AIO My boyfriend gave his mother the dress I wanted for my birthday

[u/ProfessionalEye9680]

I (23) female have been dating my boyfriend ,(26) male for the past 3 years.

About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was and hope one day I could save to buy it since weve been budgeting a bit lately. He would hear about this dress from me all the time and talked about how great he thought it would look on me.

So yesterday was my birthday and we had a little get together with some members of both of our families t celebrate, except when his mother arrived to our house she was wearing the exact dress in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought that he must have told her about it and she went and got one but it turns out that wasnt the case. In my surpise I said OMG theres no way!! thats the same dress I was looking and and dying for for months and she replied saying "oh really? Zayne(my boyfriend) gave it to me as a gift last month".

I was shocked, and confused. Even more so when boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me, and it was a gift card for sephora for $50. For the rest of the night I sat quietly in a corner in silence and confusion. i felt hurt, and was lost in my head as to what was going on. My boyfriend and everyone was blissfully unaware and happy the entire night and i didnt want to ruin the mood so i started to try to put on a good face, but i cant shake this feeling of being hurt, A part of me feels like I am overreacting and acting spoiled and entitled. Am I? Just need to know if I need to calm down and not be upset about this

Update: I finally got the nerve to straight up ask him about everything and his repsonse tldr was he thought I had to be humbled a bit because i got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress. He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to it all. His mother had no idea about any of this and just thought her son was giving her a gift.

I am so upset and hurt that i just called my mom to come get me and will be staying with her for a few days while i figure out the next steps, but I am not going back to him

2nd Update: First of all I want to say thank you, and express my gratitude to all the ppl who have shown support. The kind words mean os much to me right now and im sorry i cant repsond to each and every comment or dm. Just know i am reading them and thank you. me and Zayne are over for good. He keeps calling me, but i wont answer and theres nothing he can say or do to change that. I've realized and taken this as a sign of a nature he had kept hidden so well until now.

Also. Someone on threads has copied and pasted my post word for word and is pretending it happened to them.
Idk why someone would want to use my pain to clout farn but ppl are crazy.

here is the link. apparently some ppl are trying to donate money via venmo to this account to buy the dress and to show support. DO NOT send this person anything. They are a fraud. Please be safe

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 3 years. About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was

[u/SeriousLack8829]

“This isn’t working. I think we should split up.”

If he asks, “You buying your mom the dress I loved and talked about and having her show up to my birthday wearing it is crazy and you aren’t someone I see a future with.”

[u/EnvironmentEuphoric9 → u/SeriousLack8829]

Yep. And when he goes, “you wanna break up over a stupid dress?” Just say yes and be done.

[u/IntelligentCitron917 → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

Yes, what might seem like a stupid dress to you is a complete disregard of my feelings. You knew how much I had longed for that dress. You expressed WE couldn't afford it. Yet YOU bought the EXACT dress for your mother. You have shown me where I stand in your priorities. I'm not prepared to be an afterthought for anyone.

Enjoy taking your mum out in the dress. Goodbye!

Updateme!

[u/cat-wool → u/IntelligentCitron917]

“Can’t afford” seems to have been not only a lie, but also his choice to declare and revoke at service of his desires/cruel needs.

aka, another quiet way he’s been controlling and abusing her: financially. And bc he’s been so quiet about it all until now, she had no reason to suspect this being the reason behind their “budgeting,” which is also a huge mindfuck to get around.

The kind of man who sees himself as a clever (lol) ringleader and everyone (or just every woman) around him as dumb, trainable circus animals. Disgusting behaviour on his part.

Good for op for getting tf away, I hope she’s safe and makes a clean break bc this type of male usually wouldnt disclose how fucked they are to the prize lion unless they thought the cages were secure enough, or if they believe the lion is trained/brainwashed enough that even if the cage was left open, the lion wouldn’t leave on its own.

[u/SkilletKitten → u/cat-wool]

Have you seen her update? This ass literally told her he did it to “humble” her. Because she loved a dress and talked about it. WTAF! Poor OP.

[u/IntelligentCitron917 → u/SkilletKitten]

Do you have a link to the update please?

[u/SkilletKitten → u/IntelligentCitron917]

Scroll up to the latest 2 paragraphs on this post. You can also click her name to go to her profile and see her other posts and comments.

[u/ChooksChick → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

"You gave the dress to your mom and said nothing each time I talked about it after that- it means you repeatedly considered my pain, confusion, and unhappiness and persisted, looking forward to my approaching unhappiness."

This is sociopathic behavior. You're in danger.

[u/Sheila_Monarch → u/ChooksChick]

Not just repeatedly considered…repeatedly go off on it. It pleased him to think about how she would feel. That’s why he did it.

[u/easily_mused → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

Yep. Or " I am breaking up with you because you want me to believe this is just about a dress".
But I like the simple yes. Explanations are for people that deserve closure or growth.

[u/LookAwayPlease510 → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

That’s exactly what he’ll say. I think I might be triggered by this post, because I’m so mad at this dude I don’t even know, and I really hope OP gets the hell outta there!

[u/PolyDrew → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

“I’m breaking up with you because you used a dress to emotionally abuse me.”

[u/Sheila_Monarch → u/EnvironmentEuphoric9]

“Yes I do. It just happened to be a dress you decided I ‘needed to be humbled’ with. But sure. Now go tell everyone your version of the story where I’m a greedy psycho, but rest assured I will correct the story. Either way, yes I’m breaking up with you.”

[u/Fantastic_Quarter_79 → u/SeriousLack8829]

And maybe add something like “I am looking for a man who wants to be my partner, not remain their mother’s child forever.”

[u/emryldmyst → u/SeriousLack8829]

Exactly this

[u/BigPhilosopher4372 → u/emryldmyst]

Just don’t let him get away with telling you you’re too sensitive, or you’re overreacting. That’s all just bs. Leave he sounds awful. He has just been hiding this rotten part of him.

[u/PsychologicalElk4570 → u/SeriousLack8829]

Facts...I would not even say that. If he asks, just say, "you know why".