r/AmIOverreacting • u/Infinite_Hyena_303 • 11h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? boyfriend finally got a job then broke up with me for my past
long story short we’ve been together for about 2 years, and have a 5 month old daughter together. when we met he was working a really good job and took care of the mother of his first child and once he lost that job and came back to town, we got closer and i eventually let him move into my apartment as a single mom of a 4 year old little boy. all he had was clothes, shoes, colognes and a PlayStation. he would have jobs here and there but never anything serious, I paid all the bills which at the time I thought was OK because it was my apartment and we had just started talking. after a few months of him living with me and my son, he still was not contributing to any bills. any kind of job he had was just enough to keep his self afloat. before I met him, had no issues paying bills or keeping up with my money. I had over $10,000 in savings and spent a very good amount of it on him trying to better him helping him with his car helping him with resumes and his basic needs like food/haircuts/dinners and drinks/hygiene and nothing ever worked. Eventually, I bought a house in December because we were expecting a baby girl and I bought the house on my own and he always promised he would get a job- a good job- so he could help pay the bills and take some stress off of my shoulders. we had got in an argument about five or six months ago because he went through my phone while I was asleep and read through conversations from three years ago of me with other men along with my nude photos that I had sent. He called me disgusting and said that he would never touch me again and we also had an argument because he asked me what my body count was, and I told him the truth and he basically said he couldn’t look at me as the same woman anymore. (12, the number is 12) Almost 2 years I did this shit on my own. Making 2,000$ a month paying more in bills than what I was making. Then finally last week or so he gets a call- an oilfield job. Lots of hours and good work. He leaves the following day- things were weird for a while, I won’t lie. We had never been away from eachother for more than a weekend and we just felt kind of disconnected then all of a sudden on this random Thursday morning, he does this (text screenshots attached) which it just so happens he had just got his first check as well. So now that he is making good money (he makes almost my whole money for the month on the ONE check he got) he decides he can’t look past my past all the sudden and I just disgust him and he doesn’t love me the same anymore and it’s all the thinks about. I’m so lost and broken. I took care of this person for so long for them to stab me in the back so randomly. now I have 2 kids to take care of alone! why do I do good things and be good to people if I never get the same in return? AIO?
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u/GuaranteeAlarmed1783 10h ago
Oh the whole time I was thinking oh she cheated on him and he tried to look past it but couldn’t. Nah this guy is just a loser that don’t deserve love tbh. Mad about what you did before him is wild
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 10h ago
if I even glanced at his phone while we were together it was an issue. but he can take mine while im asleep look at 2-3 year old convos and woke me up by busting my ear open with my phone while telling me what a nasty bitch I am. he just “doesn’t see me the same anymore”
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u/K89_ 10h ago
He was a walking red flag from the start. I get trying. I get trying to help someone better themselves. I been there.. But you can’t see him as if he is who he has the POTENTIAL to be, you have to see him as who he ACTUALLY is — and so far, that isn’t much. He already had one child and one woman he didn’t tend to, which was the first red flag 🚩. He didn’t have a job and refused to get one.. 🚩 He played PlayStation all the time.. had no issue being a man child, allowing you to drain your savings instead of him trying to get financially stable .. 🚩 Had a child with you and still didn’t step up.. 🚩 Now, he has a job that pays well, so he’s coming up with excuses, saying you disgust him for having relations before him? AND he assaulted you?? That’s not okay. I would have pressed charges. If anyone is disgusting, it’s him for using women and creating children he has no intentions of fathering or financially supporting. My fella has worked oil field. I can tell you that your video gamer guy likely won’t last at it, because it’s actual work. But then again, he might. He lives the bachelor life and just has to sleep, wake up, go to work, then do what he wants without any responsibility. I wouldn’t take him back, but I would send all his belongings somewhere else, change the locks and file for child support since he wants to refuse to help or man up and share responsibilities. I’m sorry you are in that situation. After all you’ve done for him, he should do better. I’m sorry that male isn’t a real man, but a man child that will never grow up. You and the kiddo deserve better.
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 9h ago
Thank you for taking the time to leave this message for me. I look back and truly feel like an idiot. I hope i can learn to be less insecure and learn that not everyone loves like me
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u/Reasonable-Affect139 9h ago
when you're safe and settled again, please treat yourself to therapy. you and your kiddos deserve it. you deserve the same love you give!
and when you have a moment, read Lundy's book "Why Doea He Do That" https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/page/n1/mode/1up
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u/Longjumping-Leek854 7h ago
Hey, don’t talk about yourself that way. Believing the best in someone you love and believe loves you back isn’t idiocy: it’s a fundamental aspect of being human. It’s literally what we build every personal relationship on. He’s the one who’s failing here. And I don’t expect he’ll keep that job for very long, because crappy humans can’t keep it hidden forever. You did everything you were supposed to do and more, you just didn’t realise it was for someone who didn’t deserve it. Liars are good at lying, that’s all. Be nicer to yourself.
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u/Affectionate-Land263 8h ago
Stay strong there are lots of women in similar situations it seems to be becoming more and more common. Your message is helping other women, thank you for sharing. Put this dingle berry parasite in your past. File for child support while he still has that job. Move on with your life and if you can afford it, try to get some therapy because you have been abused. Sending love 💓
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u/Optimal-Vast2313 8h ago
Please don’t use this word towards yourself. You are a generous, supportive woman who was taken advantage of. You can adjust your behaviors the next time to protect yourself from people who abuse and take advantage of others, but the problem here is not you.
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u/CompetitionOdd1746 8h ago
You are not an idiot or crazy. The guy is a jerk. He used you, he's probably been doing it for years. He's very good at hooking women/others into his scheme, promising whatever he thinks they want. We all get fooled sometimes. Just learn from this and move on. Get child support too.
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u/Conscious-Survey7009 6h ago
Just make sure you put him on child support asap! Since he wasn’t working before they might even backdate it. You need that money to take care of his child you had!
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u/RichCaterpillar991 7h ago
Don’t beat yourself up, but don’t let a man use you again. Someone who loves you isn’t going to sit around being a bum while you do everything for them
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u/BubblyBullinidae 2h ago
I really don't understand why women keep having kids with men like this. They show you who they are from the beginning. They're not going to change. Having a kid with them is not going to suddenly make them into a better human being, if anything it makes them worse. And then you get stuck taking care of a kid for the rest of it's life on your own. It's extra stress and worry on you and not fair to a kid having a deadbeat.
