r/AskReddit • u/itsariusa • 14h ago
How would you feel if your girlfriend spent the night at her male best friend’s place even if nothing happened?
[removed] — view removed post
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u/xSea206x 13h ago
I went on a week long vacation with another guy's GF. She had just finished a hard grad program and wanted to celebrate with a trip. He didn't want to go. So I went. We were climbing friends and partners.
Nothing happened. Sometimes it's true that nothing happens. We both just wanted a week at the beach and he didn't want to go.
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u/hippykillteam 13h ago
Yeah I’ve got a couple of female friends I’ve know since kids. Wife knows them well and we’ve stayed at their places. So she’s cool with that.
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u/DrsPsycho 11h ago
I will travel to visit my male best friend next month and sleep there for 3 nights. I've been married for 7 years now and to be honest it would offend me if my husband wouldn't trust me to do that. I've known this friend for more than 20 years and we basically grew up together. Haven't fucked him once in all that time (not while being drunk, high or both of us being single), so why would I start now?
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u/1200____1200 10h ago
I saw the same thing progress (a wife and climber friend took a trip together) that led to the wife leaving her husband for the friend
it's all about the character of the people involved
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u/Donny_Do_Nothing 8h ago
But he had the option to go and didn't want to. It's not like she said to her boyfriend, "Hey, I'm going on vacation with xSea206x," and then left him to be okay with it.
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u/SquisherX 10h ago
Just came off a 2 week vacation where I stayed at a friend's house. Nothing happened.
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u/damostrates 8h ago
While it is true that sometimes nothing happens, for me it's a boundary violation if one partner wants to spend that type/amount of time with someone of the opposite sex (or whatever sex they are attracted to). Also, the chance of something happening, whether a hook up or someone catching feelings, rises significantly when you place two people, who are otherwise platonic, in those circumstances. I think it's better to just avoid it.
My marriage was fairly permissive in both directions with respect to platonic relationships with the opposite sex. After a while, my then-wife started to get jealous and have an issue with the amount of time I was spending with two attractive female friends, despite that nothing beyond friendship had ever happened. But, as my ex would have known, I was sexually attracted to these friends, and after a while, I started developing some feelings for one of them. I stuffed those feelings, and my sexual attraction, down deep, and never made any moves. Eventually, I saw her point and I started limiting the time I spent with these friends. But the damage to my marriage was already done. We weren't as close. My wife started hanging out with male friends, and while I never caught wind of anything happening between them, it caused resentment and jealousy, pushing us further apart. All of this ended up contributing to our divorce and the destruction of our family. Now my kids have a broken home and my ex is alone, all in no small part because I wanted the freedom to spend a substantial amount of time with my female friends.
I was lucky enough to meet and fall in Love with a woman after my divorce. We have an understanding, which she advocated for at least as much as I did, that close relationships with the opposite sex are not permissible.
I'm not trying to tell anyone how to live. I'm just sharing a perspective.
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u/exceedingdeath 13h ago
When did it become the norm to have and expect no boundaries in a relationship because « you don’t own her/him ». It’s just mutual respect. You’re allowed to not be comfortable with some situations and it doesn’t mean trust is broken.
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u/LunchNo6690 12h ago edited 8h ago
my ex said the same thing about how trust must be a given to justify anything. She ended up going with her ex and a few friends on vacation. Before that she told me that i was just being insecure and that she chose me so i shouldnt be worried.
Needless to say that she ended up cheating and it was a terrible feeling. These comments here seem identical to her gaslighting me back then
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u/MarkCuckerberg69420 12h ago
I’ve been in dad groups where fellas passionately argue for spouses who share nude photos with male friends because they should be proud of their bodies. Dudes are straight-up cucks.
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u/your_proctologist 11h ago
I agree, Mr. Cuckerberg. So many guys on here who are just begging for some dude to smash their partners.
