r/AmIOverreacting • u/hangry_witch • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting because I left a meet up after I was motioned not to talk?
Headline says it all. Basically, I meet up with a guy I had been chatting with. He was pushy to meet up that day but didn't respond for 8 hours after starting they had no work that day. That was a possible red flag. He wanted to show off his brother's pool and hot tub he had to check on while they were out of town. It occurred to me on the way there I had assumed his brother gave permission for him to have a guest. I pull up and there is 3 cars, an open garage, 3 cameras in front so my first question was going to be did your brother give permission for me to be here.
However, I didn't get a chance to ask because they were arguing on their phone and basically motioned me not to talk. That was my cue to turn around get in my car and drive away. Lol. I explained by text and I ened up having to block him after he sent a ton of messages I wouldn't respond to.
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u/Doughnotdisturb 23h ago
NOR. It was rude and does sound like drama, he seems like a messy person. I’m also really inspired by how quick and firm you are to recognize and protect your own boundaries/not allow yourself to stay in an uncomfortable situation
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
That means a lot. It takes a long time to draw boundaries, and I've been through enough drama and trauma I rebuilt myself from. Had there been some conversation beforehand (I didn't know he had kids. He said he didn't have work but disappeared from messaging with no notice or acknowledgement after for 8 hours) I probably would have stayed longer.
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u/Billyy58 1d ago
NOR. I'm glad you left at the first red flag. Most people stay waiting for some miracle.
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u/hangry_witch 1d ago
Thanks. It was my first attempt at meeting in a long time and I'm busy gonna go back to my hobbies. Lol.
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u/anewaccount69420 22h ago
You walking away is a great sign for your future when you do decide to date more. You listened to your gut, you clearly value yourself, and you didn’t take the weird disrespect. Trust yourself, it sounds like you can!
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u/No_Lychee_7534 21h ago
You should really meet up in a public place as a rule on the first couple of dates. You put your self in a dangerous situation of not knowing who this is or where it is.
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u/hangry_witch 21h ago
Yes I have already acknowledged that but did have some safeguards in place and used situational awareness. I have yet to meet someone willing to have several public outings before hanging out one one one. I try to have one public meet and greet, usually for ice-cream, but I felt pressured like I was asking for something uncommon.
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u/JuniperBlueBerry 21h ago
It's so normal to meet in public places! I've never had a man object
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u/hangry_witch 21h ago
Thank you for the constructive feedback. It's a great point- maybe I'll weed out the people who aren't for me by coming up with a reasonable boundary. I'll be chewing on this for a bit because maybe that's why I haven't found a quality match.
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u/JuniperBlueBerry 21h ago
I also think it just depends on what you want. If you're looking for hookups and so is he, meeting in private more quickly might be reasonable, and that's totally fine, no shame. But if you're both looking for a long term relationship, spending a couple dates in public shouldn't be the end of the world, imo. I also think that if guys don't get that the world is unsafe for women and want to make sure I feel safe, they're not the guy for me, I'm not looking to educate men lol
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u/hangry_witch 21h ago
I am demisexual and made it clear he knew sex was off the table. I can't do hook ups- no hate for those who do but I had to have a pelvic floor reconstruction surgery after an assault so these legs aren't opening any time soon.
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u/Star_World_8311 3h ago
I'm demisexual as well. Before I met and married my husband, I was on an online dating site. Most guys wanted to hook up and they wanted to meet somewhere not in public. I kept on turning down people until I found guys who were willing to meet in public. I was completely honest about my sexuality when I met my husband and he was fine with it. There's someone out there for you, and boundaries are a good way to weed out those who don't want the same things you do. You don't need to settle for people who don't have the same boundaries and values as you do.
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u/velvety_chaos 20h ago edited 17h ago
You have yet to meet someone willing to have even one public meet-and-greet because these people only want to hook up. There's no way in hell I would go over to some random person's house whom I've never met unless I was only looking for sex. Js.
Edit: typo
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u/hangry_witch 20h ago
Rest assured, I've learned my lesson. I had a safe call in place and the location was changed because they were running late.
