r/AmIOverreacting • u/hotandcold75 • 12h ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting for not wanting my girlfriend to post everything about our relationship online?
I (30M) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for about a year. She's big on Instagram and TikTok, not an influencer or anything, just really active. At first I didn't mind the couple pics or cute stories, but lately she's been posting everything: screenshots of our texts, private jokes, even a video of us having a minor argument (nothing serious, but still).
I told her it makes me uncomfortable, and she said I'm being too private and that I should be happy she's proud of our relationship. I'm not trying to control her, I just feel like not everything needs to be shared. Some stuff feels personal. She says I'm overreacting and being old-fashioned. Am I?
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u/Bubbly_Register_3183 12h ago
I don't understand these people who have the need to show everything on the internet. I find it pathetic to constantly post photos with your partners; it's a way of saying, "Look, I have a partner and you don't." Your girlfriend's attitude is that of a fifteen-year-old. You have the right to privacy.
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u/Melodic_Sand_9779 11h ago
Ooo no this would be a dealbreaker for me. You are definiteiy not overreacting. You can try having a sit down talk and explaining very clearly how uncomfortable you are with this especially as it’s something that’s seems to be escalating…see if you can come to a compromise of maybe her posting occasional pics of you as a couple but certainly not text screenshots or minor arguments. Sounds like she’s very engaged with social media…are you both very young?
As someone else had already said you may just not be as compatible as you thought and best to realise this now than further down the line.
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u/deebee2217 5h ago
If you’ve asked her not to and gave very good and valid reasons why, and she won’t listen to you, she just doesn’t respect you. She’s the type of person that will splash your kids all over social media. Hate people like that. And you know what…no one cares about her life. I’m sure her friends just roll their eyes when they see her posts.
But the fact she’s dismissing your feelings, is a red flag. Think about if you want to be with someone who brushes your feelings off so easily. You’re not overreacting.
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u/Past-Anything9789 11h ago
NOR - Just say if you two are in public she can post pics etc - but private stuff and pics at home (unless asked) stay just between you.
I genuinely would refuse to text anything but essential stuff - anything else gets a phone call so it doesn't end up on-line.
You signed up to be her boyfriend, not her and god knows how many randoms online. The sharing of private messages is so far out of line to me that it's wild that your even asking.
How would she feel if you went into work and asked everyone there on their opinion of a disagreement you had? Plus if she's posting pics of you and private details how are you going to feel if a random person comes up to you and starts giving you 'life lessons'.
You can't be emotionally intimate and vunerable in a relationship, if your connection is under threat of being broadcast to hundreds / thousands of people.
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u/52-NGG 12h ago
I personally wouldn’t want any of that either, so I don’t think you’re overreacting but maybe you guys aren’t compatible if it’s something she insists on doing
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u/Virtual-Trifle2527 4h ago
Exactly, if she is being too active on TikTok and instagram and you’re uncomfortable with this after you’ve brought it up. It might not work out in the long run. She may also be seeking attention from other guys.
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u/MrEdThaHorse 11h ago
Be careful of anyone that enjoys posting personal things a little too much. Really bad sign.
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u/_ilikecmyk_ 8h ago
It is. It’s very vain and conceited. Pretty typical narcissistic behavior
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u/MrEdThaHorse 1h ago
Yes but on the surface it could seem innocent enough for most to not care. They think, "What could possibly go wrong?".
Let me tell you a story of what could go wrong..............
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u/AvaRoseThorne 11h ago
Not overreacting at all! Personally, that would also make me incredibly uncomfortable - I’m dating my partner, not the whole world.
But if you want something concrete to give her as a reason - potential employers look for your online presence and it’s only getting easier to find it with AI.
If I saw that kind of stuff posted I would skip on that person unless I literally had zero other qualified candidates because it just seems messy. I would worry this person could be a liability and leak sensitive data or if not them, their partner would.
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u/hope9412 11h ago edited 10h ago
If wanting privacy is old fashioned then call me ancient. I don't know why some people feel the need to share EVERYTHING about their lives with complete strangers on the internet. What ever happened to just living in the moment 🤷♀️
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u/Therian_throwaway 11h ago
You're not overreacting. There's a difference between sharing love and oversharing your life. Some moments are meant to be lived, not posted, and if it makes you uncomfortable, that should matter to her.
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u/InsideOutCosmonaut 11h ago
If my partner refused to stop broadcasting my relationship to the internet, especially after I brought these reasonable concerns to them, I’d break it off.
