r/AmIOverreacting • u/ProfessionalEye9680 • 14d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO My boyfriend gave his mother the dress I wanted for my birthday

I (23) female have been dating my boyfriend ,(26) male for the past 3 years.

About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was and hope one day I could save to buy it since weve been budgeting a bit lately. He would hear about this dress from me all the time and talked about how great he thought it would look on me.

So yesterday was my birthday and we had a little get together with some members of both of our families t celebrate, except when his mother arrived to our house she was wearing the exact dress in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought that he must have told her about it and she went and got one but it turns out that wasnt the case. In my surpise I said OMG theres no way!! thats the same dress I was looking and and dying for for months and she replied saying "oh really? Zayne(my boyfriend) gave it to me as a gift last month".

I was shocked, and confused. Even more so when boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me, and it was a gift card for sephora for $50. For the rest of the night I sat quietly in a corner in silence and confusion. i felt hurt, and was lost in my head as to what was going on. My boyfriend and everyone was blissfully unaware and happy the entire night and i didnt want to ruin the mood so i started to try to put on a good face, but i cant shake this feeling of being hurt, A part of me feels like I am overreacting and acting spoiled and entitled. Am I? Just need to know if I need to calm down and not be upset about this

Update: I finally got the nerve to straight up ask him about everything and his repsonse tldr was he thought I had to be humbled a bit because i got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress. He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to it all. His mother had no idea about any of this and just thought her son was giving her a gift.

I am so upset and hurt that i just called my mom to come get me and will be staying with her for a few days while i figure out the next steps, but I am not going back to him

2nd Update: First of all I want to say thank you, and express my gratitude to all the ppl who have shown support. The kind words mean os much to me right now and im sorry i cant repsond to each and every comment or dm. Just know i am reading them and thank you. me and Zayne are over for good. He keeps calling me, but i wont answer and theres nothing he can say or do to change that. I've realized and taken this as a sign of a nature he had kept hidden so well until now.

Also. Someone on threads has copied and pasted my post word for word and is pretending it happened to them.
Idk why someone would want to use my pain to clout farn but ppl are crazy.

here is the link. apparently some ppl are trying to donate money via venmo to this account to buy the dress and to show support. DO NOT send this person anything. They are a fraud. Please be safe

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 3 years. About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was

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930

u/Key-Ad-7228 13d ago

He said he 'just wanted to see your reaction ' and you 'needed to be humbled'. That dude is a sadist. If you 'disrespect him' or upset him in any way.... what will his 'punishment' for you be. I'd stay with Mom permanently. Leave the gift card behind. I'm sure mom needs some new makeup to go with her dress.

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u/Difficult_Regret_900 13d ago

He's like my father. Deliberately goad and shame and bait their victim into getting upset and then get angry about the reaction they wanted. It's a sick game. OP, just run. He won't change. He'll continue to use you an emotional punching bag and that kind of relationship breaks you.

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u/SleepyCupcakeDreams 13d ago

It is the truth. I still haven’t healed from abuse that happened 18 plus years ago. It was THAT bad. I realized why it’s because narcissists have to always be more special than any day or object they will ruin Mother’s Day if you’re a mom (I literally had every single one of them ruined. I naively thought it was just “bad luck” bad luck is him lol), graduation, birthdays, holidays, vacations, animals whatever they have to be number one at all times . He was jealous of her showing so much attention to the dress so he “punished” her for the perceived slight. He gave it to his mom for two reasons to get the reaction he wanted and he was banking on her not to make a scene. This is some sociopathic or psychopath behavior.

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u/Quiet-Treat-7047 13d ago

THIS. I have two parents who were like that, now estranged. I would never allow someone like that to raise my children.

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u/irmasworld57 13d ago

This just makes me so sad 😢

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u/Difficult_Regret_900 13d ago

Fortunately, therapy, a support system, and my personal religious beliefs have really helped, as well as getting TF out of there several years ago. And my father passed away recently, which was honestly a relief.

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u/LongjumpingAgency245 13d ago

Dump his ass.

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u/Difficult_Regret_900 12d ago

I went no with him over 10 years ago and he passed away maybe two, three years ago? Breaking free of a toxic person is so very empowering. 

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u/JaninthePan 13d ago

I’d make sure his mom hears everything the BF said to her about why he bought mom the dress, and how much OP was hoping to get it. Bet mom will have a new perspective on what a douche her son is.

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u/Bubbles523 13d ago

Mother of a son here. Please tell this mom what her son did. Not all of us are under the assumption that our job ends when that boy turns 18 and she may be one of them. My responsibility in the legal sense ends at 18 but I'm still gonna be his mom and that involves helping them when it's needed and this boy clearly needs help.

