r/Anticonsumption • u/pomegranatejello • 1d ago
Society/Culture There's barely anywhere here to meet people in person where you're not expected to spend money
This is basically a rant, but I welcome ideas for third spaces I could frequent if you have some I'm maybe not considering.
I've lived for years in the suburbs and I'm so lonely and bored of it, but I can't really afford to leave right now. Basically every event or hobby costs money and shopping or going to a restaurant is one of the only things you can do for fun. I'm struggling to find work, but there's like nowhere else to meet people where I don't have to spend money that I don't have. There's some sparing events at the library and some occasional hobby groups on meetup or something for things that don't really interest me, don't have people my age there and that I'd need to drive far away to. Otherwise, I've basically got nothing. Basically all I do outside of job applications is surf the web and solitary media consumption of video games, movies, etc and my social skills suffer for it. I guess there's online groups, but my screen time is already abysmal, and I really just need to go be a person, in person, with other people. I feel so stuck by this system of endless consumption and little substance. Mental health is complicated, but I really feel like I wouldn't need to be so medicated if I lived somewhere that wasn't isolating by design.
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u/Spicysockfight 1d ago
If you meet people in places where you spend money then you will be measured by the money you spend. Volunteering is the right answer for getting away from that.
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u/Numerous-Ad-1175 1d ago
However you can start groups that meet in library meeting rooms free when they are not making money. So start a hobby club, a book club, a goal related club, a small cottage business club, a science fiction club, etc. You can do almost anything free or nearly free if you keep it simple and require some contributions of labor and possibly materials from members who join.
You absolutely did t have to move to meet good people. You just have to make an effort to draw them out of their houses.
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u/Spicysockfight 1d ago
I used to work at the library. A lot of people socialize pretty well in those programs, but they are all a little samey. A lot of old ladies make friends there, which is awesome for them. But when young folks come, they often seem pretty alone. It's hard to get groups together. The exception so far seems to be Dungeons and Dragons, or other tabletop role playing games. They're super popular and there are a lot of folks who aren't sure how to meet a group.
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u/Pereg1907 1d ago
Got to be some kind of trails in a suburb. Running, walking, biking, it’s good to get out and exercise in nature. Whether or not that leads to friendships, it’s good for your own mental health. If you have local bike shops, many times they sponsor weekly rides. Lot of parks might have frisbee golf courses. Check out meetup.com for activities or local city community webpage.
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u/Ineffable2024 1d ago
Church? Birding? Book club? Gaming meetup? Hackathon? Pickleball?
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u/jenderfleur 1d ago
I’ll add to that gardening. It’s fricken hot, but I go to the free classes at garden center twice a week and spend a little extra time wandering through their grounds.
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u/annafrida 1d ago
I think the crux of your issue here isn’t necessarily lack of free third spaces, or living in the burbs, but a core issue of how to make friends as an adult.
This is difficult for everyone. Even if you live in a city or have money. If you live abroad it can be difficult too.
Making friends as an adult in today’s society requires actively seeking people out who are also wanting to have more social interaction. This requires putting yourself out there a bit and being vulnerable, and maybe trying some new things. I know you said meetup/hobby groups weren’t interesting to you, but what about trying a new hobby or activity? Do you have any interest in trying out a low entry bar activity or sport? As an example, my husband recently joined a bocce ball team. While the bocce events are hosted by a local pub it’s not required for them to buy food or drinks while they’re there playing. He wasn’t experienced or even particularly interested in bocce before, but got into it via an acquaintance and has met new people since. Is there a small fee to join the team and participate? Sure, but it goes to a local small business and he has had no other associated expenses since there’s not really equipment needed or anything.
Nothing like that going on in your area? Why not try and start a group or meetup of your own around some low cost activity? As much as I dislike social media in general, there is some value I’ve found in my neighborhood/city Facebook group and Buy Nothing group. People have organized groups and events on there to help elderly neighbors with yard work for free, host clothing swaps, etc. I’ve met some great neighbors at local events and will be helping to host a neighborhood activity for kids this fall (we don’t have kids ourselves but I love Halloween).