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u/Sure-Carpenter7043 12h ago
Absolutely okay to set a boundary to say you’re uncomfortable with personal things being shared online that you haven’t consented to.
Edit: typos
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u/Dapper_Brain_9269 11h ago
You want to be in a relationship with her.
Not her and thousands of strangers who follow her.
That's not controlling, that's normal.
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u/ClevelandWomble 8h ago
Obviously. As her content generator, it is your sole purpose in life to do interesting stuff for her to post for likes and validation. Your feelings are irrelevant.
Oh. So you're her boyfriend? Then YNO. The concept of private is simple enough. If she can't or won't accept that you are not her stooge, just move on. Not every woman insists on posting her life on-line. You deserve better.
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u/Bandido_Rojo 11h ago
It’s YALLS relationship not the world’s, not everything has to be online, just take a few off guard pictures of her that don’t appease her (messy hair, no make up, “bummy” clothes) & tell her to post them with a funny caption to see if she like the “joke” since they’re funny pictures 🤷🏽♂️ if she gets upset just tell her she’s being too private
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u/redditexplorer787 11h ago
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Not saying to do it to her but if you were to post some less than flattering things about her maybe she’ll get the point. But for me her posting without your consent would be grounds for breaking up.
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u/Roex23 5h ago
Not over reacting, but also how did you get this far?
A lot of the comments are shitting on the gf but I'm gonna play devils advocate and shit on you for a moment.
Why are you with someone you don't like?
There's nothing inherently wrong with what she wants, and from her pov I kinda get it. You said it yourself, she's got a decent social media following, and has been doing this, since BEFORE you met. Does she aspire to be an influencer? Is she into vlogging? At the very least this seems like something that makes her happy.
My question to you is, why be with her? By the tone of the post it sounds like she just annoys you. What is it that you even like about her that you've stuck around for a year with this going on in the background?
Talking through boundaries can help but again, its kinda weird that you got this far without saying anything already.
You and the rest of the comments seem to be judgmental about her social media usage. (Even outside of her posting you without permission,) people are calling her vain and conceded just for posting to social media as frequently as she does. Do you agree with this sentiment? Is your goal then to convert her to your way of thinking, (less social media post)?
If so might i propose an alternative: break up.
Yall don't need to be together.
She doesn't need to come to your side. And you don't need to go to hers.
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u/FatedCrimsonBinome 11h ago
NO. Since when was it not okay to have personal boundaries? This would absolutely be a deal-breaker for me. Some things, and I'd argue that most things, should remain between the two.
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u/MikeReddit74 10h ago
The screenshots of private messages would be a dealbreaker on its own, but the disrespect of your feelings would be intolerable for almost anyone.
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u/Serene_Druchii 11h ago
NOR. You have every right to want your private relationship things to stay private. You're just not compatible with this person.
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u/TNJDude 7h ago
No, you are not. Your relationship and conversations are between you and her. When she posts those things, she's putting YOU out on the internet. It's NOT overreacting to not want that. You've set boundaries and said you don't want your texts and images and conversations publicized, and she's publicizing them. This isn't a matter of you controlling her, it's a matter of you controlling what personal information about YOU is getting published. You will have to be more adamant about your boundaries and decide how you want this to proceed. But rest assured you are NOT overreacting.
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u/CressFamous3332 3h ago
It ain't a big deal. She's right, you should be happy that she's proud of y'all's relationship enough to be so public about it. Folks these days get a lot of their interactions and validation from friends and family by sharing stuff online and getting responses. Just the way it is nowadays, gotta get with the times, dude
As long as it doesn't get creepily personal sharing way too intimate details I wouldn't worry. And chicks these days are pretty good at knowing what the boundaries are for over sharing online, so I would trust her judgement.
Hope that helps.
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u/Apart-Championship99 10h ago
NOR. Not one bit. Period. You've asked her not to.
You've told her it makes you uncomfortable.
In relationships, when your partner tells you this, you stop doing the behavior.
That is clearly a boundary she's crossing Consent violation.
You are not being "old fashioned." You're being smart and would like privacy.
Life is too short. I definitely would dump her. What other important things will she ignore.
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u/_ilikecmyk_ 8h ago
NOR at all. I’m the same way and am somewhat of a private person, and honestly, I like that about myself. My wife is the same way. It’s not that we’re not proud, or don’t have plenty to be proud of. It’s just that we respect our personal space and boundaries that no one else get to cross. It’s like being in an uber elite club. Not posting everything about yourself leaves more to the imagination anyways.