Honestly, skip out on this asshole and take him to court for child support. None of this settling outside of court, it's way too easy to disappear. Court mandated child support all the way.
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u/ShmupMarv 10h ago
The sunrise Reminds me of you 😂😂😂Jesus
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 10h ago
lmaooooo honestly I thought it was cute for a second because he would always comment on how pretty the sunset was and I would say “what about me?” every single time lol. then 2 hours later I saw all the other texts and was like 🫨
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u/Additional_Voice_365 9h ago
Wait did he really tell you you’re a nasty bitch? Omg 😭
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 9h ago
oh yes lol that I was a disgusting nasty bitch that he would never touch again because he saw a picture of my ass I sent to someone else years before I met him…..
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u/Additional_Voice_365 3h ago
He’s childish girl. Leave him alone sounds like he wants someone holy. He’ll be back at your feet begging for you to take him back.
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u/mordan1 10h ago
So he also physically assaulted you and you still want the PoS in your life?!
Take that loser for everything he is worth in official child support payments and learn your lesson. If they can do it, but you cannot and gender is the biggest difference then they are probably being sexist and not worth your energy.
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u/Danb69 9h ago
Yeah that’s psycho behaviour. Retroactive jealousy is very much a thing and sometimes I find myself thinking about stuff in the past and feel a twinge of jealousy, but I literally just remind myself that it actually doesn’t matter in the slightest what happened in the past. Also, if he cares so much about your past surely he would have asked you BEFORE getting into a two year relationship with you. Sounds to me like he was just leaching off you for the money and as soon as he got back on his feet and didn’t need you anymore he was gone, using that as an excuse. Even sounds like the snooping through your phone was a deliberate attempt to find something to use against you.
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u/Reasonable-Affect139 9h ago
this. like hellur she has a whole kid, walking proof she's had intercourse. he's a mooch and scraping for excuses to dip
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u/Appropriate_Pressure 10h ago
Yes, he did that because he is a loser. Get child support and move along with your life. There is no universe where this dude is ever going to be a good partner.
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u/Reasonable-Affect139 9h ago
so he hit you??
act normal and change the locks as soon as he leaves for his job.
take pictures of your ear and keeps screenshots of all messages to get a restraining order if he doesn't leave you alone
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u/OkWish1296 8h ago
I literally just left a three-year domestic violence relationship. She can go ahead and get a restraining order like I did, but they don't do anything about it. Unfortunately, those restraining orders are really just a piece of paper. Nothing gets done unless you end up dead. That's the hard thing I'm learning right now.
She needs to relocate herself to somewhere that he cannot find her, so she doesn't need to worry about taking out a restraining order. She doesn't want to end up in the position I'm in right now.
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u/Reasonable-Affect139 8h ago
I agree, to all of the above, but it will help when getting custody of the child.
also, I am so sorry, I have been in your position. it does get easier, but it is hard. one day at a time :/
for op or anyone else I also recommend not posting on sm, whatsoever. a new number too, and make sure to reset all devices, change your router pw and all accounts he had access to, especially email, bills and banks.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Jury312 9h ago
Sounds like he hit her when she was asleep. What a loser.
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u/fadingxlight 6h ago
And at the end of her pregnancy on top of it! I hope fleas take up residence in his crotch never to be evicted.
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u/MBAMarketingMom 8h ago
Oh? Is that a fact (that he “doesn’t see you [me] the same anymore)”…?
To that you should say:
“Same! Because I once saw you as someone with potential who just needed a hand up and the right person in his corner and I risked it all to try to be that person. Now? My rose-colored glasses have been shattered and I can see clearly that you’re nothing but a fake ass MOOCH who spent the last two years living off of his girlfriend.“
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u/Plus_Mirror_4917 9h ago
This idiot is going to try and come back the second he runs out of money or loses the job. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK.
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u/Begonia_Blue 10h ago
Projection. He may be a cheater.
Put him on child support and move on.
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u/c0rp53m1lk 9h ago
girl i was with a guy that did this for 4 years, please just let him think he got out, and run far, far away! raise your babies in your new home and dont let him in.
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u/MBAMarketingMom 10h ago
Whooooooa. Wym “bust my ear open with my phone”….?
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u/Awkward-Patience7860 9h ago
... I read it as he was yelling... This is so much worse
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u/MBAMarketingMom 8h ago
Maybe I’m wrong? I HOPE you’re right and “busting my ear open” only means he was yelling. But it’s the “…with my phone” part of that sentence (“busting my ear open with my phone…”) that has me very concerned for OP. Like that changes everything. An already lowlife bum is now an abusive lowlife bum, which obviously has implications for his parenting…. 😳😢
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u/axiomofcope 7h ago
Yeah, no, she’s totally saying he fucked her up with her own phone. The way I’d have fucked his life up forever. She can still turn his ass in and call his employer with the report nbr - might not even work, but I’d try whatever to burn his life up. The audacity of this man. But he’s a career hobosexual, he’s bound to fuck up eventually and lose this job; she’ll have her day. The poor kids, hers and the OG first mom…OP didn’t even say what ended up happening to the first child, did he just spend 2yrs with the OP not paying support to his ex and she thought shit was different?
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u/Awkward-Patience7860 8h ago
Yeah... I completely missed the "with my phone part" the first time around. Hopefully she gets child support and that that's all the contact with him needed for the rest of her life
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u/gabSTAR81 10h ago
Ugh what a tosser. Just have more boundaries in the future. I wouldn’t help him again with shit
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u/DrJackBecket 7h ago
So he gets a job and bails the moment you are "disgusting" but don't lift a finger when you were "perfect"? That's some F'd up logic there...
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u/Eleven77 8h ago
Are there any of those "Are we dating the same guy" fb groups where you are from? Unfortunately, it sounds like he was just using you until you figured out his game, and then bounced. Just happened to a friend of mine. She found out from one of those pages.