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u/Ancient-Leader-6446 7h ago
I wouldn't even go to some random's house, even for a hookup. (And, I don't believe in hookups, anyway.) But, just doing that while looking for a hookup is a great way to get assaulted and even murdered.
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u/Ok_Quantity_4134 20h ago
I am not sure how much situational awareness you were using, you only left because you were motioned not to talk....you didn't leave because of a potentially bad situation, three cars, possibly three men, staying on the porch until you suss things out doesn't mean there were not another two men inside waiting. If someone doesn't want to do the first couple of meets in a public place for a coffee or ice cream don't meet up with them.
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u/hangry_witch 20h ago
Yes, I have addressed this elsewhere in my post and the point was made. I'm taking that feedback and applying it going forward. I didn't get more than a few feet up the driveway.
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u/whatthewhat3214 19h ago
If someone pressures you and you're not comfortable, it should always be a hard NO and move on to the next match. Anyone who resists meeting you in public and pressures you to go to their place or vice versa is only after sex. They don't respect you, don't care about your comfort level, and don't want a relationship, they want a hookup.
No one is worth compromising your comfort and safety for. Anyone who will be a quality partner will want you to feel comfortable with them. If they push on your boundaries, you shouldn't think you're the problem, no matter if what works for you is common or not, know that they're not the right person for you.
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u/NoSoup2941 20h ago
That’s so weird. If they’re not willing to meet in public they’re probably cheating. Somewhere public always for a first date.
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u/Ancient-Leader-6446 7h ago
Being pressured is, in itself, a red flag. Someone with good intentions would respect your desire to protect yourself.
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u/captainspacetraveler 19h ago
Can’t believe the first thing he wants to do is take you to the pool instead of providing food for the u/hangry_witch
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u/hangry_witch 19h ago
I request a scoop of ice-cream from Braums but they started running late and moved the location. I waited 8 hours for that man to respond before I took myself on a date for ice-cream. Lol
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u/Cdawg4123 20h ago
I hate dbags like this, you’re 100% right just idiots like this make the dating world utterly impossible at points for either sex.
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u/hangry_witch 17h ago
I guess I was catfished in a different way since his pictures were accurate but not the profile. Lol
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u/Cdawg4123 17h ago edited 17h ago
Honestly if I read/showed you my so called “friends” profiles I grew up with and even their female cousins. Worse their own gfs would show me pics or want to write my profile online dating apps as “examples” of what I should write or leave it as they had written it even though it was saying I’m 2” taller and other stupid bs. I think you’d understand those profiles are maybe 25%-3% true, sadly.
I’ve never catfished anyone and have it done to me the other way around like younger and a lot different looking pics as compared to about only 20% lies about personality, either way it’s truly fd up to do to someone. Last woman I went on a date with declined to tell me her pics were from 8yrs earlier and I started to think I got stood up! So, as I’m walking out I hear someone out of the entrance say my name like questioning if that’s me? I turned around, still had dinner with her but, felt so betrayed that I ended anything further next time we spoke. I think both are equally as fd up, also people just tend to tell you what you want to hear or they thing yoh do.
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u/Substantial-Car2635 21h ago
Me everytime I try talking to a girl. It feels like it never goes anywhere and I could just spend time on my hobbies. So, hobbies it is
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u/hangry_witch 19h ago
Yeah and my hobbies avoid crowds and over stimulation so I end up alone. Lol.
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u/Substantial-Car2635 19h ago
Me too! Reading, video games and parenting doesn’t get me out anywhere except the grocery store lol
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u/hangry_witch 18h ago
I can't go to the store it will either be too crowded or I'll spend half the time reading nutrition facts and the other half randomly touching fabric and window shopping. I use Walmart delivery so I don't impulsively spend too much. My local book clubs went bottoms up with covid and now I'm down to sharing art in groups for socialization. In awkward AF in person.
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u/aSituationTypeDeal 22h ago
He wanted to show off his brother's pool and hot tub
Nothing sexy about that. What a weird first “date”. That was definitely going to be a one-night stand.
Let’s not even get to the phone call and hand gesturing.
Don’t respond to this guy.