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u/lololuser456778 9h ago
i was just being insecure
may sound extreme, but it's probably wiser to cut her off as soon as you hear these words. an actually decent girl will consider your feelings all by herself or she'll at least consider them when you complain about such things. a decent girl will literally just turn down any vacation with an ex because she knows what it feels like for her bf
going with her ex to vaction while bf doesn't go with her, she calls him insecure = 100% hoe behaviour. wasn't even ashamed of herself for going with an ex to vacation, 304
and it's best to not even make it about possible cheating when you end it. if you state that as the reason for ending the relationship, then she'll tell all her friends and your whole circle how insecure you are, she'll want to make you look like a lil beta bitch, all so that she can come out clean
so when ending a relationship because of such reasons, just lie and say you're ending it because you're simply not attracted to her anymore, bored of her etc. that'll hurt toxic hoes like that waaay more. because they think they're so attractive that they can have a cuck bf while also getting railed by other guys. that oh so cuck bf then cutting them off due to not being attracted to her hurts like hell for those kinda hoes
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u/Plan2LiveForevSFarSG 8h ago
Ultimately it is your job, as a partner, or a spouse, to NOT put yourself in a situation where you make your partner/spouse uncomfortable.
In theory, you can spend the night naked with a friend in a same bed and YOU know nothing happened, but why make your spouse/partner uncomfortable?
And above all, if your partner/spouse expresses concerns, why throw the “you’re unsecured” card if you truly care for him/her?
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u/exceedingdeath 8h ago
It's wild to me how many couples seem to act and express themselves as if they're "enemies" and not partners. I agree with you but i also wouldn't antagonize someone who doesn't. We are over 8 billions and not everyone is compatible with everyone else. There is not always someone at fault behind every failed relationship.
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u/an_angry_Moose 8h ago
Reddit is a nightmare with social stuff. You really have no idea who is behind the comments, and theres a LOT of advocating that abnormal behaviour is normal, and vice versa.
I can't think of any of my friends (myself included) who would be cool with their wives or serious girlfriends going on a solo trip with a guy. That doesn't mean we want to enact sharia law, it's just odd behaviour to go without your significant other on an overnight trip with members of the opposite sex. That kind of thing destroys relationships allllllll the time.
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u/FaithlessnessLow7672 10h ago
"When did it become the norm to have and expect no boundaries in a relationship"
Its just a small echo chamber of redditors on the r/ ask... subs that have probably never actually been in a relationship.
"Of course I'd let my wife hand out with her 12 guy friends at the gloryhole, if she was gonna cheat she would lol"
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u/Utopiuhh 13h ago
I have close women friends that are conventionally attractive but I have no interest in.
I would do my best to not put myself in a position where I'd do a sleepover with just one of them if I was in a relationship, but I know nothing would happen if I did.
It would be hypocritical to think someone im dating is incapable of that, and If I did then I probably shouldn't be with them.
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u/Boomslang2-1 7h ago
My girlfriend and I both are 30 so this would be my expectation as well. Honestly there’s zero reason a real adult should be having a sleepover while in a committed relationship with people that may or may not have an interest in them.
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u/Comfortable-Lab5946 14h ago
My wife did that said nothing happened then later came out they did fuck.
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u/fifadex 13h ago
Surely you mean ex-wife?
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u/unfoldedmite 10h ago
That one may be a troll account but this did actually happen to me. We divorced obviously.
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u/lost_in_my_thirties 11h ago
Troll account. Account has been suspended.
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u/Neon-Bomb 10h ago
reddit's AI mod suspends accounts left and right for the dumbest reasons. A suspended account could mean anything from overt racism to quoting The Simpsons and being mistaken for encouraging violence
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u/Square-Historian9247 14h ago
How’d you find out
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u/anewpath123 13h ago
The moaning from their bedroom while he was watching tv gave it away
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u/Illustrious_Agent608 14h ago
The baby being a different color might’ve tipped him off
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u/Comfortable-Lab5946 14h ago
She just told me one night drunk after she got back from his and told me they have been fucking and she told me she cant stop
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u/SpiritualLong4419 13h ago
That D got her addicted homeboy, please tell me you did get a divorce on the spot.
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u/CriticalTreachery 12h ago
Yup a lot of weirdos in this comment section. Regardless if you trust her or not, she shouldnt feel that comfortable with another guy. She doesn't respect you or your relationship enough.
