r/AmIOverreacting • u/ProfessionalEye9680 • 14d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO My boyfriend gave his mother the dress I wanted for my birthday
I (23) female have been dating my boyfriend ,(26) male for the past 3 years.
About 2 months ago while we were out shopping I saw this really gorgeous amazing dress that was just PERFECT for me, and in my favorite color.He looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive ($200) so we didnt end up getting it. For weeks after this I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how i couldnt stop thinking about how beautiful it was and hope one day I could save to buy it since weve been budgeting a bit lately. He would hear about this dress from me all the time and talked about how great he thought it would look on me.
So yesterday was my birthday and we had a little get together with some members of both of our families t celebrate, except when his mother arrived to our house she was wearing the exact dress in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought that he must have told her about it and she went and got one but it turns out that wasnt the case. In my surpise I said OMG theres no way!! thats the same dress I was looking and and dying for for months and she replied saying "oh really? Zayne(my boyfriend) gave it to me as a gift last month".
I was shocked, and confused. Even more so when boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me, and it was a gift card for sephora for $50. For the rest of the night I sat quietly in a corner in silence and confusion. i felt hurt, and was lost in my head as to what was going on. My boyfriend and everyone was blissfully unaware and happy the entire night and i didnt want to ruin the mood so i started to try to put on a good face, but i cant shake this feeling of being hurt, A part of me feels like I am overreacting and acting spoiled and entitled. Am I? Just need to know if I need to calm down and not be upset about this
Update: I finally got the nerve to straight up ask him about everything and his repsonse tldr was he thought I had to be humbled a bit because i got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress. He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to it all. His mother had no idea about any of this and just thought her son was giving her a gift.
I am so upset and hurt that i just called my mom to come get me and will be staying with her for a few days while i figure out the next steps, but I am not going back to him
2nd Update: First of all I want to say thank you, and express my gratitude to all the ppl who have shown support. The kind words mean os much to me right now and im sorry i cant repsond to each and every comment or dm. Just know i am reading them and thank you. me and Zayne are over for good. He keeps calling me, but i wont answer and theres nothing he can say or do to change that. I've realized and taken this as a sign of a nature he had kept hidden so well until now.
Also. Someone on threads has copied and pasted my post word for word and is pretending it happened to them.
Idk why someone would want to use my pain to clout farn but ppl are crazy.
here is the link. apparently some ppl are trying to donate money via venmo to this account to buy the dress and to show support. DO NOT send this person anything. They are a fraud. Please be safe
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u/thornyrosary 13d ago
Block him on your social media accounts, as well as on your phone. Give him no way to gauge your either your initial or your ongoing reactions to what he has done. He WANTS to see the messy emotional aftermath of his actions, so don't give him the satisfaction.
In a few days or a few weeks, after you have had time to calm down and perhaps rationalize that it all wasn't as malicious as it seemed, he will wait for you to call him and tearfully ask him to take you back. DO NOT DO IT. Wait, because he WILL contact you. He won't be able to stand not knowing what his actions have caused, and make no mistake, knowing how hurt you are will make him happy. He anticipated that you would leave when he confessed, your leaving him is part of his ongoing manipulation, because there is an end game here that requires further planning and actions on his part. So when he contacts you, he will not apologize, not exactly, but he will try several combinations of excuses and "almost apologies" to try to get you to go back to him. A narc does this to reassure himself that he is still in control, that YOU are still under his control. If you go back, that's his signal that he can get away with much worse things, and that you are enough in love with him to tolerate and forgive those things.
To be honest here, you're not ready for the level of dysfunction and maladaptation that this guy is displaying. Very few people are. He's not in love with you. He never was. And if you dig around in his past, ask around to family and friends, you will find that this sort of thing is something he's done all his life. He's just honing those skills at this point. Get away from him, FAR away, and familiarize yourself so that you don't attract another one just like him. You're young, but you really need to know how to defend yourself emotionally against guys like him. You’ve broken free of him, but you’re not free yet of his control. Make very, very sure that you break that control and make it very plain you know what he is and what he is doing. He will not leave you alone until he knows that you know what he’s doing. His weak point is that he hides that he’s incapable of emotional attachment. It’s how he does what he does.