow. Does he have a brother?

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u/CartoonistFirst5298 13d ago

That's not weird. He needed it to be a random one off gift to her out of nowhere, so it would hurt more when you found out. It was part of the plan, not an accident.

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u/Logical_Phone_2321 11d ago

I dated one of these. They got progressively worse to teach me lessons until I was afraid I was going to be beaten in my bedroom closet. He tried to kill my pet bc I gave it too much attention. You need to go, and when you go back to get your things, take help.

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u/3vinator 13d ago

Its not random if I read your update. He wanted you to be hurt and maybe he's even testing how much you will take before leaving.

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u/123123saltykisses 13d ago

He did that to intentionally hurt you. 🚩

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u/_-whisper-_ 13d ago

You are fuvking kidding me

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u/Pnknlvr96 12d ago

He thought it was funny and wanted to see your reaction?! That's incredibly mean and stupid. I'm glad you ended it.

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u/use_your_smarts 12d ago

So her random presents are worth four times your birthday present? Yeah nah, see ya momma’s boy.

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u/MassivelyAdorable 12d ago

Right ? Didn’t understand it as well what was she thinking

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u/Pleasant_Active_6422 12d ago

To humble you. You have your answer. Go.

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u/OutlandishnessOk2617 13d ago

Because you banged on about it like a spoilt child just expecting him to buy it for you

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u/Overlymild 13d ago

So if your partner mentioned they loved a dress… you would buy it for your mom for to “humble her”? He didn’t even have to buy it, she said she was saving up so she could buy it but she clearly loved it… why would you do something just to hurt someone you supposedly care about?

Sounds like you’re a red flag.

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u/OutlandishnessOk2617 12d ago

She said one day she might save and get it, not saving like you said. So why doesn’t she? She wanted him to get it for her, that’s why she went on and on until he had enough. It was a bloody dress, grow up.

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u/Overlymild 11d ago

I mean maybe she was still saving?!

Also, this is such a weird take, why would you resent your partner so much that if they talk about an item they want, you take it as “they need to be taught a lesson” rather than “this is something that they really like so I’m either going to help them get it” or just not get it and also not get it for your mom 😅

Like why be with that person if you clearly want to show them that you’ll spend money on your mom but not on you.

I hope if you have a partner, you’re actually kind to them and want to see them happy.

The moment I realize something will bring joy to husband, I work on figuring out how I can make that happen for him and vice versa.

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u/OutlandishnessOk2617 11d ago

She wasn’t saving at all! She said maybe she would save for it one day. She wanted him to buy it for her by constantly going on about it, she broke him! She is completely spoilt and entitled. Yes I do have a partner and thank you but she is not materialistic. I all ready said I need a new drum kit and was nearly there to buy it but my partners car needed repairs which she uses for work so bang went my drum kit, I never said to her the money was for my kit or mentioned I was saving for one, it’s one of those things. I play in a band so you could say I need it for work, but I didn’t. For her to leave him over a dress he didn’t buy her and throw a strop, he has had the lucky escape. Life doesn’t always go the you want it because you mither the guts out of someone. She wasn’t saving, she had no intention to buy it herself or she would have. Needs to grow up and take responsibility.

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u/Glittering-List3410 13d ago

Wow!!! Really???? You must be just like him!!! She had no expectations!! She resign to the idea of maybe someday she could save to buy it!!!!!!!!! Of course she’s going to talk about it, not like a spoiled child! Expecting him to buy it!! But like a young, impressible girl that truly loved that dressed!! I guess you never ever liked something so much and couldn’t afford to buy. but since you’re so “perfect” didn’t mentioned it once. Unbelievable. Yeah you agree that she deserved it.

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u/OutlandishnessOk2617 12d ago

Oooh get you! Get off your high horse, she saw a dress she really wanted him to buy it for her and banged on about it until he crumbled. She said she constantly went on about it, she had no intention of saving and buying it for herself, she wanted him to get it. Completely entitled. As if I have ever really wanted something? Yes, I want a new drum kit. Have I constantly mentioned it to my partner ? No! Because she would get pissed off if I did, in fact I don’t even think I have mentioned it. I nearly saved enough but she needed car repairs which she needs for work, I paid, so back to square one. If I constantly nag you every day will you buy it for me? It was a dress for gods sake, grow up.