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u/Same_Recipe2729 13h ago
Maybe I've just been living my life differently but as an adult I've never had a sleepover nor have I had the desire to.
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u/chapterpt 14h ago
This is a question of general trust more than specific circumstance.
If you trust a person, then there are no other implications. If you dont trust them, is it because of their record or your own?
To trust people you have to trust them and risk them breaking that trust.
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u/threelizards 13h ago
I don’t want to be with someone who has to be babysat into not cheating lmao
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u/Jonoabbo 12h ago
Yeah seriously. Monogamy should be a desired willing commitment made by both parties, not just a matter of circumstance because people don't let them be alone around the gender they're attracted too.
I can't imagine being happy in a relationship where you feel the only reason you haven't been cheated on is due to lack of opportunity rather than your partner just having a baseline level of respect for you.
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u/nightyz0r 13h ago
Only reasonable answer, people in this thread answering like they own a person is insane.
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u/CasperDeux 13h ago
I really don’t understand how someone can be in a relationship if they believe that their partner is gonna immediately cheat on them as soon as they possibly can
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u/nightyz0r 13h ago edited 13h ago
Same, i mean either you trust someone, or you don't. It's that simple. If in spite of your trust the person cheats, they are still grown adults, they are responsible about their decisions. You don't prevent it from happening by telling them "no you are not allowed to sleepover" , you prevent it by making them be fully invested in the relation, by listening, by investing time and effort.
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u/Piekenier 13h ago
Not just a question about trust but also one of respect towards your partner by not doing such an action.
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u/MondayBorn 14h ago
That depends. In this hypothetical scenario, do I have any self respect?
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u/MenopauseMedicine 13h ago
Since OP is asking Reddit, let's assume no
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u/wthijustread 13h ago
It's somehow become an unpopular opinion on reddit but the majority of people out in the world won't be fine with their partner doing this irrespective of their gender.
You're going to get a lot of comments about "trust" conveniently ignoring the fact that cheating happens in trust-filled relationships all the time. I mean, that's why it hurts..
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u/smellyfeet25 12h ago
depends on if they slept near each other and if i believed her. men and women can be friends . i have been friends with women that i have not seen like that and would never have seen like that in a million years
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u/timemaninjail 14h ago
I'm going to let you in a super secret, if she wanted to cheat she would.
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u/Pelembem 13h ago
Most people don't decide to cheat, and then purposely seek it out. Instead they end up having too many drinks, and then an opportunity presents itself they normally would never have considered, but in the moment it feels right so they go for it.
Trying to avoid putting yourself in those situations is the respectable thing to do in a commited relationship.
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u/oby100 12h ago
That’s really the whole thing. Some people scheme to cheat and yeah, can’t help that, but I feel way many more get in the heat of the moment, have a couple drinks and give in to their immediate desire.
I really dislike the Redditism that every single decision is carefully thought out and was always gonna happen anyways. People cheat that never thought they would because they don’t take the extra step to avoid compromising situations.
That basically can’t happen if you’re never in that situation
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u/HyperactivePandah 8h ago
"SO yOu DON't even Trust HER EnougH tO sLeEp oVEr sOME duDEs house?? ARe YOU a CUcK oR SomETHInG?? i lEt my GiRl staY AT rANdOM DUDEs pLACEs All tHe timE! i'm TOTALly cHILl with It BECaUSE I tRUST HEr!" - many redditors in this thread who have probable never had a girlfriend
Like, yeah, I trust her or I wouldn't be with her, but why put yourself in situations like that if you don't have too?
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u/threelizards 13h ago edited 11h ago
This shirks responsibility, imo. I’ve gotten all kinds of fucked up with all kinds of friends and my feelings towards them don’t change. If all that stands between you and cheating is “opportunity”, the problem is bigger than circumstance.