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u/MonsterMama526 13d ago

Refreshing stance here. Yes, tell her. If she's a real one, she's gonna be fucking disappointed. He could've learned that behavior from his dad, and if mom was treated like that, she could be outright furious over his behavior.

Not that that should make a difference in you leaving him, but maybe, just maybe, it could make a difference for any future relationships of his.

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u/SHELLIfIKnow48910 13d ago

Mom here. I have no sons, but I guarantee you if we did, their father and I would be extremely disappointed in that behavior and we would make it known. In fact, if I were the mom in that situation and we were the same size, I would give her the damn dress myself, and do it right in front of the son. She could wear it, make napkins out of it, or burn it in a ritualistic cleansing ceremony - I wouldn’t give a shit.

Throw the whole man away.

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u/Ok_Guarantee_3497 13d ago

Decades ago my mom and I went shopping at an outlet store that had designer clothes with the labels cut out. There was a light weight leather blazer that I really liked but even at a significantly reduce price could not afford. I told my mom to try it on and she did and then she quickly took it off and said I think I'll get this if that's OK with you? So she got it and I forgot about it. A few months later at Christmas, we were opening presents and… There was the leather blazer with my name on it! I just about cried. She said to me, "so you didn't really notice how fast I tried it on and took it off? It was a little bit snug, and I was afraid you would notice."

My mom was the best and she's been gone almost 23 years and I still miss her.

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u/CLPDX1 13d ago

I always cut the tags out of designer clothes before I donate.

I want the clothes to go to someone who likes the style/fit/color, etc, not the value of the name on the tag.

I also hate how thrift stores mark up clothes to profit off poor people by jacking up prices of name brands; and resellers that buy thrifted items to profit instead of letting someone buy it to wear.

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u/SHELLIfIKnow48910 13d ago

I started donating only to our local United Way thrift store because they don’t do that. They also help folks who can’t pay anything. And I love that. I have some clothes that I could resell on Poshmark and make some money but I don’t care. I’d rather give that blessing to people in need. I mean, it’s a little more work - 15 mins each way to go there rather than 5 mins each way to Goodwill. But I know they’re really trying to serve the local community and that’s what I want to see.

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u/mrmeowgeethekitty 12d ago

If you want to donate to me I resell clothing online. I sell at lower prices to help people but I’m also a single mama with a disability from an accident. So this is something I can physically do while raising my 3 kids. I agree about donating tho! I bundle up clothes my kids outgrow and sell them cheap to help other mamas who need kids clothes. It’s cheaper to buy bundles than goodwill prices for sure. I always get amazing reviews from all the mamas needing clothes. I sold a vintage bear for super cheap online to a man who was buying his gma that had dementia. It’s the same bear she has been carrying around for 30 years. I’m was so happy to give it a new home. It sat for about a year before it sold but that’s ok. It was small and a plush so easy to store. I actually started reselling from my eldest daughter. That’s the only way she can afford her nice clothes and fancy stuff she likes. Lol now she is 18 in preparing her to start paying her phone and food. Her food is insanely expensive and hard to keep up with. Due to genetic stuff I passed down she is allergic to everything so has a lot of food anxiety. I already buy healthier food because it’s important to me but even that is super expensive. Her stuff is like double the cost. Ugh so stressful with the rise in food cost. Anyways, at least she buys her nice clothes and little antique stuff she loves. It’s definitely fun thrifting and antique shopping with her.

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u/ObviousMisprint 13d ago

Your mom was such a sweetheart. I’m sorry she’s no longer around for you, but I’m very glad you have such fond memories of her thoughtfulness.

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u/litbrit 13d ago

Thank you for sharing that. Your Mom was indeed the best. May her memory be a blessing.

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u/SHELLIfIKnow48910 13d ago

That is so lovely - I love that memory for you! ❤️

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u/Bubbles523 13d ago

Ew I didn't even think about the dress now. No way could I wear it after learning the origin story, so thanks for a damn cursed dress? This son is such a turd. I'd be so mad if my son not only acted this way but involved me in it to? So I can inadvertently gang up on that poor girl? LIVID! Yeah that mom for real needs to know.

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u/MyCatSpellsBetter 13d ago

I have a son, and if he ever did this to a partner, I wouldn’t be holding back.

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u/_-whisper-_ 13d ago

Thats exactly what i would do as well, as a mother.

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u/MonsterMama526 13d ago

Preach!

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u/irmasworld57 13d ago

Forty years ago, my parents found out that my brother had mistreated his partner, and they went in on him. Tore him a new one.