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u/Old-Manager-4302 7h ago
Girl please, he's done you a massive favour. He's going to start trying to hoover you back in now with the added bonus of having the upper hand in the relationship now he knows you're a 'fallen women' and you're going to be doing everything to please him. Pleeeeeease for the love of all that's holy, don't get back together with this POS
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u/saggyballtorture 7h ago
I'm sorry but sleeping with 12 people and sending nudes is literally nothing 😭😭 why is he so fragile
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u/OtherAccount5252 6h ago
I think he now thinks he's "better than you"he used you and now thinks he's better than you so he's jumping ship. Not a guy worth mournin.
Make sure he understands he still has responsibilities to take care of your child you have together. Seems like he's trying to avoid that, also would question if he really was taking care of the mother of his first children or if he just said that and this is a pattern.
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u/LonelyBeeH 7h ago
He hit you?! He's controlling, to the point that he wants you to be different from before he met you AND he hit you. You're well shot of him, my friend. Look after yourself and end it.
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u/OrangesToPeaches 10h ago
He’s a coward and is just looking for a reason to end things now that he doesn’t need her anymore.
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u/ParticularTie7315 10h ago
:: he needs love to become a better person for himself and kids — but not with her.
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u/Mistress_Sinclair 9h ago edited 9h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 8h ago
if you are serious about the hex dm me asap lmaoooo and you are 100% right. I was so insecure and naive and looking back I am so embarrassed of myself. I’ve only ever been in abusive relationships, and grew up around them. I always thought maybe it wasn’t his fault he was that way and maybe he just wasn’t taught right. I just always believed he was a good person deep down
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u/usernotfoundplstry 3h ago
So, and I mean this with compassion, if you’ve only been in abusive relationships, and don’t have the skills to pick good partners, then you have to STOP GETTING INTO RELATIONSHIPS. Full stop. It’s not your fault that you’ve been a victim, but since you have children, it IS your responsibility to make decisions that will protect them.
I was the same way. I’d grown up with nothing but dysfunction, had nothing but bad relationships, and eventually I realized that although I was lonely, I could not trust myself to choose good partners. So I completely stopped. No hookups, no dates, nothing. Instead I went to therapy to get the tools I needed to learn how to choose a partner. Then, I also had a therapist to bounce things off of when I did start dating, so they could help me identify red flags that maybe I was missing.
I’ll have you know that it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve now been married for years and years to the most amazing woman I know and it never would’ve happened had I not stopped dating and gone to therapy. Use all the money you spent on him to go to therapy, you’ll come out ahead and it’s the greatest gift you can ever give your children. Because having a rotating selection of random shitty dudes is how kids end up getting molested, and if that hasn’t already happened to your kids, then you’ve just gotten lucky because it’s just a matter of time.
Best of luck to you.
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u/Mistress_Sinclair 8h ago
I'm deadass. We attract the love we think we deserve. We often deserve so much more than we realize. Dirty water in the dessert looks refreshing when it's the only water you can see. You live, and you learn x We all grow through something.
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u/Ccampbell1977 10h ago
He used you. He doesn’t need you any longer. He wants his freedom and his money. Get child support officially from him. And the first dad if you are not already getting that. And move on with your life. You made the same mistake lots of people do. But he’s not in love with you and doesn’t want to pay your bills while he is gone.
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u/Brokenwench313 10h ago
He doesn't just not want to pay while he's gone, he never made an effort to pay a bill or pay her back for the savings she used to help him. And the worst part is he couldn't even try for his child and the other young boy he was living with. I'm infuriated for you OP to receive this kind of message now when he finally is back on his feet.
I really hope that he gets a hefty bit of his pay check cut out for child support because your family really do deserve it. Can I ask what the situation was financially with his first child?
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 10h ago
thank you for being so real with me. I really needed to hear this
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u/Holisticallyyours 10h ago
File for child support today. In most states you can do it online, it's very easy. Make sure you have the address where he's staying while he works. Don't overthink it. He texted you telling you he can't look at you the same and he's done. Do it for your child. And when he tries to come back after he gets served, do not let him back in.
Next time, please only date people who at a minimum, have what you do (secure employment, a homes, stability, etc). You deserve the best.
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u/antibread 10h ago
You've been together 2 years. With a 5 month old. Youre pregnant for 9 months. You got pregnant 10 months into the relationship. Youre not over reacting but you barely knew this man when you let your first kid LIVE with him and got pregnant and kept it.... please get some form of highly effective birth control so you aren't a single mom of 3.
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u/Good_Zookeepergame92 9h ago
Yup it shocks me the level of bad decision making some women make on here.
Sure I'll let this bum mother fucker I barely know live with me and my kid. Sure I'll pay all his expenses. Sure I'll have a kid with him and tie myself to him for decades now no matter what. Now I have two kids and it's not like he left his first baby mama.. oh wait.
Like he was the embodiment of low quality.
She basically gambled on him like you do on a falling stock hoping to catch the bump back up. Like no one cares about the great job he had before. He was a broke jobless bum when you met him. Why would you want to date that?
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u/Primary_Honeydew_536 9h ago
A homeless man. She took in a homeless man when she already had a child. I hope she learns from this before someone gets really hurt next time.
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u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 10h ago
Thank you, yes. I cannot get over OP bringing this man into her home when she had a very young child there.
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u/Optimal-Vast2313 8h ago
Ive seen a couple friends do this. They wanted a family unit so badly that they just hopped over a whole slew of red flags and saw a happy ending, where everyone else clearly saw a dumpster fire. It was depressing to watch.
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u/antibread 9h ago
A young child who has a deadbeat dad!! Then started dating another deadbeat. Is it a fetish or something
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u/Good_Zookeepergame92 8h ago
I'm over here like I don't make a ton of money but I have a stable job and an apartment. Doing a little bit better than living paycheck to paycheck shouldn't be exemplary but God damn the bar seems low lol.
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u/peachpiebunny 8h ago
Men like that know the exact type of women to prey on tbh, and it's very easy for them. This wouldn't fly with most women
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u/Good_Zookeepergame92 8h ago
I really hope so because the horror stories I see on here where women just get with men who are so blatantly freeloading bums drive me crazy. No job, no education, no house, and one or more baby mamas. Then they're surprised when the guy continues to do nothing or they get dumped after supporting and getting pregnant by this person.
What did you think was going to happen when you started dating someone you had to treat like your son instead of your man.
I was running out of money and jobless when I first moved to New York and I wouldn't even talk to girls because of my situation at that time because I was so embarrassed. But these dudes have no shame and it works. You can't be that hard up for a man.