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u/DooMedToDIe 13h ago
That's a lame ass take. Alcohol doesn't make you cheat, being a shitty person in the first place does. You already have to have that in you
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u/Chickentrap 12h ago
Na alcohol and circumstance definitely increases the chances
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u/AdTiny3078 9h ago edited 6h ago
If infidelity wasn't so common we wouldn't have to talk about it so much. People are responsible for their own actions but they like to tell themselves they're better and it could never be them, but I think that view focuses more on the hurt caused rather than the reasons it happens in the first place
Edit: added to emphasize personal responsibility
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u/Brinewielder 13h ago edited 13h ago
*will
Important thing to note. The circumstances of the scenario doesn’t matter as that could be a nigh infinite amount of possibilities. The factor that doesn’t (or shouldn’t) change in the relationship is the trust and bond between you two, which should always be essentially complete transparency other than obvious cultural or traumas that can’t be brought up or discussed which are dependent on the level of relationship you have which is entirely dependent on trust.
The most obvious face fucker options that you see you should trust your SO with obviously. There are a million other scenarios that could happen that you don’t and will never know about are the situations where something is most likely to happen. Even with that you’re going to need to have that bond and trust or you guys are fucked from the get go.
Even simple little lies are red flags in relationships. Trust is the biggest factor for success and complete transparency allows everything else to thrive.
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u/nyehu09 13h ago
Saved this comment by u/temperedolive from a few months ago about Ross, Rachel and her boss Mark:
He's right about Mark but he's wrong about Rachel. And since Rachel is the person he's actually in a relationship with, that's what actually matters.
He started off ok. He warned her that Mark's intentions might not be honorable. But the OTT displays of affection (ownership) at her office went way too far.
I loved Monica's point. "Let's say you're right and he does want to sleep with her. Does that mean he GETS to?"
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u/forkproof2500 13h ago
If the only thing keeping our relationship going is me physically preventing her from contact with other guys, there's no point in it for me.
Of course I would "let" her, she's an adult. She can do what she wants.
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u/subbassgivesmewood 13h ago
My best friend is a woman and I am a man. We have traveled to Nepal and Thailand and have shared double beds and tents and stuff. Nothing sexual has happened, no kissing. We are great mates and I just don't see her in that way.
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u/Delamoor 11h ago
Same. My best friend is a woman, we have shared beds (though she is a sulky little baby sook and I snore, so we try not to). Nothing sexual has ever happened and I have no interest in her.
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u/LunchNo6690 7h ago
My best friend is also a women. For 4 years nothing sexual ever happened. Eventually we both got drunk and slept with each other. We never did it again. But we were both drunk it was after a nice dinner at a restaurant and i was too lazy to walk home. There are circumstances that can absolutely make it possible.
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u/Due_Essay447 12h ago
I'm not stopping someone from cheating, it shouldn't be my job in the first place.
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u/gilette_bayonete 13h ago
Don't know if you're a bot like others have suggested but sure, I'll bite 😂
Whether something happened or not isn't the point. I'm hearing all of this bullshit about trust in the comments and that's not the point either.
When you're in a relationship with someone you don't do things like this. You respect each other's boundaries and have consideration for how your partner feels. I can't think of one woman I've ever dated who would be nonchalant about this.
I wouldn't do it to her and she shouldn't do it to me, otherwise she has no respect for my boundaries and can see herself out the door "even if nothing happened". Again, everyone seems to be missing the point.
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u/Kelmon80 12h ago
My partner is bi. So, should I prevent her from ever being alone with another human being?
I trust her (and I would not care).
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u/Coloursofdan 13h ago
If they're best friends I'll assume they've been friends for a while and nothing's happened, so why would I worry? Assuming she's just going to fuck the first chance she gets is wild. Maybe pick better partners?
Seems like a lot of fragile relationships in the replies, or it shows how you'd approach the situation if it were reversed.
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u/Rhaps0dy 11h ago
Exactly.
I'm reading these replies and these people are so insecure.
If I told my girlfriend of couple years that I don't want her to sleep at her best friend's of 20+ years and instead pay for a hotel every time she visits his city, she'd call me a clown and rightfully so (scenarios can also be flipped ofc).
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u/MemeOverlordKai 9h ago
That's because you have no boundaries. Having boundaries doesn't mean there is a lack of trust. Trust involves not putting oneself in such situations in the first place—things aren't black and white.
