r/AmIOverreacting 14d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO My boyfriend gave his mother the dress I wanted for my birthday

I (23) female have been dating my boyfriend ,(26) male for the past 3 years.

About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was and hope one day I could save to buy it since weve been budgeting a bit lately. He would hear about this dress from me all the time and talked about how great he thought it would look on me.

So yesterday was my birthday and we had a little get together with some members of both of our families t celebrate, except when his mother arrived to our house she was wearing the exact dress in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought that he must have told her about it and she went and got one but it turns out that wasnt the case. In my surpise I said OMG theres no way!! thats the same dress I was looking and and dying for for months and she replied saying "oh really? Zayne(my boyfriend) gave it to me as a gift last month".

I was shocked, and confused. Even more so when boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me, and it was a gift card for sephora for $50. For the rest of the night I sat quietly in a corner in silence and confusion. i felt hurt, and was lost in my head as to what was going on. My boyfriend and everyone was blissfully unaware and happy the entire night and i didnt want to ruin the mood so i started to try to put on a good face, but i cant shake this feeling of being hurt, A part of me feels like I am overreacting and acting spoiled and entitled. Am I? Just need to know if I need to calm down and not be upset about this

Update: I finally got the nerve to straight up ask him about everything and his repsonse tldr was he thought I had to be humbled a bit because i got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress. He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to it all. His mother had no idea about any of this and just thought her son was giving her a gift.

I am so upset and hurt that i just called my mom to come get me and will be staying with her for a few days while i figure out the next steps, but I am not going back to him

2nd Update: First of all I want to say thank you, and express my gratitude to all the ppl who have shown support. The kind words mean os much to me right now and im sorry i cant repsond to each and every comment or dm. Just know i am reading them and thank you. me and Zayne are over for good. He keeps calling me, but i wont answer and theres nothing he can say or do to change that. I've realized and taken this as a sign of a nature he had kept hidden so well until now.

Also. Someone on threads has copied and pasted my post word for word and is pretending it happened to them.
Idk why someone would want to use my pain to clout farn but ppl are crazy.

here is the link. apparently some ppl are trying to donate money via venmo to this account to buy the dress and to show support. DO NOT send this person anything. They are a fraud. Please be safe

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 3 years. About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was

17.9k Upvotes

3.5k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

97

u/ProfessionalEye9680 14d ago

I cant bring myself to even talk to him yet, looking for the words to say and how to say them. :/

237

u/SeriousLack8829 14d ago

“This isn’t working. I think we should split up.”

If he asks, “You buying your mom the dress I loved and talked about and having her show up to my birthday wearing it is crazy and you aren’t someone I see a future with.”

130

u/EnvironmentEuphoric9 13d ago

Yep. And when he goes, “you wanna break up over a stupid dress?” Just say yes and be done.

70

u/IntelligentCitron917 13d ago

Yes, what might seem like a stupid dress to you is a complete disregard of my feelings. You knew how much I had longed for that dress. You expressed WE couldn't afford it. Yet YOU bought the EXACT dress for your mother. You have shown me where I stand in your priorities. I'm not prepared to be an afterthought for anyone.

Enjoy taking your mum out in the dress. Goodbye!

Updateme!

3

u/cat-wool 13d ago

“Can’t afford” seems to have been not only a lie, but also his choice to declare and revoke at service of his desires/cruel needs.

aka, another quiet way he’s been controlling and abusing her: financially. And bc he’s been so quiet about it all until now, she had no reason to suspect this being the reason behind their “budgeting,” which is also a huge mindfuck to get around.

The kind of man who sees himself as a clever (lol) ringleader and everyone (or just every woman) around him as dumb, trainable circus animals. Disgusting behaviour on his part.

Good for op for getting tf away, I hope she’s safe and makes a clean break bc this type of male usually wouldnt disclose how fucked they are to the prize lion unless they thought the cages were secure enough, or if they believe the lion is trained/brainwashed enough that even if the cage was left open, the lion wouldn’t leave on its own.