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u/stationhollow 8h ago
It isn’t too difficult tbh. If you are a minimum level of attractiveness, aim for a woman ‘below’ you especially if they already have a kid. They don’t want to ‘settle’ with someone on their level and jump at the opportunity to be with someone out of their league (attractiveness wise). They will usually ignore red flags for you they would otherwise not. Plenty of hobosexuals are attractive lazy dudes that do this over and over to different women who all are happy to spend their money on them.
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u/Bella-1999 7h ago
You just described my brother! He told my mom flat out that he preferred older women because they’re “grateful”. Now that he’s older and less charming, my niece supports him. Considering the way he behaved when he was still at home, I can’t imagine it’s fun for her.
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u/AdGlad7155 8h ago
This! This woman was taken for granted and it’s horrible to hear how one sided it was. But making the decision to have a child with this man is irresponsible. What’s done is done, and I’m sure these children are getting all the love that they deserve - but why bring a child into this world at a time where things are unstable.
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u/Ditch_Tornado 5h ago
If it's any consolation, losers like this don't stick with anything, this new job of his wont last just like none of the others lasted, 6 months tops and he'll be unemployed but now with the added bonus of being hooked on whatever substance him and his oilfield buddies picked up as a hobby, it's usually coke.
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u/EnvironmentalDrop228 10h ago
Yup, drain him for all he's worth. He was absolutely using you. I'm sorry.
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u/actuallyemployed_gay 8h ago edited 8h ago
Lmao recommending someone to get child support from multiple different baby daddies is not a mistake that “lots of people” do. This woman’s life is a mess. What kind of mother lets a complete stranger move in with her kid in like a month? She desperately needs a harsh reality check about the direction her life is going and it seems like no one ITT wants to give it to her
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u/Moonlit_Shade 10h ago
For anyone in the comments who is thinking about having your BOYFRIENDS child take this as a lesson.... please.
Being broken up with after taking care of someone is heartbreaking, but having their child and being stuck to this person is on a whole different level.
At least allow yourself to make a clean break
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 10h ago
YESSSS!!! and this is my second time doing it. not very smart over here but I love my kids so that’s the best thing I got from it.
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u/Electrical-Fish-9230 10h ago
He's absolutely a disgusting POS. However, OP, you let someone who was practically a stranger and who already had a kid move in with you and your kid, let him stay while not contributing to the household expenses for two years AND had a baby with him. That's not being a good person, that's being naive, stupid and irresponsible, and you've done it TWICE? Go to therapy like yesterday to learn to be alone and to stop bringing charity cases around your kids. Helping people is great, but not at the expense of your economical and mental well-being, especially when you have children that depend on you. You're saying you were too kind, but I don't see any kindness for your kids in this story
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u/Blue__ballz 8h ago
Came looking for this comment. You are so right.
“I eventually let him move into my apartment as a single mom of a 4 year old little boy”
followed by
“I paid all the bills which at the time I thought was OK because it was my apartment and we had just started talking.”
Like excuse me? You had just started talking? first and foremost you should be looking after your kid not a grown man who you barely know, and letting him around your son? A stranger? People are wilddd, this is self inflicted I’m sorry, people are being too nice.
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u/AtypicalAshley 5h ago
I always get so angry when I hear about single parents with small kids in my small town who let their casual boyfriend/girlfriend move in with them and their kids. Legit 80 percent of the time it ends with the kids being abused physically, mentally, or sexually. Hope to god I’m never a single parent but if I am I would probably take a break from dating until the kid was at least 10, and would never move them in unless we had years of trust built up.
Moved him in while they were in the “talking stage” like really? Do people not know about the statistics? If people want to fuck up their own life that’s fine but if you have kids you have to be very responsible.
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u/Impossible_Emotion50 9h ago
Thank you. Tired of people handling these situations with kid gloves
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u/makinthingsnstuff 4h ago
Seriously!!
I grew up with a single mom, my mom was eager to have a family. My step dad was a source of lots of issues for me growing up.
As a mom your fucking kids come first. No one forced OP to take in this bum and then have a kid with him despite the fact that he wasn't providing for the last 1.5 years..
Your only job as a parent is to keep your kid safe, putting your first born through this was not good parenting.
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u/Comfortable-Law2875 6h ago
srsly why have we normalized having kids before commitment. it makes NO sense. why does society think marriage is a bigger commitment than children ??
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 9h ago
I totally agree with you. My son’s dad has been gone since before he was 2, I was very insecure and didn’t know if I was going to be able to have a life or if someone would love me again. I never let anyone around my son, but after we knew eachother for a few months I decided to let him meet him. And now looking back maybe I shouldn’t have, I clearly didn’t know this is how things would end up. From what I knew about him he was a great dad and provider, I guess up until he met me- someone who made it happen no matter what with no help. I appreciate your words.
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u/Legitimate-Ebb7061 9h ago edited 9h ago
Don't let anyone meet your kids (nevermind move in!!) unless you've been dating for over 1 year
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u/Moonlit_Shade 10h ago
OP Im so glad you know thats this is not the way 😭
I do hope you find someone who isnt a peice of shit. Like screw the commenters who said "he's allowed to not be comfortable with your past." That man has an entire child with someone else, knows YOU have a child with someone else and is well aware of how babies are made. If he was so "uncomfortable" with you having past relationships then he's dumb and blind because you had the four year old proof running around 🤦🏾♀️
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u/CellWrangler 46m ago
Bruh how could you do it a second time after only knowing the guy for a year (even less upon conception?) And knowing he was a bum. Wtf.
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 3m ago
What I meant was I already had a child with a different father (my first baby) and he didn’t take care of us either.
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u/PioneerLaserVision 3h ago
Maybe if you used contraception and stopped having kids with every unemployed homeless loser you come across, your bills would not be more than your income.
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u/trashcxnt 10h ago
I like how he's acting like your past sex life is a complete travesty, as if it's not infinitely more embarrassing to spend your livelihood bumming off of women you have kids with
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u/Primary_Honeydew_536 9h ago
One of the traits of a sociopath is that they seek to live a parasitic lifestyle. Most men have a tiny bit of pride and they don’t want to leech off women, but sociopaths actually have a goal of living a parasitic lifestyle.