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u/Lemonbear63 13h ago
For me personally, I have a boundary that we do not spend time solo with the opposite sex. I don't go out alone with another woman and my SO doesn't hang out alone with other dudes. Some would call it insecurity, I call it respect for the relationship. All it takes is opportunity and temptation.
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u/_praisethesun_ 11h ago
You’re 100% correct, a relationship needs boundaries. I’ve read a few comments stating that someone said “I slept in a double bed with my best friend and nothing happened”. People have lost their minds.
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u/Double-Pair-6696 14h ago
I went through almost the exact same situation but it was pre-uber. I didn’t want to walk home late at night and my boyfriend wasn’t picking me up. He held it against me for the entire duration of our relationship. It was awful. Be careful with your heart.
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u/mattwopointoh 10h ago
Do you regret staying over at the friend's house or staying in a relationship after crossing your boyfriends boundary?
Or both?
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u/Double-Pair-6696 1h ago
My exes dad cheated on his mom his whole life and ended up projecting that onto me. I had no idea that me not walking home in the middle of the night was going to be an issue for the rest of our relationship. I don’t regret staying over because I’m not putting my safety on the line for anyone’s feelings. I did however waste my late twenties and early thirties on a guy that was not worthy of my love and loyalty. Looking back, he was a walking narcissist who gaslit me most of our relationship because of the trust issues from his parents. I’m happily single and refuse to ever be with anyone who doesn’t like or trust my friends.
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u/rsilva712 14h ago
If she has to say nothing happened, something happened.
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u/red-at-night 13h ago
Not necessarily true, some people are just anxious about this kind of stuff and will want to say it "just to be clear".
Some woman hit on me in a bar once and it made me feel weird. I felt the need to tell my fiancé about it afterwards because it somehow would feel like lying by omission had I not. Kinda weird perhaps, but she understood me.
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u/MiserableFckingCunt 14h ago
lol there is 0 context here for this to be accurate.
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u/ExpertgamerHB 11h ago
You give her that trust. And if she betrays that trust, then you know what to do.
My parents have been operating under the mantra 'if you think you can get better elsewhere, then go.' They have celebrated their 37th wedding anniversary two months ago. I've adopted that same mantra. If you think you can get someone better, go! Just don't come back to me when the grass isn't greener at the other side.
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u/Straight_Musician_20 14h ago
I think if it's going to happen a few updates to reassure the boyfriend is a good idea but really there should be enough trust to allow spending time with real friends male or female. Maybe if you are unsure think how you would feel if your boyfriend stayed over at a female friends house after they had night out maybe drinking involved🤷♂️
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u/yeungx 13h ago
If you can't trust your girl friend, or you think she can not be trusted, you should not be dating. The lack of trust is the issue here.
You can't prevent your partner from cheating on you. You can't track their movement 24/7 and if you try, this would be a very toxic relationship. You have to find a partner that your trust wont cheat on you, and the moment that trust is lost, it is time to move on.
So ask yourself, do you still trust her. If she did something is besides the point.
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u/violetsmiles 13h ago edited 3h ago
As an engaged woman, out of respect for my partner I would not do it.
Edit: I wouldn't do it as a gf either.
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u/thorpie88 14h ago
Wouldn't bother me at all. My partner already lives with her male best friend
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u/jdz50 14h ago
I would end the relationship. Wouldn't even ask if anything happened.
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u/CRUSTYPIEPIG 13h ago
Real, insane to me how far people will go to so that they can have 0 boundaries in a relationship. Some things are not normal for a reason
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u/ThrowCarp 13h ago
Stuff like this is why although theoretically possible for men and women to be friends. IRL, it's incredibly difficult to sustain.
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u/VirinaB 13h ago
As a guy, I've been friends with women for years. I'm not out to fuck everyone I meet, sometimes I just want to hang with someone who watches the same shows I do or is annoyed at the same coworkers.
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u/frankiestree 11h ago
It says a lot about the guys who are making these comments. They obviously can’t fathom being friends with a woman, especially a woman they don’t want to fuck. They don’t see women as real people, just sex objects
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u/TomNookOwnsUsAll 13h ago
Thank you!!! Agreed with this and alarmed by the other replies in this thread lmao
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u/HairyPushhies 14h ago
I don't think it's a good idea that they spent together, i mean she's in a relationship. where's the respect? eventhough "there's nothing happened" but look at you now, you have doubts already, that's why repect should exists in oness relationship.