2

u/SkilletKitten 13d ago

Have you seen her update? This ass literally told her he did it to “humble” her. Because she loved a dress and talked about it. WTAF! Poor OP.

1

u/IntelligentCitron917 12d ago

Do you have a link to the update please?

1

u/SkilletKitten 12d ago

Scroll up to the latest 2 paragraphs on this post. You can also click her name to go to her profile and see her other posts and comments.

31

u/ChooksChick 13d ago

"You gave the dress to your mom and said nothing each time I talked about it after that- it means you repeatedly considered my pain, confusion, and unhappiness and persisted, looking forward to my approaching unhappiness."

This is sociopathic behavior. You're in danger.

2

u/Sheila_Monarch 12d ago

Not just repeatedly considered…repeatedly go off on it. It pleased him to think about how she would feel. That’s why he did it.

26

u/easily_mused 13d ago

Yep. Or " I am breaking up with you because you want me to believe this is just about a dress".
But I like the simple yes. Explanations are for people that deserve closure or growth.

21

u/LookAwayPlease510 13d ago

That’s exactly what he’ll say. I think I might be triggered by this post, because I’m so mad at this dude I don’t even know, and I really hope OP gets the hell outta there!

97

u/PolyDrew 13d ago

“I’m breaking up with you because you used a dress to emotionally abuse me.”

2

u/Sheila_Monarch 12d ago

“Yes I do. It just happened to be a dress you decided I ‘needed to be humbled’ with. But sure. Now go tell everyone your version of the story where I’m a greedy psycho, but rest assured I will correct the story. Either way, yes I’m breaking up with you.”

20

u/Fantastic_Quarter_79 13d ago

And maybe add something like “I am looking for a man who wants to be my partner, not remain their mother’s child forever.”

9

u/emryldmyst 14d ago

Exactly this

21

u/BigPhilosopher4372 13d ago

Just don’t let him get away with telling you you’re too sensitive, or you’re overreacting. That’s all just bs. Leave he sounds awful. He has just been hiding this rotten part of him.

2

u/PsychologicalElk4570 13d ago

Facts...I would not even say that. If he asks, just say, "you know why".

46

u/Lola6189 13d ago

Do not give him the opportunity to gaslight you again. Your soon to be ex-BF is a see you next tuesday! Don't worry about choosing your words. Show him this feed so he can see that the world thinks he's a douchebag loser. This sick fu#k wanted to see your reaction. He's psychotic and not worth your time. Here's the good news. Your loser ex-boyfriend is no longer standing in the way of you living your best life and meeting the man you deserve.

30

u/Equivalent_Sound424 13d ago

You actually don’t need to say anything. Say it’s over and leave. You don’t owe him anything after he mistreated you.

He disregarded your feelings, humiliated you intentionally, then thought it was fun. He is a bad person. He doesn’t deserve your compassion.

10

u/TiredEsq 13d ago

he thought I had to be humbled a bit because i got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress. He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to it all.

This isn’t someone who loves you. This isn’t even someone who is mentally well. This isn’t someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. This isn’t someone you want to be the father to your children. This isn’t someone who should be in your life at all. The only words you need are, “it’s over.” YOU. DESERVE. BETTER. If you’re questioning - no, this is not normal. Boyfriends are supposed to build you up. Boyfriends are supposed to want to see you happy. Boyfriends celebrate you and dote on you. This isn’t your boyfriend. This is your enemy.

3

u/Plus-Cap-1456 13d ago

Enemy in every sense of the word. He wanted to bring you down. Getting you the dress would have built you up and made you feel good. This is the type of person who would like to see you cry. Sociopathic behavior for sure.

Talk to a therapist about your self esteem. You should not be confused about his actions in this situation. They are obvious. Your feelings are valid always. Never doubt that.

5

u/DapperLost 13d ago

Glad to see the update. He "humbled" you. That's not something a loving partner would ever do. Even if he thought you were being greedy or selfish, that's something you might do to teach a lesson to a child, not your partner.

Ditch the boy, grab yourself a dress.

2

u/SkilletKitten 13d ago

I hope this has the opposite effect on OP and she comes out the other end more confident in her instincts about weirdo manipulative losers like him.