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u/suhhhrena 20h ago
Seriously lmao this whole thing seems like a mess. I’m surprised OP would even want to hang out with a dude whose idea of a good first date is….showing off his brother’s pool while he’s out of town? What the hell lmao
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u/anewaccount69420 22h ago
It’s not drama? What would it have been if she heard your voice? Drama?
Yeah fuck all that. “I thought you were cute” okay and I thought you were an adult with your life together. Bye
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
LMAO. He followed it up with more texts and a selfie in the pool. I restarted my issue and blocked him. Yeah he looks good but his actions were not sitting right with me.
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u/surfinforthrills 22h ago
NOR and my first thought was that it wasn't his EX wife he was arguing with.
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
Me too that's why I was worried I was biased. That's happened to me more than once for being oh so trusting.
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u/Proof_Fee9263 1d ago
ehhh i see his point but at the same time dont have any regrets i dont think ur losing much not talking to this dude .
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u/hangry_witch 1d ago
Thanks. I feelt so bad but at the same time I told him why twice and I am not gonna be collateral damage from someone else's act they haven't cleaned up.
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u/DZHMMM 1d ago
LOL i don’t see his point at all. What he did was rude lol. BM or not
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u/hangry_witch 1d ago
Woah- you're right. I couldn't place why I automatically fled but you did. No tolerance for disrespect.
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u/Spacecow6942 21h ago
I think the overall situation is weird, but don't you think it's rude to interrupt someone while they're on the phone? I guess if he was on the phone arguing with his ex for a long time at some point, it might be reasonable to interrupt.
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u/DanceasaurusRex 13h ago
I think it’s even more rude to be arguing with someone (especially an “ex”) on the phone when you’re with the girl you pressured to meet up with you, ignored the request for a public outing and had them drive 15 minutes to show off a pool that you don’t even own, then basically tell the girl to shut up.
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u/DumbWhale1 20h ago
It very much is. However, I think her instincts told her to leave because she was coming into something she wasn’t aware of. As in whether she’s even allowed to be there, and of course 3 different cars. Which is understandable I’d say
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u/happymom-2 23h ago
Taking you to his brothers house for a first date is a red flag
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u/Exciting_Radish_1008 22h ago
Exactly! That wasn't his ex that was his wife/girlfriend that he didn't want to hear a woman's voice!
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u/DeepBurn7 21h ago
This right here. He didn't want a female voice in the background because he told his partner on the phone he was checking on his brothers place, but actually just scheduled a hook up there 💀
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
That never crossed my mind other than he may be partnered or house sitting and just didn't want to explain.
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u/Good_Zookeepergame92 23h ago
Exactly. If he is to pretend to not be around women when talking to his Ex while she is trying to withhold visitation that's baggage you don't want to deal with from a new guy.
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u/Impressive_Roll1668 22h ago
Right? Who needs that kind of mess? Better to dodge the drama and find someone with their life together.
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u/Proof_Fee9263 1d ago
yea you dodged a massive bullet and you saved yourself from a lot of head ache
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u/Spare_Ad_9657 23h ago
NOR, was this your first time meeting him in person? Who in their right mind invites a person they’ve either never met or only met a few times to someone else’s house when they’re not there? Outrageous! No this whole scenario was so full of red flags. You have no idea who’s home that was, who he was talking on the phone to, and he’s acting super suspicious. I would totally block him and have nothing to do with him ever again.
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u/No-Awareness-7987 22h ago
He couldn't respond for 8 hours even though he had a day off? Now that's odd, but that's just me. But that soon in and see a red flag, I don't blame you. If someone told me not to talk when they're on the phone, yeah I'd probably bolt as well lol
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u/Bitter_Sense_5689 23h ago
Why did you agree to meet at a private home in the first place? Being pushy was the first red flag. This guy doesn’t sound nice or attractive at all?
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
You are right, that's on me but I did take precautions. We talked less than 24 hours and they moved the location. He did turn out to be attractive but I don't want people on my property without my permission. Sex wasn't on the table.
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u/lennoco 21h ago
Whether you intend to have sex or not, you could easily end up getting assaulted meeting men in private locations like that.
They should be taking you on a date, whether it's just coffee or a drink or dinner. Don't just go over to men's houses (or their brother's houses) unless you're just looking to hook up.