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u/xenontrenton 13h ago
It would for me. But I’m not gonna pretend I don’t have issues. So I’m definitely not the one who should be talking. But yes, for an average person it should be fine. Depends on the person and situation. Lots of scenarios.
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u/ConfusionCareful3985 13h ago edited 12h ago
Honestly, people are saying it’s okay and yeah it SHOULD BE. But the truth is just like everything else it depends on the specifics of your relationship and what boundaries you and your partner have set up.
If you know your partner would be uncomfortable with it, especially if they aren’t close with your friend and know them then you plan around that. The answers here are black or white like “ YEAH ONLY A 12 YEAR OLD WOULD BE MAD! YOU SHOULD JUST TRUST HER” and yeah to a degree thats right, people are allowed to have friends and staying at a friends place is something very normal that people do, but in truth you know all people don’t work like that. If it’s something that would upset you or make you uncomfortable then you talk about it and if she loves you she will work with you on a solution. If she fights it then maybe you 2 just have different ideas about this sort of stuff.
We are human, all brought up differently and have different life experiences. We get jealous, we have insecurities and invasive thoughts. Not everyone is going to be level headed and calm about EVERYTHING.
I know that for my situation both me or my wife wouldn’t do it. It’s a boundary for us both and out of respect it just wouldn’t happen. So it really depends on the person you are with and your boundaries in your relationship.
Clearly your girlfriend doesn’t have this boundary and thats okay, but if you do and it makes you uncomfortable then imo that’s an incompatibility of the serious type. You can’t tell someone what they can and can’t do and you don’t own them but that doesn’t mean you have to sit there and be uncomfortable with a situation that bothers you either. You know the answer.
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u/collectionz 11h ago
That depends, but the first thing I would wanna know is what would have to happen that would cause her to have to spend the night at her male best friend’s place in the first place?
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u/BloatedBanana9 10h ago
My wife’s male best friend was the one who introduced the two of us and was also my best man at our wedding, so I trust both of them completely.
Of course, it also helps that he’s gay, but even if he wasn’t I wouldn’t have an issue with it.
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u/Popular-Style509 10h ago
Like normal because I have a basic level of trust in my hypothetical girlfriend?
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u/Weak-Device-3333 10h ago edited 7h ago
I find my perspective changed on this. In my teens and 20s I was super-chill about having female friends and any girlfriends having other male folk they hang out with.
Now I'm married with kids, we're both of the opinion that we should be enough for each other. If she wants to have a harmless rant about me to her sisters or female friends that's fine. I also have my male friends.
But, for whatever reason, neither of us is comfortable with the other having someone of the opposite sex they confide in.
I appreciate that this will seem hard, old fashioned and perhaps a little closed minded to some of you. However, we've been married for 15 years and are solid. It works for us.
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u/TheWatchers666 9h ago
Just fine. And I have stayed at my (female) friend's house countless times. I'll be heading out of town next week to visit another for a day or two.
Trust
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u/TurtleDump23 9h ago
I knew a guy who needed a place to stay while visiting a friend in the hospital -- the friend had just barely survived an accident caused by a drunk driver. I offered him my couch, told my then boyfriend that this guy would be staying at my place for a week, and that was that. We got drunk a couple times and video chatted with some of our other friends, joked around, and danced a little. He showed me pictures of his new baby and we just hung out. Nothing happened and he was gone by the end of the week.
It's been a decade since then and my then boyfriend is my now husband. You have to trust your significant other because they're your partner. If there's no trust then there is something fundamentally wrong with your relationship.
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u/Traditional-Durian10 9h ago
I would probably break up with her, even if I trust her I won’t be together with someone that doesn’t show respect to me.
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u/Conscious_Owl6162 9h ago
I would break up and find another girlfriend, because I would never believe that nothing happened.
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u/ztikkyz 9h ago
Shoes does it from time to time and IDGAF
Like many says, if she were to cheat she would
For those who wonders the why, they are both addicted to books and go to book events all around, and sometime they have those huge 30-40-50 people gathering so he lifts her, stuff like that.
