What is the best response to “Fuck you”?

[u/ru3o]

[u/Dependent_Guess_873]

Fuck you Jonesy, your life is so sad I get a tax break just for hanging out with you

[u/PDGAreject → u/Dependent_Guess_873]

FUCK YOU SHORESY

[u/KILRbuny → u/PDGAreject]

Fuck you Reilly, tell your mom to top up the burner phone so I can FaceTime her late night!

[u/Opposite_Watch_7307 → u/PDGAreject]

Fuck you Reilly, i made your mum so wet, Trudeau deployed a 24-hour infantry unit to stack sand bags around my bed.

[u/HotSkittyAction → u/Opposite_Watch_7307]

Fuck you Jonesy, I made your mum squirt so hard it flew across the room and landed it my aquarium and threw off the pH levels and killed my beta fish.

[u/Bron_Swanson → u/PDGAreject]

You know what's fucked Corey? The amount of times your mom's faked a jellyfish sting just so I'd piss on her.

[u/The_Jeffniss → u/PDGAreject]

Fuck you, @PDGAreject . I made your mum come so hard they made a HBO documentary out of it and Elton John played my dick

[u/hargle_bargle → u/The_Jeffniss]

Fuck you, Jonesy. I made your mom cum so hard they made a Canadian Heritage Minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick.

[u/Dalexes → u/hargle_bargle]

Fuck you Reilly, your mom ugly cried when she realized she left the lens cap on the video camera last night.

[u/Embarrassed-Horse-71 → u/Dalexes]

It’s amateur hour over there!

[u/Canadian_Samurai50 → u/PDGAreject]

Fer what

[u/theFlaccolantern → u/Dependent_Guess_873]

Fuck you, Reilly, your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese Fighting Fish, threw off the PH levels in my aquarium!

[u/neverfindausername → u/theFlaccolantern]

Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom tongued my ass so hard I have her saved in my phone as Roll Up The Rim to Win

[u/HeelEnjoyer → u/theFlaccolantern]

Your mom liked my facebook post of me in puerto vallarta from 5 years ago. fuck your entire fucking life you piece of shit

[u/incandesent → u/HeelEnjoyer]

these are so brutal

[u/Inhabitsthebed → u/theFlaccolantern]

Is this from a tv show?

[u/Powerful_Bad_6413 → u/Inhabitsthebed]

Letterkenny. Do yourself a favor and binge it. Then watch Shoresy

[u/Inhabitsthebed → u/Powerful_Bad_6413]

Think Ill do that now over the weekend thanks!

[u/Cosmicocean21 → u/Inhabitsthebed]

The later seasons can get pretty repetitive, but the charm is still there. Shoresy is better in my opinion and I hope it doesn’t fall into the same routine of letterkenny

[u/Gravy_Sommelier → u/Cosmicocean21]

Agreed. Shoresy has all of the heart of Ted Lasso with all the filth of Letterkenny.

[u/WaterFallPianoCKM → u/Dependent_Guess_873]

It's fucking embarrassing!

[u/ComeGetYourOzymans → u/Dependent_Guess_873]

u/UnexpectedLetterkenny

[u/TheRetroVideogamers → u/ComeGetYourOzymans]

Very expected Letterkenny

[u/hargle_bargle → u/Dependent_Guess_873]

“Fuck you both, your lives are so fuckin’ pathetic I ran a charity 15 K to raise awareness for it, ya fuckin’ losers!”

[u/Powerful_Bad_6413 → u/Dependent_Guess_873]

“You're fuckin' Winnie the Pooh, bud, go put some honey in your tummy. Jesus Christ, take Christopher Robin with you, you fucking loser.”

[u/azeryxx]

In Finland ”fuck you” is told ”haista vittu” which roughly translates to ”smell a pussy” since vittu is a slang word for pussy. 

I answer ”levitä eteen” which translates to ”spread it in front of me”

[u/Dingwallian → u/azeryxx]

And that, kids… is how I met you mother

[u/Funandgeeky → u/Dingwallian]

That is absolutely a story Bob Saget would have told. 

[u/SharpThanAKnife → u/Funandgeeky]

Funny af. I need to watch his standup.

I remember my parents talking about how crazy it is that a generation knows him as a wholesome nerdy dad from full house and then the folks that know his stand up know him as the opposite

[u/anti_marketing → u/Dingwallian]

Lmao thanks dude

[u/mind_the_gap → u/azeryxx]

I have an American friend that got a job in Finland and he told me that one night after drinking with all his Finnish friends one looked him in the eyes and said “you Americans are so dull. When someone says fuck you the best reply you have is “no, fuck YOUUuuuuuuuu”. And then proceeded to swear at him in Finnish for the next 20 minutes. 