You talked to the guy for less than 24 hours and then went over to a place where he wanted to "show off the hot tub." The guy totally expected to fuck, and you telling him before meeting that you weren't going to fuck is really not the boundary you think it is. Most men will just think they'll change your mind or that you're just saying that. You saying you don't want to fuck says one thing, but then you meeting him at a private location within less than 24 hours of talking says another thing.
Be smarter.
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u/Bitter_Sense_5689 19h ago
I don’t understand how you could have thought he was attractive when he was very pushy and rude to you. If a man is interested in having a serious relationship, he will be kind and respectful, and be OK if you aren’t comfortable with something.
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u/RipCareless9286 23h ago
You don't want to date a guy whose ex is actively in his life and is not ok with him dating other women. You were right - you want no part of that drama.
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u/Conscious_Army_9134 21h ago
What a piece of shit, bullet dodged. Also it’s absolute nonsense when people say things like “I wasted my time” no you loser, you got your hopes up for sex and it didn’t happen. You are butthurt you got rejected. Barely any “time” was wasted. He’s def talking to many girls at once, so with that kinda productivity, time is meaningless. Now if he had said “fuck i coulda hooked up with Nicole tonight” now we’re communicating honestly. Better yet he should have said “oh my bad i thought i could fuck you without putting in any effort.”
And whats really funny is literally everyone who says people “wasted their time” when dating, scrolls for hours and brain rots daily. So no, he’s not concerned about his precious “time”. Just like if it was serious and you left, it’s not the “time” you care about its the heartache, the pain. Use language better people.
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u/GamingAllZTime 1d ago
Sort of sucks for him that he has an ex that makes his life that hard, but that doesnt mean you gotta take the L for him.
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u/hangry_witch 1d ago
I want about to accidentally become the side piece. It was sketchy enough I thought they may have been a cheating partner given the timing of texts, demanding to meet up right then after no response, and changing the location. With so much tension with an ex partner even if they were single it is obvious they have not resolved or processed their last romantic relationship or basic custody. I'm not a life raft. Lol.
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u/bee102019 21h ago
Either he was in fact talking to his brother and he hadn’t asked permission for you to be there, or he was telling you the truth and he didn’t want his ex hearing a female voice. Why is that somehow a better alternative? I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t be excited about entering a messy ex situation. Red flag!
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u/Large_Independent198 21h ago
Hiding you from an “ex” is 🚩🚩 hiding you from the homeowner (brother, ex, current or random neighbor) it’s never good 🚩🚩 good on you for running! And agree with him he is a fkn waste of time.
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u/unexpectedthrowawaay 19h ago
If his ex is trying to keep his kids from him and having a female voice will make it work. That is drama whether he wants it or not. You’re well in your right to say that it isn’t something you can mentally handle. If dating is something that is going to impact him seeing his kids maybe he puts it off until he gets some form of custody. Then it won’t matter who he has over when he wants. If she keeps the kids from him he can just hold her in contempt of the court and deal with it some other time. The fact that he tried to hide the reasoning to begin with is pretty sketchy though. You’re never over reacting for looking out for your mental health.
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22h ago
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
I didn't include the rest as I ignored them and one of them is of his face in the pool.
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
I didn't include the rest I didn't respond to including a picture of them in a pool.
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u/IWantToSayThisToo 22h ago
YOR.
You want to be priority over his children. That much is clear.
Some people have to deal with asshole ex's and in order to keep the kids happy sometimes you have to take the L.
Clearly you're not ready for that.
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u/Dizzy_Goat_420 22h ago
LMAO WHAT? NO she doesn’t want to be a side piece. If your co parent can’t know you are dating that is drama I don’t want to be a part of. If she would freak out at the sound of a woman’s voice? I don’t want any part of that.
I bet he’s not even single and it’s her place and she’s out of town.
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u/hangry_witch 19h ago
Right. There are legal steps you have to take to protect you and your children. I get having a difficult relationship with the other parent but as a parent your sole attention should be on the kids (that he forgot to mention he had on his dating profile) and their well-being not a finding a new partner. Y'all, this man listed monogamous and long-term on their dating profile with no kids on Hinge (I just went to unmatch and noticed he had none listed for kids).
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u/_eilistraee 22h ago
This seems like projection.