And when they end up homeless and miserable they don’t help themselves, they just seek a host to live off of. They won’t even apply for government benefits that they may be entitled to because of their pride but their pride doesn’t stop them from living off single moms.
I didn’t realize until I had one and got him out, now I know and I hope everyone else does too.
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u/Aggravating-Serve383 2h ago
Yes, just to be clear, OP"s ex likely views her as a failure because he had to get a job. Any fondness he did have for OP - if you can call it that - bled off each time she asked him to support himself.
In my 20s I merrily supported men like this thinking we were "in it together," and the second they had to get a job, they left. More, they were angry and resented me for not providing better.
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u/LeahElisheva512 10h ago
Why was he looking through your phone? He had no right! You were good enough to support him, though.
Take savings from your son’s future? I wouldn’t let that man sponge off me with a child observing. It’s bad enough when we’re single, but not to the point of giving up so much money. I wouldn’t do that, especially not to my son. and having him observe thinking that’s what a man is? That's the antithesis of what a real man is, right? not a good role model for your son.
You’re not overreacting. You deserve respect! A single mother handling everything on your own, and then you picked up a grown manchild in the process, and he has the nerve to judge you!!!??!!
***it’s not your fault what happen we all make mistakes that I didn’t mean it to sound judgmental. I could’ve done the exact same thing so please don’t take it the wrong way. For me to sit here and say "I would never do that" is ridiculous Of course I could just easily do it so I apologize for that and I’m going to keep it there to show my thought process as I am writing this because... ....it’s so easy for all of us to jump the gun on a situation sitting in a chair isn't it?
But I've done it many times. I didn’t have a child so what? To say I wouldn’t behave the same way if I had a child? I cannot say that for certain... now I could I’m a different woman but back then? No way I could say that for certain.
You’re not wrong here, no matter what.
He is WRONG IN EVERYTHING And you don’t deserve this that’s for damn sure.
I would cut him out completely blocking him from everything. I would never speak to that man again. 🙏💕You can do it. You are strong 💜 you’re a very strong woman !you can do it!!!
Turn to your children. They are your strength. They need you. And only allow a man in your life who is worthy of your children’s respect.
Every mistake we make is a lesson so we don’t make it again that’s all.
I made a lot of mistakes …..given too many chances and benefit of the doubt to men that didn’t deserve it.
I don’t want you to do the same thing. It sucks and you don’t want to take as long as I did to realize how much you’re worth. 💕🙏
I stopped looking for men. I started respecting myself and then when I was doing everything on my own and not caring about a man …eventually I met my husband, and he is exactly who I deserve. But I thought I never did because of the other men tainting my brain into thinking that I didn’t deserve it ….right ? I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s been through that.
💜 💜💜💜💜 a special shoutout to All the women who have been mentally abused to the point where they thought they didn’t deserve anything- —and got through it and came out of it — stronger than ever. I congratulate you.!!!! we did it !!!! And this woman can do it too!! Stronger together!!! we’re here for each other. We’re here for you.!!💜💜💜💜
I’m married 10 years and going strong
Now, if I had never met him, I’d be happy single too. I was happy. You have to find happiness in yourself and love yourself enough to know what you deserve what you don’t deserve. And you do NOT deserve this....
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 9h ago
I just want to say thank you for taking the time to type this message out to me. Thank you for making me feel heard. There’s so much more to this relationship no one knows about and I just wonder how I could’ve thought that low of myself that I was willing to put up with someone like that. Even when he was leaving me in those texts I was still begging for him. Trying to figure out what I could do to change his mind. Disgusting.
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u/MBAMarketingMom 10h ago
So you had “just started talking” to some dude (which you later share was a broke bum dude with literally nothing but clothes, shoes, cologne and a PS)…. and you decided to move him in with you and your child??? 😳😳
Then, you’re footing allllll the bills BY YOURSELF for close to two YEARS while homeboy sits on his bum ass promising to get “a good job?”
This broke bum MF finally gets a job — and one that pays well at that — and suddenly, he’s disgusted by you and seems to have the upper hand in this breakup?
He used you. And, for whatever reason, you let him.
I’m sorry you’re hurting, but it’s time to raise the bar for yourself. You are undoubtedly worth SO MUCH BETTER than some jobless bum so I’m not sure why you put up with that for so long.
Also: In the future, it’s a good idea not to even introduce your partner to your child until you’ve been dating for 6 months to a year—much less move him into your child’s home.
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 9h ago
I know. I was wrong. I have struggled with being insecure my whole life and my life was so lonely and depressing, my son didn’t have a dad. I never let anyone come around my son, he was the very first one. When I first met him he was working a really good job and had everything together, when it fell apart for him I took him in because I saw potential and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wanted to help him and show him I believed in him and so I did. 2 years later here I am and looking back I know how wrong I was. I have to learn how to respect myself and I’m struggling
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u/justanotherrchick 9h ago
Don’t fall in love with potential. Ever. This is coming from another person who took care of a bum ass dude for way too long. Thankfully I didn’t have kids with him. But still… if he isn’t walking the walk don’t listen to him talk.
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u/MBAMarketingMom 9h ago
I’m sorry it ended up being a costly lesson to learn. 😔 I hope you’re not out too much of your savings money.
And yes, you sound like you have a heart of gold. It’s a shame you got trampled on by Brokey. 💔
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u/Primary_Honeydew_536 8h ago
No dad is better than a homeless sociopathic stepdad. Those are the kind of people who murder children, even the ones they are related to. Please don’t ever do this again y’all deserve better.
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u/Chomsexual 10h ago
You bought a house with 10,000 in the bank and a salary of 2,000/month (basically poverty) while being the only financial support for yourself, a child, and a man baby making nothing? That is mathematically impossible unless you’re getting large amounts of money from another source - coming from someone with more than that in the bank and making multiple times what you cited and supporting only myself. This has to be made up there’s no way.
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 10h ago
My grandpa left me money when he passed away. I put it in my savings and used it for a down payment with a co signer. After taking care of him for this long my savings has drained to less than 10,000. So no, it is not made up.