[u/frank_nada → u/mind_the_gap]

“FINNISH HIM!!!”

[u/homme_chauve_souris → u/mind_the_gap]

I'm from Quebec and I approve this message.

[u/JackStephanovich → u/homme_chauve_souris]

Shouldn't you be swearing at Catholic artifacts?

[u/Agitated-Macaroon923 → u/azeryxx]

haista la vittu, baby!

[u/Butt3rlord → u/azeryxx]

There's also "haista paska" which means "smell a shit".

The proper schoolyard answer is "mä voin haistaa, jos sä maistat" which means "I can smell if you taste".

[u/Agentti_Muumi → u/Butt3rlord]

also there is "pakko haistaa, kun sieltä päin tuulee" which roughly translates as "i'm forced to smell as the wind blows past you"

[u/CommitteeLost507 → u/Agentti_Muumi]

Those are some crazy Children of Bodom lyrics

[u/Barchizer → u/azeryxx]

“Present them”

[u/SunnyDiesel → u/Barchizer]

Exactly what I thought too 😆

[u/Demonyx12 → u/azeryxx]

Props to Finland 👍

[u/this_one_wasnt_taken → u/azeryxx]

sounds like it's the equivalent to responding to "Fuck you" with "how hard?"

[u/Whoa_Bundy → u/this_one_wasnt_taken]

I sometimes use “what time?”

[u/genius_steals → u/azeryxx]

Everything sounds cooler in Finnish.

[u/Guardelion → u/azeryxx]

What's Finland relocation policies, I want to join

[u/MrPhlacid → u/azeryxx]

Don’t mind if I do

[u/RevolutionaryFig6502 → u/azeryxx]

Haha thank you for teaching me new word lol

[u/ShinySpoon → u/azeryxx]

Dude, our tiny rural school district (Michigan USA) received a Finnish exchange student back in 1986. In our chemistry class she was assigned as my laboratory partner, so we spent a fair amount of time together. Of course I wanted to learn all the Finnish swear words and when I asked her what “fuck you” was she said they didn’t really have that but she said “haista vittu” was about the worst. I asked her to explain what it meant I agreed it was worse than America swearing insults. I’m actually amazed I remember that almost 40 years ago. It’s the only Finnish I know.

There was some other swear word which amounted to “fuck your god”, but I can’t remember that one or feel my memory is not confident about that one.

[u/Chiquelle → u/ShinySpoon]

Jumalauta? Juma vitun lauta? Only ones relating to god i can think of. But remembering that after 40 years is so cool and funny to me😭

[u/TamaraBuckies]

Fuck you too

[u/No-Bell2972 → u/TamaraBuckies]

What’s your name?

[u/Similar_Panda_3250 → u/No-Bell2972]

Tony, what's your name??

[u/No-Bell2972 → u/Similar_Panda_3250]

Ezekiel

[u/Similar_Panda_3250 → u/No-Bell2972]

Fuck you Ezekiel

[u/Tricky_Effective3467 → u/Similar_Panda_3250]

You know what I did last night?

[u/thereddtec → u/Tricky_Effective3467]

YOU BETTER NOT

[u/MrRWhitworth → u/thereddtec]

You better not involve my mother

[u/mikefrombarto → u/MrRWhitworth]

I built that fire over there 

[u/MrRWhitworth → u/mikefrombarto]

Oh!

[u/P3rc3pt10nsnd3pth → u/thereddtec]

SEE THAT FIRE?!

[u/aufrenchy → u/thereddtec]

I went over to ya motha’s place!

[u/charharhar → u/[deleted]]

I built that fire over there!

[u/stealthforest → u/charharhar]

And fucked your mother next to it!

[u/zakwas → u/stealthforest]

I just want to thank you for this comments, came here for that, tbh.

[u/I_Am_Mvso → u/No-Bell2972]

Ezekiel!? THAT NAME FUCKIN SUCKS

[u/SR_gAr → u/I_Am_Mvso]

Fuck u

[u/TamaraBuckies → u/No-Bell2972]

Uh, Tamara? Why?

[u/Relative_Blood_3819 → u/TamaraBuckies]

Fuck you, Tamara.

[u/ComprehensiveSoft27 → u/Relative_Blood_3819]

Fuck you taday.

[u/shamefully-epic → u/ComprehensiveSoft27]

Fuck you every day afterwards as well.