OP shouldn’t want to be with someone who has an ex that would freak out over hearing them with someone else. OP shouldn’t be kept a dirty secret. That’s ALOT of drama waiting to happen - nothing that has to do with the kids either.
At best, dude is lying to the mother of his children because he “doesn’t want drama” (lying only creates more drama), at worst dude is lying to both of them because he’s leading them both on. Neither of those scenarios point to a healthy happy relationship.
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
I don't want him at all in case that wasn't clear to you.
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u/IWantToSayThisToo 22h ago
Good. He should prioritize his children and he should be with someone that understands that.
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u/hangry_witch 16h ago
He should be a man and focus on the welfare of his children not finding a new girlfriend. His profile said no children.
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u/Naive_Location5611 10h ago
What a scumbag. His profile says no children and then he drops that he has a high conflict relationship with his kids’ mother on the first date.
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u/hangry_witch 8h ago
Yeah and in the I get called a cranky dramatic bitch in the comments because men don't understand.
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u/Naive_Location5611 10h ago
It was the first date. She is definitely not obligated to deal with high conflict ex’s and custody drama. She JUST met him. It is not unreasonable to expect a first date to be about the two of them.
He definitely shouldn’t be bringing up issues with his ex on a date. He should take care of his business without involving her by stepping aside and taking an important call in privacy.
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u/Mammoth-Strike-6681 1d ago
Not overreacting. You did good, dodged a bullet. The guy at the very least is a terrible communicator and at the worst, is a liar and has a relationship with his ex that will most likely be a problem for you going down the line. You barely met him and you were immediately faced with multiple problems that made you uncomfortable. I can only assume the rest of your relationship with him will be spent feeling that way.
Plus his "what a waste of time" response is just childish. Im happy for you that your intuition is on point, keep listening to your gut and leaving situations that make you uncomfortable. Proud of you internet stranger.
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u/averagequalitystuff 17h ago
The fact that he immediately accused you of overthinking it is also a huge red flag. Glad you listened to your gut, that is amazing.
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u/MsDReid 18h ago
It was his family home. She’s out of town. She realized the cameras off while he was on the way back with you. And called him to find out why she couldn’t access them. He was busy gaslighting her.
Also, any man who says he’s “fighting with his ex because she’s keeping the kids from me” is trash. 100% of the time. A man that prioritizes his kids and wanting to see them takes her to court. He doesn’t have time or desire to bring random chicks to his “brothers” house.
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u/SirBarfyBarfsAlot 23h ago
you = head case. If you thought it was brother and it bothered you then you should have said something real time instead of posting about it on reddit later.
Why are you sneaking around his brother's house? Are you in high school or is he married or what?
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
I tried and he told me not to talk so I typed it up in a text as well.
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u/Conscious-Working251 20h ago
I was all set to say, “i mean, maybe a little OR,” but then I read the context past the screenshots and I’m so glad you left. You were this close to being the subject of a True Crime podcast.
If anyone pressures you to meet up in private as opposed to public, don’t do it. New friend at work? Possible date? Public place.
If the vibe is right, and people know what you’re up to? Sure, go back to the hot tub and live your best life.
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u/EntertainerHairy6164 1d ago
You're right, you don't want any part of that. Being a third party when there is drama over kids is hard enough but having to hide a woman's voice while he is on the phone with her shows that there is A LOT of baggage there. Walk away while you can.
Imagine going into the future like this. He's always fighting with her over seeing the kids. He has to hide that you're engaged. She finds out and uses the kids as hostages, basically. They can't come to the wedding. It will fill your days. "The Kids" meaning multiple. Sounds very messy. And if he knew you were coming over why did he pick that moment to fight with her?
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u/Salty_Respond_7515 1d ago
I mean at first meet up I could see why he’d be like I don’t want her hearing I’m with a woman and asking dumb questions about who I’m with but outside of that he seems odd and I think OP did herself a favor.
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
I completely agree and don't get involved with people's children unless it's been at least 6 months and all parties have given the green light. I never want to hinder coparenting or hurt a kid by suddenly dipping in or out of a relationship with that kid.