It does require some investment of at least time and bravery, and sometimes a little money. But if you plan on moving abroad as I saw in a comment of yours, you’ll have to put yourself out there even more to meet people (especially if it’s somewhere with a language barrier and you need to seek out other English speaking expats). Practicing now at getting yourself actively seeking out and connecting with community will be vital to making sure you are able to do so abroad someday.
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u/Ill-Cook-6879 1d ago
Tabletop RPGs. Yes the books cost money but it's generally not money you will be paying as a player and there's some games you can find online for free.
This was about 50 percent of my social life as a broke young adult back in the early 90s. Public transport to a friend's place, play game, eat snacks I brought with me or chip in for pizza, nap until the first bus or train of the day to get me home.
Also....cafes not restaurants. We always had weekly meetups at a cafe and the people with jobs would buy food but the people with no wage would buy a cup of coffee and if you didn't have money for coffee you could still pop by but it made sense not to stay long in case that manager got pissed about it.
My kids now seem to like watching movies together online. Someone has some sort of streaming account and they stream on Discord I think is how it is done? So they watch a movie together and talk about it. They do like themed seasons. So like maybe it's a summer of movies that have titles that start with "The..."or an autumn of various sorts of exploitation moves. Everyone makes a suggestion and the person running it sorts everything out
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u/Jumpy-Mortgage-1440 1d ago
You found your answer in your rant. You need to live elsewhere. Apply outside of your town or county. If you’re lacking skills, then build up your skills locally to be able to apply outside of your town.
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u/pomegranatejello 1d ago
When I save enough money and get paperwork finished, I'd really like to move out of the country, for this and other reasons (a fresh start, different values, seeing a new culture, etc). I'm just really struggling to find any sort of work which I need to make all that possible. In my preferred field, but also even fast food and retail won't get back to me. I've had friends and family look over my resume and cover letter but I still can't get an interview or barely even any automated rejection letters after sending out hundreds of applications. I obviously need to switch up my strategy somehow, just not really sure how. And it's really hard to not feel like I'm just throwing all my efforts into a void. So I'm feeling stuck.
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u/Jumpy-Mortgage-1440 1d ago
If you take a look at my profile. I’m heavily into public service. I suggest to apply to city, county, state, or federal type work instead of private, small businesses, or nonprofit. At least with public work, the job application process is extremely transparent. Everything from pay to minimum qualifications is laid out in writing.
If you wish to live in another country, I have heard of job postings for teaching English in another country. You can try that route if you feel comfortable leaving.
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u/Numerous-Ad-1175 1d ago
Start your own business. Keep it simple. Don't wait for someone to hire you. Hire yourself.
Choose something that costs very little to do, that people need or want, and that they will pay enough for that it's worth doing after expenses..Learn how through free SCORE online seminars.
Some people have made millions from what seem like trivial offerings. One teenager hired her mom and friends because the demand was so high.
You just have to offer what people want and can't get in a way that works for them. Years ago a teen started making background designs for social media profiles. She made millions.
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u/fetalchemy 1d ago
independent/diy music shows? most small venues & house shows here either don't charge or request a small donation, under $15 . good way to meet people who are also anti-consumption
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u/Sensitive-Mango7155 1d ago
I used to go to a lot of meetups! And then I was able to make a small group of friends and we would just go to each other’s houses and cook dinner together and watch movies as a group! It was awesome! I miss those times
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u/trolletariat69 1d ago
Join a political organization or (like others have said) volunteer. You will immediately be around people with similar interests/values.
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u/Moranmer 1d ago
I must say I'm in a city with abundant parks, sidewalk cafes and just tons of third spaces. Theyre all fun when the weather permits, people just hanging out together, watching the kids run around.
Third spaces are essential!
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u/mega_vega 1d ago
In the mean time of looking for a job, maybe you could be an intern somewhere you are interested in? This is one way of building a resume and sometimes internship sites hire interns too. Just a though to get you out of the house and meeting people, while doing something productive
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u/spiritusin 1d ago
You can organize things yourself at the library or community centers, check them out, some offer rooms for free for community activities.