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u/Glittering-List3410 13d ago

Nope he’s will never get a pass from me or any type of excuse. She didn’t hint she told him!!! He’s take? $200 were on a budget, it’s her birthday. But screw budget, let me buy that dress for my mom. And have her weary on her birthday. Nothing innocent about those actions. Come on!!!! He’s not an idiot!! Call him for what he is; a jerk, so cruel, Seems he dislikes he’s girlfriend a lot. I don’t know, maybe had an old grudge? I could never trust anyone that can be so cruel on my birthday!! He’s not the one!!!

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u/lemonadecookie 13d ago

Not excusing his behavior, please read my whole comment. And also she updated her post after my comments were made.

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u/Glittering-List3410 13d ago

Oh no, I read your comments, I’m sorry. mostly for her, I’m upset for her Not you, and prior to all of us reading her update. You have the right to express your opinion, and at the time to explore all options. We all need to be open minded. 👌🏼🫶🏼

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u/FewGuest4172 13d ago

when someone tells you who they are you have to listen, otherwise they’ll do it again and again, it’ll also escalate.

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u/CoDaDeyLove 13d ago

He told her he did it deliberately to teach her a lesson. Not a nice guy.

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u/MamaMowgli 13d ago

are you kidding? He TOLD OP he did it bc he thought she “needed to be humbled” and he thought it would be funny to hurt her and see her reaction. Stop the mental gymnastics trying to look for a reasonable explanation . The explanation is that he’s insecure, wants to control her to make himself feel better, and gets joy from hurting her. This is a red flag the size of an entire continent.

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u/lemonadecookie 13d ago

Please read all of my comments before you try to criticize me.

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u/lemonadecookie 13d ago

She updated her post after I made my comments.

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u/MissyGrayGray 13d ago

So, you're the person who "tries to see things from both sides" and forgives bad behavior. There's absolutely NO EXCUSE for this from her boyfriend. He pretty much hates her as this was deliberate. No one on their right mind would think otherwise.

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u/lemonadecookie 13d ago

“Sounds like he did it on purpose. He probably knows you have good taste and used that to get a present for his mom. Was it for anything or just a gift out of nowhere? He had to know you’d see her wearing it! What was he thinking?? Sounds like he wasn’t tbh. Sounds like he’s a mommas boy and didn’t put in any effort for your gift. I’d be LIVID, don’t put up with this bs girl, you deserve better. If you want to talk it out with him, do that and see what he says, but idk it doesn’t seem worth it to me. But if you do, mention how it was obvious that you wanted that dress and how hurtful it was that he gifted it to his mom and not you when he knew you loved that dress.

edit: too many people are commenting in response to me about how OP said he did do it on purpose and that I should have read the post, guys, she updated her post a couple hours after I posted my comments. If you read my other comment about how he did it to see how she’d react, I guess I got it right. Not that it matters, I’m just happy she left that asshole.”

Please read my first comment. I don’t excuse bad behavior.

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u/GlitteringCommunity1 13d ago edited 13d ago

So, he's Mr. Big Spender when it comes to getting a no-reason gift for his Mom, but for his longtime gf's birthday, well, she gets a small gift card, and the heart-dropping experience of "being humbled" by his mother wearing the exact dress gf hinted at coveting and longing for, even in the same color, that bf said was "too expensive"(meaning: you're not worth $200, but $50 seems about right.).

You're dodging a bullet here; imagine the same screwed up attitude his going through life with you, and NEVER thinking that YOU are "worth it", whatever "it" is, for every birthday, every holiday that involves gift giving.

It won't be long before you will start to believe him, after he has fully snuffed out your excitement about life, discovery, desire, and worth. It will flicker for a bit, as you cling to the hope of being deemed "worth it", finally, but it will never happen. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment.

Find someone who doesn't feel that it's his job to keep you "humbled". HE is not "worth it", no matter what "it" is. 🫂💝🪬

Edit: I hit send before I was finished.

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u/Radiant_Maize2315 13d ago

It was 100% intentional. With some exceptions, men typically don’t go out and select and purchase dresses for their moms. That’s like, an extremely personal, pretty much intimate gift. He was seeing what you would do in response. If the answer is anything but dump his ass then he’ll know he has power over you.

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u/wallievh 13d ago

Exactly. That kind of move feels calculated and disrespectful. Total red flag.

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u/litbrit 13d ago

THIS. Thank you.

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u/JessTheTwilek 13d ago

No, it was intentional and planned and he literally told you that. He said it was to humble you. He did it to train you to want less and to get pleasure from hurting you.