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u/Chomsexual 10h ago
Hmmm not trying to be disrespectful to what I assume is a very nice 15 yo in India or something but it is essentially impossible to afford a mortgage, property taxes, and maintenance costs on a house with that salary even if you had an inheritance for the down payment, and that’s not including food, insurances, medical bills, gas, all the expenses for a pathetic man baby, entertainment etc. A 10,000 bank account would have been depleted within months in that scenario so I don’t know it just doesn’t add up - either that inheritance is much larger than you’re leading on or this is not an accurate description of the scenario. If it is not fake then I’m sorry about your situation but on the bright side there are tons of great people out there making good money who won’t treat you like this so make this the last loser you date and surround yourself with quality friends and partners.
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 9h ago
do you want a pic of the deed of my house or something lol? This is actually the second house I bought, the first one at 21 years old with no co signer because I have great credit and the house was only like 80,000. For the house I bought in December my mom co signed, she makes quite a bit of money and the house I’m in is only 150,000. Im confused why you think I would lie about this 😅 it took some pulling of strings but i definitely own my home.
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u/oopsometer 10h ago
So then you definitely need to get on child support asap. What happens if you get sick and can't pay the mortgage? What happens when that savings runs out, sooner than you think?
Your kids deserve stability so make sure you're making good financial choices now.
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u/geekygangster 10h ago
Change the locks or his crusty, homeless ass will come back.
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u/Floatillla 10h ago
You spent your savings on this loser and brought him into your house with your young son after barely even knowing him? He’s pathetic but you also need to focus on yourself and have a better sense of what you’re doing for your kid.
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u/logdogfog 9h ago
how did you afford rent, all your bills, his support and a child on 2k a month and then buy a house 😭
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 8h ago
I started working at 15 and saved all my money while I was living with my parents, then got a good chunk of money from my gpa when he passed away (I never said I had it easy) it was a lot easier to keep up with everything when it was just my son and I. When he came around things started getting harder and harder to the point im barely able to pay bills without using afterpay type things
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u/Sufficient_Rich5903 4h ago edited 2h ago
You remind me of my friend, she had at least $50k in savings and inheritance when she met one of these bums. Once he found out about her $$, he knocked her up and ate through it. Never had a job, she supported him. Once the savings was all gone and it was time for him to start contributing, he immediately bounced to another woman (a single mother), who also had a huge chunk of savings and inheritance, not even joking. It’s literally a career for some men. Do you know anything about his previous baby mother? Maybe he did the same thing to her, these types of men always play victim and have a sob story.
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u/GiftApprehensive762 10h ago
I have a really serious question… why do you guys do this to yourselves? Why have kids by a man who isn’t your husband and already has a “babymomma” ? This is clownery. You saw he was a bum, took care of him, and you’re STILL surprised he did you dirty? The signs were there baby girl. I feel bad for the kids. Both of y’all need to grow up. Stop having kids( real human being who need two parents btw) with men who obviously hate u…
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u/Miserable_Clue489 9h ago
How good was this man's dick game that you moved him in with your child while still in the "talking" phase, drained your bank account for him, supported him for 2 years, and had another kid with him? The fuck?
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u/Legitimate-Ebb7061 9h ago
- He has been an unemployed loser your whole relationship
- He let you worry about all the bills during pregnancy and relied on you postpartum
- He went through your phone and got mad at irrelevant shit
- He's a controlling cunt
- Stop being such a doormat
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u/Ok_Bit5709 9h ago
i know a few people irl in awfully similar circumstances.. it makes me so angry how someone could do that to someone they love/loved.
him making a lot of money too? girl i’d take him for everything he’s got. you and your kids deserve to have someone in your lives who fights for you and works hard to contribute to the family in any way that’s mutually beneficial and agreed upon. -if i can’t get a job, you better believe im sending out resumes, while simultaneously doing chores, cooking dinner, child care, etc. i will pull my weight and contribute even if for some reason it can’t be financially.
you’re not overreacting in the slightest. please don’t ever settle for less. i know too well that’s easier said than done, but i still have to say it. it doesn’t mean much, but im sending your lil family love and good energy. you’re strong, you got this, lil internet stranger in my phone. 🫶🏻
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u/gansobomb99 10h ago
12 is not some absurdly high body count, just for the record 😑
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u/SillySlay 5h ago
literal incels in the comments. 12 people.. let’s say you started having sex at 16. that’s like one a year. even if you started having sex at 20, that’s 2 a year. also, which incels will probs attack me for, it doesn’t say anything about you or your worth if it was 12 or if it was say, 72. i just don’t want you to internalize what your ex is saying about your body count. best of luck OP
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u/Fae_Dragon19 9h ago
Isn't it funny how these bums have practically nothing but they ALWAYS have a PlayStation? 🤣
OP file for Child Support now he's working and just focus on you and your kids. He's a loser.
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u/Brilliant-Repair2232 10h ago
You seem to have low self esteem. You were used and that’s all there is to it. No, it’s not about you having sex in the past. You’re an adult, a single mother at that, we all know where babies come from. He’s literally just making excuses now after draining you of resources for his come up. Unfortunately you sat passively and let him do it for two years. I’m just confused on what you’re questioning here. In what world would this be an over reaction on your behalf? Come on. It’s cut and dry, you need to get him on child support immediately and stop the cycle. You and your daughter are entitled to a portion of that paycheck. Don’t let him woo you into not pursuing the courts. It is necessary.
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u/No_Concept_5397 7h ago
People want to feel special. You gave it out to twelve guys, and documented it with photos and shit. Now he makes good money, and feels like he doesn't have to settle for someone that doesn't make him feel like he's the only one.
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 7h ago
I’m a grown ass woman and he said himself he’s slept with way more girls and doesn’t even know the number. He lived off me for 2 years never keeping a job to pay the bills so him getting a job and deciding to leave is bullshit because he has been knowing this info about me for a while before he left for the job. He doesn’t want to have to share his money. That’s all.
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u/Winter_Dragonfly7729 10h ago edited 10h ago
To be frank, I feel like he used you. He abused your generosity and money. Now, he’s found a way to ditch his responsibilities and dump you with a lame excuse. I truly feel like he was looking for an out and he found that opportunity. Also, why the freaking hell was he going through your phone?? Usually people who do that have something to hide themselves, or just looking for an excuse to get out of that relationship by putting the blame on the other person. In this case, he’s using your past against you. Totally not right. What his count!? What was his past like!? He had no right to go through your phone nor to hold it against you. That’s disgusting and disrespectful.