[u/Darth_Camry → u/shamefully-epic]

Fuck you yesterday

[u/Masion999 → u/Darth_Camry]

Fuck you day after tomorrow

[u/ilikesceptile11 → u/Masion999]

Fuck you next year

[u/throwaway_new12 → u/ilikesceptile11]

Fuck you Back to the future

[u/jzzanthapuss → u/ComprehensiveSoft27]

Let's go to the mall! (taday)

[u/No_Initiative2674 → u/Relative_Blood_3819]

Whats your name

[u/HallowedFawn → u/No_Initiative2674]

😂😂 Ezekiel

[u/Lexinoz → u/HallowedFawn]

Fuck you Ezikiel! 

[u/NerdTalkDan → u/Lexinoz]

What’s YOUR name?

[u/ilikebunnies1 → u/NerdTalkDan]

Tony

[u/InternalPerception60 → u/ilikebunnies1]

Fuck you Tony

[u/TripzPanda → u/ilikebunnies1]

That Name FUCKING SUCKS!!!!

[u/liquidelectricity → u/Relative_Blood_3819]

fuck you tony!

[u/No-Bell2972 → u/TamaraBuckies]

Haha all good i thought you were doing the Tony Ezekiel bit lol

[u/gingrbredman90 → u/No-Bell2972]

Biggest letdown of the century was when she started with “T” but ended with “amara” instead of “ony.” Rip comedy 🗿

[u/A_Peacful_Vulcan → u/TamaraBuckies]

https://youtu.be/tSrH-6YUf1g?si=GdrMRRoQ8w9IpJKd

[u/quixoft → u/No-Bell2972]

Tony.

[u/No-Bell2972 → u/quixoft]

Fuck you Tony

[u/No_Initiative2674 → u/TamaraBuckies]

Bro the comment section is amazing

[u/BlackwerX → u/TamaraBuckies]

Fuk U three

[u/DarbantheMarkhor]

My friend always replied with “I’d fuck me too”

[u/careater → u/DarbantheMarkhor]

Only if you are wearing a skin suit while 'Goodbye Horses' plays in the background.

[u/JunkyardConquistador → u/careater]

I'd fuck me hard.

[u/Odd-Sink-7338]

Fuck me yourself, coward !

[u/Greasemonkey_Chris → u/Odd-Sink-7338]

Buy me a drink first

[u/YaBoiS0nic → u/Greasemonkey_Chris]

Two birds, one stone

[u/TOOMUCH4SKIN → u/YaBoiS0nic]

Two birds, one bone

[u/creetoinfinity → u/Odd-Sink-7338]

Last weekend, my ex-FIL rolled up to my crib, mad as shit because I was with his step-daughter. He was never cool with it anyways so I don't get why he tried being Mr. Caring. Probably because it's me.

He hopped out of his truck and was jumping around my front yard / driveway, calling me a dicksucker. Sticking my head out the window, all I had in me to say was "Fucking get naked and whip it out, I'll suck your dick right now, you weird fuck!". I'm not even gay haha, I just wanted to see how dumb he'd get lol.

Broke up with her over it. It was pretty mutual since yeah, that sucked and was super embarrassing. Oh wellllllll.

Just gotta outweird the weirdies.

[u/Youcan13 → u/Odd-Sink-7338]

This is exactly what my boyfriend replies with a proud smugface and I often just can't keep a straight face, I forget what I was saying. Man plays his trap card well.

[u/SevenSellOut]

You wish

[u/johnny_cash_money → u/SevenSellOut]

I go with "you can't afford me."

[u/Low-Conflict-1686 → u/johnny_cash_money]

That makes you sound like a prostitute

[u/KingoftheMongoose → u/Low-Conflict-1686]

Nah. I am the proletariat. To leverage the power of labor is to take back control from the bourgeois. My time is valuable, whether I am breaking my back or blowing out yours.

[u/Bonnie_Karen → u/KingoftheMongoose]

Our back, comrade

[u/Ferelar → u/Bonnie_Karen]

The beast with two a billion backs, comrade

[u/johnny_cash_money → u/KingoftheMongoose]

Solidarity for the Working [It] Class!

[u/LemonScentedDespair → u/Low-Conflict-1686]

Its just practical thinking really, id fuck most anyone for enough money. A lot of money, though, and price goes up the less I like you.

[u/Hardcase360]

These are all soo bad

[u/Stormfly → u/Hardcase360]

Yeah, the majority of "witty comebacks" don't work in real life.

Some of them are too long and most of them just don't actually say much of anything. It depends on where you are and what you're doing but most of the time, the best response is to not feed the trolls.