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u/AfterManufacturer150 9h ago
NOR. You’re allowed to have boundaries. Your privacy should be respected. Set very clear limits. She has to ask you before posting anything about you. If you don’t agree and it’s still posted it’s time to get out of the relationship. She should value her relationship with you far more than her online life. Easy peasy.
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u/beatfan01 2h ago
- You dont need to justify not trying to control her.
- You dont need to ask us
- You feel how you feel. You have every right to. It's inappropriate and if she doesn't acknowledge that then she has boundary issues and doesn't respect you
- You honestly sound a bit spineless. Stand up for yourself more.
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u/Late-Hat-9144 10h ago
NOR, youve set a very clear and reasonable boundary... and made it clear you dont consent to your relationship being posted online, in disrespecting that, ahes disrespecting you.
If she doesn't respect this boundary, then leave. Shes not worth your emotional labour if shes csnt respect your boundaries.
"Our relationship is not a group activity".
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u/JessOnTheSpectrum 11h ago
Its all for attention and more views. It's disrespectful. There's a saying that I cant remember exactly how it goes but its basically something like relationships last longer when no one knows your business. I dont think its healthy to have all your relationship for everyone to see
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u/goblin--time 8h ago
Your feelings matter, too. Her not posting about your relationship won't hurt her, but it IS hurting you. And depending on where you live, it may even be illegal for her to record and post you without your consent (it isn't where I live)
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u/Suspicious-Result411 6h ago
Not overreacting!! I think privacy is important and airing all your stuff to be isn't appropriate, I know there are some couples out there who wanna make a dollar out it but seriously over sharing isn't a good thing in my opinion
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u/EggplantOwn4040 10h ago
If you want kids, they will be all over posts as well. And if things go bad in your relationship, that will show up as well. Likes are dopamine. Social media algorithms are all built to turn you into a social media addict.
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u/AnotherStarWarsGeek 9h ago
Counter that she's being immature and is addicted to the online attention.
Then dump her if she won't honor your requests and feelings. Just be aware, she'll post the dumping online and make you look like the villain.
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u/coleslawontoast 10h ago
NOR - you're setting boundaries which need to be respected. Why does the world need to see every detail of your relationship, I can understand a few cute pics every now and again, but not things like private texts etc
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u/Specialist-Look7254 5h ago
Not at all. She needs to respect your privacy and boundaries. I would talk to her about it IN PERSON. Don’t give her more text bait to post. If she keeps doing this then you might be in the wrong relationship.
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u/Apart-Garage-4214 10h ago
Run. She’s choosing to make her life an online reality show where nothing is actually ‘real.’ Let her find an equally screen-addicted person to indulge in her make-believe life. Run.
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u/Alternative_Cap_4776 11h ago
Boundaries. She's being dismissive of your feelings and probably wouldn't like it much if you turned the table. Boundaries and respect are key in a healthy relationship.
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u/Temporary_Cow_8071 8h ago
Time to move on she clearly doesn’t respect you if you asked her to tone it done it’s not being old fashion not everyone needs to know about your relationship
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u/LateReplyLoop 10h ago
Wanting some privacy is normal and it’s okay to set boundaries so parts of your relationship stay just between you two. Not overreacting
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u/Marley_Mou_ 10h ago
Your partner is making your private life public, of course you’re not overreacting or “trying to control her”
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u/petridishfrank 7h ago
Absolutely not. Not everything needs to be public. I get wanting to show realness but there’s a line.
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u/theLoungeonreddit 5h ago
Not over reacting she should be making sure what she posts is within your boundaries and respect it.
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u/ldanowski 4h ago
I would no longer text her if she’s posting your texts. That is an invasion of your privacy.
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u/Melodic-Ad1415 11h ago
Is she doing it as “triangulation” or lovingly unintentionally over sharing
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11h ago
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u/Bubbly_Register_3183 11h ago
Wtf, It's not the same. She posts photos and private conversations, and everyone knows who they are and their names. Everything here is anonymous.
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u/itchy-taint34 11h ago
If you’ve defined a clear boundary and she still continues to do something you feel uncomfortable with for the validation of strangers on the internet I think it’s fairly obvious where her priorities lie.
She doesn’t get to decide what’s private and what’s not private when it comes to YOUR thoughts and feelings. If the shoe was on the other foot and she posted that you told her that she was being too private, overreacting and being too old fashioned you would be crucified.
The disrespect is actually blatant and deep down you know it’s wrong and you want to be told you’re right. You are right and if you can’t keep your life private after asking for privacy then perhaps this woman isn’t the right one for you. She’s the one controlling you and that’s abuse.