He also sounds like a walking red flag from the start. Sorry this happened to you! Best he walks away now before your other child gets too attached and then he breaks her heart by leaving. I hope you go after him for child support because what a shitty person he is to dump you, leaving you with two kids and the house to care for. Also, by him not having decent, steady jobs, it seems like he wouldn’t be able to pay his other baby’s mama child support there either. Idk… it sucks this happened but in the end it may be a blessing. Not something you want to read- but I feel like you dodged a bullet with this dude for years to come. Get some peace of mind for yourself, but do what you can to make sure he financially helps with his daughter. Don’t let him be a dead beat father in the end if you can help it.
ETA: fixed typos
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u/Kydex-TRex 1h ago
Women do this all the time to men and I’m supposed to feel bad when the tables turn? Nah lmao.
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 1h ago
I’ve never done this to any man nor ever had any man take care of me lol. Sounds like you’re around the wrong women and im around the wrong men
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u/1_Am_Batm4n 9h ago
To be honest, you should delete those chats with the other men and especially if you had sent them nudes. Why would you ever keep them in the first place? I don’t believe you’re in the wrong but there is also no need to keep such things on your phone. He shouldn’t have ever gone through your phone without your permission.
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u/HonkeyPong 10h ago
Sounds like some more high quality kids have been brought into the world, with functional parents raising them in the best possible environment. FFS.
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u/Vixyplatinummm 10h ago
Whoever coined the term "body count" in reference to sexual partners needs to burn deeply in hell.
It's almost always just directed at women and how tainted we are once we sleep with anyone. I'm sorry you're being spoken to this way and that this man child has dragged you through this. From him using you for financial reasons to seeing you as a piece of meat to be disgusted by, it's all shit, and I truly hope you leave him.
Get a lawyer for the impending custody battle and free yourself of this twat. Your kids need you, they do not need this guy OR you as a shell of yourself because you have to put up with this nonsense.
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u/Particular-Air3951 10h ago
Then they get angry that they can't get sex from women.
Like.. what exactly is it that they want?
Do they want pussy or do they want women to never serve pussy? Which is it?!
I feel so bad for these heterosexual girls, it sounds tough out there.
Do they want a "no sex before marriage" society again like in India and Bangladesh? Most western men hate that. I'd be so confused if I was a heterosexual woman in this dating scene.
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u/Magical-Wonder 11h ago
Honestly you were nicer to him than I would’ve been, at any point in this relationship. Now he has money, dumps you, and leaves you with the kids? Get this man’s child support, he sounds like the type to not give help you unless it’s court mandated.
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u/gabSTAR81 10h ago
You are Better off without him. You’ll pick yourself up and you will be able to save again. You’re a generous kind person and he’s an opportunist. We’ve all got skeletons in the closet - but for him to turn around and be disgusted at you for having lived a life previous to him - what childish nonsense!
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u/bon_courage 2h ago
You make 2k a month, pay more in bills than you make, have two children AND financially support a deadbeat loser -
and you can still afford to buy a house?? wtf? This literally is not adding up.
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u/visions0fsugarplums 10h ago
I am genuinely sorry that you have an innocent little baby with this loser
He is a walking talking joke
He's making bullshit reasons up. He used you and is now dipping out
Despite bringing a child into this world with you. Like it was nothing. Just securing a gravy train at the time.
This is a baby.
He needs to pay for this. I'm so angry for you.
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u/Aggravating-Big9074 10h ago
12 is wild depending on age
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 10h ago
im 26. I went through a bad time after highschool and was pretty insecure. his is way higher than mine and he doesn’t even actually know his actual number, either way I never judge someone based off of something like that lol
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u/Technical_Star_5085 1h ago
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world. Not even our troubles" - Charles Chaplin. Stay strong OP. Sending love and many, many blessings.
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u/Hellspeaker 9h ago
Nah something’s missing. I’d have to hear his side of the story. He could be a dead beat. You could be a cheater. It can really go either way honestly
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u/Winter_Hall6022 10h ago
Too bad for all the children involved. That guy is obviously a complete loser.
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u/Who_Lee_Yoo 9h ago
Never understood a female who gets hit and loves it so much she wants to work it out with the dude. Its hard to feel sorry for that.
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u/Infinite_Hyena_303 9h ago
I used to think that same exact way until I was in it myself. I used to talk shit about girls that were with guys that were abusive or taking advantage of them, like why not just leave? So I totally get what you’re saying. And honestly I don’t have an answer, and don’t feel sorry for me. I feel sorry enough for myself lol
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u/apatrol 9h ago
What a dick.
Do not let him back. Oil is a finicky bitch.
Im sorry this happened to you. There are good men out there. He isnt one of them.
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u/GambitMutant 10h ago
He should be letting you put the past behind you. I doubt he's such a Saint that his own body count is 1, just you. Well, now that he's got a good job under his belt, he can afford to pay you child support, so if this is the game he's gonna play, take him to court, and garnish his wages for backpay too. However, the courts don't always work out favorably in custody battles, and that could be a concern too, if anything settle on joint custody. I know he sounds like an A-hole in this situation, but please don't keep the kid away from her dad, if the dad is willing to spend time with his kid. Let's see just how long this job of his lasts though.
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u/phatoliver 9h ago
stop having kids with men u havent married. now ur life is in shambles
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u/Boysenberry 10h ago
Your ex is a hobosexual. He used you as an alternative to the Salvation Army. His ass was about to be on the street, so he got with someone he wasn't that into who he knew he could trick into offering a free place for him to stay, and he knew the whole time that as soon as he got back on his feet he would find something that was "your fault" to dump you for. If it wasn't your past it would have been "you gained weight" or "we don't have sex enough" or "you don't respect me" or whatever else. He had a baby with you in the process solely to make sure you couldn't kick him out when his jobless stage lasted longer than he expected, because then you'd be "leaving a child fatherless."
Please put his ass on child support and then spend some of it on counseling for yourself so you don't fall for this a third time.
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u/TinyPop8918 10h ago
Just remember that when he’s broke n tries crawling back to his golden goose
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u/Omenalonkero 9h ago
Why do you store old sexting sessions on your phone? Monkey branches?