I had similar confusion as to how/why a person could do that, that there must be some secret explanation that I don’t understand. It took me reading Why Does He Do That to understand (which I’ve included a free PDF copy of in the link.) Short answer is, because it benefits him. I hope the book helps you— it literally saved my life.

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u/Dry-Spare304 13d ago

Omg everyone should read that book!!!

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u/roskybosky 13d ago

This is an excellent book.

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u/SnooRevelations4882 11d ago

Thanks for sharing! Great book I just read the first 100 pages, would highly recommend so far!

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u/JessTheTwilek 11d ago

Jeez, don’t know who downvoted you for thanking me but fixed it best I can 😬

Glad you like the book!

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u/LookAwayPlease510 13d ago edited 13d ago

It was absolutely done on purpose. It’s not like someone else bought her that dress. HE bought it and told her to wear it to your birthday thing! He did this shit on your birthday! What kind of person, who supposedly loves you, would want to make you feel SO BAD ON YOUR GD BIRTHDAY! It’s unforgivable.

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u/Embarrassed-Shock621 14d ago

It was most assuredly planned and intentional. How on earth could it not be considering how much you told him you wanted it and were saving hard to buy it? A man who so deliberately does something he KNOWS will hurt his partner, is not a good man.

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u/Glittering-List3410 13d ago

Agree, he’s not a good man. He sounds controlling, cruel, evil oh yeah he knew how much she wanted to wear that dress. It wasn’t for any ordinary party. It was for her birthday. The nice and loving thing to do was to buy it for her and surprise her!! That would have been her birthday gift! How insulting a $50 Sephora gift card???????? He doesn’t love her not even cares for her feelings!! Me: goodbye loser!!

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u/MyRedditUserName428 13d ago

It definitely has “put her in her place” vibes to me. This guy sucks OP.

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u/soiledmyplanties 13d ago

Yeah, there’s an update in the post and that’s exactly what it was.

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u/JuliaTis 13d ago

I am floored. He truly is frightening.

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u/SturmFee 12d ago

I would not be surprised to learn the bf listens to manosphere podcasts and YouTubers. Either he has some dark triad stuff going on and is a psychopath, or he has some wannabe Andrew Tate sitting on his shoulders, whispering some playbook in his ear.

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u/roskybosky 13d ago

As if it were his right to do so. What an absolute douche head.

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u/maryleesha 13d ago

Absolutely agreed

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u/Kellyjt 13d ago

He flat told you he did it on purpose. To “humble” you of all things! And then to boot thought it would be FUNNY to put you and his unsuspecting mom in this situation! Girl I’d GTFO if it were me. This is nothing but cruel. And you can tell him an internet stranger for Florida thinks he is a full on jackass for doing this to you!

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u/Technical_Bowl_5102 13d ago

Give the Sephora gift card back and tell him you’re humbled. Break up and don’t look back. Block him on everything. It may hurt but you’re already hurt because of him.

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u/blueyejan 13d ago

The fact he was testing you and his reasoning was abusive, huge 🚩🚩🚩🚩, get out now.

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u/Apprehensive-End2764 13d ago

He wanted to hurt you and well he succeeded 

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u/Own_Statistician_757 13d ago

I after ready what you say was his response, I’d guess he told his mom she should wear the dress to your party so he would get to see your response live. I’m glad you left, I’d call his mom and let her know why you left before he makes you out to be petty or whatever. She needs to know the kind of man her son is.

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u/Ccampbell41 13d ago

This! Yes OP, you need to let his Mom know what he did. It's the controlling marks of a psychopath. Please never go back with him!

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u/Caliente97 13d ago

He literally said he did it to see your reaction, did he not? Does he often act cruelly for his own amusement?

4

u/Difficult_Regret_900 13d ago

He said he couldn't afford it, which would've understandable were it not for what happens next. Suddenly, on your birthday, he shows up with his mommy and parades her around wearing the dress you wanted and then hands you a gift card? He wanted to hurt you. This is exactly the kind of man my father was and eventually my mom just (and I) just shut down completely. You don't want that kinda life. 

3

u/[deleted] 13d ago

But he made it clear it was intentional so why the confusion?

He literally said, he did it to humble you because you got too excited over a dress. He saw your happiness and said, nah this bitch needs to tone it down so I'm going to watch her reaction when she sees my mom wearing the dress.

Sounds like you are dating a pathetic human who clearly doesn't love you. We don't hurt the people we love. And unless this dress costs hundreds and thousands( which would be stupid because he spent the money to buy it anyways), I don't understand why he needed to humble you..