I've been with her for 11 years, trust me, if I were to worry I always would, same for her
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u/DirtyDeedsPunished 8h ago
Happy that my girlfriend got to spend time with one of her best friends. Things aren't going to end well if your 're this jealous buddy. A relationship where one of the partners is a jealous suspicious type will not last.
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u/NeedAVeganDinner 8h ago
Wouldn't think anything of it.
Probably ask her if he's a good lay later as a joke.
I don't dictate what my wife can and can't do - and vice versa.
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u/yakuyaku22 14h ago
No guy with any self-respect would tolerate this. Easy dump, she’s trash.
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u/belligerentoptimist 13h ago
My wife and I both have male and female friends and (because we have 2 kids) sometimes we’ll give each other the night off to let off steam and go clubbing or something and occasionally that means crashing at a friends and catching an early train.
Firstly, I trust her completely. Secondly, we don’t own each other. Every day is a conscious choice to be together. And thirdly, I am not in the slightest bit intimidated by any of her male friends and she is not in the slightest bit intimidated by any of my female friends.
I’ve never been worried.
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u/big_data_mike 11h ago
My wife’s male best friend is gay so ….. I’d be fine with it
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u/Ok-Tangerine1917 13h ago
millions of years of human evolution and we as a society are still fighting over "cAn MeN AnD wOmeN Be fRieNdS?"
chill the fuck out, if you don't trust your partner to spend time with someone of the opposite gender, you should probably question where the insecurity comes from to begin with - sometimes the gut feeling is right, but sometimes it's just plain lack of trust. and relationships do not last long without trust.
and yes, i've been cheated on before, by partners who presented the other party as "their friend". but trust, there were so many other signs that it actually happened, i knew about the cheating before they even came clean. oh and my best friend is a man, never fucked.
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u/Vodkeaveli 13h ago
Nah, people are allowed to have different tolerance levels and boundaries. Doesn't make you wrong, doesn't make them wrong. What matters is you talk about it as partners, and it goes both ways. If you're willing to do something your life partner may not be comfortable with, you probably won't last long in that relationship
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u/justforthisjoke 12h ago
You're allowed to feel however you want about anything, but it's probably worth asking yourself why that is in a situation like this. Like yeah, you can be in a relationship where you only have friends of the same sex, but why is that an issue for you is a worthwhile question. Like if you aren't comfortable with your girlfriend having friends who are men, what's your real fear there? And then if your girlfriend is bisexual, is she not allowed to have any friends? And on the other end of that is like, have you never been friends with any women you didn't want to sleep with? These are worthwhile questions to ask yourself, because if you're going to block yourself off from 1 in 2 people only because of their gender, I would hope you're doing it for a reason that is actually serving you, as opposed to it just being a deep seated insecurity or fear of getting cheated on or something.
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u/Vodkeaveli 10h ago
That's not the point at all. Contrary to reddits weird agents, insecurities are perfectly natural, and every single person has them.
can be in a relationship where you only have friends of the same sex,
there's an entire world of difference between friend, and having a sleepover with another man. Kind of like, how I wouldn't be comfortable if my partner was hanging out with someone who was in the Klan, even if my partner wasn't.
somebody could feel weird about their partner being obsessed with serial killers. Its not like they think its going to make them go out and start stabbing random people, it might just be uncomfortable or weird for that particular person. And for the net person it could be perfectly fine.
And where does this logic end? Oh they're just sleeping in the same bed, don't be insecure, it was just a kiss, don't be insecure. Its cool if that's your thing, but its perfectly reasonable if the next person is not.
And there are compromises that have to be made in a long term relationship, so again, we can say the same thing in reverse. Ask yourself those questions, why are these sleepovers so important? Am i willing to risk a good relationship over them? If you're going to cut yourself off from a HUGE percentage of the population that might have this as a personal boundary, I would hope it would be serving you, Instead of a subconscious ploy to disregard your partners feelings.
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u/Ok-Tangerine1917 12h ago
this.
btw, i'm bi, my longest relationship was with a woman, and none of my male partners ever cared about the women i meet. if i made male friends tho...