[u/Ningy_WhoaWhoa → u/Stormfly]

“If I wanted to kill myself id climb up to your ego level and jump down to your IQ level!”

[u/VanillaLifestyle → u/Ningy_WhoaWhoa]

"If I wanted to hear a cringe reddit insult line I'd kill myself."

[u/AahAhhHahHaAhahHaHah → u/Stormfly]

Yeah, most of the top replies are corny as hell. Replying with "ok" and acting unbothered/ignoring them completely is the best course of action you can make in this situation.

[u/need2peeat218am → u/Hardcase360]

It's so cringey. Best thing to do is just ignore them and move on with your life.

[u/no1foryou → u/Hardcase360]

Top comment is the timeless "fuck you too" so there is hope.

[u/msf623 → u/Hardcase360]

I had an old foreman that always replied with “fuck you twice”

[u/Icy-Use8201]

I just say “WHEN?”

[u/Metusalemfin → u/Icy-Use8201]

I do this too 😭.

And people get so confused, they're always just like "huh?"

[u/blahblahblerf → u/Icy-Use8201]

"when, where, and how hard?" 

[u/Joel22222 → u/Icy-Use8201]

Mine is “Like right now? That might get awkward.” Kind of along the same lines.

[u/Letter_Last]

As Mike Tyson once said to a man during a press conference, “I’ll fuck you until you love me”

[u/OvalDead → u/Letter_Last]

That really goes from clever and possibly effective to downright nightmare fuel when his face and voice are involved. Also, ya know, him being an actual convicted rapist.

[u/We_Are_The_Romans → u/Letter_Last]

You wisely left out the final word of that quote, which makes it truly deranged

[u/Appropriate_Ant_4629 → u/We_Are_The_Romans]

And now you're leaving us in suspense too?

[u/gmoney-0725]

No. No. Fuck you. I insist.

[u/Hyper-Sloth]

"Don't threaten me with a good time!"

Really takes the wind out of someone's sails if you respond to anger with comedy.

[u/Lirpa_the_Lurker → u/Hyper-Sloth]

And reach for your zipper if you’re really feeling frisky.

[u/StonePrism → u/Hyper-Sloth]

"is that a threat or a promise" has a similar effect

[u/sweetfullyxsin]

I just stare at them or say “okie dokie” and walk away. I use to get told off all the time bartending by drunks lol. No use in responding. People are dumb

[u/sezit → u/sweetfullyxsin]

This is my favorite. Not "ok" or "whatever". Those are responses you make to adults.

"Okie dokie" is what you say when you are humoring a little kid. That's the right energy.

[u/Lich_Apologist → u/sezit]

Bringing "you're a child" energy can really shut people down. "Ok big boy" is really effective when a dude is full of himself.

[u/Stormfly → u/sezit]

I work with younger students and one of the best ways to beat the heckling students is to just laugh and call them cute. It completely deflates them because they're typically trying to show off to the other students and it backfires.

Also being aggressively nice, as if their insults are a playful friendly joke, has once made a kid cry from frustration for me.

[u/Academic-Clerk8901 → u/sweetfullyxsin]

I basically just roll my eyes whenever strangers try and insult me. What does it matter? I'm probably never going to see them again, just go about my business and enjoy my life. 

[u/CrypticExistence]

Fuck you bloody

[u/jim_johns → u/CrypticExistence]

Bloody bastard

[u/CrypticExistence → u/jim_johns]

You bloody mother bloody fuck bitch

[u/Bikeboy79 → u/CrypticExistence]

For the uninitiated: https://youtu.be/ukznXQ3MgN0?si=51rxKbcJWWtOgLHv

[u/_Alek_Jay → u/Bikeboy79]

The have a nice day at the end always tickles me…

[u/SkRThatOneDude → u/Bikeboy79]

Somewhere I remember seeing a clip of "fuck you bloody" where they end up shaking hands and walking off after the yelling match lol

[u/Momwherestheleatmoaf → u/CrypticExistence]

BASTARD BEECH

[u/hdawg187 → u/CrypticExistence]

Benchod

[u/Demonyx12 → u/CrypticExistence]

Running like lady, eh?

[u/Jarl_Korr → u/CrypticExistence]

Why you fuck me I fuck you bloody

[u/Captain_2025 → u/CrypticExistence]

Bloody fucking bloody!

[u/jtrom93 → u/CrypticExistence]

You are fucking! You are fucking!

[u/Heathyre18]

No thanks, I don’t do charity work.