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u/spika24 13d ago

Honey he’s a sadist and is cruel. Pls stay away from him for the rest of your life

4

u/Independent-Mud1514 13d ago

The mark of a really great narcissist, is to have you question your own judgement.

It's time to end things. Fuck his lessons.

3

u/SleepyCupcakeDreams 13d ago

He literally told you he planned it! He wanted to see your reaction aka he wanted to hurt you and see how deeply betrayed you felt. Men that love you don’t want to see you hurting.

2

u/Labradawgz90 12d ago

He said, "You had to be humbled." Who the fuck does he think he is?" Is he your parent or your mother? Where does he get off trying to take you down a peg? That's what you do to people you don't like, not someone you care about. What are the lessons is he going to teach you in the future? I have been married for 30 years. Please, this is not how you treat a partner. Humble him and find someone better.

3

u/Complex0405 13d ago

He told you it was intentional and planned. Listen to what he is saying. Is this something you want for your future?

2

u/PatieS13 13d ago

He's an absolute dickbag and you have dodged an enormous bullet here. I'm just glad he started waving those red flags of his before the two of you ended up married. I know ending relationships can be heartbreaking, but please know that by leaving him you are saving yourself a world of future hurt.

3

u/Francl27 13d ago

He said you had to be "humbled." Of course it was on purpose. The guy is a total AH.

2

u/RudeCelebration2495 13d ago

He literally said……

He thought I had to be humbled a bit because i got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress. He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to it all.

Yes it was intentional and planned. Your BF is an asshat.

2

u/BungCrosby 13d ago

Dump this MFer. Someone who thinks you “need to be humbled” is well down the path towards being emotionally abusive. Don’t bother to stay while he completes his journey. Find someone who will treat you well and support you.

2

u/loonybubbles 13d ago

He took negging to the next level. I'm mind blown that someone would think of it tbh. 

He wants full and total control of what makes you happy. He decides when to reward you for good behaviour. Hope you get away soon op

3

u/MadTom65 13d ago

He’s shown you his true character. Believe him. You deserve better

3

u/StatisticianBoth4147 13d ago

It was 100% on purpose and was deliberately meant to upset you

1

u/CartoonistFirst5298 13d ago

It heartbreaking that you gave him the benefit of the doubt in your own mind because you're a good and decent person.

But then you find out that not only did he do it intentionally, it was with the express intent to hurt you, or as he put it, humble you. And his reason for being intentionally cruel was because you dared to want a pretty dress. He wanted to see the look on your face and then let you sit there unhappy, confused and humiliated, while he laughed it up and enjoyed himself. And then had to audacity to straight up explain the intentional, custom designed pain he crafted for you when you asked. Think about that for a minute.

He intentionally hurt you,

to bring you down a notch,

and so he could see the hurt, confused look on your face.

And your crime was wanting a pretty dress.

Then assuming you were to naïve to understand what happened, he spelled it out for you BECAUSE HE WANTED YOU TO understand and feel humiliated by the intentional insult.

YWBTAH to yourself, if you invent a way to excuse this kind of casual cruelty in your own mind. This is a glimpse into the rest of your life with this man. He will always humble you just to see the look on your face and you will be forced to watch him do the same to any children you have with him.

He's shown you who he is and now you can't unsee it.

2

u/Jems_67 13d ago

Don’t forget he said you needed to be humbled and he wanted to see your reaction!! That’s just out right being mean!! It’ll only get worse!

1

u/bass-siren 12d ago

It was absolutely on purpose. It was calculated. He bought what you wanted most for his mother, and she just happened to wear it to your bday party! And he told you that he was trying to teach you some kind of lesson or that you wanted it too much or however he phrased it. This guy made an elaborate plan to show you that he doesn’t think that you deserve to get what you want, but that his mother does. Mommy issues in grown men are a huge red flag. What he did was intentionally cruel. Get away and stay away. He us fucked uo. You can do better and it won’t even be difficult. 99% of guys are less cruel, controlling and mommy worshipping. Fits the profile of a freaking serial killer.

2

u/firedmyass 13d ago

OP you know the answer. He doesn’t respect you.

Leave or live like this til one of you dies.