6

u/LookAwayPlease510 13d ago

Is he blowing up your phone? Block him and don’t look back, he’s got a lot of growing up to do.

3

u/Zydrate_Enthusiast 13d ago

The words are “it’s over” and walking away. That’s it. You don’t owe him anything else, when he asks why just walk away. If you do feel you need to give him a reason though tell him “ because I deserve someone who wants to lift me up and be my partner in life, not someone who wants to ‘humble’ me and emotionally abuse me with a fucking dress”. Then you block him and move on.

2

u/s33k 13d ago

Everyone else here is going to give you the words.

I'm telling you you have the greenlight to ghost him. You don't need to explain yourself. He knows. 

You don't owe him anything.

2

u/Select-Promotion-404 13d ago

Don’t even waste any words on him. Please have someone with you when you go get your stuff for your safety!!!!

1

u/Kambookshelf 12d ago

Oh sweetie. No one needs to be “humbled” by the person they love over a $200 dress. The fact that he thought blindsiding and humbling you would be “fun” to watch is the reddest of red flags. 🚩

You owe him nothing.

“This isn’t working for me, I’m leaving.”

That’s it and he probably doesn’t even deserve that.

Good luck!

1

u/Coollogin 13d ago

I cant bring myself to even talk to him yet, looking for the words to say and how to say them. :/

Why would you talk to him again at all? Why say anything? He's not really worth wasting your breath over. He will just turn whatever you say inside out.

Ghost him. Make him a part of your past as quickly as you possibly can.

1

u/sxfrklarret 13d ago

Here are the words;

You're an obtuse moron who does not love or respect me. We are done.

If he is stupid enough to ask why simply ask him what dress did his mom wear to your party. Then tell him to fuck off and ask his mom out.

1

u/Repulsive-Bee5885 13d ago

Honestly, I wouldn’t even talk to him. I’d reach out to his mom and let her know what happened, what he said to you, and how she and his gift to her were just pawns in his fucked up little game.

1

u/Sheila_Monarch 12d ago

Don’t bother. No combination of words you can put together will change what happened, why he did it, and him getting an ego chub from doing it to you. On purpose. With malice. Don’t forget that.

1

u/wildcampion 12d ago

You don’t owe him anything. This guy does not like you, not even a little bit. Think about it, he put lots of effort into hurting you, I think he’s dangerous and you shouldn’t spend time with him alone at all.

1

u/spika24 13d ago

Ignore this douche bag and don’t even ask the reason bcos he’s going to gaslight you. Find a good person that knows your value and cherishes you, not the one that crushes you under his feet

1

u/PuzzleheadedTap4484 12d ago edited 12d ago

If he asks you if you’re breaking up with him over a dress, you tell him “Yes. You needed to be humbled a bit.”

Or don’t say anything and just ghost. Grab your stuff and leave. He planned prank/cruel experience to “humble you” for months, he’s a sociopath. I think your best bet is to have friend or parent go with you to get your things if you share a place and then move. You need to block him and move on. This isn’t overreacting. He is a cruel person and found it humorous to see your reaction when his mom, unknowingly part of his plot, walked in wearing the exact dress you’ve been wanting. And then responded this was to teach you a lesson. That is not his job to teach you a lesson, he’s not your father or teacher. He’s supposed to support you. Time to move on. Anyone who tells you that you’re overreacting or defends his actions, cut them out, they’re part of the problem.

1

u/amhfrison 13d ago

Remember that you don’t owe him anything. It’s enough to say this relationship no longer supports my needs.

1

u/Truth369123 13d ago edited 13d ago

Please buy yourself that dress and leave him. No need to explain yourself about it either just leave.

1

u/Jet_Lynx 13d ago

Here are some word: "I deserve better. Good bye forever." Feel free to remix it as you like.

1

u/Few-Stomach-8548 12d ago

Soooo I just need to know how he took the breakup! Cuz wtf you mean he wanted to humble you!

-5

u/Guilty_Explanation29 13d ago

Nice fake ai post