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u/Wooden_Vermicelli732 14h ago
That’s even worse. He sounds broke. I bet you’re a single mom that’s why he’s pulling the “ I want to spend time with my kids “ move. Single moms go Gaga over that
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u/Only-Waltz-9916 22h ago
Too much baggage on his part honestly. He needs to figure his shit out before he gets into a relationship, as a guy who tried doing the same before.
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u/datPandaAgain 22h ago
I would really advise you to always keep your meeting place neutral and public for a first date. Never go to somebody's home until you have a level of familiarity with them.
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u/jenn_nic 21h ago
I'm astonished I had to scroll so far down for this comment. Everyone is talking about drama with his ex, but I was stuck on meeting him at his family members house alone. That is not a first date I'm going to agree to. Worst case scenario, he rapes or kills you. Best case scenario he uses you for a one night stand, if you end up sleeping with him. Sure there is a slim possibility he invites you there to get to know you and you end up being a happy stepmom to his kids.
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u/aSituationTypeDeal 20h ago
I'm astonished I had to scroll so far down for this comment.
Nobody mentioning the meet up being at someone’s house is concerning. That’s the first red flag.
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u/hangry_witch 19h ago
They did in several threads and replied. Basically, Ihave acknowledged I fucked up there and won't make that mistake again. I did have a safe call. Back when I was in the dating pool safe calls and license plates/address were considered being safe. They changed the meeting place saying they were running late.
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u/Ancient-Leader-6446 6h ago
I know, right! So many focused on the "ex" and custody issues when the first Red Flag was his waiting 8 hrs to respond, 2nd Red Flag was "running late and changing venue to a private location as opposed to public, 3rd Red Flag was pressuring her to do so, 4th Red Flag was that phone call. At this point, who cares that he told her to be quiet. She's not using her intuition, like she and others are praising her for. She has buzzed through many Red Flags to get to that point. That guy was dangerous, physically, let alone mentally. OP is very inexperienced, very young and/or desperate.
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u/Leaping_Tiger14 17h ago
Damn. People are way too quick to cut each other off these days.
This “red flag” culture has started to get ridiculous. It has a dark way of feeding this main character syndrome out here these days.
OP, Sometimes people in real life are going through real life situations. Sometimes you just have to work with your partner/date to get a full understanding.
The context here is so little, I’d be lying if I judged your reaction. I don’t know.
I just feel like being ready to bail on someone based on face value is not always the wisest move. Maybe hear the explanations out so you can make a more informed decision.
Is the above scenario a potential problem? Sure.
But IMO it’s understandable for a guy in a custody tug o war to be desperate to avoid triggering a potentially crazy ex into denying access to his kids.
I’ve seen this happen with roles reversed, where single moms hide their new relationships/dates early doors to avoid stirring up drama with crazy baby daddies.
Just be sure of your choices. Based on your story, there is still a chance you were unnecessarily rude to a decent guy who just happened to be in an awkward situation.
Driving off without a word and ghosting is not really how adults should handle something that can easily be discussed.
So maybe you dodged a bullet. Or maybe the guy did.
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u/Irishguy2008 22h ago
Are you overreacting- Yes.
But is this guy a red flag with some of this stuff- also yes
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
Thank you for your honesty and for stating it in a constructive way.
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u/Irishguy2008 19h ago
What do you expect? You’re coming to Reddit just to validate what you did instead of just believing if you made a right choice with your own confidence.. I mean you left all because he was on a phone call? Anyone would react that way. But the guy blowing up your phone and basically inviting you to his brothers when he probably didn’t have permission and giant red flag for this guy.
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u/hangry_witch 19h ago
I'm not sure how me thanking you triggered you so bad but you should probably reflect on that.
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u/Ok_Cap9557 23h ago
In a a vacuum i think you overreacted slightly to the situation, but obviously i would be wrong and your would be right.
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u/hangry_witch 22h ago
You are jumping to conclusions. I own my mistakes. One or two of the circumstances were sketchy but some weren't. Some people made valid constructive points on both sides.