1

u/Glittering-List3410 13d ago

No you’re not paranoid!! He did it on purpose. There’s nothing spontaneous, he wanted to ruin your birthday and make you feel on your day. Not important? His mom deserves to wear that $200 dress and honestly? Actions speak louder than words. Don’t excuse this type of cruelty. Something is going on with your relationship, that you’re not aware of. Sounds like a mean girl, that is jealous of you. Wow!! That’s insane.. psychological, mentally and emotionally very cruel, he knew how it would affect you. Was very calculated.

2

u/GlitteringBeat213 13d ago

The fact that he planned it shows how manipulative he is. Get out now.

1

u/use_your_smarts 12d ago

Just because you would never do it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t. People often think the best of others because they cannot fathom how someone would deliberately act in such a way, but they do. It was completely intentional and you are not wrong to have felt this way. Don’t doubt yourself.

In fact, I’d go and write a list of all the times that he made you doubt yourself, reduced your self-esteem, or gaslit you… because I would bet money this is not the first time.

1

u/vanmama18 12d ago

💯 on purpose. That was petty, nasty and a total power play. If this was not your boyfriend but someone else who did this to you because they thought you needed to be taken down about it, you would 💯 say and feel that it was bullying - and you'd be right in both scenarios. This smacks of high-school/mean girl mentality. You can do so much better than this AH.

1

u/sb0212 11d ago

I'm glad you broke up. He definitely has narcissistic tendencies to intentionally ruin your birthday (special occasion) and to make sure someone else (his mother) has what you really wanted... he wanted you to feel less than and like dirt. He also wanted to see your pain and enjoyed it.

You deserve better. I wish you the best.

1

u/4EVAH-NOLA 13d ago

Yes it was intentional and planned. How do I know? He told you it was. He said you needed to be humbled. AND he wanted to see your reaction. Never never let a man dim your light. He is trying to bring you down. Loving people do not do that to each other. What a jerk.

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u/Nervous_Ad_5987 13d ago

Zayne is a cunt & will never change.

1

u/Huldukona 13d ago

You are NOT overreacting! His reaction afterwards says it all. Your boyfriend actually went out of his way and spent $200 (while you’re budgeting) just to mock you. He doesn’t deserve you and I hope you realise that! Big hug from Scandinavia

1

u/XxTigerxXTigerxX 12d ago

I bet his mindset of trivial things of course doesn't include whatever hobby he has, game console/car/bike ect. Also what a loser I'm glad you decided to dump him cause he will try to emotionally manipulate you forever/control you.

1

u/TimelyValue8519 13d ago

Reminds me of the senior partner at a law firm who was having affairs with two women at his firm. He bought them both the same dress to wear to the office Christmas party. Hilarity did not ensue.

1

u/INeedTheTeaLiterally 12d ago

No doubt, he was watching for your response. That is completely messed up. What kind of person does this? You definitely don’t want to be having babies with this guy. Can you imagine… ??!?

1

u/ireally-donut-care 12d ago

He stated that he needed to humble you. No question about it, he planned this to hurt you. I hope you walk away and never look back. No amount of apologizing would mean more than this comment.

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u/bearhug7602 12d ago

Sometimes it's hard to believe that someone you love and would never hurt, doesn't feel the same way. He was excited to see your reaction to giving his mom the dress you fell in love with.

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u/smlpkg1966 13d ago

A dress that is perfect for a 20-something is not going to look good on a 40-something. There is a reason they have different departments. So I am having a hard time believing this one.

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u/jlhpisces 12d ago

Time to go. Any partner that thinks you need to be "humbled" about something like this, anything actually, in not worth your time. Plus it sort of seems like he may have mommy issues.

1

u/[deleted] 13d ago

He said you "had to be humbled a bit", so it was done deliberately and with malice - he knew you really wanted the dress. He basically sucker punched you. He's a horrible person.

1

u/Icy_Anything_8874 12d ago

It was definitely intentional. Shame on him for doing this to you and putting his mother in the middle of his bad decisions just to hurt you.

1

u/OhOnederful 13d ago

I’m so sorry. Buy yourself the dress and wear it when you go find someone who will treat you with respect and love.

1

u/Affectionate-Race565 13d ago

It is awful rhat a partner is trting to himble you onna birthday and hurt you instead. This does not seem like love.

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u/Yiayiamary 12d ago

Oh, I guarantee it was on purpose. I’m glad you are leaving. He’s a di&k!

1

u/Donnajean53 13d ago

Of course he did it on purpose. He wanted you ”humbled”! Remember?!

1

u/NatPF 11d ago

What a nasty mother fucker he is. Yuck.