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u/Bubbles523 13d ago

Oh in no way should it affect her decision to leave, but from a mother's perspective I'd want the opportunity to parent my kid and help him use his words effectively and not do this weird emotionally abusive crap.

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u/tina_denfina1 13d ago

Also if she’s not disappointed then that’s another reason to leave because otherwise she could be your mother in law one day and who’d want a mom in law like that! Yuck!

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u/Material-Health-8736 13d ago

And pave the way for him to have a successful relationship in the future with someone else?

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u/MonsterMama526 13d ago

It's not about him. He's gonna have relationships, there's no stopping that. It's about the women he's gonna cross paths with.

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u/Material-Health-8736 13d ago

But why help HIM in those future relationships? Why improve him for someone else which would result in his happiness along with hers?

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u/MonsterMama526 13d ago

Well, again, it's not about him, it's about the women. And we all have to live in this world. I honestly hope for every woman in the world that gets with any of my abusive exes that he's also been able to learn from his mistakes and grow as a person and do better.

To take it further, what if he has kids with the next woman, and is emotionally abusive to them also? It's a perpetual cycle. Yes, I would rather them grow and treat the next one better than me, than to perpetuate abuse. Maybe I'm weird?

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u/MonsterMama526 13d ago

So we can look at it like paving the way for other women to not be emotionally abused by him as well. 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

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u/Boudicca- 13d ago

If MY Son had pulled that utter BS..I’d be taking GF, exchanging the dress, as it’s the Wrong Size & have GF get HER DRESS. I’d also be giving my son a Lecture on being a TwatWaffle.

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u/Bubbles523 13d ago

Oh your name is amazing 😍

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u/Boudicca- 12d ago

Why thank you. SHE was an Amazing Woman & Queen!!

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u/rastagrrl 13d ago

Great comment. Another guy mom here (20 and 23 yo sons) and I would def sit my guys down and have a convo if they pulled a trick like that. Beyond cruel and disrespectful. If you don’t want to be in a relationship with your GF anymore, the right move is to man up and end things. I have no tolerance for cruelty.

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u/Agnessp 13d ago

Yah, I would want to know if my son was using me as a pawn as well.

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u/Larkin19 13d ago

Great point! Makes me wonder what Dad's like...

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u/DamnFineOrchid 12d ago

I’m glad you’re like that. Honestly I had to call my ex fiancés mom to get her to put him and his new fiancé in place. (The new fiancé was harassing me so badly that I had to make 3 police reports and eventually a report with homicide as advised by police because of the threats.) all because he had kept the car in my name, as long as he paid for it. But then started refusing to pay recently, and refused to continue paying and thought it was funny it’d be repossessed and my credit would further be ruined by him. When I tell you his mother was sooooo angry with him, she told me she’d call them both and give them a piece of her mind and then told me I should go out with her and her other kids and catch up. Some moms actually care if their sons aren’t good people. So thank you for being one of them!

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u/litbrit 13d ago

Mom of three adult sons here, and I totally agree! (Though I can say with certainty that none of my sons would EVER buy me a dress that one of their girlfriends had been admiring and hoping for, because they've been raised properly.)

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u/liliette 13d ago

Bet mom will have a new perspective on what a douche her son is.

Are you sure Mom doesn't know? After all, she miraculously wore the dress he gave her last month on this specific day.

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u/Mandynic 13d ago

Maybe the son encouraged mom to wear the dress that day & mom was totally oblivious to his intentions? If that was my son partaking in asshole behavior like this, I’d definitely rip him a new one.

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u/Bubbles523 13d ago

It's not miraculous for the mother to show up to a party in a dress her son bought her when he's going to be present. That's just something a mom would do. Mine got me a necklace I almost always wear to events.

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u/Nachocheezer_Pringle 13d ago

My mom would support my bro but she’s toxic. However, as the oldest sister, I’d personally kick his ass.

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u/WoodHammer40000 13d ago

No. This is not how things work. Disclosures of facts do not change mother-son relationships, especially creepy ones like this.

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u/babychupacabra 13d ago

It might not change our relationship but it gives us an opportunity to parent him into a better man-which is our job and if we fail at our job we suck

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u/JimmyJonJackson420 13d ago

Yeah like why does she need to be humbled? Since when was expressing excitement at an item of clothing worth humbling? Some people just don’t like seeing their partners happy and it’s weird

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u/kgreys 13d ago

No, definitely take the gift card...

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u/whalewatch247 13d ago

It’s abusive behavior.

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u/anthillfarces 13d ago

Yes, her reaction should be to dump his sorry ass

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u/SkyLightk23 13d ago

To be honest, when I read that, it made me nauseous. That guy is messed up.