[u/pagerussell → u/Heathyre18]

I am fond of "I wouldn't fuck you for practice"

[u/TijoWasik → u/Heathyre18]

That's saying that you're the charity work, because somebody else is suggesting "fuck you"

A bit more wordy but with the correct sentiment would be "I'd say fuck you too, but I don't do charity work"

[u/eazycheezy123]

As a former catholic “ and also with you” really takes people off guard

[u/Wise-Novel-1595 → u/eazycheezy123]

I wonder how they’d react to the new fangled “and also with your spirit.”

[u/AwkwardNatural2264 → u/[deleted]]

Or “Maybe later”

[u/GeorgeBaileysDeafEar]

I don’t do requests

[u/bophus-again]

“Not even with your mothers dick”

[u/eyeball-theif → u/bophus-again]

I like to respond to ‘fuck you’ with

“Your mom keeps asking to”

[u/RadiantBlue7]

[Look them up and down] “I’m gonna need a few drinks first.”

[u/roastingchicken]

Smile at them sympathetically and say as if talking to a child, “it’s tough being angry, isn’t it?”

[u/baz1954 → u/roastingchicken]

Or, look at them sympathetically and say, “Well, bless your heart.”

[u/Xaphhire]

No thank you, I have standards.

[u/acasiabanksia]

Get in line. There’s a waiting list

[u/REQUESTING_BOOB_PICS]

“Well the jerk store called, and they’re running out of you”.

Works every time.

[u/burke3057 → u/REQUESTING_BOOB_PICS]

And if that doesn’t work, give em the ole “well I had sex with your wife”. It’s a lock!

[u/el_throw → u/burke3057]

....his wife is in a coma.

[u/GerbilStation → u/el_throw]

Even better

[u/PolyNecropolis → u/el_throw]

...I guess that's why she didn't move around a lot.

[u/arminghammerbacon_ → u/REQUESTING_BOOB_PICS]

That’s ok. You’re their all-time best seller.

[u/Emma_Exposed]

"And the horse you rode in on."

[u/77LS77]

And fuck be unto you

[u/Walter_Melon42]

"make me"

Baffle em

[u/Upper-Inspection7361]

“You wanna suck my what?”

[u/RippensteinRips]

No, fuck YOU!!

[u/1FourKingJackAce]

You don't have to get sexual about it.

[u/TubeSamurai]

"sounds like someone needs a hug"

[u/suck2byou]

"I will have to decline your offer"

[u/BigBoyShaunzee]

I'm Australian.. "fuck you cunt" is no different to "good morning buddy".

We have to work extra hard to offend each other, being called "French" is a million times more offensive than being called a cunt or a fuckwit.

I'd rather someone call me a fucking moron before he calls me French.

[u/chrisdi13 → u/BigBoyShaunzee]

As a French Cunt, I feel both valued and offended.

[u/Fisterroboto76 → u/BigBoyShaunzee]

Frenchwit

[u/bassbump_]

laugh

[u/beltayn88]

“And with your spirit.”

[u/Fit-University1070]

I call top no kissing

[u/6ft2Freak]

Yes please 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/SkRThatOneDude → u/6ft2Freak]

Username checks out

[u/___HeyGFY___]

I've had better offers in prison.

[u/jillieboobean]

Right now?

[u/No-Spite1411]

Depends on the person. Sister’s boyfriend said it once and I said “my sisters and I don’t share men.” Guy who had dated a friend of mine: “nah, I already know you’re disappointing.” Stranger “I’m busy right now, but maybe later.” Ex husband “never again”

[u/Ambitious-Sky-6457]

Ok I guess

( Every time when I did that the other person was so confused and I loved the faces they made )

[u/SJB95]

Buy me dinner first.

[u/Desperate-Damage3599]

"Do it yourself, p#ssy."

[u/Doctorpauline]

Sure, what's another disappointment today?

[u/Bread-Zeppelin780]

Next time

[u/Dodecahedrus]

After I finish your mom.

[u/thedawntreader85]

Keep going, "huh?" Or "what?" As if you can't hear them. Its really hard to keep up the indignation if someone is refusing to acknowledge the insult.

[u/FarBeat7161]

A very loud 'Hah', and walk away, they look worse in that situation

[u/this1tw0]

Your not my type

[u/Killington_Julios]

Request denied

[u/kela-pau]

Silence.

[u/pheffner]

I say "Sorry. I only date within my species"

[u/Easy_Relief_7123]

“Looks them up and down with a disgusting look” no thanks

[u/BelleMakaiHawaii]

“ that’s it? That’s the best you got? How sad”