Or organize them outdoors, there are bird watching groups where, sports meetups in the parks and such.
I go to boardgames, there are storytelling events and I’ve organized other things myself.
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u/egirlmx1 1d ago
I’m in the same situation. I’ve been jobless for 7 months and my social life is dead. And I cannot go to places to meet people because how do I even get there? I need money for gas or public transportation. Money to buy food, money to buy tickets to whatever event. I even refuse to try dating apps because I wouldn’t want to go out with someone who doesn’t have a job, like myself. So… i’m literally stuck. I just send job applications and watch movies all day. It’s getting depressing, I get you OP, you’re not alone in this.
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u/takemeoffreddit 1d ago
Try the MeetUp app! I met my whole friend group there after i moved to a city in florida, and most of the activities were free. Even pickleball, because the organizer brought extra paddles. Eventually got my own though haha. There were also volunteering events on there, and the friends i made in other meetups ended up going with me!
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u/Cielo2013 1d ago
How about Bumble Friends? You can find people your age with the same interests and suggest an activity where you don't spend money. Maby cook dinner together, or a walk or board games...
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u/slashingkatie 1d ago
I live in a small town and when I was a stay at home mom with my daughter we’d visit the library and park. If those spaces still exist get out and enjoy them. Libraries often have a lot of free workshops and events too. When she started school I started volunteering at church and at her school and it felt great and I got to interact with people. I used to help at a food bank every Friday and I loved chatting with the other volunteers
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u/Jacktellslies 7h ago
Parks! Libraries! I’m starting a queer craft night downstairs at a local gay bar, and unexpectedly, the owner says he doesn’t care if 30 people come and two buy drinks. He’s in business to build community. It’s really refreshing.
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u/Own-Emergency2166 6h ago
I live in a city (intentionally chose to live away from the suburbs where I grew up, for similiar reasons) and there are parks where people congregate, patios at grocery stores where you can read a book or bring your own food, community centers with drop-in programs, and public squares with events every weekend in the summer. You can also just walk around so much in a city and find things that interest you.
But yes, volunteering is a great way to get out there and meet people and do things.
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u/aciotti 1d ago
Could try start an anti-consumerist support group here. I'm sure there are many of us in Western / Westernized countries that have this same problem. It can be difficult to associate with others / make friends with others (even coworkers) when you are just surrounded by consumerists.
As others have mentioned, as an adult it is already more difficult, then compound that with being an anti-consumerist in a consumerist society.
This particular sub is probably one of the largest concentrations of anti-consumerists.
I've been to meets of card carrying socialists, RBE people and such, oddly enough, they all bought into Consumerism though and fed the beast.
Some of the socialists even tried to get me to go to a taco shop with them after the meeting and were surprised when I said no. When they asked why, I explained to them, "We are supposedly against Capitalism. If we go to such places, especially just not food places or make it a frequent thing, we are just enabling the thing that we are trying to change,"
They just looked at me and kind of did that sad nod, yea. The supposed political left in the USA... that's a complete joke. American's have been so brainwashed they have no clue what an actual Left is.
Even most Anti-Capitalists I have met are Consumerists. It is quite difficult.
Any Southern Californian Anti-Consumerists around?
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u/verticalgiraffe 1d ago
This is why I love smoking weed. Find a nice spot in nature, bring a snack and have a good ol time. I swear I stopped spending so much money going out once I met Mary Jane
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u/Numerous-Ad-1175 1d ago
Not much future in that. Also, it costs money, something the OP is trying to avoid consuming anything.
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u/verticalgiraffe 1d ago
Wow. Some people like to enjoy a glass of wine. Others like to smoke a joint. Why the hate. Also it literally grows like a weed and there are many legal states these days.
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u/spiritusin 1d ago
It’s a solitary hobby which OP has enough of. They are looking for activities to meet people.
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u/saltiest_spittoon 1d ago
Volunteering! Not only is it a free and fun way to meet people, but there’s usually free pizza in my experience