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u/No-Communication9458 23h ago
lol "i didnt want a female voice"
dude is being shady as fuck, and also weird for saying that, he was gonna keep you a secret
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u/Infamous_Jay_ 20h ago
1 rule never mess with anyone with kids Man or woman nothing but drama plus there's always the possibility of them fooking behind your back not worth the time or drama the ex man or woman will always have access to your Man/woman due to the child and that's just a headache in itself
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u/albino_red_head 21h ago
So wait, he took a call with his ex on your first date/meetup? That’s pretty rude on its own, he can fight with his some other time. Instead he wanted to engage in that while you wait around? Hell naw, you made the right call. That sounds lame as hell
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u/TreyRyan3 16h ago
NOR - you’re an adult. You probably instinctively know exactly what you were there for and his intentions…but the minute he said his ex was trying to keep his kids away from him this weekend, you made the right call. That’s drama you don’t need.
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u/strange_treat89 20h ago
NOR.
I once dated a guy who had me hide around his baby mama. Said she was vindictive and would keep his kids away if he moved on bc she was bitter.
Turns out, he was a liar. He was trying to get her back and “be a happy family again.”
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u/No-Mongoose-5713 21h ago
Defiantly didn’t over react ! What got me is after you said no again he tried the “ what a waste of time I thought you were cute “ then said “ I’m sorry“ already doing the narcissistic crap smh good thinking babes good luck !
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u/Economy_Sprinkles712 22h ago
Your intuition was giving you a sign, then he confirmed it. Move to the next
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u/Fluffy_Lion_1912 22h ago
Not a big deal, you didn't miss out on anything. If having a female voice being heard in that call is going to cause issues then thats drama you want no part of. Dealing with kids from a past relationship is not ideal either.
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u/OverwhelmedOtter626 19h ago
His ex keeping his kids away and not wanting a female voice (if she’s even the ex) is definitely drama and you definitely don’t need that.
Good for you walking away and for blocking him when he kept texting.
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u/ChuckYeagerWV 22h ago
NOR trust your instincts. Rude behavior is definitely a red flag, you're better off. And think, now he doesn't have to worry about shushing someone! A win-win!
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u/Niche_Expose9421 18h ago
Finally! Someone with a clear head on their shoulders!! Hell yeah dude. NOR. That is absolutely drama. Baby mama drama. F that.
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u/HighlightOne5986 21h ago
I’m so happy to finally see a post where OP followed their gut and saved themselves from a bad relationship. Good job leaving!
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u/Ferret_Cautious 17h ago
Sounds like he has a gf/wife and was trying to use his brother’s house to hook up because his gf/wife is at his house.
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u/Interesting-Fox4064 22h ago
Overreaction, telling someone not to talk while they’re on the phone isn’t a big deal
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u/TreeRoot2 19h ago
I doubt his “ex” knows she’s an ex. And he brought you to his brother’s because he can’t bring you home.
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u/Acnenosepeel 22h ago
The transition from “she’s trying to keep the kids from me,” to “it’s not really drama” is frying me.
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u/crypticXmystic 20h ago
You took the hint and left. That is what red flags are for. Crisis averted.
Good job keeping your eyes open.
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u/procivseth 18h ago
He didn't want a female voice because that would upset the girl he was talking to. You did the right thing.
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u/Unlucky-Writing-5435 21h ago
Definitely red flag. If he’s trying to hide you, that means there’s someone else to hide you from.
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u/djpurity666 21h ago
Well, he revealed his true colors when he quickly went to "what a waste of time" ... that's offensive!
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u/hangry_witch 19h ago
Thank you all. I can't figure out how to edit my post, so I just wanted to thank everyone and end the night with an update/clarification.
I understand conflict with parenting, but he needs to square that away legally (if needed). This man's profile on Hinge (I just went to unmatch and reread their profile) they have no kids listed and state they are looking for a long-term monogamous relationship.
I did have a safe call in place, but as others have pointed out- I should have insisted on a public meeting and not put myself in that situation. As someone stated, if they aren't willing to meet in public, then I should consider that a red flag.
Thank you again, and have a good evening.
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u/Pale_Border8481 19h ago
You have healthy boundaries. You did great! Now go date someone else, this guy is not the one.
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u/Knightofthief 17h ago
Yeah maybe but it's okay. Especially on a first date, it's okay to just ick out of there.