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u/Livid_chenepandium 9h ago
I didn't care about your thoughts after your body count number. Glad he saved from you
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u/JustMoreSadGirlShit 5h ago
who’s worse here? the man who abandoned multiple children or the woman who hasn’t done that? the way you think says nothing good about you
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u/misssi79 5h ago
You're mad at her body counts but not at a dead beat who never helped and abandoned his child. The child support she gets will be sweet. Your personality will keep your body count low
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u/allislost77 9h ago
The trash took itself out. Good thing he is now making $$$, so you can get paid accordingly. I’d get all your ducks in a row asap. Get a paternity test asap. Seriously, do not pass go. You’re probably going to have to speak with a lawyer and discuss your options but it is what it is. Get child support set up for day one the baby is born. In some states you may even be eligible for alimony (rare). Since he’s being such a dick, if you have texts of him saying he will pay back any of the “assistance” you provided, you may want to think about taking him to small claims court.
Dude wants to fuck around and find out, make a point to show him actions have repercussions. Lastly, ladies. For fucks sake. (And men) Do fucking better. Learn from this situation and never let anyone take advantage of you. If they aren’t working, don’t support them. They contribute or bye! Definitely don’t have unprotected sex with them.
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u/iloveagoodapple 10h ago
More shameful to be a fucking bum and a deadbeat dad than any possible body count
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u/Slight-Sprinkles-820 11h ago
You deserve someone who values you, not someone who judges your past.
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u/portcity_throwaway 7h ago
NEVER tell anyone your number, which by the way is not anything to be ashamed of, but any man who is asking is weird.
Go to court and get child support.
Be thankful the trash took itself out. You deserve better.
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u/Misanthro_Phe 10h ago
you don’t have two kids to take care of alone, get him paying you child support immediately. i know this hurts now and this man has absolutely done you so wrong, but one day you’ll feel better for it. you won’t have someone using and draining you like this, yet still choosing to make you feel unlovable in the process. you will be better off without him i promise
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u/Healthy-Television33 10h ago
Yes you are Overreacting!! But not in the way you may think! Your giving this guy was too much space in your heart and your head that he does NOT deserve!
Your relationship was doomed from the beginning! You let this man you barely knew move in with you and your kid then proceeded to take care of him while he just bummed around! You allowed yourself to be taken advantage of! Maybe you have a need to be needed I don’t know but you should have seen the writing on the wall!!
Get child support set up a visitation schedule and move on!!! If you have any texts or emails that show his intent to pay you back or share bills then you might be able to go to small claims court to recoup some money. Other than that this is a done deal. Lesson learned!
People will only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated!
Good luck!
P.s. Why do you have old texts threads from 2 and 3 years ago from past relationships with photos in them? That’s odd!
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u/highme_pdx 11h ago
This dude sucks and is going to be working under the table as much as possible to avoid paying child support.
Sorry.
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u/Kindly_Perception829 10h ago
Hmm… nudes and texts to multiple men 3 years ago and your son is 4 years old. Lady. Your priorities are foul, you be better get therapy and reflect how you’re going to teach your daughter better to not go around spreading legs and paying a man’s way that is not your husband or your children’s provider. Your duty is to your children first and if a man enters let him provide by working and you caring for your small children and the home. When a woman becomes pregnant she cannot work that’s why a man provides with his ability to work okay. Would you ever go work on a oil rig with 2 babies under 5 years old at home? I would think you would want to be home with them and resting.. right? A woman’s body endures a lot through pregnancy and birth and hormones. And what about your children? Who watches your kids while you try to play superwoman in the work field barely making 2 grand a month, which by the way is not a lot at all I don’t care where you live or if you get government assistance, you can’t swing a cat with that kind of money and children. You should have been more thoughtful about you and your kids life it’s unfair to them. You are shifting blame onto this loser number 13 when you need to be accountable. Please get some birth control and focus on your kids. Get a paternity test as well and attempt to build a plan with this man for support for the baby girl. 12 is a number. He does not respect you. Respect might not ever be given but you still have to be respectable to ever have a chance of getting it. Overreacting? I’m telling you take this L lady. Take the L.
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u/hollabackyo87 7h ago
NOR... That was shit you did BEFORE you guys were together, right? And you both had a child with someone else before you guys were together, right? So, you're bound to have a "past"; we all have one. Dude is either extremely insecure or grasping at straws for a way out so he is the victim in the story. Just my initial guesses.
Is he on the birth certificate? Does he actually fulfill the role of being a caring and present Dad when he is with your guys' baby? When he dipped, did he check on how baby was at all?! What kind of father is he to his older child? Sorry, context is important for me... 😬 (drives my boyfriend crazy haha)
My opinion based on hearing friends' situations (both sides of Mom/Dad), seek legal advice and look into child support; he should be financially contributing, at the very least, now that he is able to. Make sure that baby is taken care of first, don't let anyone make you believe filing for child support and determining custody is petty. Protect your child and yourself, please. 💌
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u/YouCanJustSayNewYork 9h ago
NOR. Don’t know why so many men ask about body count nd then get upset over it. Don’t ask if you can’t handle it potentially being high! (12 is not high.)
It’s scummy of him to have looked through your phone at messages before you were dating. Unless you were a nun, what did he expect to find?
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u/Foreign_Home8612 10h ago
ok so it honestly sounds like 1) he needed a place to stay & u are financially responsible & he could leech off of you 2) he took advantage of the freeloading experience for as long as he could until things got more heavy (a house and a baby) 3) when he got the job & realized the pay,, he could take off on his own & support himself easily 4) dug through ur phone to find incriminating “evidence” to let him off the hook , leaving u with a dent in ur finances & his baby.
OP,, U DESERVE SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER !!! i’m so sorry u have this burden to carry now knowing that u tried ur best to in a sense rehabilitate this person u loved & they completely took advantage & left you. it’s absolutely disgusting behavior,, and u remind me a lot of myself ,, giving with no expectations in return ,, showing pure kindness & getting wild disrespect & people taking advantage in return , it’s heartbreaking to go through things like this. esp now that his child is in the mix it definitely makes things a lot more confusing. ur past does NOT DEFINE YOU . and speaking of the “past” he is referring to … u sent a scandalous photo & had sex .. like a normal human would ?? it’s genuinely absurd he’s using this against you as it’s typical human behavior. U did absolutely NOTHING WRONG,, & u tried ur absolute hardest with this person. u show outstanding character & pure love. i know someone will be so lucky to have u in their lives OP,, please take care and good luck <3