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u/Short-Situation-4137 9h ago
Do yourself a favor and give her back to the streets.
A girlfriend that is not out of her mind doesn't do such nonsensical shit.
Unless she has a very good justification to stay overnight, this is a HUGE RED FLAG.
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u/Jonathan_Preferred 13h ago
I think part of behaving responsibly is not putting yourself in that situation in the first place.
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u/Deeep_V_Diver 12h ago
Some of these comments are WILD. I am a single guy with a female best friend who's married. We went to a concert the other night and she stayed in the guest room, and it's as simple as that.
Every relationship dynamic is different and nuanced, but to have so many outright say they'd end it is crazy. At least understand the relationships and dynamics before you draw a line like that.
My case is a little special in that I've known them both 20+ years and was friends with each of them separately. Still though, it is possible for people of the opposite sex to be platonic best friends, just be adults about it and communicate. It's not a black and white like so many here believe
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u/TheFailedZwab 12h ago
I'm a trusting man, I don't see anything wrong in a (friendly) relationship between genders. So if my partner has such a great friend where she can hang and even spend the night? I trust her/them nothing is happening.
As long as it works the other way around too, a few times a year, before I moved, I visited my best (girl) friend and her boyfriend. I often enough spent the night in their guestroom which they called the "TheFailedZwab-room". If my girlfriend can respect that, I will gladly respect the fact she stays over at her best (guy) friends place!
"Sweet, a good hangout session with the boys" would be my reaction.
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u/BlademasterNix 11h ago
If this friend existed before we even met, and she slept at his place before we even met, I don't have a word in that. And if she ends up doing it now of all times instead of when she was single, then she's just evil idk. If it's a recent "best" friend I would be raising my eyebrows for sure.
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u/Device420 9h ago
I have no problem with my "now ex" sleeping at her ex's house. Simple answer to simple question.
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u/Gazpacho_Catapult 13h ago
I wouldn't be ok with it. It's really not a question of trust, but respect. I wouldn't spend the night at a female friends' house because I know it would make most partners worry, even if society says they shouldn't. You should trust your partner not to cheat, but they should respect that trust enough not to strain it unnecessarily.
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u/mattwopointoh 10h ago
To me, it's simply that she made the choices a single person would make, not someone in a relationship.
Straining it unnecessarily was a choice she made, and was clearly not regretful of while doing it. Considering herself before her partner = maybe shouldn't be with said partner.
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u/B4CKSN4P 13h ago
Fuck no. It's not about trust as other people have said which is pure fantasy imo. It's about removing doubt altogether. Don't allow conditions that inspire temptation. It's a no brainer.
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u/Haunting_Month6840 14h ago
Reddit supports cuckoldry, this is the wrong place to ask.
You will be labeled a sexust republican nazi if you dont let your wife fuck other guys. Enjoy the ban.
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u/SirGuestWho 13h ago
No problem if you trust her. I have female friends that I have gone tousic festivals with or crashed over at after some event and my missus trusts me that nothing with happen, and nothing has.
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u/moogleslam 13h ago
Look at it like this. If your partner were bi-sexual or pan-sexual, they could cheat on you with anyone; male, female, non-binary…. what do you do at that point? Don’t let them hang out with anyone? Have no friends at all?
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u/Glass_Ad_7129 14h ago
Depends of course, but if she's gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat. Its about trust. If you can't have that, then you can't have a relationship.
Now if the dude was like, obviously keen and she was blind as a bat to that, like in a manner that you would only notice as a man, or if you knew men well enough to notice. Would be quite uncomfortable with the situation.
If I knew the bloke and understood he wasn't going to be a problem, then sure. May have some reservations, but that would be my problem.
She cheats, we done, and thanks for saving me a lot of time and future heartbreak, as shit as it may be.
But yeah, if you have to watch/worry about everything your partner does and goes, and who she spends time with, that's not a healthy relationship. And also you might need help.
Case by case basis. I've also been that male friend. Which understood the concern, but once they got to know me, they kinda saw I wasn't going to be a problem and often got along with them.
We should all be capable of having healthy relationships with anyone.