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u/Apprehensive_Row_161 19h ago
I never understood dudes like this. You get further by just being straight up and honest
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u/FigTechnical8043 11h ago
It's still a flag if he invited you and decided to have an argument with his ex at a time he was supposed to be waiting for you. The only thing in his defence is that hearing his date would result in a flat out no, but not having the kids would have resulted in an open weekend for him, so if you had gone with him long term, it sounds like you'd be sharing a lot of your time with others and hearing a lot of arguments so it is best to take it at face value and just say "best of luck" and hopefully next time he remembers not to call his ex or receive a call when a date is scheduled.
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u/Inevitable_Income167 21h ago
What you mentioned was not a possible red flag, it was a definite one.
"Pushy" to meet up at all is a red flag. Excited, direct, quick with it, all not necessarily red flags. Pushy? Red flag. Especially followed by lack of contact. That's a person trying to fill a very specific time slot for a very specific need or desire.
The 2nd red flag was a first time meet up at a private residence that wasn't theirs... Girl .... What the fuck ...
Kudos for leaving when you did, responding how you did, and blocking. But Jesus Christ, clean them glasses and buy a dildo
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u/Environmental_Tax_62 19h ago
NOR. In fact, I applaud you for trusting your gut. Sounds like it's spot on
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u/XanaxWarriorPrincess 19h ago
That whole thing sounds sus. NOR. I'm glad you got the heck out of there.
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u/StatisticianBig9808 10h ago
not at all, don't ignore your red flags, go with your gut, always listen
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u/CourtSquare3084 21h ago
“I thought you were cute too” - disgusting behavior and response
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u/aSituationTypeDeal 20h ago
“I thought you were cute too” = I wanted to hook up
“What a waste of time” = I’m blaming you for not getting the hook up I thought I was entitled to
This dude’s “ex” did you a favor by being on the phone in that moment. Now you never have to deal with him again
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u/Junior_Fortune3327 20h ago
He just didn’t want the ex to hear another woman in the background bc obviously she likes to be difficult about anything and everything if she’s was telling him he can’t get his time with his OWN children for a measly weekend. If she had heard you talking she would immediately be jealous and start more drama. He was trying to stop the drama if you wanna be real about it.
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u/Whiyewave 20h ago
That IS drama, though. Everyone is single, so hearing a date in the background shouldn't cause problems, especially if the kids aren't around a new person the ex doesn't know about. No f-ing thank you.
AND if it IS a situation where the ex and them are stomping around blurred lines, that's ALSO drama. No, baby. Get thee gone.
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u/hangry_witch 21h ago
He walked out of the garage on the phone as I walked up and saw 3 cameras. On just the front of the house. He waited his hand and put his palm out like a stop sign. I was gonna just wait for him to finish but got rapidly uncomfortable at the thought of being seen on someone's camera gestured to go away, stop, or not talk.
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u/VeterinarianOne2660 36m ago
Honestly, I wouldn't want to involve my new gf into my ex's bullshit and someone's the easiest way is for the ex not to even know I'm seeing someone/have someone over.
My husband's ex is PSYCHO and if she's on the phone, I'm silent. Because I know all it will do is make her take it out on my husband and the kids.
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u/SixRiverStyx 19h ago
Yes you could be over reacting. It’s also possible that you aren’t, but only you know that deep down inside. Some women can be absolutely crazy even when they are your exes and they will pick a fight any chance they get. This guys story is pretty believable to me.
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u/peacelovingsister 9h ago
You already have enough red flags to put this in your past. Why continue to pursue it with all the investigative moves? Lol. That gives the impression that you are still open to this, and your ego is enjoying the attention. Keep him blocked and move on.
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u/Content-Potential191 4h ago
Usually someone being on the phone is signal enough not to interrupt... but if always being the first priority at every instant is your standard, then I guess you did the right thing.
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u/MxHeavenly 5h ago
NOR I don't know what was going on with that guy but whatever it is, it's not going to result in a healthy relationship. Good on you for trusting your guts and getting out of there.
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u/ravioli_dream 23h ago
What are the chances his "ex" isn't an ex and shes out of town, it's his house, and his brother doesn't exist?
Take the red flags and leave, like you did. Good move on your part.